We’re Moving Into Your Flat — “Oli’s got a lovely flat in the city centre. Newly renovated—you could move in and be happy straight away!” — “It’s perfect for a single girl,” Rustam smiled condescendingly at Inna, as if speaking to a child. “But we’re planning on having two—maybe even three—children. One after the other, if possible. The city centre’s too noisy, the air’s not great, and there’s no parking. Plus, it’s only two rooms. Here, you’ve got three—and it’s quiet, with a nursery right in the courtyard.” — “It is a nice area,” Sergei agreed, still unsure where his future son-in-law was headed with this. — “Exactly!” Rustam snapped his fingers. “So I keep telling Olga, why squeeze into that place when you’ve got the ideal solution right here? There’s only three of you—mother and daughter. It’s too much space! You don’t even use one of the rooms, just a storage dump. For us, it’s perfect.” Inna was trying (and failing) to shove the carpet cleaner into the narrow hallway cupboard. The hoover was resisting, its hose getting tangled on coathangers, as if protesting its allotted spot. “Sergei, a hand, please!” she called. “Either the cupboard’s shrunk, or I’ve forgotten how to pack things.” He poked his head out of the bathroom, having just finished fixing the tap. Sergei was calm—always a little slow—a total foil to his bustling wife. “Hold on, Innushka, let me take it.” He quickly turned the heavy vacuum about and slid it neatly into the corner. Inna exhaled, resting against the doorframe. “Tell me, why do we never have enough space? It’s a big flat—three bedrooms! But every time we clean… it feels like we should just put half our things on the pavement.” “That’s your hoarding instincts,” Sergei laughed. “Why do we even need three dinner sets? We only use one, twice a year.” “Let them be—it’s memory. It was Grandma’s flat, after all.” After their wedding, Sergei’s parents split the inheritance: the spacious three-bed in a calm neighbourhood for their son—the grandmother’s old place—and a two-bed right in the heart of town for his sister Olga. The money worked out about the same. For five years, everyone lived in harmony. No envy, no problems. Inna had naively thought it would always be so, but… *** The cleaning done and the chaos tamed, they sat down at last. No sooner had they turned on the telly than the doorbell rang. Sergei went to answer. “Sis and her fiancé,” he told his wife, peeking through the spyhole. First to breeze in was Olga. Rustam stomped in afterwards, heavy-footed. Inna had only met him twice: Olga had found him at a gym about six months ago. He’d got on her nerves instantly—pompous, aloof, looking down his nose at both her and Sergei. “Hiya!” Olga kissed her brother on the cheek, hugged Inna. “We were just passing, thought we’d drop in. We’ve got news!” “Come in, quick then. News is always good,” Sergei motioned them to the kitchen. “Tea?” “Water, please,” Rustam trailed after the host. “We’ve got something serious to discuss, Serge.” Truth was, they weren’t just “passing by”. There was an agenda. No fuss, no tea. Just sit. An uneasy feeling crept over Inna—she already disliked his tone. What now? “Well, spit it out, then,” Sergei shrugged. Olga pretended not to be in the room, engrossed in her phone, giving Rustam full say. Rustam cleared his throat. “Anyway. We’ve put in our notice. Wedding’s in three months. Obviously, I’m making big plans—family, a happy, long life together. And, well, we got round to talking about where we’d live… We’ll move in here, and you’ll move into Olga’s place!” Inna was flabbergasted. She looked to her husband, then to her sister-in-law, who kept scrolling her feed as if the whole chat wasn’t about her. “Rustam, I’m not sure I’m following,” Sergei frowned. “What, exactly, are you suggesting?” “I’m not suggesting, I’m being practical. Let’s do a straight swap! We’ll take your place, you take Olga’s. Olga is fully on board, and frankly, it just seems fair.” Inna was flabbergasted again. “Fair?” she echoed. “Are you serious, Rustam? You walk into our home and tell us to move out, just because you’ve decided to start a family?” “There’s no need for drama, Inna,” Rustam winced. “I’m just being sensible. You have one child—and as far as I know, you don’t plan for more. Why do you need all this space? It’s inefficient. We’ve got a future ahead.” “The cheek! Sergei—do you hear this nonsense?” Inna jumped from her seat. Sergei raised his hand for calm. “Rustam, you do remember that my parents entrusted this flat to me, and Olga got the other one? We spent five years renovating here, chose everything ourselves. Our daughter has her own room, her school, her friends. And you want us to up sticks and go to the city, because it suits you?” “Come off it, Sergei,” Rustam leaned right back. “We’re