An Unexpected Wedding Crash: How I Ended Up Toasting the Wrong Bride and Nearly Started a Family Feu…

One day, my distant aunt rang to invite me to her daughters weddingmy distant cousin, whom I last saw when she was just six. In her six-year-old days, mind you.

To be honest, Im not overwhelmed with family sentiment, but dodging the invitation proved impossible.

Once every twenty years we can meet, dont you dare skip it, my aunt growled.

A formal invitation covered in doves and roses arrived from Emily and James, with a reminder call a couple of days before. So, I had no choice but to go.

Alright then. Consider my Saturday gone, but what could I do?

I turned up at the restaurant with a bouquet, a foul mood, and every hope of slipping away quietly after an hour. They ushered me into the function room and seated me with a lively group of young peoplethe grooms friendswho, after a few pints, started raving about what a fantastic aunt the bride had, how I couldn’t possibly look old enough, and insisted we all make merry together. Which, in no time, we did.

Naturally, I didnt recognise the bride after all these years; shed gone from a brown-haired little mouse into a curvy blonde with quite the figure. Personally, I preferred her as the mouse.

Honestly, the mood was rather gloomier than youd expect: a cluster of scowling aunts and uncles, the groom looking hunted, the bride basking in her own beauty, and if it werent for our rapidly jollier circle, youd think it was a wake. The aunts eyed us with pure disapproval.

I missed the first round of toasts, but soon the second begankicking off with me. The master of ceremonies, working out who I was, happily announced, And now the young and lovely aunt of the bride will offer her congratulations!

So, I declared affectionately, Dearest Emily and James!

Up to then the party had been subdued, but now utter silence fell, and in that moment, it dawned on me that my aunt was nowhere in sight, and it was highly unlikely she had changed so much that I wouldnt recognise her.

The brides name is Sophie, hissed the aunt in pink across the table, and the grooms Simon.

Sophie? Simon? Are you sure?

Shes just here for a free meal and drinks, that aunt added. We had one like her at Toms leaving do before National Service, barely got rid of him. No shame, some people.

Thats when I realised the real fun was about to start. Every guest tensed up as if the main act was a wrestling match. True, sleeves werent quite rolled up yet, but we werent far off.

But lookIve got the invitation! I exclaimedyes, truly exclaimedbrandishing the card. Heres everything in black and white: Emily and James, this restaurant, this function room.

Salvation arrived in the shape of a waiter.

Miss, theres another function room upstairs. Maybe youre needed up there? he offered, diplomatically.

Of course she is. Hoping for a free supper. Chalked her name here, now shell head to the next lot for seconds, sneered the aunt in pink. How does the earth bear such impudence? Adventuress!

And cheek, Shirley, is a gift in itself, piped up another aunt in green, even more insufferable.

Let me say, I hardly appear a dodgy character or a shifty opportunistbut as they say, others know best. The grooms friends tried to stick up for me, only to have the lavender-clad aunt snap, Marvelous. Already turned the lads heads!

The lady in pink added for good measure, Our head accountants husband ran off with just such a woman. Take your eyes off them for one minute and next thing your shoes have disappearedschemers, every one.

I had never stolen anyones husband, but suddenly I felt the guilt of a homewrecker. I even began sizing up the men at the tablewho knows, could make the trouble worth it.

Thank goodness, the kind waiter dashed off, found my aunt in the other function room, and she rescued me with a solemn oath that she did indeed know who I was, all the while winking oddlyat me and at the othersas if to suggest my mental state had always been questionable.

Long story short, I was swiftly moved to the correct function room where, at last, the lovely dark-haired Emily and, I think, James, awaited, and where I was plied with strong drinks to recover from the ordeal.

At least I hadnt handed over my present to the wrong bride.

But as I left, it was the friends from the first wedding who saw me out.

And that is why, if you ever find yourself at the wrong party, its best to laugh along with your mistakessometimes, lifes strangest stumbles turn out to be the best stories, and kindness arrives just in time.