I Never Loved My Wife and Have Always Told Her: It’s Not Her Fault — We’re Just Fine Together

I Never Loved My Wife and Always Told Her So: Its Not Her Fault We Got On Just Fine

I never loved my wife, and Ive told her as much more times than I can count. It wasnt her faultwe muddled along well enough.

My name is Edward Whitmore, and I live in Chester, where the ghosts of harder times still linger in the air. I never loved my wife, Margaret, and Ive said it to her straight, like a bitter pill I could barely swallow. She didnt deserve itnever made a fuss, never scolded me, always kind, attentive, practically a saint. But my heart stayed as cold as the Thames in January. There was no love, and it gnawed at me like a bad takeaway.

Every morning, I woke with the same thought: leave. I dreamed of finding a woman whod set me alight, whod leave me breathless. But fate played a nasty trick and turned everything upside down, leaving me properly lost. Margaret was comfortable as an old armchair. She kept the house spotless, turned heads wherever she went, and my mates would say, Whered you find her, you lucky sod? I hadnt the foggiest why she stuck by mejust an ordinary bloke with nothing special about him, yet she loved me like I hung the moon. How?

Her love smothered me. Worse still was the thought that if I left, someone else would snap her up. Someone more successful, better-looking, richersomeone whod see what I couldnt. The idea of her in another mans arms sent me into a blind rage. She was mineeven if Id never loved her. That possessiveness was stronger than me, stronger than common sense. But can you live your whole life beside someone who doesnt make your heart skip? I thought I could, but I was wrongthere was a storm brewing inside me, and I couldnt hold it back.

Ill tell her tomorrow, I decided as I turned in for the night. Come morning, over a cuppa, I scraped together what little courage I had. Margaret, sit down, we need to talk, I began, meeting her steady gaze. Of course, lovewhats the matter? She replied with that same gentle warmth. Suppose we got divorced. I leave, we go our separate ways She laughed, as if Id told a joke. What a strange thing to say! Are you pulling my leg? Listen, Im dead serious, I cut in. Alright, then. What of it? she asked, still smiling. Tell me the truthwould you find someone else if I left? She froze. Edward, whats got into you? Why are you saying this? Her voice was laced with worry. Because I dont love you. I never have, I blurted out, like a slap.

Margaret went pale. What? Youre joking. I dont understand. I want to leave, but the thought of you with someone else drives me mad, I said, my voice trembling. She was quiet for a moment, then answered with sad wisdom: I wont find anyone better than you, dont worry. Go if you mustIll be alone. Promise? I slipped out without thinking. Of course, she nodded, watching me. Waitbut where would I go? I hesitated. Havent you got anywhere? she asked, surprised. No, weve always been together. Suppose Ill have to stick around, I muttered, feeling the ground vanish beneath me. Dont fret, said Margaret. After the divorce, well sell this place and buy two smaller ones. Really? I didnt expect you to help me. Why? I stammered. Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont keep them trapped. Her words rang like a verdict.

Months passed. We divorced. Then came the rumours: Margaret had lied. Shed found someone elsetall, confident, with a smile that could charm the birds from the trees. The flat she inherited from her gran? She never even considered splitting it. I was left with nothingno home, no family, no faith in people. The betrayal cut deep, like a knife in the back, and to this day, I hear her voice: Ill be alone. A lie. Cold, calculated, and I fell for it like a proper fool.

How can I trust women now? Blowed if I know. Life with her was comfortable but empty, and now I dont even have that. Im in a rented flat, staring at the walls, replaying that conversation. Her calm, her wordsall of it was just an act. My mates say, Your fault, Edwardwhat did you expect? And theyre right. I didnt love her, but I wanted to keep her, like she was some thing. And she left, dumped me in the loneliness I dreaded most. Maybe thats my penancefor the coldness, the selfishness, for never valuing her heart. Now Im alone, and the silence aches worse than her leaving. What do people think of what I did? I dont even know whos the bigger foolme or her.