How Could I Ask You to Take On Such a Burden? Even My Dad and Tanya Refused to Take Him In “Marina,…

So, honestly, how could I possibly ask you to take on such a responsibility? Even my own dad and Barbara refused to take him in.

“Mary, darling, pull yourself together! Who have you decided to marry?!” Mum was practically wailing, adjusting my veil as she fussed around me.

“Just tell me, at least, why you dont like Simon?” I was utterly bewildered by her tears.

“How can you be so blind? His mother works as a cashier and snaps at everyone; his father has disappeared off the face of the earth, and back when he was younger, all he did was drink and make mischief.”

“Granddad also liked a drink and chased Grandma round the village. So what?”

“Granddad was respected in the village, head of the parish council!”

“Didnt make life any easier for Grandma. I remember, even when I was little, how she was so afraid of him. But Mum, things will be different for Simon and me. You cant judge people by their parents.”

“Just wait till youve got kids, then youll see!” Mum said, practically spitting out the words, and I could only sigh.

Living day to day isnt easy if my mum never changes her mind about Simon. Still, Simon and I had a wonderful, lively wedding and moved in together. Thankfully, Simon had inherited a little cottage in the village from his grandparents, those same parents Mum kept whispering about. Hes gradually transformed that old place into a proper modern homehow I love calling it our house! Its got all the comforts you could want, and sometimes I wonder what had Mum so worked up about Simon in the first place?

About a year after the wedding, our son, John, was born, and four years after that, our daughter Emily arrived. Yetevery time the kids caught a cold or got into some mischief, Mum was there with her classic I told you so! Shed always add, Little kids, little worries! Just wait until theyre olderwith their sort of inheritance, youll have plenty to fret about!

I always tried to brush off these jabs; she probably didnt even realise she was doing it half the time. After all, Id gone against her wishes and married Simon without her blessing.

Thats just Mumshe likes everything done her way. But shed made her peace with Simon long ago, and deep down (right down in the deepest corners of her heart), shed probably admit that Simon was solid gold from every angle.

But shed never say so out loudadmitting she was ever wrong just isnt in her nature! And when she made comments about the grandchildren, it was more out of worried love than anything else. She adored them and, if anything ever happened, would be the first to throw herself into the river, yanking out her hair for every cautionary word shed ever uttered.

Still, there were moments when I started to worry about those big troubles, the sort that inevitably come with your kids growing upjust like everyone warns you.

And, sure enough, they did grow up. Before I knew it, John had finished his final year of secondary school and was heading off into the world. He was starting at quite a reputable uni in the nearest cityjust ninety miles down the road.

But, for a mothers heart, those ninety miles felt like the distance between Earth and Mars. Far, far away!

For the first four nights, I barely slept, just worrying about how John was getting on. What if someone was unkind to him? What if he hadnt eaten properly? What if city life corrupted him? Hes such a lovely, genuine boy.

John started out in a room in student halls set aside for country kids. But honestly, my heart just couldnt handle it. So I persuaded Simon to rent him a little flat in the city. John insisted on helping with the rent, so he took on some online workhes clever, you know!

Id dash up to London every weekend, checking up on him, lending a hand when I couldtidying, cooking. But, truth be told, Johns flat was immaculate!

Back home, his room was a disaster zone, full classic mess, as he called it. Yet in London, hed got into the habit of keeping things spick and spanand he always had something homemade to eat, whether it was steamed burgers or stew. I tell you, he’s a genius, not just a son!

Eventually, these weekly trips began to really get on Simons nerves.

“Mary, will you give the boy some space! You never let him breathe! Youre hardly spending any time with me! One day Ill walk outstraight to Laura the post lady. At least shes always got a cheery hello. Maybe then youll learn!”

He was jokingmostlybut it still unnerved me. Id be utterly lost without Simon, if he ever did go off with Laura! And he was right. Time to loosen the reins and let John live his own life.

I still hovered like a mother hen for a while, but slowly I learned how to live with the idea that our boy was grown up. I gave him independence, and stopped fussingonly to find out it might have been a mistake.

One day, I got a phone call from the university admin officethey said John was missing too many lectures and was on the verge of being kicked out! What? Surely theres been some mix-upmy John? Impossible! I fretted for hours, took two days off work, and whizzed up to London. Nothing would stop menot even Simon. Sometimes, I do turn into a bit of a bulldozer!

John was not expecting me. He hadnt even tidied up, but, more importantly, he hadnt hidden the real reason behind his missed lectures.

