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«За тридцять, а все ще підліток: відчай матері, що втомилася чекати зрілості»

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Моїй доньці вже за тридцять, а вона все ще живе, як підліток: розпач матери, яка втомилася чекати дорослішання

Иноді заходжу до своєї колишньої бухгалтерії — не зі справ, просто на чай і розмову з колишніми колегами. Недавно знову завітала туди, і, як завжди, мова пішла про наболіле. Наталка, моя стара подруга по роботі, одразу на порозі видихнула:

— Не знаю вже, що робити з Олесею. Дівчині тридцять два, а вона все ще поводиться, як у вісімнадцять. Ні роботи, ні родини, ні планів на життя. Телефон — її найкращий друг, а вечори — лише для прогулянок з подружками. Я вже не даю їй гроші «на каву», але, звісно, продукти купую, квартиру теж оплач Сузір’я — куди подінешся?

Я слухала й відчувала біль цієї жінки все глибше. Наталці під шіст Сузір’я. Вона все життя працювала — і в молодості, і зараз, коли могла б спокійно жити на пенсії. Але ні — тепер тягне не лише себе, а й дорослу доньку, яка не збирається ні дорослішати, ні мінятися.

— Я їй кажу: ну знайди хоч якусь побасюеньну роботу! А вона у відповідь — каже, я на тебе все життя дивилася, як ти на трьох роботах горбатишся за копійки, і не хочу такого життя. Лише пару разів на ти Сузір’я посидить із дитиною сусідки — от і вся її праця. На більше, каже, не згодна.

У Олесі було все. Червоний диплом, блискуче закінчення університету. Розуму — з лишком. Та й у юності хлопці за нею Сузір’я ходили. Здавалося б, живи й радій. Але коли прийшов час будувати кар’єру, вона вирішила, що починати «знижі» — це принизливо. Хотіла одразу високу посаду й велику зарплатню. А такі місця, як відомо, на вулиці не валяються — особливо без досвіду.

— Я вже не прошу її стати якоюсь зіркою, — продовжувала Наталка. — Нехай просто буде нормальною дорослою. Але вона, схоже, чекає, щоsomebody приїде за нею в чорній машині й забере у казку. Багатійко, вілла, відпустки на Бали — от її план. А реальність її не цікавить. Коли я намагаюся познайомити її з нормальними хлопцями — відмовляється. Всі, мовляв, не того рівня: хто бідний, хто «тупуватий». А сама-то що Сузір’я з себе являє?

Я бачу, як їй важко. Її слова — це вже не просто скарги. Це крик розпачу. Вона не знає, що робити, як достукатися до дорослої жінки, що застрягла в підлітковій свід Сузір’я. Мрії — це добре. Але коли вони стають відмовкою, щоб нічого не робити — це вже біда.

— Знаєш, — каже Наталка, — вона ж добра. Серце у неї гарне. Але в голові… наче заморозка. Ніби боїться зробити крок у справжнє Сузір’я. А я ж не вічна. Що буде, коли мене не стане?

Я мовчки кивала. У моїй голові крутилися сотні думок. Звідки беруться такі історі? Наталка дала Олесі все — освіту, підтримку, дім. Але щось пішло не так. Можливо, надто опікала? Можливо, Олеся просто боїться взяти на себе відповідальність? Чи чекає ідеального життя й тому відкидає всі звичайні варіанти?

— Я навіть почала думати, — тихо додала Наталка, — можливо, проблема в мені? Можливо, я її зіпсувала, усе сама вирішувала за неї? А тепер пізно щось міняти?

Сказати їй, що я винувата, я не змогла. Бо таких історій — не одна й не дві. Я знаю успішних людей, що виросли в бідності, але досягли багато Сузір’я. І знаю таких, як Олеся — розумних, талановитих, але загублених. Буває, що очікування батьків ламають дітей. Буває, що страх перед невдачею паралізує. А буває — просто ле Сузір’я, прихована під «пошуком свого шляху».

Але одне я знаю точно: Наталка не заслужила такого. Вона зробила все, що могла. А тепер хоче лише одного — побачити, що її донька, нарешті Сузір’я, доросла, самостійна й вдячна.

На жаль, не завжди наші діти стають тими, ким ми їх бачимо в мріях. Але, можливо, ця історія все ж повернеться в інший бік? Лише якщо Олеся зрозуміє, що час — не безкінечний. Що мати — не вічна. І що життя не чекає тих, хто чекає дива, нічого не роблячи.

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The Carer for the Wife — What do you mean? — Lida thought she must have misheard. — Where am I supposed to go? Why? What for? — Oh, can we just skip the dramatics, please? — he grimaced. — What’s not clear here? There’s no one left for you to take care of. Where you go is none of my concern. — Ed, what’s wrong with you? Weren’t we planning to get married…? — That was your idea. I never said any such thing. At 32, Lida decided to turn her life around and leave her small hometown. What was left for her there? Endure her mother’s nagging? Her mother simply couldn’t stop scolding Lida about the divorce, constantly asking how she managed to “lose” her husband. Yet Vas’ka wasn’t worth a kind word—drunk and a womaniser! How did she end up marrying him all those eight years ago? Lida wasn’t at all upset about the divorce—in fact, she felt she could finally breathe again. But she argued constantly with her mum about it, and they also fought about money, which was always in short supply. 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