When I Aimed to Leave Unscathed

When I think back to that time, I can still hear the echo of my husbands indifference.

Andrew, could you hand me the car keys, please? Mum needs to be taken to the clinic right away, I said, reaching for him as he lounged on the settee. Give me two hours tops, Ill bring her back whole and unharmed.

He didnt even lift his eyes from the tiny screen in his hand.

No.

What do you mean no? I lowered my hand, irritated. Its your day off, youre not going anywhere. Mums blood pressure is spiking, shes in real trouble.

He finally put the phone down and stared at me. Ive said no, and thats final. A woman at the wheel is always a recipe for disaster youll either clip someone, smash into a post, or find some other mess to make.

I stepped closer, my fists clenched. Andrew, what on earth are you saying?

Didnt I make myself clear? I still have three years left on the loan for that car. I wont gamble my own property, he replied, turning back to his device as if the conversation were over.

I watched him in silence, then turned on my heel, slammed the front door, and bolted for the hallway. I dialed a cab, the ride costing about twenty pounds. Mum kept apologising for the inconvenience the whole way, while I pressed my lips together, thinking how easily Andrew could have solved the problem if he had wanted to.

When I got back, Andrew met me in the hall, his face apologetic. Im sorry, love. I was wrong not to think of Mums need, he began, reaching for me, but I pushed him away. Leave me be.

Dont be angry, Victoria. Im sorry, truly, he persisted, following me into the kitchen. How about a cup of tea? Or a glass of wine? We can talk calmly.

I switched on the kettle and washed the dishes with a fury that seemed to grind the plates to dust. He lingered a few moments, then retreated to the bedroom.

Two months passed in that strained silence. I answered him only when absolutely necessary, and his attempts at reconciliation always met a wall of cold indifference.

One Saturday morning I was at the kitchen table, chopping vegetables for a stew as rain pattered against the window. A gentle hymn played in the background, and for the first time that week I felt a hint of peace.

A sudden knock at the door made me jump. I dabbed my hands on a towel and opened it, bewildered by the early hour.

Eleanor? I stepped back as my motherinlaw, redfaced with fury, stormed in. Youve lost all sense of decency! All you think about is how to drag my son into debt! Do you care how hell live from now on?

I blinked, trying to grasp the sudden accusation.

Eleanor, what are you talking about? I asked, bewildered.

Whats happening? she snapped, turning her entire body toward me, eyes blazing. You smashed Andrews car! Now my boy will spend three years paying off a heap of scrap metal!

The world seemed to tilt beneath me.

I never got behind Andrews car, never! He refused to give me the keys, I protested.

Liar! she hissed. He told me everything! You begged him for the car and then shattered it!

Footsteps sounded in the hall and Andrew appeared. Eleanor rushed to his side.

She wont even admit it! Andrew, my dear, how will you live now? Three years for a wrecked car, no car, no money!

I stared at Andrew, hoping for an explanation, but he only bowed his head and gave a faint nod.

Andrew? my voice cracked. Tell my mother the truth. Tell her I never took your car.

He stayed silent, staring at his slippers.

When exactly did I supposedly smash your car? I demanded, my tone metallic. State the exact date.

Eleanor triumphantly produced her phone. Here, on Tuesday at two oclock! I have the whole conversation saved, look! She thrust the device under my nose.

I tried to recall that Tuesday. A work conference

Tuesday? I smirked, and the remark silenced her. I was at an offsite conference all day, from seven in the morning until nine at night.

Her face fell.

But Andrew said

Andrew lied, I said, stepping toward him. Isnt that right, darling? Now tell us the truth. Who really broke your precious car?

Andrew lifted his head, his cheeks flushing. Mum, Im sorry. I was the one who smashed the car, he whispered, voice trembling. I didnt want you to think I was useless, so I tried to shift the blame onto Victoria.

You put the blame on an innocent woman! I felt anger rise like a tide. And you even turned Mum against me!

Eleanor sank onto a chair, pale. Andrew, how could you? Why lie? Remember when, at eighteen, you scratched Dads car? You didnt speak for a week after that.

Did you think it better to blame Victoria? she asked, rising slowly. Youre a grown man! How can you pin your fault on a woman?

I stood, arms crossed, watching the family drama unfold. My fury slowly melted into fatigue and disappointment.

You know, Andrew, I said slowly, when you refused to let me use the car to take my mother to the doctor, I thought you were merely selfish. But you proved yourself worse. Youre a coward.

Victoria, please, he begged, reaching for me.

Stop! I raised my hand. Dont. You were ready to ruin our marriage just to avoid facing your own mistake.

I wanted to be honest! I just didnt know how to start

Dont know how? I laughed, a hollow sound. Sorry, Victoria is not how honesty begins.

Eleanor, suddenly softer, turned to her son. Andrew, I thought Victoria was selfish and irresponsible. I was wrong about her.

And what about you, Andrew? I asked, looking out at the grey, drizzling day. How will you make amends for what I now know? In a crisis you chose to blame me so you could walk away clean?

Silence hung heavy.

Victoria, Andrew whispered, what now?

I didnt turn.

I dont know, Andrew. I thought Id married a man I could rely on. It turns out hell betray me at the first chance.

I love you! he cried.

Love? I finally faced him. A man who loves you never makes you suffer for his own peace of mind.

Eleanor rose and approached me. Victoria, Im sorry. Im sorry for believing the lies, for shouting at you. I was wrong.

Eleanor, you acted as any mother would, protecting her child. I bear no ill will toward you, I said, a flicker of compassion in my eyes. But what of Andrew?

There are grievances, Eleanor admitted softly. Very serious ones.

Andrew sprang to his feet. Victoria, tell me what to do. Ill do anything for your forgiveness!

Youre ready to do anything now, I said, stepping back. But youve already lied once, shifting guilt onto me. That shows your true nature.

Ill change!

People dont change in a day, especially those capable of such treachery.

I retreated to the kitchen, leaving them alone with their murmurs. Eleanor began scolding her son, while I weighed my options. How could I move forward with a husband like this?

It seemed impossible. No matter how hard I tried, the memory would not fade.

I opened the search on my phone and typed, How to get a divorce quickly? The decision was made.