At the Door Stood Victor — Her Twice-Ex-Husband, From Whom She Divorced Four Years Ago.

Victor stood on the front step, the man I had once married twice, the one Id divorced four years ago. In his hands he cradled a bouquet of white roses, and on his face wore that same grin that had once captured my twentytwoyearold heart.

Emily, he announced with the gravitas of a man returning from battle, Ive come back. I realise now how foolish I was. Youre the finest woman Ive ever known.

The step was the same, the roses the same, the smile the same.

Victor, what a surprise, I said, stepping aside. If youre here, you can come in. But do take your shoes off Im not keen on you tracking anything through my house again.

I slipped aside, letting him into the hallway. He seemed to expect an embrace, a flood of tears, perhaps even a stern lecture that I might magnanimously forgive. Instead, I turned back to the kitchen and continued my breakfast, offering him not even a seat.

How are you, Victor? I asked evenly, flipping an omelette. Did the latest affair chase you off, or did you decide to look for a temporary refuge on your own?

Victor froze. In four years hed forgotten how steady I could be when the chips were down. He remembered me as a bright, forgiving student, eager to sacrifice everything for a family. Now he faced a thirtysixyearold woman with steelspined nerves and a calm demeanor.

Emily, I want to rebuild our family, Victor placed the bouquet on the table beside my plate. These years have felt like a dream. I finally see that my place is here, with you and the children.

Interesting, I sipped my coffee. And whats changed? Has your innate talent for disappearing at the worst possible moment finally vanished?

Im serious! Victor snapped. I want to be with you, to look after the kids, to look after you. You saw me come in with flowers and an open heart.

An open heart and an empty wallet, as usual? I teased, then softened. Sit down. Want some coffee? Or are you on some new diet for selfdiscovery?

Ten years earlier, when I was a freshface economics student at a teachertraining college in Manchester, Id met Victor at a college party. He was three years older, working as a security guard at the local shopping centre, and seemed incredibly mature and independent.

Marry me, hed said after two months of dating. Why wait? I know youre the one.

Victor, we barely know each other, Id warned.

Whats there to know? hed smiled, kissing my hand. Love isnt arithmetic, love. No calculations needed.

Blinded by romance, I agreed. Victor rented a onebedroom flat for us after the wedding. I balanced my studies with nighttime translation gigs, translating English texts to help pay the rent. Victor earned a pittance and constantly complained about unfair bosses.

Emily, you see, Im a creative soul, hed explain after yet another dismissal, lounging on the sofa. I need a job that lets me express myself. The grey office drones just dont get me.

Of course, dear, Id reply, tallying the family budget. While you search for yourself, Ill work double.

After I earned my degree, I aimed for a bank jobmy red diploma and language skills opened decent prospects. Then I discovered I was pregnant. My son, Kevin, was born when I turned twentythree; a year and a half later our daughter, Lucy, arrived.

Children are a blessing, Victor would coo, rocking Lucy. Well earn the money later. The important thing is love at home.

Youre right, Id answer, mentally calculating how to cover the utility bills. Kids are everything. The rest will follow.

I earned most of the money. Even with two toddlers I managed online worktranslations, Skype English tutoring, freelance articles. Victor, meanwhile, shuffled through five jobs in four years, each time making excuses for the low pay.

Emily, I cant work where my soul isnt happy, hed philosophise. Better to earn less and keep inner peace.

Indeed, Id sigh, exhausted. Inner peace is sacred. The external stuff will sort itself out.

When Kevin turned four and started nursery, Victor suddenly declared, Im emotionally burnt out. I need freedom to find myself. Im filing for divorce.

What does find myself even mean? I asked, bewildered. We have two kids, a mortgage

Its exactly why I need time to think, he answered coldly. Im suffocating in this routine. I want half the property.

But I bought that flat! I protested. I took out the mortgage and am still paying it!

Were a family, Victor shrugged. Everything acquired during marriage is split 5050. Thats the law, love.

I realised I could be left homeless with the kids. Our twobedroom newbuild flat was all we owned. We had to borrow from friends and take another loan to buy Victors share back. My retired mother, a schoolteacher, couldnt help financially.

Sweetheart, I cried into the phone, if I had the money Id give everything away. My pension is pennies, and this scoundrel

Dont worry, love, Victors brother, Mike, whispered.

The court set child support. Victor paid on time for two years, then vanishedno birthday calls, no New Year wishes, just a quiet disappearance.