The reason was a girl: Alice. Pretty as a picture, almost angelic.

Wouldnt have mindeda girlfriend for John was bound to happen eventually. But there was also a baby in the flat! A one-year-old boy, in fact.

It wasnt hard to put two and two together. Clearly, this girlwith a baby in armswas trying to wrap my John round her little finger and get him to marry her.

I mean, Im a modern mumpeople raise other peoples kids all the time these days, right? Still, John wasnt ready to be a husband, let alone a stepdad! And Alice couldnt have been more than eighteen. How had she already had a child?

I was a whirlwind of emotion, but tried hard to keep calm. I said hello to Alice, and then shut myself in the kitchen with John for a proper heart-to-heart.

“John, are you really in love?” I asked, forcing out a smile.

“Very much so, Mum,” John smiled too.

“And what about your studies?” I probed, tiptoeing toward the point.

“I know, MumIve dropped the ball, but its just a difficult patch. Dont worry; Ill fix it.”

“And whats going oncan you tell me?”

“I cant say yet, Mum. Its not my secret to tell. Maybe, when you get to know Alice better, I can explain.”

I couldnt figure out what more to do, didnt want John turning against me. So I took a step back and went home.

“This is your fault!” I rounded on Simon. “You wanted to give him freedomlook where its got him! Now what?”

“Whats actually the problem?” he shrugged. “Dont see an issue with the baby. If John already loves him, then why not?”

“And youre prepared to be grandad to someone elses child?”

“Why not? Since we had kids, I always knew Id be a grandad one day.”

“But not to someone elses child!”

“Mary! I feel like Im talking to someone else right now. No child is ever someone else’s. Think about it.”

He went off to sleep in the spare room, while I roamed about the bedroom half the night, seething and furious at everyone. At life, for throwing us such a curveball; at Alice; at John; and Simon, for taking their side. But slowly, I calmed down and could see that Simon, as ever, had a point.

The child wasnt to blame. And Alice, frankly, probably wasnt eitherlife throws all sorts at people. By morning, I was railing at myself, crying out all the tears, and crawled into bed beside Simon, who was fast asleep on the sofa.

“Simon, Im sorry! I see it nowI just love you all so much, thats all!”

“Come here, you daft woman!” He grabbed the duvet, and I curled up next to him.

We dozed off, and I had a silly grin plastered on my face. Well, looks like Im going to be a gran! So what? The little lad in Johns flat, Michael, is adorable!

But things didnt turn out as easy as Id hoped. Some time later, John announced he was switching to evening classes, and he and Alice were getting married.

This time, I paused and let myself digest the news before rushing off to the city with Simon at the weekend. I knew hed help us sort things outkeep a cool head, unlike me, who could light a hundred fires in thirty seconds.

We were greeted at the door by Alice, who dabbed away a tear and said:

“Im so sorry! I dont want John to do this, but hes stubborn. Im sure you know that.”

“Stubborn doesnt quite cover it,” said Simon, kicking off his boots, “but hes also no fool. If hes made up his mind, it matters. Calm down, Alice, lets talk this through.”

She invited us into the kitchenJohn wasnt home just then.

“Johns popped out for milk, wont be long, sorry,” said Alice.

“Why are you always apologising?” Simon asked her. “We havent decided youre to blame for anything. Lets have a cuppa and a chatbit of a drive coming up here, you know, ninety miles.”

“Oh, sorry,” Alice flustered. Simon rolled his eyes, and Alice caught it, smiling in spite of herself. At that point, I knew hed already accepted Johns choiceand I just heaved a deep sigh.

When the kettle was boiling, and Simon was working through his third homemade biscuit, which, lets be honest, not many young women these days manage, and I could tell John definitely hadnt baked those himself, John came back from the shop.

John set the groceries down, looking glum. But I spotted a sort of steel glint in his eyesa new confidence. I suddenly felt sure: Id lost any right to tell this grown man what to do.

“So, youre marrying Alice?” Simon asked as we settled round the table.

“Yes. Its settled,” John replied firmly.

“Fine. Just curiouswhats the rush? Another baby on the way?”

“No! No, nothing like that,” Alice blushed and shook her head.

Totally off the wall, buta wild idea came to me. Maybe their relationship hadnt even reached that stage yet. Maybe I was worrying about nothing?

“Then why hurry?”

“If we dont, theyll put Michael in foster care,” Alice replied, eyes down.

“Why would they take him?” Simon asked, voice grave.

“Because his mum passed away,” Alice whispered, lips trembling.

