З життя
Changed His Mind About Getting Married Late Nights, Duck Soup, and Dodgy In-Laws: Archibald’s Hilariously Calamitous Engagement Journey—from the Lab Bench to a Village Showdown with his Fiancée’s Outrageous Mum and Ducky Domestic Dramas
Changed His Mind About Marriage
Archibald was often the last to leave the laboratory, pouring solutions from one test tube to another and examining mysterious powders well into the night.
He held fast to the hope that, with enough determination, his efforts would soon yield results. Then, at last, he could present his discovery, extracted from the roots of a rare plant, to the masses.
The fervour with which Archibald, who had just turned forty, threw himself into research meant he simply didnt notice the lingering, hopeful glances from young Sophie, the new cleaning lady at the institute.
Driven by the dream of scientific success, Archibald barely acknowledged that Sophie had begun to hover in his office, absentmindedly holding her mop and gazing at him unwaveringlyso much so she’d forget her own work.
At last, one evening, gathering all her courage, Sophie spoke up:
“Mr. Goodwin, she said, youve been sitting there in the same spot since this morning. Would you like a nice cup of tea? Ive brought my portable kettle. And Ive got some homemade sausage rolls too.”
At the mention of sausage rolls, Archibald glanced up from his beakers and rose from his seat.
Teas always welcome, he said. With sausage rolls, you say? Well, you wont hear me say no to that.
Thrilled, Sophie fumbled in her rucksack and eventually unearthed her kettle and a Tupperware box of homemade food.
Mum sent me off with homemade mince yesterday. I stuffed and baked these sausage rolls last night,” she explained, proudly setting the container on the table.
Lets see then, Archibald muttered, pulling out his specs to peer into the transparent tub as the kettle boiled.
Just to checkhow long has this box of food been in your bag? he asked politely.
Sophie hesitated and shrugged. Oh, since this morning, I expect. Why?
And the lid, was it as tightly sealed as it is now?
Yes why? Is it spoiled already? Surely not, the staff locker rooms freezingno heating on yet.
Archibald weighed his doubt. Alright, lets just have the tea. Maybe best if you take this home for supper.
Sophie, whod spent her whole evening preparing the sausage rolls, bristled and snatched away the tub.
Archibald could see by her furrowed brow that she wasnt joking.
No, dont open! he cried, waving his arms and backing away, handkerchief at his nose.
But Sophie popped the lid, sniffed, and announced, It smells fine. You city folk always imagine the worst. You dont want any? Suits me, more for me.
She set the food loudly on the table and began pouring the tea.
Archibald took a tentative seat. The hot tea warmed him as he watched Sophie tuck into the sausage rolls.
Is that beef? he asked.
She nodded, mouth full.
Looks good. And, well, it smells delicious.
Archibalds mouth watered despite himself. After all, science offered little comfort to an empty stomach.
He sighed and murmured, You know, guidelines say staff rooms shouldnt be warmer than twenty-two degrees, so theoretically, no nasty microorganisms
What? Sophie interrupted, eyebrow raised.
He noticed a glistening spot of fat on her chin, another on her nose.
Smells hearty, he mused. Probably worried over nothing.
But the sensible side of him argued back: Now, Archibald, you know its unwise to eat food with unknown storage. And she doesnt seem the sort to worry about kitchen safety. Still, the aromagoodness, its tempting.
So, torn between science and appetite, he sipped his tea while his stomach quietly growled.
But then, as if taken over by some other force, his hand reached for the rolls. One bite, and the pastry gave beneath his teeth.
Mmm, thats marvellous. Who made these?
I told you, I did, Sophie stammered, a happy blush in her cheek.
Archibald kept eating, eyes closed in culinary bliss.
Im speechless.
Ecstatic, Sophie wiped her mouth on her apron, then dabbed her eyes.
See? Not spoiled at all! Ive been baking since I was little. I know what Im doing.
***
To thank her for the meal, Archibald insisted on walking Sophie to the bus stop.
They chatted. To his surprise, Sophie was barely twenty-three. So youngpractically a daughter to him. The bus was late; they waited together in the chilly night air.
