“Mum, Please—We Only Have to Live Here for a While!”: The Story of Sonia and Her Daughter Olya Learn…

Emily, sweetheart, please listen to me, Mum said softly, crouching down beside me. We need to stay here for a while, just a bit longer. Soon everything will be alright and well go back to London.

I stared at Mum in silence.

Emily, do you hear me? Do you understand? Mum gave my shoulder a little shake.

Yes, I hear you, Mum

Then why are you quiet? She sounded anxious and I could see it made her fidget.

I wasnt quiet, Mum. I was thinking.

Thinking, were you now? Look at all these books, Em. When I was a girl, I loved reading them

Mum will we have to stay here long?

I dont know, darling. Just for now, we have to.

I understood everything that had happened with us, with our family. Mum thought I was too young to understand, but she was wrong.

Auntie Kate will come visit you, Emily, and Ill cook all your meals in the mornings before I go to work, then Ill be back in the evenings. On the weekends well be together well go for walks by the river, maybe even paddle if its warm

Mum covered her face with her hands.

Im sorry, forgive me

Mum, please dont cry. I know Dad left us. I know we have to get by somehow, and you thought the best thing was for us to live in Grandmas cottage and let the flat out to someone else.

I know everything, Mum. I promise Ill be good, Ill wait for you, and Ill read the books. Auntie Kate will keep an eye on me, too.

Well get through this, Mum. And then come autumn Ill be off to school. Mum is there a school here?

No, darling. There used to be, but not any more. But I promise, come September, well go back to our flat. This is just while I find proper work. Ive let the flat until August, thatll give us time for a bit of decorating before we move back. Itll all turn out fine, love

I know, Mum

That evening, Mum and I sat out on the stoop of Grandmas little cottage for ages, and Mum told me all about her childhood and her lovely Grandmother.

Mum did you have a Mum?

I did, she sighed, Shes still around, but well, I wasnt really wanted.

How do you mean, not wanted?

Thats just how it is, darling. I came along early things didnt work out with my father. He left for Manchester, started a new family there. My mother muddled on for a bit and then she took me to Grandma Sylvias, left me there, and off she went to the city, looking for happiness.

Did she did she find happiness?

She did, Em. But she forgot all about me. She married again, had two more children. Id just get a birthday card, maybe a Christmas one.

I vaguely remember her visiting once when one of her other kids was ill she brought them here, you know, for the country air. She never told them about me. They had no idea I was their sister.

Grandma told her Id have my graduation soon and asked her to buy me a dress. She just started shouting that Grandma was being unfeeling her own child was ill, and all Grandma could do was go on about dresses.

Olivia, your Sylvias your daughter, too, how can you? Grandma said.

Shes a strapping lass, let her earn a dress herself, Mums mum hissed.

Grandma was so angry, she threw her out

Mum, you never call her Mum either. Only she

I know, love. I cant call her Mum. Grandma Sylvia she was my mum, really.

Is that why youre named Sylvia, after Grandma?

Maybe, yes After Grandma

Did you love her, Mum?

Who?

Grandma Sylvia.

So much so, so much. When she passed, it was like the whole world went dull. I did love my mother too, you know. I waited for her at every birthday, every holiday, every time I was ill, first day at school, when Grandma died But she couldnt come, not even then her husbands mother was having a big birthday. She came later, cried a bit, and told me to get ready. I was still underage.

I thought shed take me in but no she just got me into college and put me in the dorm. I had my first New Years not with Grandma, but in a strange place. I hoped Mum would take me for the break, but she said Sorry, cant have you, Sylvia too many people at ours, all the family, where would I put you?

So I decided to go home, since I had a home.

Give me the keys to Grandmas house, I asked.

Why? she said, looking shifty.

Its my house. If you think you can claim my inheritance, youre mistaken.

Its my house too, she huffed. They were all set to holiday in the country for New Years. If you show up, Ill ruin the party. Give me the keys!

She wouldnt give them, so I climbed over the garden fence, bought two new locks, asked Uncle Fred the neighbour to change them, and that was that.

As for her claiming the house, all the neighbours promised to defend me, for Grandmas sake.

I planned to spend New Years alone, but friends turned up and we celebrated fine anyway And then I turned eighteen.

Do you ever see her now?

No, why would I? Weve nothing to say to each other.

