З життя
«Дорослий у материнській тіні: як залежність руйнує родину»
«Чоловікові тридцять, а він досі під маминою опікою… І це руйнує нашу родину»
Коли ми з Дмитром одружились, власного житла не мали. Його батьки — заможні львів’яни — запропонували оселитись у їхній великій квартирі на Зеленій. Тоді це здавалось логічним: свекруха виглядала привітно, зі свекром теж лад був.
А потім народилась наша Маринка. І все почало змінюватись. Повільно, непомітно. Тепер я певна: жити з родичами чоловіка — це прямий шлях до прірви. Особливо коли твій чоловік — їхній «коханий хлопчик», якому тридцять, а він навіть чаю сам собі налити не може.
Дмитро — хірург. Працює на межі можливостей. Шаную його працю. Але мене вбиває його байдужість до доньки. В вихідні втікає у гараж чи до друзів, наче це не його дитина. Легше зануритись у телефон чи переглядати документи, ніж годувати чи колихати малу.
Коли прошу щось просте — купити сиру чи посидіти з дитиною — він просто звертається до мами:
— Мам, допоможеш?..
А вона, наче це обов’язок, миттєво кидається:
— Звісно, сину, ти ж так втомився…
Він втомився. А я — ні. Хоч прокидаюсь щоночі, годую, гуляю, прасую, готую. А він навіть не чує її плачу — спить у кабінеті, бо «йому заважає шум». І коли він, не розплющуючи очей, бурчить:
— Заспокой вже її! — мені хочеться ридати.
Мовчу. Бо дитина поруч. Бо втомилась від сварень.
Найстрашніше — не його холодність. А те, як свекруха це виправдовує. Для неї він — ідеал чоловіка, найкращий батько. «Він же годує родину! Ти маєш його поважати!» Про мене — жодного слова. Ніби я тінь, що доглядає за їхньою лялькою.
Намагалась пояснити:
— Ганно Дмитрівно, ви робите з нього дитину. Якби не бігли на кожний клич, він би навчився турбуватись.
— Що ти мелеш? — обурено відповідає вона. — У тебе золотий чоловік! Це ти не вмієш його цінувати.
Дивлюсь на неї — і не впізнаю жінку, яку колись поважала. Тепер бачу матір, яка не хоче відпустити сина й перешкоджає йому стати справжнім чоловіком.
А йому й так добре. Навіщо щось міняти? Мама допоможе, дружина потерпить.
Певна: якби з самого початку жили окремо, все було б інакше. Навіть у найменшій хаті, без допомоги, але чесно. Вчились би ділити обов’язки, чути одне одного. Він би зрозумів, що родина — це не лише зарплата, але й присутність. А зараз… Зараз він навіть не бачить проблеми.
Відчуваю себе чужою в цьому домі. Ніби я — тимчасова няня. А вони — справжня родина: мати, син і їхня іграшка.
Більше не можу. Втомилась від його ухилянь, від свекрухи, що витісняє мене з власного життя. Відчуваю, як зникаю — і нікому це не цікаво.
Знаю: єдиний шанс — виїхати. Найняти хату, хоч найменшу. Нехай важко — зате зможемо стати родиною, де чоловік — партнер, а не «мамин синок».
Залишився останній крок — сказати Дмитру: «Виїжджаємо». Подивитись, що обере. Якщо матір — значить, ніколи не був готовим до родини.
А я? Я готова боротись. За себе. За Маринку. За справжнє життя — без масок і чужих порад. Зроблю це. Дуже скоро.
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