family. Olga’s your own blood. Don’t you care about her future? Besides, I’m offering you something of equal value—if anything, you’d be upgrading. Prime location, better price—I checked.” “So let me get this straight,” Sergei smirked, “You’re not married to my sister yet, but you’re already after my flat!” Olga finally looked up from her phone. “Oh, stop, will you? Rustam just wants the best for us,” she whined. “We’ll be squeezed in my flat, especially with kids. But here—you could play football in the corridor. Mum always said family comes first! Forgot that, Sergei?” “Mum said help each other, Olya. Not turf each other out,” Inna said sharply. “Do you even realise what Rustam is suggesting?” “What’s so outrageous?” Olga fluttered her lashes. “He’s got a point. We need it more. You’re not even using the spare room.” “It’s not spare!” Inna nearly shouted. “It’s my study! I work in there, remember?” “Work?” Rustam snorted. “You just post pictures on the internet. Olga says it’s just a hobby—you can do that at the kitchen table.” Sergei stood up quietly. “That’s enough,” he said softly. “Time to go. Both of you. Out.” “Sergei, come on,” Rustam didn’t budge. “We’re just talking. Like family.” “This is family? Walking in asking for my home, insulting my wife, deciding where my daughter lives? You’ve no shame.” “Oh please, Sergei,” Inna chimed in. “He’s all calculation. Hasn’t even given you a ring yet and is already dividing the spoils. Olga, do you realise who you’ve brought into our lives? He’ll chuck you out of your flat next!” “Don’t talk about him like that!” Olga shouted back. “He cares about me—about us!” “Greedy, that’s what your fiancé is,” Sergei pointed to the door. “For the hard of hearing: Out. And forget your ‘swap’. Try again and you’ll never see us.” Rustam stood, straightening his collar with no embarrassment, only irritation. “Your loss, Sergei. I thought we could come to an understanding. Have it your way. Olga, let’s go.” Once the door closed, Inna collapsed onto the sofa, shaking. “Did you see that? Where do people get that kind of nerve?” Sergei was silent, watching out the window as Rustam barked at Olga over the car. “You know what’s worst?” he finally said. “Olga actually believes he’s right. She’s always been a little dreamy, but this…?” “He’s brainwashed her!” Inna leaped up. “We need to talk to your parents. They should know what sort of man he is!” “Wait,” Sergei pulled out his phone. “I’ll call my sister—just her. No peacock listening in.” He dialed. Long rings. Finally, Olga picked up, obviously in tears. “Hello?” she mumbled. “Olya, listen carefully—are you in the car with him?” “What’s the difference?” “If he’s there, put me on speaker—I want him to hear. Or are you alone?” “I’m outside; he dropped me off and drove off. Said my family are all selfish.” “He just wants everything his way, Olya. He didn’t even ask you—did he? Before he announced this ‘swap’?” Silence. “No,” she said at last. “He said he had a surprise—a plan to make everyone happy.” “Some surprise! Deciding our lives for us without asking. Olya, do you even know him? He’s a user—not a husband. Today it’s the flat, tomorrow your car’s too small, the day after your parents’ holiday cottage will be for his ‘fresh air’.” “Don’t say that—he loves me,” she whimpered. “If that were true, he wouldn’t have caused this scene. He’s trying to turn us against each other!” “I’ll talk to him,” she said, uncertain. “Do. And think before you go through with the wedding.” He hung up and tossed his mobile onto the sofa. “What did she say?” Inna asked quietly. “She didn’t know. The ‘swap’ was his big ‘surprise’.” Inna gave a bitter little laugh. “Typical. Acting like he runs everyone’s lives—sorting people and property like pieces on a chessboard. Makes me sick.” “It’s alright,” Sergei put his arm around her. “We’re not giving up the flat. But I do feel sorry for my sister. She’s going to get herself in deep.” *** Sergei and Inna’s worst fears didn’t come true—the wedding never happened. Rustam dumped Olga that very evening. Tear-stained, Olga came to her brother’s late that night and explained what’d happened. Rustam had packed his bags without a word. When she asked why, he’d told her he wouldn’t be related to such stingy people. “You’re not reliable—won’t even babysit for us, or lend us money.” “You don’t need him,” said Inna. “A man like that would never care for a family—just himself. Good riddance!” Olga suffered for a few months, but eventually came through. It dawned on her later—how on earth she hadn’t spotted her fiancé’s true colours, she’d never know. If they’d married, she’d have been miserable her entire life. Fate intervened—thank God for that. We’re Moving Into Your Flat: When Family and Ambition Collide in the Great British Home-Swap Saga