Ill bring you biscuits tomorrow, she said shyly. Homemade, not from a shop. Do you prefer carrot or cottage cheese ones?
I like both.
Ill bring two kinds, then.
Incredibly, Archibald found himself counting the hours until tomorrow, his formulas and calculations momentarily forgotten. That night, he dreamedmost embarrassinglyof Sophie unbuttoning her blouse, exposing her milky shoulder.
He awoke with burning cheeks. Forty years and Ive never so much as looked at a woman, and now, of all times
Part II
Before meeting Sophies family, Archibald was anxious. As the taxi bumped over country lanes, he nervously smoothed his thinning hair, hoping to hide his growing bald patch.
The night before, Sophie had rested his head in her lap and patiently plucked his grey hairs with tweezers.
He had shaved meticulously, donned his smartest suit, tied his tie, dabbed on cologne.
Sophie pressed her cheek to his, purring like a contented cat.
Youll be fine, she comforted him. Mums understanding, and my stepdad agrees with everyone.
How olds your mother? Archibald asked.
Forty-five.
Well, Im forty Do you think shell approve?
Shell come around. If she makes a fuss, Ill just say Im expecting your child.
Lets not start our life together off on the wrong foot, Archibald spluttered.
They arrived at last. Archibald clung to his cap as the wind tried to rip it away.
It was winter, and the snowdrifts were taller than anything hed ever seen outside London.
As Archibald looked around in disbelief, Sophie paid the driver, grabbed their bags, and strode into the yard.
Hed only ever seen such houses in paintings: a sagging roof of mossy slate, soot-blackened brick chimney with a battered iron pan for a cowl.
The heavy, draught-blocked door groaned. Inside, the rickety boards were patched with old rugs and rough whitewash covered the warped cottage walls.
Lord above, thought Archibald, how can anyone live in such a tumble-down shack?
He convinced himself Sophie must be joking or perhaps this was some sort of guesthouse or fishing hut. Surely no one actually lived here.
But when Sophie whispered for him to take off his shoes and steered him into a tiny sitting room, he realised it was all quite real.
A woman in a thick flannel dressing gown stood waiting.
Mum, this is Archibaldmy fiancé! Sophie beamed. Ive told you about him on the phone.
A chilly silence filled the room.
Hello, the woman muttered, scanning Archibald from top to toe. Something in her tone didnt bode well.
You must be joking. How old are you? she demanded.
Archibald swallowed. Archibald Goodwin. Your daughter and I both work at the same laboratory
I said, how old are you? she pressed, voice rising.
Forty.
And my Sophie is twenty-three! Youre twice her age!
Look, yes, Im older, but I love your daughter. I have a good job, a flat in the city, and a house in the country
You havent even got a car!
No, my eyesights not great, but buying a carwell, if thats important, I could teach Sophie to drive
Oh, I see, hoping to turn my poor Sophie into a domestic slave! Do you take me for a fool? We abolished servitude ages ago! her mother snapped.
Archibald protested, Thats unfair! Listen, I want to marry Sophie properly. Well have a church wedding, raise a familyI promise to treat her well!
Sophies stepfather entered, beaming warmth and charm despite the tension.
Lovely to meet you! he greeted Archibald, exuding effortless friendliness.
He looked scarcely thirty: slim, attractive, with a fresh, boyish face, curly dark hair, and bright eyes. Archibald couldnt help but notice how much younger he seemed.
Andrew, spare me! I will not give my daughter to some old scoundrel! snapped Sophies mother.
Mum! Sophie gasped, How can you say that? Im leaving with him!
Not if I can help it!
A shouting match ensued, which Archibald desperately wanted to avoid.
He gently untangled his fingers from Sophies and moved quietly towards the door.
Sophie, forgive me. We cant go against your mothers wishes, he said.
So she can boss me around, kick me out for being in her way while she cosies up to her toy-boy? Sophie burst out.
Mind yourself! Andrew barked.
Keep out of it! Sophies mother snapped even louder.
Chaos descended.
Archibald shrunk, edging for the exit. A stool nearly grazed his head on the way out.