“Alice, you dont have to explain,” John cut in. “Mum, Dad, just accept what Ive said. The rest is our business.”

“Wait, John,” Alice interrupted quietly. “If were together, your parents are my family too. I dont want to hide thingsit wouldnt be right.”

She paused, and Simon and I exchanged glances.

“Alice,” I asked, “Is Michael your son?”

“No! Hes my half-brothersame mum, different fathers.”

Honestly, in that moment, I wanted to hug everyone in the room! But I played it cool. Alice carried on:

“My mum died in prison, she had a heart defect. They say she lived longer than anyone expected with her diagnosis. Her life wasnt easy; she had a fiery temperament.

She sipped her tea and let out a heavy sigh. She was clearly struggling, but carried on, though John and both Simon and I tried at times to reassure her and suggest she didnt have to spill it all.

“Mum first ended up in prison after a row with my dadshe hit an elderly woman on a zebra crossing. Made the local papers.

When she was sentenced, Dad took me and we lived separately. Even before Mum was released, Dad had remarried. I dont blame himlife with Mum wasnt easy. My stepmum, Barbara, is soft as anything, and weve always got on well. So maybe Dads choice was best in the end; they brought me up properly, and theyre my real family.

Alice paused again, and I saw her and John holding hands under the tablethen I realised the most difficult part of her story was still to come.

“Three years ago, Mum met someone and completely lost her head. Dennis was ten years her junior. Then, along came Michael. I was thrilled to have a little brother and often visited. I never witnessed any rows, but neighbours told the court later that theyd regularly hear shouting, smashing crockery, all sorts.

One dayas I found out laterMum and Dennis had a huge fight. Mum got jealous, I think. During the argument, she shoved him, he stumbled, tripped on the rug, and hit his head on the corner of the coffee table. He died two days later in hospital, and Mum was arrested.

Alice inhaled sharply and rushed to finish:

“Mum died in custody before her trialher heart just gave up. Please, dont be hard on her! She was like a hummingbird, vivid, restless, untameable. But I loved her all the same.”

“Now you must forgive us, Alice,” Simon said, when she trailed off, “for making you tell us all that. But youre rightwere family now, and must support one another.”

Its embarrassing, but I wanted to scream: “John, what are you doing? Son, come on! We dont need in-laws like that! Weve never had criminals in this family!”

But I managed to hold myself backbecause I could see myself, years ago, in my wedding dress, as Mum sobbed, trying to talk me out of marrying Simon.

I mentally slapped myself, whispering, “You mustnt, Mary! Don’t judge people by their parents. You of all people should know that!”

That little reality check worked wonders. Suddenly, a wild but brilliant idea came to me. I gave Simon a lookand he smiled. Hed figured it out and was on board.

To underline it, Simon nodded and said:

“So, what if we do thisMary and I will foster Michael for now, and you two focus on your studies and hold off on starting a family?”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked.

“Dad, stop!” John protested.

“Hell be happy in the village, remember how good your childhood was, John? If you want him back, you just say the word.”

“Were bored now the kids have grown up, Johnlet us look after Michael. Your sisters more interested in boys these days than parents,” I joked.

“Alice,” I said gently, “its entirely up to you.”

“But I cant expect you to take this on! Even my own dad and Barbara wouldnt!”

Just then, the cheeky little lad wed all been talking about plodded into the kitchen and reached outnot to anyone else, but straight for Simon.

“Oh, what a weighty responsibility!” Simon joked, hoisting Michael up.

“Simon, you look more like his dad than a granddad,” I laughed.

“Wait and see,” he winked at me, whispering, “Ill show you a proper granddad tonight.”

John and Alice grumbled a bit, but agreedand so we took in Michael. Strangely, arranging guardianship was straightforward.

The social worker told us its now quite common for families our age to foster toddlers. Their own children are grown up, but that leftover love and tenderness has to go somewhere. For us, there was suddenly an abundancewe felt younger, caring for Michael!

Many nights, I’d get up to comfort him, and shed happy tears at our unexpected luck.

Mum, as usual, scolded us for the decision. She lectured, but nobody loved Michael more than she did, and vice versa.

“Oh, Mary, what are you thinking?” shed wail, and then, baby-talking Michael, “Whose little eyes are all sleepy? Who wants a nap?”

And a minute later:

“What were you thinking, Mary! Whose tiny fingers have got dirty? Oh, I dont know how youll all manage now! Where did my Michael gowhere has that boy got to now?”