Don’t Bother Unpacking – You’re Moving Out Tonight: Leona Was Sprawled on the Sofa When Irina Walked In, Only for Her Husband to Announce Their Divorce After a Fateful New Year’s Eve Discovery Involving a Dodgy “Bunny” Costume, Some Holiday Deceptions, and the Truth Unraveling Faster Than Tinsel on a Christmas Tree

Dont bother unpacking your suitcase youre moving out

So, whats going on? demanded Emma, her voice leaving no room for argument. Ben was lounged on the sofa, making no move to greet her.

Whats going on? Oh, only this, darling: youre leaving me, so dont bother unpacking. Were getting a divorce, and youre moving out today! he replied, firmly.

Emma blinked. Darling?

Have you seen me? Im not much of a bunny. Im nearly six foot five! Ben had once laughed to Lizzie, after she suggested he dress up as the Easter bunny for a kids party.

Well, that just means youll be a giant bunny! Lizzie shot back, ever the comedian. Youll hop in, flatten everyone, and bounce right out!

Do you actually have a bunny suit to fit me? Ben had continued.

Oh, youre right! Our bunny costumes for a toddler. Honestly, why didnt I think of that? Shed sighed, then brightened. Alright, new plan. You be Father Christmas, and Victor can play bunny hes about half your size!

Will his kit fit me, though? You know, the coat or whatever it is Father Christmas wears?

Just about! Its a tad big on him, so youll be fine.

And what about the script? I havent a clue what Im supposed to say.

Oh, for heavens sake, theres no script! Just make it up as you go along youre the clever clogs who got straight As, arent you? Ill cover for you. She grinned reassuringly.

Lizzie and Ben had been mates since school; she worked at a party planning agency, and their regular team was a man down the chap in the bunny suit had come down with pneumonia just before New Years Eve.

So now, they were a performer short at the absolute worst time the 30th and 31st of December. Cue small crisis.

Seriously, whats the point? you might ask. A bunny at Christmas? Wheres that come from? Its always just Father Christmas and the Snow Maiden! People do like to stick to tradition.

But the new owner at the agency was one of those high energy, outside the box types. He clearly grew up wanting to shake things up and if youre signing the cheques, you get to set the show! Maybe he never got to be the Easter bunny himself as a child and now wanted to live out that odd fantasy. Who knows.

So, enter the bunny. Standard issue: white plush, floppy ears, and for authenticity a giant fabric carrot strapped to his back.

Were shaking things up, declared the new boss. Injecting something fresh! He strutted about the office with all the energy of an over-caffeinated squirrel, making even David Brent look reserved.

So now, party visits consisted of three characters: Father Christmas (Victor), Snow Maiden (Lizzie), and the bunny. And wouldnt you know it, the bunny had got himself ill, and no one else wanted the job. Especially not right before New Years.

I dont care how, just get me a bunny, barked the boss.

It was like that old kids song: Today Im feeling sad, the poor rabbits poorly Ben wasnt exactly in the mood either. His own New Year plans were shaping up to be rather bleak. His wife, Emma, had out of the blue dashed off to her mums the poor woman had taken a turn for the worse and Ben was left on his own.

Emmas mother had been in bad health for months. This unexpected flare-up was just the latest in a long line. And this was Emmas third dash home in two months.

I cant just leave mum on her own, Ben. You understand, Emma had said sweetly, packing her bag.

Why dont I come with you? Ben offered. You shouldnt have to spend New Years alone.

Oh no, darling! You mustnt muck up your holiday too. Let me have that misery all to myself, shed replied.

I thought we were meant to stick together in sickness and in health? hed reminded her.

Ill be fine with your calls just ring me! And you should go out and enjoy yourself, darling.

Truthfully, Ben couldve probably found somewhere to go; but by this stage, everyones plans were set. He found himself stuck in a mood worthy of a Mike Leigh film grey and miserable.

Then Lizzie rang, like a lifeline. Good old Lizzie always there to pull Ben out of a funk. Theyd stayed friends after school, even if Emma didnt really approve (Men and women cant just be friends, she used to sniff). She even tried to ban Lizzie from their wedding though Ben had wisely chosen not to push it. Smart Lizzie was never offended.

So when Lizzie called, asking if he wanted to fill in for the party agency and yes, thered be a bit of cash for his trouble Ben said yes, not for the money, but for something to do.

And would you believe Father Christmass coat fit! The fake white beard, hat, even the big boots suited him. All set and ready to spread a bit of cheer.

It was pretty straightforward, actually the children recited poems, the bunny bounced around the tree, and everyone danced. Job done; everyone happy.

Just one booking left: 10 p.m. on New Years Eve, then theyd all be free to start their own celebrations. Lizzie had kindly invited Ben over afterwards she was having a quiet one with her husband and her mum, whod taught at their school. Lizzie didnt have children yet, at 25.

They headed off to the last party in great spirits. Victor had even snuck in a drink, which he couldnt usually do as he was driving.

At a quarter to ten, Ben called Emma:

Howre you doing, love?

Oh, you know, hanging in there, she replied.

Happy New Year! Pass the phone to your mum, will you?

Shes just dozed off, I dont want to wake her. Im watching telly with my headphones and thinking of you.

I love you Ill call at midnight!