Were Moving Into Your Flat

Mollys got a lovely flat in the city centre. Its freshly refurbishedyou couldnt ask for better!
Its perfect if youre a single woman, Thomas replied with a patronising smile to Emily, like she was a child who didnt quite understand the ways of the world. But were planning for twomaybe even three kids. One after the other, no time wasted.
Its always so noisy in the centre, hard to breathe, no space for a car. More to the pointthere are only two bedrooms. You lot have three here. Plus, its so peaceful, and theres a nursery just round the back.
The area really is nice, agreed Simon, still not quite catching on to what his future son-in-law was getting at. Thats why we settled here in the first place.
Precisely! Thomas snapped his fingers. I keep telling Molly: why would we squeeze ourselves into a shoebox when theres a ready-made solution?
The three of youwell, honestly, you and Sophiethis place is far too big. What do you need all this space for? You dont even use the third bedroom; youve just turned it into some sort of storage. For us, itd be perfect.
Emily was struggling to fit the upright hoover into the narrow cupboard in the hallway.

The hoover, with its tangled hose, refused to comply, clinging stubbornly to the coat hooks and simply refusing to find its proper place.

Simon, could you give us a hand, please? she called through to the living room. Either the cupboards shrunk, or Ive forgotten how to pack things away.

Simon poked his head out of the bathroomhed only just finished wrestling with the dripping tap.

Always calm and a bit slow-moving, he was everything his wife was not.

Dont worry, Em. Pass it here.

In one deft movement, he slid the weighty machine into the corner of the cupboard.

Emily sighed and leaned against the door frame.

Tell mewhy is there never enough space? This flats meant to be roomy, three bedrooms and all, but when it comes to cleaning, it feels like the only solution is to tip everything out onto the street.

Thats because youre a hoarder, love, Simon grinned. Why do we need three dinner sets? We only ever use one, twice a year at best.
Let them be, harmless enough. Its all memoriesGrans flat, after all.

After they married, Simons parents had split the inheritance fairly: their son got this generous three-bedroom flat on a quiet streetGrans old place; his sister Molly received a two-bedroom in the very heart of town, the Golden Triangle.

In pounds, it all came out about the same. For five years, everyone lived in harmonyno one jealous of the other.

Emily foolishly thought it would last forever, but then

***
Once the cleaning was finally done and the mess more or less tamed, they slumped down for a rest. The television had only just flickered on when the doorbell rang.

Simon went to answer it.

My sister and her fiancé, he said to his wife, glancing through the spyhole and rolling his eyes.

Molly breezed into the flat first, high-heeled and cheerful. Thomas followed, all dramatic footsteps and serious face.

Emily had only met Thomas a couple of timesMolly found him six months ago in some gym or another.

