I can never be your mother and I cannot promise to love you, but I’ll care for you and you mustn’t t…

I wont ever be able to be your mum or love you like one, but Ill look after you, and you mustnt take it personally. Youll be better off here with us than you would be in a childrens home.

Honestly, today was such a tough day. John buried his sisternot exactly the easiest person to get on with, but family all the same. They hadnt spoken for nearly five years, and now this happened.

Emma did her best to support him, quietly taking on the bulk of the arrangements and trying to shield him from as much stress as possible.

But after the funeral, they werent finished. Johns sister, Helen, had left behind a young son. All the relatives who turned up that day, somehow managed to pass the responsibility to John, the youngest in the family.

Who else but his uncle should look after the boy? It wasnt really up for discussionit was simply assumed that this was the only right choice.

Emma understood, and wasnt really opposed, but there was just one thing: shed never wanted childrenher own or anyone elses.

Shed made her mind up ages ago. Shed told John quite honestly before they got married, but hed just sort of brushed it off in that youthful way people do when theyre only twenty-something. No kids, fine, well live for ourselves, theyd said, and stuck to it for a good ten years.

And now Emma had to welcome a child she barely knew into her home. There was no choice. John would never agree to sending his nephew to a childrens home, and even Emma couldnt bring herself to suggest it.

She knew shed never truly love the boy, or be able to replace his mum. He was sharp and unusually mature for his age, so Emma decided to be frank.

Oliver, where would you rather livewith us, or in a childrens home?

I want to live at home, on my own.

But youre only seven. You cant live alone. You need to pick.

Then at Uncle Johns.

Alright, youll come with us. But I need to tell you something. Ill never be your mum and I cant love you like that, but Ill look after you, and you shouldnt feel hurt. Youll have it better here with us than at a childrens home.

With that, the formalities were sorted, and they were finally able to go home.

Emma figured after spelling things out so clearly, she wouldnt need to pretend to be some doting aunt; she could just be herself. Make sure he was fed, his clothes were clean, help with homeworkthat was fine. But she wasnt about to pour her soul into someone elses child.

Little Oliver, though, never forgot for a second that he was unloved, and convinced he had to behave to avoid being sent back.

Once they were settled in, Emma decided hed get the smallest bedroom. It needed a complete overhaulnew wallpaper, furniture, the lot.

Emma absolutely loved decorating and threw herself into the project. Oliver got to pick the wallpaper, but Emma chose everything else. She wasnt stingywith her own money, she spent freely (£750 altogether on the little room)it wasnt about being ungenerous, she just didnt like children. The bedroom came out looking lovely regardless.

Oliver was over the moon with his new room, though he did wish his mum could see it. If only Emma could love him, too. She was kind, she was decent, just not fond of children.

Hed often lie awake thinking about that.

Oliver found joy in everythingthe circus, the zoo, amusement parkshed get so genuinely excited that Emma started to enjoy those outings herself. She liked surprising him and watching his face light up.

In August, theyd planned a holiday to Cornwall with John, and the idea was that Oliver would stay with a close family friend for ten days. At the last moment, Emma changed her mind. She desperately wanted Oliver to see the sea, and John, a bit surprised, was secretly thrilled. Hed really grown attached to Oliver.

Oliver was almost happy! If only they loved him, but at least hed get to see the ocean.

The holiday was perfectwarm weather, juicy strawberries, good spirits all round. But holidays end, and soon it was back to work, home, and school.

Something had shifted in their tiny household, thougha new, quiet joy, a feeling of waiting for something magical.

And then something magical did happen. Emma came back from Cornwall with a new life growing inside her. How did that even happen after all these years so carefully avoiding surprises?

Emma didnt know what to do. Should she tell John or sort it out herself? Since Oliver arrived, she wasnt sure John still wanted to be child-free. He adored Oliver, played football with him, helped him with school, and would take him to matches.

Emma knew shed done her one heroic deed, but wasnt prepared to do another. It was her tough decision alone.

She was sitting in the clinic when she got a call from Olivers school. Hed been taken urgently to hospitalsuspected appendicitis. Everything had to be put on hold.

Emma rushed into A&E. Oliver lay there, pale and shivering. When he saw Emma, he burst into tears.

Emma, please dont go. Im scared. Just be my mum tonightjust one day, and Ill never, ever ask again.

He clung to her hand, sobbing and shaking. Shed only seen him cry like that the day his mum died.

Now, it felt like the floodgates had opened.

Emma pressed his hand against her cheek.

My darling, hang in there. The doctor will be here soon and everything will be alright. Im here. Ill stay. Im not going anywhere.

God, how she loved him at that moment! This little boy with his wide, amazed eyes was the most precious thing she had.

Child-free? What nonsense. Tonight, shed tell John everything about the baby. She realised what she wanted in that very moment, clutching Olivers hand even tighter.

Ten years passed.

Emma was about to celebrate her 45th birthday, a proper milestone. Thered be guests, speeches, but she sat there over a cup of tea, suddenly feeling all nostalgic.

How quickly the time had flownher youth, the early years. Now she was a woman, a happy wife, and mum to two wonderful kids. Oliver was nearly eighteen, and Sophie ten. She had no regrets.

Well, except for one thingthose words about not loving. She wished more than anything Oliver didnt remember, that hed forgotten or never think about it.

Since that day in hospital, she tried to say I love you as often as possible. But whether Oliver remembered her very first confession or not, Emma never quite found the courage to ask.