Love you too, bunny! Emma cooed.

Ben barely had time to process the cheer when the door opened at the last address and, honestly, he almost dropped the presents. There stood Emma, the very woman whod left for Yorkshire two days before hed called the taxi himself! and with whom hed just spoken on the phone

Hed even offered to drive her, but shed refused. No need, Ill be fine you relax, shed said.

She was wearing her going-out dress and heels.

When did she even pack that? Ben thought, bemused. I watched her put her things in the case. Shes a regular Houdini!

Or was this someone else? A twin? No, definitely Emma there was the little mole above her left eyebrow.

Maybe this was just a hallucination. He wouldnt be surprised with everything going on, the news full of doom. But it wasnt just him: everyone could see her.

Bunny! his hallucination called.

Bunny? Thats what Emma had just said to him on the phone.

Ben stared, speechless. It was like he was watching a scene happen to someone else.

Coming, darling! answered a new voice, and out waddled an overweight, balding bloke.

Wheres the child? Is this for little William? asked Lizzie-as-Snow-Maiden.

Im Will! laughed the man, slapping his paunch. Just fancied a party for myself!

Ben gazed in horror all this time, Emma had been lying to him? Hed been completely duped.

For a moment, he wanted to confront her then and there but he was too embarrassed in front of Lizzie to make a scene.

So, with a slightly affected voice (just in case Emma recognised him), he barked, Right then, Will, lets have a Christmas poem from you!

Will rambled through some half-remembered nursery rhyme. Emma didnt twig: she was giggling drunkenly, arm-in-arm with her bunny.

How on earth, Ben wondered, had Emma who claimed to be a perfectionist ended up with this clown?

She was clinging to her new bloke and laughing, unsteady.

Suddenly, Ben realised where those lavish gifts supposedly from her poor mum were really coming from

Right! Time for a dance! Will declared, bored of his own performance, and they started prancing around the living room.

Put our song on! slurred Emma, and the bunny obliged. The three of them, quite merry by now, danced around like children. Ben, finally gathering his wits, filmed it all quietly: Emmas cover story unravelled quickly as an April snow.

Soon after, the host grew weary and shuffled them all out, muttering, Thats enough, I want my bed! Show them out, love!

Emma duly saw them off.

Shes such a beauty what does she see in that toad? Lizzie commented as they drove away. Hes definitely not her husband.

I am her husband! Ben wanted to shout, but bit his tongue.

He couldnt face a party after that; he told Lizzie he must be coming down with something, then headed home to lick his wounds. Midnight came and went; he didnt ring Emma. Nor did he later she could spend New Year with her bunny.

Ben spent New Years Eve alone, but it gave him time to think.

He did love Emma. Maybe a little less, now. But he wasnt about to forgive her not after this. Divorce it would be. Flat was in his name, after all.

Back at Emmas end, she quickly twigged something was up; Ben, usually glued to his phone, had gone radio silent for days.

Sensing trouble, she came back two days earlier than shed told him she would, getting a taxi home. Shed texted her arrival time and all, but Ben didnt even offer to fetch her.

Whats happened? Emma demanded, military-style, as she came in and found Ben still on the sofa.

Whats happened is this, darling: youre leaving me. Dont bother unpacking were divorcing and youre moving out today, Ben replied, coldly.

Emma was stunned. Darling? But only Will ever called her that

And where, exactly, am I going? she shot back.

I dont know to your bunny, or up to Yorkshire to your mum. By the way, is she feeling any better? Ben asked, evenly.

Youve got it all wrong, she stammered. He knows! But how? Where did she slip up? Shed told her mum not to answer the phone before the 4th. And Will wouldnt have told him.

Maybe someone saw but who?

So, how about you tell me your version? Ben said, more curious than angry now. Was that bald fella your mums doctor, or perhaps some sort of new-age healer? Or a carer, hired by me, as usual? Hes there to change her sheets and keep an eye on her, I suppose? Or, heaven forbid, Ben continued, maybe a funeral director you decided to sort out in advance, being such a loving daughter?

He paused, then went for the jugular. Or and here his voice steeled completely since you didnt mind dancing with both bunnies, maybe you can explain who he is, darling?

He showed her the video

Emma was speechless. What could she say? Yes shed taken a lover. Why? Boredom, excitement, and, well, Will had money and treated her to nice gifts. Actually work for a living? Ha, shed scoff. I wasnt born for that.

But, oh, what a disaster. She did care for Ben, in her own way. Maybe she just depended on him. Shed been careful to hide it, never wanting to bite the hand that fed her. But that only made the betrayal worse.

If shed admitted shed fallen for someone else, left Ben for her bald bunny, that wouldve been easier to understand, perhaps even forgive. Or even if it was a one-night mistake Sorry, love, it just happened! maybe Ben would have forgiven her; he was generous to a fault.

But it was all those lies so thick and careful, all this time, woven tight as a spiders web. It felt criminal.

She cried, begged, promised everything, appealed to Bens heart. But his mind was set.

And so, divorce it was, Ben feeling fully justified. His only regret was not calling her out on the spot that New Years Eve wouldve made for some real drama. Sometimes, he thought, it doesnt pay to be so polite and well-mannered. Still it all ended as it ought to, right?