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Втомилася бути годівницею для доньки та її трьох дітей щодня

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У маленькому містечку біля Чернігова, де старі подвір’я втопані у вишневих квітах, моє життя у шістдесят років перетворилось на безкінечне коло готовки та прибирання. Мене звуть Ганна Іванівна, я вдова, живу сама у своїй невеличкій хаті. Моя донька Марійка з трьома дітьми приходить до мене щодня на обід, і якщо спочатку я раділа їх візитам, то зараз почуваюсь їхньою безкоштовною їдальнею. Я виснажена, а їхні апетити та безлад доводять мене до відчаю. Як поставити межі, не образивши доньку й онуків?

Донька, що колись була моєю радістю

Марійці — тридцять два. Вона заміжня за Василем, у них троє дітей: Оленка — десять років, Петрик — сім, і Настунька — чотири. Вони живуть у сусідньому будинку, у найманій квартирі, і їхнє життя нелегке. Василь працює водієм, Марійка у декреті, і грошей їм часто не вистачає. Коли вона почала приводити дітей до мене на обід, я була щаслива: зварити юшку — не проблема, а бачити онуків — радість. «Мамо, у тебе так смачно, діти люблять твій борщ», — казала вона, і я розтавала.

Мій день починався з кухні: готувала суп, пекла палянички, купувала продукти на пенсію. Я думала — це тимчасово, поки вони не стануть на ноги. Але обіди стали щоденними, і тепер я бачу, що Марійка з дітьми не просто їдять — вони вимагають, залишають брудний посуд і забирають їжу із собою. Моя хата перетворилась на їхню їдальню, а я — на кухарку, яку ніхто не дякує.

Діти, що руйнують мій спокій

Щодня опівдні Марійка з дітьми у мене на порозі. Оленка вимагає ковбасу, Петрик — печиво, Настунька тягнеться за цукерками. Я не жадібна, але мої запаси тануть швидше, ніж я встигаю їх поповнювати. Діти бігають по хаті, кричать, розкидають іграшки, плюгавлять скатертину. Марійка не прибирає за ними, не миє тарілки, навіть не пропонує допомогти. «Мамо, тобі ж подобається готувати», — каже вона, а я мовчу, хоча всередині все кипить.

Останнім часом я помітила, що Марійка стала забирати їжу додому. «Мамо, можна взять котлет, Василь любить», — говорить вона, і я ківну, але серце стискається. Моя пенсія йде на продукти для них, а я сама сиджу на хлібі з чаєм. Вчора Оленка розлила узвар на мій килим, Петрик зламав дверцята шафи, а Марійка лише засміялась: «Ой, діти як діти». Я не витримала й сказала: «Марійко, це мій дім, а не дитячий садок». Вона образилась: «Ти що, скупишся на онуків?»

Біль і почуття провини

Я люблю Марійку й онуків, але їхні щоденні візити мене виснажують. У шістдесят років я хочу відпочивати, читати, ходити до сусідів, а не стояти біля плити. Моя подруга Галя каже: «Ганно, вони тобою користуються, скажи, щоб приходили рідше». Але як сказати, якщо Марійка відразу ображається? Я боюсь, що вона перестане приводити дітей, і я втрачу їх. Василь, її чоловік, навіть не вітається зі мною, ніби я зобов’язана їх годувати.

Я намагалася натякнути Марійці, що мені важко. «Може, готуйте вдома іноді?» — сказала я. Вона відповіла: «Мамо, у нас нема грошей, а діти голодні». Її слова — як докір, але я бачу, що вона купує собі нову сукню, а я економлю на всьому. Невже я повинна жертвувати собою заради їхнього комфорту? Мої онуки — моя радощі, але їхній безлад і Марійчина байдужість роблять мене чужою у власному домі.

Що робити?

Я не знаю, як вибратися з цієї пастки. Сказати Марійці, щоб приходили рідше? Але я боюсь, що вона звинуватить мене у скупості. Запропонувати їм гроші замість їжі? Моя пенсія й так на межі. Чи мовчати, продовжуючи готувати, поки не звалюсь? Я хочу бачити онуків, але не щодня, не ціною свого здоров’я. У шістдесят років я заслуговую спокою, але почуваю провину, коли думаю про це.

Сусіди шепочуться: «Ганно, твоя Марійка зовсім обнагліла». Їхні слова боляче б’ють, але я знаю — вони праві. Я хочу знайти баланс, щоб зберегти сім’ю, але захистити себе. Як сказати доньці, що я не їхня кухня, не образивши її? Як навчити її поважати мої кордони, не втрачаючи любові онуків?

Мій крик про свободу

Ця історія — мій крик про право на своє життя. Марійка, мабуть, не бачить, як її візити мене виснажують. Онуки, можливо, лише діти, але їхній хаос руйнує мій дім. Я хочу, щоб моя хата знову була моєю фортецею, щоб я мала змогу вільно дихати, щоб онуки приходили у гості, а не на обід. У шістдесят років я заслуговую відпочинку, а не ролі безкоштовної кухарки.

Я — Ганна Іванівна, і я знайду спосіб повернути свій спокій, навіть якщо для цього доведеться сказати доньці правду. Нехай цей крок буде болючим, але я більше не хочу бути їхньою їдальнею.

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