З життя
My Son Skipped My 70th Birthday Claiming He Was Busy at Work—That Evening I Saw Him on Social Media Celebrating His Mother-in-Law’s Birthday at a Restaurant
The phone rang at precisely midday, slicing through the strained anticipation in my kitchen.
I grabbed the receiver, running a hand over a crease in the linen tablecloth, as if smoothing myself out.
Ben? Son?
Hi, Mum. Happy birthday.
Bens voice was tired, muffled, full of static. He sounded as though he was phoning from a cellar somewhere.
Mum, please dont be upset. I wont be able to make it. Works just too much at the moment.
I went silent. My eyes rested on the bowl of prawn cocktail salad I’d spent the morning fussing over.
What do you mean, you cant come? Ben, its my seventieth. A milestone.
I know, Mum. But somethings come up. Project deadlines this week, everythings on me. You know how it is in this line of business. My partners are putting loads of pressure on me. I cant let them down now.
But you promised
Its work, Mum, not that I want to be doing it tonight. I just cant drop it all and walk out. Honestly, I physically cant get away.
A pause, the static crackling in my ear.
Ill come by later in the week, us two. I promise. Alright? Love you.
Click. The cold, short dial tone.
I slowly placed the receiver down.
Seventy years.
Tight deadlines.
The rest of the day passed in a haze. My neighbour Helen popped round, bringing a dark Green & Blacks chocolate bar. We sat together, had a small glass of brandy to cheer up. I tried to smile, nodded along, chatted about the latest drama series. But my celebration shrank to the size of my kitchen and fizzled out before it ever began.
Later that night, having changed into my old flannel dressing gown, I picked up my tablet. I scrolled aimlessly through my Facebook feed: someones cottage, kittens, recipes.
And suddenlythere it wasa bright, glaring post.
Charlottes page, my daughter-in-law.
A new post, only twenty minutes old.
A restaurant. The Regency, or something similar. Gilded decor, waiters in white gloves, a string quartet and sparkling crystal glasses.
Charlotte. Her mother, Pauline, beaming in pearls with a massive bouquet of red roses.
And Ben.
My Ben, in a crisp pale shirt, arm around his mother-in-law.
He was smiling.
The very Ben who claimed he had a last-minute crisis and ferocious partners.
I zoomed in on the photograph, the image sharpening on those joyful, animated faces.
Caption: Celebrating our beloved mums 65th! Moved the party to the weekend so everyone could make it!
Convenient.
I clearly remembered when Paulines birthday was. Last week. On Tuesday.
Theyd moved hers. To my birthday.
To my seventieth.
I flicked through the carousel of photos.
There was Ben, raising a glass, making a toast. The group laughing with their heads thrown back. Platters of oysters and starters covering the table.
I watched my sons cheery, relaxed, satisfied face.
It wasnt the restaurant. Or the enormous bouquet, bigger than Id ever received.
It was the lie.
A quiet, practiced, everyday lie.
I closed the tablet.
The room, filled with the scent of untouched party food, felt uninhabited.
My seventieth, my special day, was nothing but an inconvenient date.
A day easily shunted aside for a mother-in-laws birthday.
Monday morning greeted me with a smell.
A stale, sour aroma of squandered celebration.
The jelly Id so carefully prepared wasnt fresh anymore. The prawn salad wilted, mayonnaise weeping. The roast pork had turned slimy.
I fetched the biggest bin I had.
One by one, plate by plate, I scraped my celebration into it.
My effort. My expectations.
In went the aubergine rolls Ben used to love. In went what was left of my famous Napoleon cake.
Every ruined morsel made a dull ache somewhere under my ribs.
It was worse than being let down. It was an erasure.
Id simply been crossed out. With a polite apology about unforeseen work issues.
I washed the dishes. Took the heavy, guilt-scented bag of rubbish out.
And I waited.
Hed promised to pop in during the week.
The phone eventually rangon Wednesday.
Hi, Mum! How are you? Sorry, things have been mental.
Bens voice, brisk and casual.
Im alright, Ben.
Listen, Ive got a present for you. Ill swing by for about fifteen minutes. Charlottes picking me up after, weve got tickets.
Tickets?
To that trendy theatre. Charlotte sorted it. You know what shes like.
He arrived within the hour.
He thrust a heavy, glossy box into my hands.
Here. Happy birthday again.
I looked at the box. An air purifier. With a nightlight. And ionisation.
Thank you, I said, setting it down in the hallway.
Charlotte picked it. Supposed to be very good for your health.
He went straight to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of tap water.
Mum, didnt you save any food?
I threw it out. On Monday.
Ben grimaced.
Blimey, Mum. You couldve called me, Id have picked it up
I watched the back of his head.