Emily had taken against him from the starttoo self-important, eyes always half-lidded as if he was the only one who saw things clearly.

Hiya! Molly kissed her brother on the cheek and gave Emily a squeeze. Just passing by, thought wed pop in. Got some news!
Well, come in if youre just passing. News is always good, Simon ushered them toward the kitchen. Fancy a cuppa?
Water will do, Thomas tromped in after Simon. Actually, were here for a serious chat, mate.

Truth be told, they werent just passing at all. They had business with him. And no, there was no need to fuss with tea. They should all just sit down.

An icy feeling crept into Emilys stomachshe immediately disliked Thomass manner. What next?

Alright, then, Simon shrugged. Lets hear it.

Molly absorbed herself in her mobile, apparently intent on pretending the whole scene didnt involve her.

Thomas cleared his throat.

Heres the thing. Molly and I have filed our notice. Weddings in three months. Of course, Ive got plans for our future together.

Family life, happinessthe rest of it. In turn, weve been chatting about our housing arrangements… Were moving in here, and youre moving to Mollys flat.

Emily was dumbfounded. She stared first at her husband, then at Molly, who kept scrolling her feed, as if she were untouched by the conversation.

Hold on, Thomas, Im not following you, Simons brow creased. What exactly are you suggesting?

No suggestion about itIm offering a fair, tidy solution. Lets swap!

Well take your place; you take Mollys.

Mollys totally on boardbetween us, we both feel its only right.

Emily was struck dumb a second time.

Only right? she echoed. Thomas, are you being serious? Youve come into our home to tell us we should leave simply because you want to start a family?

No need to be prickly, Emily, Thomas wrinkled his nose. Im just being practical. Youve one child, and no plans for another as I understand it.

So why should you rattle about in all this extra space? Doesnt make sense. We need it for our future.

Future, is it? Emily jumped up. Simon, are you hearing this nonsense?

Simon raised his hand to calm her.

Thomas, perhaps youve forgotten that this was my parents flatand they left it to me, just as they saw fit to leave Molly her place.

Weve spent five years making this oursevery floorboard, every corner. Sophies settled here: her own room, her friends nearby.

And youd have us up sticks, just for your sake?

Come off it, Simon, Thomas leaned back, perfectly relaxed. Were family. Mollys your blood. Doesnt your sisters future matter to you?

And what Im offering is perfectly fair. Youd be getting a city addresspractically a step up financially, if you ask me.

Isnt that something? Simon let out a half-laugh. Youre not even married to my sister yet, and already youve set your sights on my flat!

Molly finally looked up from her phone.

Oh, come on, stop it! she whined. Thomas only wants whats best.

It really will be cramped in my flat once the babies come. Youve got a hallway you could host a football match in.

Mum always said, family comes first. You seem to have forgotten that, Simon.

Mum spoke about helping each other, Molly, not forcing someone out of their own home! Emily snapped. Can you even hear yourself? Do you know what Thomas is saying right now?

Whats wrong with that? Molly batted her eyes in surprise. Hes got a point. We need more. Youve got a spare room going unused.

Its not spare! Emilys voice nearly broke. Its my studyI work there! Or did you forget?

Work, Thomas scoffed. Putting little pictures on the Internet? Molly says thats just a hobby. You can work at the kitchen table, you knownot exactly the lady of the manor.

Simon stood very slowly.

Right, he said quietly. Thats enough. Time for both of you to leave.

Now, Simon, dont overreact, Thomas didnt budge. We came in good faithas a family.

You call this good faith? Simon moved toward the table. You walk in, demand my flat, insult my wife, and decide where my daughter should live, all in one breath?

Have you got any sense of decency?

Oh, dont talk to me about decency, Emily chimed in, standing by her husband. This is nothing but cold calculation. He hasnt even got a ring on Mollys finger but hes already divvying out property.

Molly, do you have any idea what kind of man youre letting into your life? Hell kick you out of your own home the moment it suits him!