Dear Lord, deliver me! he muttered as he bolted from the unfriendly home, dashing through the frost-bitten night in search of a taxi, a train, any means of escape.
The stress weighed on his chest, surely driving up his blood pressure.
Why did I ever agree to this madhouse? he groaned. I could be in my warm lab right now!
He fumbled for his phone, only to discoverno signal, of course.
Worn out, he circled back, recognising the strange old cottage by its blackened pot.
He was startled to find peace had settled. The door creaked; Sophie stepped outside with her bags.
“Archie, are you here? I was so afraid you’d gone for good.”
“Just needed some air,” he fibbed, stamping his frozen feet.
If Mum wont bless our marriage, then Im leaving her, announced Sophie.
Archibald stood in silence. His city brogues were useless for trudging through snow; his feet went numb.
Suddenly, the whole adventure lost its charm. Was Sophie really the right person for him after all?
Sophies mother emerged, wrapped in a sheepskin coat and wellies, towering proud.
Since you dont honour me, girl, go on then! Hes your problem now.
Sophie replied, Better him than living with you. Archies a good man. Please, just order us a taxi.
No chance, her mother retorted. Hes yours to look after, Im through.
Sophie nudged Archibald. Darling, do something.
I canttheres no signal. Try asking the neighbours to ring a taxi, he suggested, his energy all but gone.
Then, the cold and fear finally overwhelmed him; he collapsed.
“Archie! Whats happening?” Sophie screamed so loudly the village must have heard.
“Its just my head shouldnt have come here to die. I want to go home,” he whispered.
A local nurse soon arrived and injected him with something, bringing him back to his senses.
There, lie down and rest, she commanded. Blood pressure through the roof. You mustn’t get upset.
“Never was, until today,” he groaned.
Sophies mothers face flickered through his thoughts: And sickly too! she sneered.
Sophie fussed, bringing him hot tea.
The nurse gathered up her bag. Can you take me with you? Archibald asked.
Where to? Im not with the ambulanceI live in this village.
Sophie gazed into his eyes. Please dont run off. Mums agreed to forgive us. Its over.
But Archibald, his hope and love both frozen now, was already plotting his escape.
Thats your decision, not mine, he thought. If I get out of here alive, Ill steer well clear of marriage. Or women, for that matter.
***
Archibald finished his shift, wiping his hands.
Im done. You can clock off too, he told his assistant. Im closing up.
The lab assistant, a timid woman of thirty-two, blushed, adjusting her thick glasses.
Ive brought cake. Care for a slice over tea? she offered.
No! he said abruptly. This is work, not a tea room!
But our shift ended half an hour ago, she protested gently.
I said go home! Archibald snapped.
The smile vanished from her face as she collected her things, whispering under her breath, What a nutter, as she left.
Archibald locked the door with relief and hurried home.
He arrived promptly at eight oclock.
Sophie opened the door upon hearing the key click.
Evening, Mr Goodwin.
Whats for supper? he asked, not meeting her eye.
Duck soup and potato dumplings.
Lovely. Im famished. Keep a note of what the groceries cost, Ill add it to your pay at the end of the month.
He took off his shoes, washed up, and went to the kitchen.
Sophie hovered beside him. Are you still upset about Mum? Shes explainedshe just panicked, thinking a respected scientist like you wouldnt marry me. She was just trying to make me seem worth more. Sophie tried a weak laugh. Silly woman, honestly. But I still love you.
Archibald stirred his soup, agitated, unable to enjoy his meal.
Was it the family row that put you off? Happens all the time, we fall out and make upits never dull! We might have gone too far, but thats all.
Archibald stood, guided Sophie firmly to the door, handed her her bag.
Its late. Go on home. No need to come tomorrowIll manage on leftover dumplings. Come back the day after.
He closed the door on her tear-stained face and returned to dinner.
Sometimes, the pursuit of love can turn into a trial by fire, but as Archibald learned, its crucial to know your own heart and not lose yourself in the passions or expectations of others. Sometimes, retreat is wisdomchoosing ones own peace can be the bravest choice of all.