Despite everything, Id wanted to find an excuse for him. Charlotte convinced him. He didnt want to. He didnt know.
But he was here. And still lying.
Ben.
Yeah?
I saw the photos.
He froze, glass in hand. Turned slowly.
What photos?
The restaurant. Saturday. On Charlottes Facebook.
His face flickered, closed off, then hardened in annoyance.
Oh, that. I shouldve known.
You said you had work.
Mum, come onwhat difference does it make?
The difference is that you lied.
Ben banged down his glass so hard water splashed.
I didnt lie! I did have work! I slogged right through until Friday! Barely slept!
And on Saturday?
Saturday, Charlotte sorted her mums party. You know what shes likeeverything perfectly arranged! It wasnt up to me!
He raised his voice.
What was I supposed to do? Split myself in half? I honestly didnt want to go anywhere, I was shattered!
I looked at him.
This was my forty-year-old son.
He was shouting at me because hed been caught in a lie.
You couldve just told the truth, Ben. You could have said: Mum, Im not coming, were off to Paulines.
And what difference would that make? Youd just have gone on at me for a week!
So that was it.
Ben, this is family. My family. I had to be there. Would you really like it if Charlotte caused drama just because I didnt go?
He looked at me almost resentfully.
He was defensivemaking it my fault.
The bell rang.
Thats Charlotte. Ive got to run.
He grabbed his jacket.
Read the instructions for the purifier. Its really good for you.
He rushed out, leaving me in my kitchen.
I stared at the damp mark his glass left.
The knot inside tightened.
My attempt to talkto be reasonablehad failed.
His lie wasnt casualit was his preferred way of speaking to me.
And my milestone my milestone had just been a bother.
The week drifted by in a strange, cotton-wool fog.
Eventually I unpacked the present. Good for your health. I read the booklet, filled the tank with water, plugged it in.
The device hummed to life, a gentle blue glow spreading across the room, a steady whirring filling the stillness.
It wasnt a smell. It was the absence of smell.
My flat, always scented of books, dried lavender, my dab of vintage No.7 on the lampshade, became sterile.
Clinical. Dead.
It felt alien, as if someone had scrubbed my home with bleach, removing every last trace of myself.
I tried to get used to it. Charlotte picked it.
The machine glowed and buzzed and purified, but I found it harder and harder to breathe in that immaculate, sanitized air.
I opened the window, but the sterilised feeling lingered, mixing with the cold and making it all the more lifeless.
On Sunday I decided to dust the sideboard.
My hands were moving on autopilot when I picked up the frame.
A photo. I was fifty, Ben just out of university, hugging me tight, wild-haired and beaming.
On the back, faded ink: To the best mum in the world! Love, your Ben.
I sank to the sofa.
I stared at the smiling young man in the picture.
And listened to the monotonous, lifeless hum of the air purifier.
That was my son. The real one. The one who wrote me notes and spent his student grant on daffodils.
And then there was this good for you contraption, delivered by a stranger, simply to fulfill an obligation.
A gift bought not for me, but instead of me. To placate.
My ideals, the faith that hes a good lad, he was forced into it, dissolved.
I saw things clearly for the first time. Ice-cold, surgically clean.
I picked up the phone.
Dialled his number.
Ben, hello.
Mum? Whats happened? His voice was tense, like always.
Yes. Please pop by and collect Charlottes present.
Pause.
What do you mean, collect it?
Exactly that. I dont need it. Please come.
I hung up.
He arrived within forty minutes. Red-faced, angry.
Whats going on? Whats this about Charlottes present?
I stood in the middle of the room, calm.
I dont need it, Ben. Take it.
I nodded towards the buzzing device in the corner.
Youre joking? It cost a fortune! Its for your own good!
My wellbeing, Ben, is having a son who doesnt lie to me on my seventieth birthday.
He looked as if Id slapped him.
Here we go again! I told you already!
No. You shouted and left.
Why are you making such a fuss about this birthday? We just went to Charlottes mums. Its not a crime!
Lying is, Ben.
I lied because I didnt want to upset you!
No, you lied because it was easier for you, I said quietly. You didnt want to explain why Pauline was more important than your own mum.
There it was. Right on target.
He opened his mouth just as his mobile vibrated.
He glanced at me, then at the screen. Kittenwhat he called Charlotte.
He answered.
Yes, Char.
Im at Mums. Yes, shes doing her nut about the present.
Oh, how should I know? Ill be home soon.
He hung up.
This time, for just a second, I saw something in his eyessomething like shame.
He was stuck between me, calmly telling him the truth, and his wife, breathless with impatience about theatre tickets.
Mum, I he faltered. Its not like that
Go on, Ben, I said. Charlottes waiting.
I stepped towards the window, signalling our talk was over.
He hesitated, shrugged, grabbed his coat and left.
