An Irresistible Force Meets an Immovable Object: My Aunt Pauline’s Unhappy Marriage, Parental Pressu…

A ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

My dear aunt, whom Ill call Margaret, got married not for love, but mostly because her older sisters pressed her, and her parents pushed even harder. Their arguments were impenetrable:

“No matter how long a filly frolics in the meadow, shell end up in harness Or do you, Maggie, intend to wait until your hairs white and remain a spinster for life? No old maids in this family! Who will bring you tea in your old age?”

Margaret, after growing up with a father who was perpetually drunk, had sworn to herself as a child that shed never marry at all. She wanted nothing but a career. But on her 28th birthday, after hours of good intentions and forced well-wishes from her family, she caved. Shed get herself a family. Why not?

A suitor, Daniel, wasnt far behind. Clearly, the whole family was involved in matchmaking long before Margaret realised. Only two weeks after meeting, Daniel proposed. Margaret shrugged and replied, Fine, Ill marry you. Secretly, she hoped that perhaps, in time, love would grow.

Daniel was thirty-three, stubborn as they come, a man set in his ways. The wedding was rushed. The best mans toast stuck in Margarets memory: If you love him, stay forever, if you dont, just go back to your father! Sadly, Margaret would come to agree with that old adage.

So began the joyless routine. After just a month, Margaret itched for divorce. Nothing made her happy. Disappointment wrapped her heart. Daniel turned out to be every bit as difficult, irritable, and unyielding as she was. Two immovable objects clashed day after daya real case of a rock meeting a hard place.

A year later, along came baby Nicholas. Margaret threw herself into motherhood, barely noticing her husband. Shed lay out a folding bed for him at night. Im tired, shed say, and besides, youre neither use nor ornament.

That summer, Margaret took Nicholas out to the countryside to stay with her parents. In the snug old cottage kitchen, she poured out her heart to her mother:
Mum, I want a divorce. Ill raise my son myself. Marriage isnt for me. Sometimes I just want to close my eyes and escape it all. I already loathe Daniel. Why drag this on?

Her mother, stirring a pot on the stove, gave the inevitable reply:
Stay here for a bit, love. Maybe youll come to miss him. Dont think of divorce! Endure! A husband and wife are like bread and buttermixed together, never to be separated.

Margaret expected nothing differentbut she couldnt understand why she should grit her teeth and bear it. Nicholas saw right through them. One day, hed figure out that there was no love in that house. What lesson would he take from that?

Her mother had endured a whole lifetime like this. Margarets father, an incorrigible drinker, loafed about grumbling on the sofa. Mum, meanwhile, was up before dawnmilking cows, cooking slop for the pigs, scything hay, weeding potatoes in the garden, then heading off to the farm. Only in winter could she warm the stove, cook for the family, care for the rabbits, and finally allow herself a brief rest. There was simply no end of work in those villages.

All three daughters fled to the city, running from that charming country life. Only their brother, John, remaineda man with learning difficulties. Margaret never understood why her mother, well aware of her husbands drinking, risked a fourth child. When Margaret asked her this, her mum would always answer flatly: Your father wanted a boy. Had enough girls in the house

Her parents doted on John until their dying day. He passed away himself not long after they did, incapable of looking after himself, nor desiring to.

After stewing over it, Margaret decided not to upset her mother and went back to Daniel. Two years later, another son was born, William.

In truth, Margaret hoped the second baby would steady their family ship. It didnt. Daniel ignored William, saying the boy was the image of his drunken grandfather. Margaret swallowed her tears. Still, she never regretted having her boys. She decided, All my love will go to them. Not a drop for my husband. So thats how it went.

As Nicholas and William grew into young men, trouble brewed. Drinking, smoking, rudenessworse, the boys and their father stood together against Margaret. She wanted her sons polite and agreeable. No chance. Daniel started drinking alongside the lads. The family was unraveling before her eyes. It was a nightmare. Margaret was powerless.

She finally snapped and went to live with her aging parents, who welcomed her back without question. Her mother shook her head and said lightly:
Maggie, you look older than me. Lifes sure buffeted you about. Oh, these menfolk

Margaret would scold her mother for pampering John:
Mum, why do you baby him? Be firm, or hell have you running ragged!

Her mother would only reply:
Oh Margaret, your brothers a simple soul, but hes my own flesh and blood. You cant cast out family. Ill care for him to my dying day.

Margaret never loved John, but she knew none of it was his fault. How could a healthy boy have been born to a father drunk every day? She and her sisters had been luckierback then, their fathers drinking wasnt as bad.

A year later, William visited and told her their father was dead. Drink had claimed him.

Margaret did not shed a tear. She sighed heavily.
It was bound to happen. We plan for decades, but live only a moment. Let Daniel rest in peace

Back in the city, after bouncing around with her grown sons, she bought herself a little cottage outside town. At last, she yearned for a peaceful old age. Nicholas and William stayed on in their fathers flat.

By then Nicholas had married, and Margaret had a grandson. But something went wrong, and after a year, Nicholas divorced. William moved in with Margaret after an awful fight between the brothers. The quarrel? William drank and Nicholas wouldnt tolerate it, so he beat William and threw him out. William went to his mother.

Time moved on.

Nicholas married again. Five years on, his wife left him. Married life turned out to be thin ice, he remarked dryly. His third marriage? A flicker of love and passionended cruelly, when she died suddenly of a blood clot at forty. Death can slip in anywhere, he told his mother, grieving. Later he admitted, No more marriages, Ive had enough. Ill stay on my own.

Margaret now travels to Nicholas flat to tidy up and cook for him. William remained single, drinking whatever he could lay hands on. Sometimes hed vanish for days, forcing Margaret, even at seventy-five, to search the area with his photograph, asking everyone, Have you seen my son? The locals knew the drill; every few months hed turn up again, safe but filthy. Shed clean him, patch up his shoes, and throw away his ruined clothes. Asked, Whereve you been? William would mutter something lost and meaningless. It was enough that he returned alive.

Everyone except Margaret knew William was often with a particular womanone who drank liqueur as heavily as any man. She always welcomed William; their love was as intoxicating as their bottles. When a different suitor appeared, William would drift back to Margaret until he was called for again.

She supported him on her pension alone. Attempts to secure him a steady job failed. The moment William got any wages, hed vanish, along with the money. After a day or two, hed be back: Feed your son, Mum.

Margaret often recalled her mum, who had suffered with her own son just the same. Only now did Margaret truly understand a mothers weary heart. It all came around again. Flesh and bloodyou cant just cast them out.

Happiness, clearly, was in short supply for all. Looking back after so many years, Margaret finally realised that this hasty marriage, and all its old-fashioned songs, had never been worth it.