Dim, Dim, Wake Up! Masha’s Crying Again!

David, David, get upMillys crying again!

I felt Sam tugging at the cuff of my Tshirt, but I couldnt pry my eyes open. Sleep clung to me so tightly Id have shouted at my brother for the sake of a good nights rest, then dropped my head under the pillow and slipped back into warm darkness. Better still if there were no dreams, because todays nightmare featured my dad, whod taken a seat on the step of Grandmas cottage, patted my head and asked:

​How are you, lad? Feeling rough? Sorry about everything I didnt mean it Millys crying again You know​

I snapped out of my halfsleep and almost toppled off the bed. Millys wail was so loud shed woken the whole house. Sam sat on his own bed, watching his older brother wrestle free of the blankets.

​Been shouting long? I brushed my wild, uncut hair back with a fivepointed finger and walked over to Millys cot. ​Youre my shrieking little thing! Mums not home yetshell be back in the morning. Come here, love!

Millys face had turned a deep shade of red from all the crying. I gently lifted her out of the cot, gave Sam a nod, and he handed me a fresh nappy, pressing the baby close.

​Sweet as honey, you are! Thats the spiritshout if you must, but maybe a touch softer? Not all the neighbours have heard yet. Ill sort it, just hang on a sec.

The moment she heard my familiar voice the little girl quieted a little, and within minutes she was happily gulping formula from the bottle Id prepared.

​You little glutton! I kissed her forehead, the same gesture Id used a hundred times before, so I didnt even bother checking her temperature with the thermometer. ​Couldnt wait for mum? Right you areshell be exhausted when she gets home, and weve got to hold the fort. Finish up and well both get a bit more sleep while we can. Sam! I turned to my brother, grinning. ​Theres our champion, already out like a light. Unlike you, Milly!

Sixmonthold Milly gave one more soft suck on her dummy before I carefully cradled her on my shoulder, making sure she didnt start another concerto. I paced the room, rubbing her back.

​Good lad! Now lets get you back into your cot. I settled her gently and glanced at the clock.

Should I hit the sack? An hour and a half remained before the alarm, but Id got a five in biology and a two in physics. Id blamed my own tardiness on a game of Battleship with Victor during physics, instead of listening to the teacher. Foolish, indeed. Id have to revisit those last paragraphs before the upcoming parentteacher nightMum cant keep turning red because of my slipups. Shed been on my case all day yesterday.

David! This wont do! Youre always late! One more and youll be in the headteachers office! Mums voice rang, though I knew she wasnt late out of spite; work kept her late sometimes. That meant I stayed with Milly while hurrying Sam to nursery. You cant just leave the kids alone; Mum would have a fit. If only Dad were still aroundthen Mum would be home, wed all be fine, and the rent on the flat wed been forced to take after Grandma kicked us out wouldnt be an issue.

I didnt want to think about Grandma. I didnt know what started the fights with Mum, but I guessed it was her sharp tongue. After the funeral shed stormed in, waited for Mum to usher the kids out, then launched at her:

​Youre the one to blame! Youve bred a whole litter like a rabbit, and whats left for us? Hard work! How can any heart stand that? Youve no conscience! Im the one who lost my son because of you!

Id had enough. I bolted out, ignoring Mums tears as she tried to stop me, and marched straight to Grandma.

​Dont speak like that! You dont know anything! And dont insult Mum! Dad loved us! He loved Milly, Sam, and you! It was Mum who kept him away, telling us there was no help, only blame and shouting! You cant raise children in that storm! Youre always yelling! Why are you even here? Were no longer living with youso stop coming!

Grandmas stare haunted meher mouth opening and closing as she searched for words. Finally she said:

​Youre still too young to raise your voice at me​

​Now theres nobody left to stand up for Mum. I wont let anyone hurt her, got that? I replied, not realising she was looking over my head at Mum, her expression halfsad, halflost. She shook her head and left, promising never to return. I sometimes spot her in town, but I pretend not to see her. She never approaches, just watches from a distance. Id rather not talk to her; I fear shell show up when Im not home, and Mums nerves cant take another blow. After Dad died, Milly couldnt even get a proper feedshe lost her milk. If she keeps crying, things will go badly.

It reminded me of Polly from flat 43, whose mother was a heavy drinker. The neighbours complained, social services intervened, and Polly ended up in a childrens home. Once, Sam and I snuck in through a weak fence, watched Polly being taken on a walk, and I gave her the sweets mum had bought for Sam and me. Her mother patted my head and said she was proud of her sonthough I felt useless for not being able to help Polly. She whispered that she hoped her mother would stop drinking and take her home.