Dont you talk about him like that! Molly shot up, face flushed. He cares about meabout our future!

And you twoyoure just greedy. Clinging to your big flat like a pair of old owls.

Some brother you are!

The greedy one here is your would-be husband, Simon pointed to the door. Let me say this for the slow learners: Out. The both of you.

And forget this swap for good. If I hear about it again, we wont be talking at all.

Thomas straightened his collar, unfazed except for a flash of irritation.

Youre making a mistake, Simon. I thought we could settle this. But if youre going to be stubborn

Molly, lets go.

When the door clicked shut behind them, Emily collapsed onto the sofa, trembling.

Did you see that? Did you see it? she gaped at her husband. Where do people get such sheer nerve? Honestly, who does he think he is?

Simon said nothing at first. He stood by the window, watching Thomas stride across the car park, berating Molly as he pulled his car door open.

Do you know whats worst of all? he finally managed, quietly. Molly actually believes hes in the right.

Shes always been a bit dreamy. But this? This is too much.

Hes had her round his little finger from day one! Emily leaped to her feet. Simon, we ought to call your mum. And your dad. They need to know what schemes their future son-in-law is brewing.

Wait, Simon thumbed his phone. Ill ring Molly first, just me and her. No peacock listening in.

He dialed her number. The ringing dragged on and on, then finally, Molly picked upEmily could hear her tears.

Hello! she muttered.

Molly, listen to me, Simons voice was steely. Are you with him now?

Why does it matter?

If hes there, put me on speaker. I want him to hear me as well.

He dropped me off by the flats she sniffled. Said he needed to cool off, because my familys selfish.

Simon, why are you like this? He just wanted everything to be perfect for us

Molly, wake up! Simon nearly shouted into the receiver. What perfect? He came in here to try and con me out of my flat!

Do you even understand? Thats your placeyour inheritance! And hes already treating it as if its his.

Did he even say anything about this swap to you before we sat down in the kitchen?

Silence crackled down the line.

No, Molly answered at last, her voice small. He said he had a surprise for us all. That hed thought of a way for everyone to be happy.

Some surprise! Deciding our lives for us as if he owned everything.

Molly, do you know who youre about to marry? Hes an opportunist, start to finish.

Today its the flat, tomorrow hell say your car is too small, and the next day hell want Mum and Dads country cottage because he needs fresh air.

Dont talk about him like that Mollys voice wobbled. He loves me.

If he really did, he wouldnt treat us this way. Hes pitting family against each othercant you see it?

Emilys still shaking. He was out to set us all at odds with each other.

Ill talk to him, Molly faltered.

Please do. And think hard before you walk up the aisle.

Simon hung up and tossed his phone onto the sofa.

What did she say? Emily whispered.

She didnt know. Apparently, Thomas was lining up a surprise.

Emily let out a bitter laugh.

I can picture it: strutting in, telling people where theyll live, sorting feet and square feet like chess pieces. How revolting.

Never mind, Simon pulled his wife into his arms. We arent giving up this flat. No question.

But I do feel sorry for Molly. Shell have a rough time with him.

***
But the worst didnt happenthere never was a wedding.

Thomas left Molly that very night. Tear-streaked, she arrived at her brothers door, telling them everything.

Thomas came round and started packing his things without a word. Molly was frantic, peppering him with questions. Finally, Thomas announced that he had no intention of joining a family so selfish.

He said he doesnt need such relations, Molly wept. That we cant be relied upon.

He said we wouldnt look after the kids at weekends when they needed a break, and if they needed money, we wouldnt help.

Oh, darling, dont cry over him! Emily said fiercely. Youre better off. He was never going to look out for youjust for himself. Forget it, and move on!

Molly was low for a few months, but eventually started to recover.

The realisation came much later: how had she failed to spot his true colours sooner?

If shed gone through with the wedding, she wouldve been miserable her whole life. Fate, no doubt, had stepped in at the last.