This is No Game!

It’s not a toy

Why do you want a child now, Natalie? Youre nearly forty! What could you possibly manage? Sarah laughed, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes after another bout of giggles. The kitchen suddenly felt too cramped, and the scent of steeped tea seemed cloyingly sweet.

Sarah, Im serious. I want to adopt a child from a childrens home, Natalie said, setting her mug down slowly.

Sarah waved a hand and let out another snort of laughter.

Come off it! At your age people are thinking about grandchildren, not about changing nappies!

Natalie clenched her fingers around the warm porcelain. Across from her, her sisters cheeks were flushed with mirth, oblivious to how sharply her words cut.

Listen, Sarah, Natalie leaned forward. I want a child for myself. My life feels empty without one. Ive been married twice and both marriages fell apart. And, as you know, I cant have a baby of my own because of my health. So I need to fill this

Stop, stop! Sarah lifted a hand. Do you understand what youre saying? This isnt a plaything! Its a lifelong responsibility!

Natalie leaned back in her chair. The smile on Sarahs face faded, replaced by a sober expression.

What if something happens to you, Nat? Who will look after the child? Youll be alone! And the moneydo you realise how much it costs to raise a child? Clothes, food, activities, school, university!

Ive thought about that, Natalie replied calmly. I know the system first helps infants, so Ill adopt a three or fouryearold. I can work from home and devote all my free time to the child. Ill manage.

Sarah shook her head, her dark hair spilling over her shoulders.

You dont get it! Raising a child isnt just about working from home. It means getting up at night when they cry, spending hours in hospitals when theyre sick, and giving up your own social life!

Ill manage. Im not looking for a relationship any more. I have a good salary, solid savings, my own flat. Theres nothing to worry about, Natalie said firmly. My finances are in order.

Its not about the money! Sarah snapped, pacing the kitchen. You wont cope! This child will ruin your life! You have no idea what youre getting into!

Natalie rose slowly, her fingers gripping the edge of the table.

Youve managed your own son and seem happy, havent you?

Of course! Sarah turned sharply. I have a complete family! A husband! Im happy! And youre on your own!

The air between them grew thick. Natalie stared at Sarah, unable to believe what she was hearing.

A complete family? she repeated slowly. So Im incomplete?

I didnt mean that, Sarah tried to soften. Its just easier with a partner. He helps, supports. You have no one.

Right, Natalie said coldly. Thanks for the support, sister.

Sarah snatched her bag from the windowsill, moving with abrupt, nervous gestures.

Im worried about you! I dont want you to make a mistake!

Leave, Natalie whispered, not looking up.

The door slammed. Natalie was left alone in the kitchen, the lingering aroma of unfinished tea mixing with the bitterness of the argument. She sank into a chair and covered her face with her hands.

Maybe Sarah was right. Maybe she really couldnt do it. Doubt swirled in her mind, each of Sarahs words echoing like a ache in her chest. She imagined empty evenings in her flat, the oppressive silence, the absence of childrens laughter.

For two days Natalie went through the motions at work, answering client calls, but her thoughts kept drifting back to the conversation. She found herself browsing childrens home listings, then closing the tabs with a sigh.

On Thursday evening, her friend Mary called.

Nattie, whats wrong? You sound down.

Natalie explained the argument with her sister and her lingering doubts.

Your sister is being unfair, Mary said firmly. Youre not alone. You have me, Mum, and Dad. If something ever happened to you, theres someone to look after the child.

Natalie rested her forehead against the cool kitchen window.

What if I cant cope?

You will. Youre strong, smart, and you have a big heart. This child will have a happy life with you.

After talking to Mary, a calm settled over Natalie. Yes, she wanted a child. Yes, she could give love, care, and a good life. She didnt care about Sarahs opinion.

On Sunday she drove to her parents house in the suburbs of Manchester. The car pulled up to the familiar white fence and she walked up the drive, opening the gate and heading toward the porch.

Before she could reach the front door, loud voices rose from inside the house. It was Sarah and their parents, clearly in the middle of a heated discussion.

You have to stop her! Sarah shouted. She mustnt have a child! Shes too old! She doesnt need one!

Natalie wants this, their mother retorted. How can you say that?

Natalie slipped closer, hiding behind a corner, her heart pounding.

Im speaking up because Im worried not only about Natalie but also about my own son! Sarahs voice trembled with anger. If anything happens to Natalie, my son will inherit her flat. Its essentially my childs inheritance!

Natalie felt the ground slip away.

And then this flat would go to the child Natalie adopts, a stranger with no connection to us! All of Natalies money would disappear! Sarah continued.

Silence fell, broken only by their fathers voice.

Sarah, do you understand what youre saying?

I do! Im just protecting my familys interests!

Natalie could no longer stand by. She stepped out from the shadows.

How could you treat me like this? she cried.

Sarahs face turned ashen.

You told me I couldnt raise a child, just so you could claim my flat and my savings for your son!

Sarah tried to speak, gesturing wildly.

Youve got it all wrong! I was only

I heard every word, Natalie said, moving closer. And now I finally see the truth. I wont doubt myself any longer.

Their mother lowered her head, and their father stared at Sarah, bewildered.

Natalie, listen, Sarah began.

No! Listen to me! Natalie turned her back. Dont ever come near me again. Never.

She walked straight to the car, her feet steady, leaving behind muffled arguments. Determination burned bright inside her.

The following months were a blur of paperwork, appointments with social workers, psychologists, and officials. Natalie pursued her goal relentlessly, ignoring bureaucracy and delays. Each form signed, each signature obtained, drew her nearer to the dream.

At last the day arrived. Small hands clasped Natalies as she entered the childrens home corridor.

Mum? Are you my mum now? the little girl asked softly.

Yes, love, Natalie answered, kneeling beside her. Im your mum now.

The girls smile filled Natalies heart with a love she had never known. Years of loneliness dissolved in an instant.

Later that evening the child explored her new bedroom, touching the toys Natalie had bought in advance. When night fell they read a bedtime story together, and the little girl fell asleep resting her head on Natalies shoulder.

Her parents welcomed the granddaughter with joy. Her father, within a week, built a swing set in the garden for her. Mary was thrilled tooher son Aaron and the girl, Lily, quickly became fast friends whenever the families gathered.

The only lingering shadow was Natalies strained relationship with Sarah. At family gatherings Sarah pretended Natalie didnt exist, turning away whenever she entered a room. But it no longer hurt Natalie.

She had Lily. A girl who rushed into her bed each morning with plans for the day, who drew pictures with crayons and proudly showed them off, who fell asleep to lullabies and whispered I love you before drifting off.

Life finally had meaning.

At night, while Lily slept, Natalie sat beside her daughters peaceful face, gratitude swelling in her chestfor fate, for her own courage, and even, oddly, for Sarahs selfishness that had forced her to see how fiercely she wanted to love.

She smoothed the blanket and whispered softly,

Sleep well, my sunshine. Mum is right here.

In the end, she learned that listening to ones own heart, rather than the doubts of others, is the surest path to a fulfilled life.