Mum would you ever

What? Send you away like that? Never, Emily, do you hear me? Never!

I felt so grown up. I wasnt even scared on my own. Mum left for work, and Auntie Kate called in twice that day.

I ate, tidied the table, washed my plate, fed my doll Molly and sat to read a book.

Id only learned to read recently, but I loved it, reading aloud to Molly and to Teddy George.

The days went on the same. At first I cried not proper crying, really, just the tears would fall. Id try to make them go away, but they kept coming. It wasnt my fault just these unruly tears.

But when Mum came home, everything was alright again.

One day, though, Mum didnt come back. She just didnt, not through the darkening afternoon and into the night. It got late, I turned on the lights and drew the curtains.

Dont be scared, Molly, George, Daisy, Anna, and Andy the clown, dont be scared, I told my toys.

Perhaps I should walk to the station to meet Mum, I thought, but I didnt remember the way well and I might miss her on the path.

I forced away the horrible thoughts. No, my mum would never leave me like that, no, no, no After all, I didnt have a Grandma Sylvia left. Who would look after me?

I imagined Mum remarrying, having other children, and forgetting all about me. That Id stay, all alone, in this little house

That made me sob for real. I was gasping, my eyes and throat hurt, sitting by the window, crying until I fell asleep right where I was.

Then I heard a noise by the porch what if what if it was rats? Or what if it was her, Mums mother, Grandma Olivia, who Id never met, coming to turf us out? Drive me into the street? I whimpered quietly.

Suddenly the door opened, the hall light flicked on.

Mum! I leapt from the chair, knocking it over. Oh Mum, Mummy!

My angel, Emily, my lovely girl Im so sorry, forgive me I missed the last train, so I had to walk from the next station. It was ever so dark

Was it scary, Mum?

Very, Em, I was frightened for you! I was in tears, begged you not to cry, but I was sobbing too scared all the foxes away! Mum laughed and wiped her eyes.

I was terrified youd think Id left you.

And then I lied to my mum for the very first time.

Mum, I never thought youd leave me I know youd never do that, never betray me.

It wasnt true. I had thought it. But I couldnt bear to upset her more.

We stayed in Grandmas house until the end of August, then I went off to school and Mum started a good job.

Dad suddenly decided to take Mum to court, to try and get me on the weekends. Mum just laughed, saying hed never once shown interest before.

I never stopped him, shed say, He just never bothered

Now I saw Dad on weekends. At first I was excited, but soon

Mum, I think Dads like your Olivia I dont think I matter to him at all. He just takes me to the crèche at the shopping centre, then sits on his phone shouting at someone.

I just sit on the bench watching the little ones, Mum I dont want to go out with Dad. Can we tell him?

Dad started shouting at Mum that she was turning me against him.

But Im your father! Dad yelled. You never let me visit!

Dad, Im not little any more. Why drag me to that silly crèche? And I dont even like crisps Ive outgrown them.

When you left Mum and me, and I was home alone all day Dad, when Mum missed the train and ran through the woods from the other station, there were wolves after her, and I was here all by myself

The second time I told a lie was to Dad. Wolves. He listened, said nothing, and left.

A month later he came back. He apologised and said he understood, and we went to the cinema. Just Dad and me.

After that, I looked forward to Dads weekends again.

Sylvia about those wolves did you really run from wolves that night? Dad asked my mum.

Yes, Mum replied, as cool as you like.

Then Dad and Mum chatted about something, and Dad missed his train. Mum told him, Your trains gone, you know.

Mum, I said, If Dads train has left, how will he get home? Let him stay with us!

Dad looked at Mum. But she was firm.

Hell walk. No wolves in this part, and she showed him out.

Mum he wanted to come back, didnt he? I asked Mum that night as I curled up beside her.

Yes

Wont you forgive him?

Mum was silent.

Mum, its your choice but I love you both.

I know, Emily, I know.

But I love you more youre the bravest mum in England. You ran all that way for me, you werent even scared of wolves.

Years passed. Im getting married now.

Mum I have something to confess.

What is it, love?

Mum back then I did think youd left me, like Olivia did to you

My darling girl how could you ever think that?

I didnt know then, Mum please forgive me.

No, forgive me for ever putting you through that

They stood, arms wrapped around each other mum and daughter, always together. Mum is always near.