I unplugged the air purifier.
The regular hum died.
My familiar scents crept back.
Two days later, the good for you box sat accusingly by the door.
Ben didnt call. He didnt collect it. He waited for me to cool off and give in.
I realised he wouldnt come.
I phoned a courier.
Gave the reception address. The business centre where Ben was Head of Department.
I paid in pounds and watched in silence as two men carried out the heavy, gleaming box.
I shut the door behind them.
It was an actionsilent, but definite.
I wasnt just returning a thing. I was returning their sterile world, their dishonesty, their pay-off.
That evening, the phone rang.
I knew straight awayCharlottes number.
Mrs White?! Her voice nearly trembling with anger.
Yes, Charlotte.
Whats this about? You sent back our present? The courier dumped it right in Bens office! All the secretaries saw!
It didnt suit.
Didnt suit? We paid two hundred pounds! It was a proper giftfrom us!
A gift, Charlotte, comes from the heart. Its not to make up for lying.
For a momentsilence.
How dare you! she screeched. Ben nearly missed his deadline for you, slaved over that project, and you You always were so self-centred! Nothing was ever good enough for you!
You always were so self-centred.
Goodbye, Charlotte.
I hung up.
I knew exactly what was happening in their flat then.
Knew what kind of row Charlotte was having with Ben.
But for the first time in my life, I didnt care. I cut that rotten thread.
He came late that night. Nearly midnight.
Alone.
One timid tap at the door.
I opened up.
And there he wasnot the angry, red-faced man, but my Ben. Worn down, grey under the eyes.
He sat down in the kitchen.
I stood nearby, not turning on the main light.
She she said if I came tonight I shouldnt come back.
He was staring at the table.
Mum. Im sorry.
He finally met my eyes.
I didnt mean to lie.
But you did.
Charlotte said youd be upset either way. That if we told you the truth, youd sulk for ages, but if we lied, youd just get on with it. That it was easier.
I didnt reply.
There it wasthe web of manipulation. Easier.
She said your birthday wasnt really a big thing. Not like her mums. That Pauline has guests, standing, and you have what? Helen from next door?
And you? I asked quietly. Is that how you felt too?
Ben sat in silence for a long time.
Im just tired, Mum. So tired.
He put his face in his hands.
I just wanted everyone to be happy. And look what happened
He sobbed, just once, silently.
Sorry I didnt come I should have. Im so, so sorry.
I looked at his slumped, broad back.
My ideals werent entirely shattered. He was still my boy. Just lost. Just weak.
I went over and rested my hand on his shoulder.
Not to forgive instantly. But to give him something to hold onto.
Ben, its up to you. How you live.
I I dont know.
But with meonly the truth.
He nodded without looking up.
Can I just stay here for a bit?
Stay as long as you like.
I fetched our oldest teapot, found his old favourite mug.
Ill put the kettle on.
Six months went by.
The clinical, foreign smell of that good for you thing long since gone from my flat.
It still smelt the sameof books, a hint of Rescue Remedy, dried chamomile.
After that night, things changed.
No, Ben never left Charlotte. I hadnt expected it. They had a mortgage, their routines, their intertwined lives.
Manipulators dont let go easily.
But Ben himself changed.
He started to come over.
Not just drop by for fifteen minutes, but really visit.
Every Saturday, in the afternoon. He brought cottage cheese from the market, or my favourite cherry roulade.
We sat in the kitchen.
He talked about his work. About wanting to change his car. About the new lad in his office.
He never once complained about Charlotte.
And he never lied again.
I changed too.
My idealistic belief in my sons infallibility faded.
I didnt wait for his calls like a verdict any more. I just lived.
Saw him for who he wasnot Ben the student, but a grown, weary man, fighting to keep his balance.
Our relationship, now cleansed of lies, became more complicated. But honest.
I hadnt got my son backbut Id got my dignity.
One Saturday, as we sat over tea and that cherry roulade, Bens phone rang.
I saw the word on the screenKitten.
I tensed inwardly, but continued stirring in my sugar.
Ben sighed and answered.
Yes, Char.
He listened. His face paled, just like that night.
No. Im at Mums.
Charlotte, I said Id be here Saturdays. We agreed.
It doesnt mean I dont care. It just means Im with Mum. Ill be home this evening, like I said.
He ended the call and put his phone face down on the table.
A small silence followed.
Sorry, Mum.
Its alright, son, I said calmly. Have more cake.
He looked at me.
There was gratitude in his eyes.
He didnt ask for help. He didnt complain.
Hed just made his choice. To sit there, in my kitchen, drinking tea.
I watched his hand reach for another slice of roulade.
I realised that night was not an ending.
It was a beginning.
The seventieth birthday he skipped was the day my son finally grew up.