A month after the divorce, Mikea former university mate of Victorsstood on my hallway with a bunch of daisies.

Emily, Ive loved you forever, he confessed. I know its not ideal timing, but will you marry me? Im not scared of the kids; Ill love them as my own.

Mike, youre a wonderful man, I replied, softening. But I cant take advantage of your kindness. You deserve someone who loves you wholly, not someone whos just grateful for a rescue.

Mike was a decent programmer, wellpaid, honest. Yet I only felt gratitude, not love.

Mike, Im not ready, I said gently. Can we stay friends? That means a lot to me.

Ill wait, he said, hopeful. As long as it takes.

Dont waste your prime years on me, I added sadly. Find a woman who sees the treasure youre carrying.

For two years I lived with the kids, working nonstop. I completed a professional development course and started delivering online economics lectures to parttime students, which helped clear the mortgage. Mike offered financial help several times, but I refusednever wanted to be indebted.

Emily, what pride is that? hed tease. Were friends.

Because were friends, I wont ruin our relationship with money, I replied. Your friendship means more to me than any cash.

Then Victor resurfaced, repentant.

Ive lived like a hermit these two years, he said, kneeling in the living room. Ive rethought everything. I realize family is the core of life. Children are the purpose. True love only comes once.

Where have you been all this time? I asked, eyes fixed on him.

I was working, renting a room, thinking about you. I needed to rebuild my strength, understand my mistakes. Now Im ready to be a real husband and father.

Sixyearold Kevin and fouryearold Lucy rushed into his arms, remembering the dad who once played hideandseek and read bedtime stories. They never heard me tell them about the hardships.

Dad, youre not leaving again? Lucy asked, clinging.

Never, darling. I finally know my place is here, with the people I love most.

I finally gave in. Two years of solitude, endless battles for survival, and the childrens pleas had worn me down. Victor formally proposed; we registered our marriage at the local registry office.

Why the civilservice stamp? Mike asked when I told him. Isnt living together enough?

Victor insists on showing he means business, I explained. And honestly, I want to believe in some stability.

My dear, a man whos run away once doesnt inspire confidence, Mike warned.

Please, Mike. People can change. Give us a chance.

My mother, a retired teacher, reacted with cautious joy.

Emily, Im happy for you, but remembera man who once chased freedom never truly forgets it. Be careful.

Not all men are the same, Mum. Victor is genuinely remorseful.

Three years of married life felt almost perfect. Victor behaved like an ideal husband and dadrenovating, looking after the kids, even taking us all on a seaside holiday to Brighton. He kept paying the courtordered child support, though he occasionally suggested cancelling it.

Dont waste it, my mother advised. Put it into the childrens savings.

Ive proven Im reliable, I told her.

Time will tell, she said.

Then, just when everything seemed settled, Victor announced again, Emily, Im filing for divorce. Marriage suffocates me.

What are you on about? I stared, stunned. You swore youd changed.

I thought Id changed, but the family feels like a cage. Im an artist; I need space to create.

Youre an artist? You work as a project manager for a construction firm! I retorted.

You dont get it. My soul craves flight. With you I become an ordinary bloke.

The second divorce hit harder than the first. Id once been naïve; now Id believed in happiness only to be stabbed in the back. When Victor came to collect his things, I threw his suitcase onto the stairwell.

Get out and never come back! I shouted, my voice shocking even to me.

Dont make a scene! The neighbours will hear! Victor hissed, scrambling for his belongings.

Let the whole building know what a wretched man you aretwice a father, twice a cheat! I yelled.

I never abandoned you! Ill keep paying child support, Ill meet the kids

How many times have you met them since the first divorce? Not once!

Victor tried to claim compensation for home repairs and family vacations, but lost the case. The children were once again left without a father, and this time I made no pretence about my feelings.

Mom, will dad ever live with us again? nineyearold Kevin asked.

No, love. He chose his freedom over us.

Is he a bad person? sevenyearold Lucy inquired.

No, sweetheart. He just cant keep his promises.

Six months later Mike returned, offering once more.

Emily, enough of this misery. Marry me. Ive loved you for over ten years.

Mike, not now, I snapped, angry at the world. I cant trust any man again. Youre all the same.

Its unfair, Mike protested. I never let you down.

Its justwhat if tomorrow you crave freedom too? I retorted.

Mike then revealed a bitter truth: When Victor first left, he was living with a lover named Valerie. She threw him out after two years, and thats when he came back to us. Now hes with a new woman, Mara.

