For Five Years She Thought She Was Living with Her Husband, But Realised She Wanted Him to Be Like Her Mum: Helena’s Tale of Small Town Love, London Dreams, and the Search for the Perfect Marriage

For five years, she thought she was living with her husband, but in the end, she realised she wanted to live with him as if he were her mother.

Evelyn grew up in a small English town. It was there that Cupids arrow found her she fell in love with Jack, and he with her. Together, they decided to leave their sleepy little hometown behind. They told their parents they were heading to London to earn some money for the wedding. They did, in fact, go to the city to save up, but later on, decided it wasnt worth spending all that cash on a huge wedding.

They went with whats trendy these days: a ceremony in trainers and jeans, gifts strictly in cash, and instead of a full-blown wedding reception, they organised a simple buffet. The money they got as gifts practically all went straight towards paying off their mortgage. Still, when they came back to visit, both their mums threw them a modest do.

Five years have passed since they tied the knot. They chose to wait before having kids and focused on chipping away at the mortgage, since the wedding money hadnt quite covered it all.
Evelyns mum was quite the force of nature, raising her daughter alone and never missing a phone call without reminding Evelyn that she was absolutely ready for grandchildren. But Evelyn just didnt feel prepared yet. There wasn’t any ticking clock, so they kept taking their time with the whole baby thing.

Then, all of a sudden, Evelyn started to get cross with Jack about things that had always bothered her a bit, but she used to be able to keep them in check. One day, she rang me up and said:

He talks for ages on the phone with others, but with me, its always just a quick hello and bye, and thats it…
When he gets in from work, youll both have plenty of time to catch up,” I said.
But after work, I want to watch a rom-com, and he just puts on some gory horror instead.
How many tellies do you have? Even so, these days you can both watch anything you want on your laptops with headphones. But honestly, its not proper family life if youre both sitting next to each other with your eyes glued to different screens.

Thats exactly what I think! she said. I dont think Jack understands me at all!
Well, thats quite a statement.
Why are you laughing?
Alright, Ill stop. Tell me, Evelyn, when do you two actually have a good time together?
When were on holiday or when we have people round Hes so attentive then

Our chat went on for nearly an hour. She told me about how they met and how all the other girls had been so jealous of her. But from what I gathered, the real issue was that Evelyn had this deep need to show off in front of othersa kind of feminine urge to present herself. That was the first problem. The second one, well

So, Evelyn, whats your idea of the perfect marriage? I asked.
Definitely with children.
Well, everyone says its all about the kids, but if you look around, many couples split up after starting a family
A husband should be interested in how I’m feeling, how works going He should be able to compliment my outfit, praise my cooking
He doesnt value that?
Not really, he says its nice, but for me thats not enough.
Walk me through it. He comes home, you feed him, say you serve up mash and sausages, and then what?
He rubs his hands together and grins.
But that is a compliment, in its way! I reckon youd feel much worse if he just pushed the plate away and refused to eat

Evelyn fell quiet; I dont think she fully understood what she was actually upset about. But for some reason, she kept holding things against Jack. I mulled over what it really was that left her feeling unsatisfied. To confirm my hunch, I asked Evelyn about her relationship with her mum.

Turns out, her mum was intensely emotional and would often bombard her with questions and comments. But whenever things went pear-shaped, her mum was always there to support her and told her it would all work out in the end.

You know how people say we end up marrying someone just like our parents, or someone who gives us a lot of love? Evelyn never had a dad around, so she didnt really know that not everyone expresses their feelings as openly as her mum.

I told Evelyn that for five years, shed basically been married to her mother, expecting Jack to act just like her. At first, she was a bit thrown by that, but after thinking about it, she agreed.

So how do I divorce my mum? she joked.
Its easy. Every time you feel yourself getting annoyed, just imagine its not Jacks fault; its your ever-caring mum sat beside you. Poor Jack cant compete with that!
Thats spot on!
Yes, exactly! And youll seethose complaints will probably just fade away!For a while, Evelyn really did try itevery twinge of annoyance, every moment when Jack seemed a little too quiet or oblivious, she pictured her mum instead. It became a little joke she kept to herself: whenever she wanted Jack to notice a new dress, she imagined her mums enthusiastic gasp and cheerful Oh, lovely, darling! It lightened the disappointments, softened the sharp edges of daily life. Gradually, Evelyn noticed something unexpected. In the moments she gave Jack a break and stopped comparing, he started to open up in ways she hadnt seen before. Hed leave quirky little notes on the fridge. He started saving silly memes to show her after work. Sometimes he would say nothing at all, just squeeze her hand when he could tell she was tired.

And slowly, Evelyn realised that the warmth shed always chased didnt need to come in the same old wrapping. Jack wasnt her motherhe was something new, something just for her. If she missed her mothers fussing, she could always call; and when she wanted peace or gentle company, Jack was there, unassuming but true.

Spring came around, and one dusky evening, sitting side by side, they watched the sun linger on the horizon. It wasnt perfectdishes piled in the sink, laundry waiting in the basketbut Evelyn felt more at home than ever. She rested her head on Jacks shoulder, and for the first time, she stopped looking for proof she was loved. She just was. And it was enough.