Before We Say Goodbye

Before they part

Alex Turner worships his wife Beatrice. He cant get enough of her. After six years of marriage they still have no children. Beatrice is seven years younger than Alex. He wed her just after she turned eighteen, so he always thinks theres plenty of time left to start a family. He devotes all his energy to building a cosy nest. After refurbishing their flat he rushes to the countryside to erect a cottage, then a saunalike bathhouse, then a garden shed.

He buys a mountain of saplings, exotic plants, and plants ten different varieties of strawberries. The centerpiece of the flower beds is the chrysanthemum the icing on the cake, because Beatrice adores that flower. She often tells Alex, If you want to be happy for life, grow chrysanthemums. Thats ancient wisdom. So Alex keeps buying new cultivars, refusing to give up on happiness. In October the chrysanthemums claim their throne; theyre rightly called the queen of autumn. Purple, pink and white pompom blossoms flood the garden and neighbours cant stop staring, muttering, What a lovely couple, everythings thriving for them.

Alex never rests. He works from dawn till dusk, while Beatrice gladly helps around the house. He doesnt want her to take a job elsewhere, either out of jealousy or a genuine desire to shield her from trouble probably both. A husband is the provider, a wife the keeper of the hearth, becomes his motto.

At first Beatrice enjoys his attentive husband. She cooks elaborate meals, bakes delicious cakes, cans vegetables and brews berry jams. When the kitchen chores are done she turns to creative pursuits: knitting stylish jumpers, embroidering napkins with beads, even painting pictures. After a while she begins to wonder about the future of their little family. She doesnt need much for herself; she just wants Alex by her side.

Alex keeps promising, Soon Ill prepare the soil for us to grow a family. When she finally asks, he replies, Sorry, love, well never have heirs. You know my sister is childless too. His love for Beatrice is deep, but this hollow affection is heading for a dead end. Eventually Alex will leave his faithful wife for a more fertile partner, and the thought haunts Beatrice more and more.

The strain becomes unbearable. Her soul aches. She decides the knot must be cut, even if it hurts. While they are still young, she tells herself Alex should find another wife and build his happiness elsewhere, and she will simply let things be. Alex never once scolds Beatrice, not a word, not a glance.

Colleagues at work constantly hint about children. Rumour flies fast, they say. Alex first jokes that their flat isnt ready, then says they need a country house, and finally snaps, Were perfectly happy just the two of us. Theres also a coworker, Ivy, who is hopelessly in love with Alex. She never hides her unrequited feelings but never dares to break up a marriage that would be a sin, she insists. She smiles sweetly at him, chats privately, touches his shoulder on the factory floor, but Alex pays her no attention. Hes married to his beloved, and thank heavens he has no time for side affairs, especially at work. Beatrice is aware of Ivy, but she never sees her as a rival.

One evening Alex returns home to find Beatrice missing. The dinner on the stove is still warm; a note lies on the table. In Beatrices neat handwriting it reads: Dearest Alex, Im sorry we never built the family we imagined. Live your life without me. Always yours, Beatrice. Alex freezes. All six years he has devoted to her, carried her in his arms, ignored everyone else. He had planned to spend every breath with his Beatrice.

He realises that if shes gone, shes gone forever. A wife who runs away, dropping her shoes as she goes what does she lack? People live without children and manage, he muses, sighing heavily. He withdraws into himself, walking around gloomily, unable to picture another woman. Life has lost its colour.

Ten years later Alex is dispatched on an urgent work assignment. No tickets are available, so he buys a lastminute fare to the South West. He arrives just as the train starts to pull away, leaps onto the carriage, and, breathless, finds his compartment. He greets a woman looking out the window: Good evening! The woman turns. Beatrice? Is that you? Alex drops into his seat, stunned. Alex? Beatrice replies, barely recognising him.

They fall into each others arms as if they were longlost relatives, standing there silent, unable to speak after so many years apart. Beatrice asks, Tell me everything, Alex! Hows the family? Kids? He answers, a little embarrassed, Well seven years of marriage. Remember Ivy? My wife. We have two daughters. She replies, I have a husband and two sons. I jumped into that marriage like diving into water, trying to escape myself. Life is calm now. My husband is a senior manager, so we moved to Manchester. Im happy, Alex. I even thought about coming back to you once, but the bridges are burnt. I still love you, you still appear in my dreams.

Alex says, Ah, Beatrice, life scattered us. Its a shame it turned out this way. If you call, Ill come running, Ill fly, Ill crawl! Beatrice answers, I wont call. I dont want to hurt my husband. Hes a good man, loves our sons, raises them right. He always wanted a daughter, cares for me, calls me his goddess. I respect him deeply. Maybe thats more than love my husband, my sons are the sanctuary of my soul. She adds, But tonight Ill give you this night I want to taste your breath, die in your touch, tear my soul apart. This fairytale night will be enough for a lifetime. She sighs with relief.

The train soon reaches its destination. Beatrice fixes herself, eager to reunite with her family. Alex watches her preparations and, oddly, feels a pang of jealousy, as if shed spent a sleepless night dreaming of love. The station arrives. Beatrice bids Alex a quick kiss on the cheek, waves to her waiting family, and runs onto the platform. A sturdy man stands there with two boys, holding a massive bouquet of white chrysanthemums. She embraces them, kisses the men, turns, meets Alexs eyes and whispers, Goodbye, my love. Alex nods knowingly, steps out of the carriage, and watches the family disappear down the platform, feeling a mix of sorrow and resignation. Thats it, Alex. They say happiness cant be forced. Time to move on.

Nine months later Beatrices husband welcomes a baby girl. He is overjoyed at the arrival of his daughter.