Mum doesnt drink, but you never know what excuses peoplell find. Aunt Rachel, the nextdoor neighbour, complained again about Millys screams. What could I do? Shes still a babyher tummy hurts, teeth are coming in. The doctor said she already has three teeth. She even gave me a tiny nailscratch that almost bled. Good teeth, strong bite! Now I have to keep her from sticking anything in her mouth. Yesterday she fell asleep hugging Sams stuffed rabbit, its long ears flopping. Sam was annoyed at first, then gave inhe figured the rabbit was more important to Milly than a fight.

The alarm chimed softly, and I switched it off. Time to get ready. I had school, Sam had nursery. Mum would be back any minute, and I still needed to sort breakfast for everyone.

Just as I finished the sandwiches, the front door clicked and Mum slipped in, shedding her old coat. She wrapped her arms around my cheeks, looking straight into my eyes.

​Morning, my knight! she cooed.

​Morning, my queen! I replied, a secret greeting wed adopted after Id found Walter Scott novels on the dusty shelf.

Hows everything? she asked.

Milly wailed again last night. I gave her a bottle and a dab of teething gel. She settled. I answered.

​New tooth coming? she probed.

​Not yet, but the gums swollen. No fever. I said.

​Good. DaveDave, what would I do without you? she sighed.

Mum I saw Grandma again yesterday. I mentioned.

She froze, fingers digging into the hem of her dress.

​Did she say anything? Did you talk? she asked.

​No. She just stood by our block, staring at the windows. When I got close she turned and left. I shrugged.

She nodded, lost in thought, then realised I couldnt see her face. She lifted my chin gently.

​Dont be angry with her, love. Shes complicated, but shes still your grandmother. Even if she doesnt love us, were still her grandchildrenme, Sam, and Milly.

​Then why does she keep grousing about us being too many? I asked.

​Oh, sweetheart Some people think they must live their way, believing age and experience give them a right to dictate everything. She sighed, sinking onto a chair. ​Why should we let them stop us from learning our own lessons?

​It just doesnt make sense to them! I muttered.

​Exactly! she smiled. ​Time fliesjust yesterday you were Sams size, now youre in Year Seven, almost an adult. Youve grown so fast, love. She patted my cheek. ​If you keep helping Mum, youll make her proud. Youre already a proper gentleman.

She reminded me to finish breakfast, and I glanced at the clock.

​Blimey! Miss Valentine will have my guts for lunch if Im late again! Ive already missed the first lesson! I shouted.

​Off to the second period then! Mum snatched my old Tshirt and sat me down. ​You havent even eaten!

​No time, Mum! I protested.

​Dont worry, school will wait. Youll sprint like the wind, youll see! she teased, pushing a plate of toast towards me.

I bolted out, clutching Sams hand as he bounced ahead.

​Dave, will you play with me tonight? Sam called.

​Sure thing.

​Can you teach me to draw a motorbike?

​Sure.

​And a car?

​Of course.

​​

​Sam! Ill teach you anything, just zip your lipit’s frosty out there, run fast, okay? I told him.

His eyes lit up at the prospect of having me to himself all evening, and he fell silent, only glancing at my serious face.

​Dave, you angry? he asked.

I popped out of my thoughts, surprised.

​No. Why do you think? I asked.

​Because youre quiet and your eyes are like chess piecesblack and round. He giggled.

​Just lost in thought. Run on, dont dawdle. I wont tell Mum. Ill sort it myself. I warned.

​Will you put me in the corner? he asked, eyes bright.

No, I wont teach you to draw a car! I teased.

​Dont! Ill behave if Nat doesnt pour water on my bed again. Then well draw the car tomorrow, alright? he pleaded.

​You cant bully girls. I reminded him.

​Nats not a girl! Shes a menace! he shouted.

​Still cant. We never know what Milly will become. She might turn into a troublemaker and the lads at nursery could pick on her. Then what?

​Wed fight? Sam asked, eyebrows raising.

​Who? I asked, confused.

​Not Milly! The boys! he replied, indignant. ​Wed punch them?

​No, wed think first. Dad always said only weird folk start fights right away. Decent people look for another way. I told him, pulling his sweater over his shirt and nudging him toward the classroom door.

​Go on! Ill see you later! I called.

