You’re Not My Wife: We Never Said ‘I Do’ at the Registry Office, Right?

**Diary Entry**

*Thursday, 12th October*

“You’re not my wifewe never went to the registry office, did we?” His voice was sharp, dismissive.

“What kind of wife am I to you? Did we sign papers? Exchange rings? Put a band on my finger?”

Emily lowered her gaze. She had dreamed of all that, but years passed, and life carried on without formality.

“No! No! And no!” Daniel barked. “You’re nothing to me! What gave you the right to call yourself my wife?”

“Danny, please, talk to me!” she pleaded, reaching for his hand.

“Have you got anything useful to add?” He pulled away. “Youve already said enough!”

“I didnt even say anything” Emily muttered.

“Mark my wordssilence is golden! Especially for you!” He turned pointedly towards the window.

“Stop sulking, love!” She edged closer.

“Youd do well to keep your mouth shut!” Daniel threw his hands up. “Where do women learn to ruin everything with one sentence? Is there a class on driving men to the brink?”

Emily guessed he was still upset over their morning row. Daniel had smashed two mugshis and hers.

“How could you?” shed fumed. “Most people have handsyours might as well be rakes! Smash yours, fine, but why touch mine? Making sure Ive got nothing left to drink from?”

Just a silly domestic spat. The kind you shrug off. But Daniel had stormed out to work and returned stone-faced, ignoring her all evening. He skipped dinner, despite her calling him three times. Time to make amends.

“Come on, well buy new mugs at Selfridges on Saturday! And your handswell, practice makes perfect!”

“What mugs are you on about?” His eyes flashed. “Do you even realise what youve done with your big mouth?”

“I can apologise” Emily faltered. “Dont be angry.”

“Apologise?” He let out a bitter laugh. “If sorry could erase your words, Id be over the moon! Instead, youve just finished me off!”

“Good grief, what did I even say?” It dawned on herthis wasnt about crockery.

“Who told my boss today that she was speaking to Daniels wife?” His voice shook with fury.

“You were in the shower, the phone rang” she stammered. “I answered, said to hold on. She asked who I was. So I said I was your wife. When I passed the phone, shed hung up. Whats the crime?”

“Youre seriously asking?” Daniels face darkened, a vein pulsing at his temple. “What wife? Did we go to the registry? Sign anything? Slip a ring on your finger?”

Emily swallowed. Shed dreamed of it, but

“No! No! And no!” he roared. “Youre nobody! Who said you could call yourself my wife?”

***

“How longs this circus going on?” Mum smirked.

“Mum” Emily frowned. “Times have changed. Youre one to judgeafter Dad, you had your fair share of flings!”

“Dont slander your mother!” She kept smiling. “At my age, gossip doesnt stick. But youre youngthink ahead!”

“Mum, fifty-five isnt ancient. You could still remarry!”

“If a decent man comes alongwhy not?” She tucked a grey strand behind her ear. “Till then, Ill make do with stand-ins.”

“Youre impossible!” Emily snorted.

Then Mum turned serious.

“Love, I get itplenty live together, have kids now. But legally, its cohabitation. No guarantees!”

“If theres love, guarantees dont matter.”

“Love fadesemptiness stays. A husband means alimony, a share in assets. Without it, youll get nothing, not even in court!”

“Daniel and I are happy! Six years together. Why bother with paperwork? We earn the same.”

“Thats naïve!” Mum wagged a finger. “Drop hints. Call him hubby, joke about being wifey. Ease him into it. Then walk him down the aisle!”

“What if I scare him off?” Emily shook her head. “Happiness is fragiledont push your luck.”

“Your life,” Mum sighed. “But rememberresponsibility is maturity. What youve got is pure nonsense.”

***

Mums advice stuck. Marriage was a womans safety net. Even her mate Sarah agreed.

“Imagine you take out a mortgage. Its in Daniels name. What if you split?”

“Pessimist!”

“Say he wants to gift the flat to his nephew. You wont have a leg to stand on! Court without a certificate is just stress for nothing.”

“Ill save receipts, find witnesses!”

“Or” Sarah smirked, “just put a ring on it.”

“Mum said to tease him with hubby. Ease him in slowly.”

“Well, get on with it!”

***

Emily started calling Daniel “husband” at every chance. At first, he chuckled. Then he got used to it. She even believed the charadeuntil she told his boss, “This is his wife.”

***

“Weve been together six years!” Her voice trembled. “I thought we were family. Kids, growing old together”

“You shouldve kept quiet!” He paced furiously. “Why involve Margaret? Now Im getting sacked!”

“But Ive always called you my husband!”

“The difference is, youve ruined my career!” Daniel flung his keys onto the table. “I wouldnt marry youI wont even live with you! Im packing my things!”

“Youre serious?” She froze. “So I said wife”

“Margaret kept me on because of personal interest. Now Im married, youre a thorn in her side!”

***

A week later, Margaret herself knocked.

“Sorry to intrude,” she said, “but I wanted to explain. We all thought he was single”

“Were not registered,” Emily whispered.

“His live-in girlfriend,” Margaret corrected. “But youre free now. And you know” Her lips curved. “Hes not worth it. Not a husband, not even a partnerjust a bit of a muppet.”

Emily nodded. There was nothing left to say.