How do you know? I asked, stunned.

We were friends. He bragged about it.

Emily, think about it. A man who abandons his family twice with the same excusefreedomalways returns when you start to recover, Mike warned.

I shut the door on him, but his words lodged like a stone. My friend Gill, to whom Id confided, sided with Mike.

Emily, maybe hes right. You said Victor kept returning just as you cleared debts and settled down. Dont be foolish, dont step into the same trap again.

Gill, you know Mikes always been in love with me. Hell just smear Victor, I replied.

The facts remaintwice he left, twice he returned. Is that not enough? Gill persisted.

I dont know. I dont know anything about men anymore.

The third time Victor reappeared, I was not caught off guard. Four years of solitude had given me perspective, and Mikes prophecy now seemed oddly prophetic.

Whats changed? Victor asked, hoping for a softer reaction. Emily, Ive realised life has no meaning without you. Youre the only woman Ive ever truly loved.

Funny theory, I said, finishing my coffee and placing the mug in the sink. I thought youd gone to Mara. Did she kick you out like Valerie?

Victor froze; he hadnt expected me to know his sordid history.

It doesnt matter where I heard it. What matters is that I now see the truth about your selfsearch. Victor, the children are twelve and ten now. Kevin and Lucy manage fine without a father who appears once every few years with a bouquet.

Ill do anything! Victor blurted, pulling out his phone. Whatever you want, any condition. Look!

A moment later my phone buzzed with a notification: a transfer of £2,500.

This is proof of my seriousness, Victor declared. I want to rebuild the family, provide for the children, make you happy.

How generous, I chuckled, eyeing the amount. Do you really think I can be bought? As if I sit here waiting for you to stroll back with a wallet full of cash?

You still love me, dont you? Youre scared to trust anyone else! Victor shouted.

Right, love, I replied, leaning back. Ive already turned down Mikes proposals. Hes a good, decent man.

What about him? Victor snapped.

Your business, I said dryly. Youre no longer my husband, Victor. Leave my personal life to me.

Victors face twisted with fury.

Mike? That pitiful wretch has always been headoverheels for you! So youve been having an affair with him while I was searching for you?

Enough, I said calmly. Youre the one with three marriages behind you. Valerie and Maraare those spiritual quests?

You dont understand! Victor cried. I was looking for you in them! I tried to forget, but couldnt.

How romantic, I replied, dry sarcasm in my voice. Especially when you chase other womens beds like a saint in the desert.

Victor realised hed walked into a trap. I knew about his mistresses, about why the divorces happened. I needed to act.

Fine, youre right, he said, dialing again. I was a scoundrel. Im ready to make amends. Look!

Another transfer hit: £2,000.

This is everything I have, even my credit money. Im giving you every penny because I believe we can start anew.

I checked the balance, nodded.

Thanks. This will go towards the kids education. We needed a tutors fee.

So you agree? Victor beamed.

Ill take the money, I said, smiling. Now go. Dont come back.

What?! Victor shouted, incredulous. Emily, are you mocking me? Ive given you nearly half a million pounds!

No one asked for this, I replied coolly. It was your initiative. Get out of my house.

Youre a liar! Victor roared. A greedy old hag! Youve made a fool of me!

Victor, darling, you really thought love could be bought? At your age that naïveté is almost endearing.

Just then Lucy entered the room.

Mum, whos that? she asked, eyeing Victor.

Thats your father, love, I answered.

Ah, great, Lucy muttered. Back again pretending to be dad?

Dont speak like that about your father, I warned her.

Whats his fault? He left twice! You worked nights to buy food! Now he shows up as if nothing happened! Lucy wailed.

Lucy, darling, calm down, I soothed.

No, Mum! Let him hear the truth! Do you think weve forgotten your tears? Lucy sobbed.

From the hallway came the sound of footsteps; twelveyearold Kevin appeared, looking oddly like his mother.

Whats all this shouting? he asked, then, seeing Victor, his face hardened. Right, dads back again.

Kevin, mind your tone, I warned.

Whats so rude? Hes actually dad. An occasional dad. He shows up every few years.

Kids, thats enough, I said sharply.

No, Mum! Kevin shouted. He should know we remember how you vanished, promising never to leave, then disappearing!

Were fine without him, Lucy added through tears. Why does he even bother?

Enough! Victor exploded. Im your father! I have a right to see my children!

Right? Kevin sneered. Where was thatAnd with that, the house fell silent as Victor turned and walked out, never to return again.