​Why not Mum? he asked.

​Mums leaving early for work. Its the holiday rush, lots to sort in the shop. I explained. Sam knew Mum worked as a senior assistant in the local 24hour supermarket. Wed once visited her at work; the place was so huge Sam feared getting lost, so he clung to my hand. Milly wasnt born yet then; Mum was just waiting for her, and Dad was still alive Sams nostrils scrunched whenever he thought of Dad, and he turned his head searching for Nat, hoping she wouldnt tease him again.

Miss Valentine kept her promise and called me to the headteachers office that very day. She listed every achievementreal and imaginedwhile the deputy head, Mrs. Harper, stared at me with a puzzled interest. When Valentine finished, Harper asked me to step out for a private chat.

​Fancy a cup of tea? she asked, oddly formal.

I stared at her, bewildered.

​Well take your silence as agreement, she said, flipping the electric kettle on and pulling a tin of Birds Custard sweets from a drawer. ​You like those?

I nodded, not sure what else to do. The situation was absurd, so I kept quiet.

​Youre not late because you want to be? she probed.

I mumbled, ​No.

​Helping Mum? she asked.

I nodded again.

​Millys still tiny and its hard for her. Youre already an adult, though. She smiled. ​Youre practically a man now, Dave. That makes me proud. If you keep this up, Mum will be over the moon. I wont chastise you for being late today, but please try to be on time. And dont worry about Miss Valentinewell sort that. She gave me a reassuring pat.

I swallowed a candy, recalling Dads advice: if you dont know what to say, stay quiet. It makes you look wise.

She placed a cup of tea before me.

​Hungry? she asked.

​No, we had breakfast, I replied automatically, then remembered. ​Mum fed us before she left. She scolded me for being skinny.

​Thats normal at your age. Youre a whirlwind, you know! I could use a bit of your energy. She laughed, ​And that metabolism!

My classmates, whod been waiting outside the headteachers office since the break, bombarded me with questions. I brushed them off, saying, ​She said I was late, didnt want Mum upset. They lost interest and drifted away. I settled on the windowsill in the corridor, pulling out my physics textbook. I hadnt finished the chapter this morningmaybe now I could? The teacher had marked my test with a solid five. My ear tingled as I scratched it, and the physics teacher, Mrs. Clarke, said, ​Dont worry, Dave, I can see youve been studying.

At home I helped Mum tidy up, and after we walked Milly around, I sat down for homework. Sam would be at it again tonightdrawing cars and bikesso I was glad the weather was bleak; otherwise Victor would have sulked because Id skipped the football pitch for a third time. With Mums busy schedule at the shop, the holidays were looming and everyone was scrambling to get ready. Mums friend, Aunt Annie, had helped her land the supermarket jobgood pay, solid benefits. It was a rare find, and shed been lucky enough to step in just as the previous employee quit.

Mum tucked Milly in and hurried off to work. Sam, content, scribbled in his colouring book, while I wrapped up biology and moved on to algebra. Suddenly a strange smell hit the kitchen. The stove was off, yet the odor grew stronger. Something was wrong. I darted to the hallway, then back to Millys room, but stopped.

​Sam, dress up! Quickly! I shouted.

I slipped a warm pair of trousers and a jacket on Sam, helped him into his shoes.

​Dads papers always remind us not to forget them. Millys snuggly ones I muttered, pulling the sleepy Milly from her cot and shouting:

​Out, now!

Sam, confused, started toward the door, but I called again:

​Hold my pocket, alright? Grip tight, or youll get lost!

The flats doors were slamming shut, neighbors shouting, trying to make sense of the chaos. I bolted down the stairs, pulling Millys hat over her head. She woke, wailing like an alarm. If anyone thought nothing was amiss, theyd be proved wrong.

Outside, I let the little ones drift away from the building and sat on a bench by the playground. Thats when I saw the source of the smellMrs. Pollys neighbours flat was ablaze. Milly, perched on my arm, stared wideeyed at the fire engine that screeched into the courtyard, its siren blaring far too late. Sam clung to me, trembling, and I tried to calm him:

​Were fine. Mum will be told. I left my phone upstairs, but we cant go back for it. Well wait for Mum.

Mum burst onto the scene in light trainers, her coat flapping.As the fire trucks quenched the blaze and the last of the onlookers drifted away, I cradled Milly to my chest, whispered a promise to protect our little family, and felt a quiet, hopeful resolve settle over the sootstained street.