Breaking Free from a Controlling Mother: Varvara’s Journey from a Life of Submission to Self-Discove…

Under Her Mothers Shadow

At thirty-five, Barbara was a shy and reserved young woman, someone you might describe as downtrodden. She had never dated, despite working for years as an accountantever since finishing college, she had stayed at the same job.

Barbara didnt pay much attention to her appearance, dressed in baggy clothes, was a bit on the heavy side, and always bore a sad look with the corners of her mouth turned down. Her mother, Margaret, had given birth to her at eighteen, and Barbara never knew her father. She grew up with her grandmother in a small village, finished school there, and only moved in with her mother when she went to college.

While Barbara was being raised in the countryside, Margaret enjoyed life in a nearby towngoing out and having fun, changing boyfriends, living carelessly, though she did hold down a job. Shed drop by the village once a month, occasionally bringing Barbara a toy before disappearing again. Her grandmother was strict, so Barbara never experienced much love or affection from either her mum or her gran.

To this day, Barbara lived in a flat with Margaret. Margaret, now in her early fifties, looked fantastic: youthful, slim, used pricey cosmetics, frequented beauty salons, and even went on dates every now and then. Barbara was her opposite in every way.

One evening, Barbara handed over her documents to the colleague covering her while she was on holiday. Leaving the office, she sighed, thinking, Another holiday. My wages are in my handbag. Shame Mum will take my pay again, and Ill end up spending my break stuck at home. Why am I always giving in? Im not a child, but Mum keeps me on such a tight leash. She wants every last penny, and I never get to spend my salary. Its like my life will never change

Opening the flat door, she found Margaret waiting in the corridor.

At last! So, did you get your holiday pay? Hand it over, Margaret demanded.

I did, Barbara replied. Just let me get my coat off

Youve got time for that later, Margaret snapped.

Barbara dug through her old handbag, searching for her purse.

Goodness me, you walk around with that awful baglooks like an old ladys, all shabby. Arent you embarrassed? her mother said, relentless.

Barbara felt a sting of tears.

How am I supposed to buy a new one, when you take all my money for yourself? slipped out, surprising Barbara herselfshe rarely talked back.

Your bag is not the only ugly thing; youre scruffy and fat too, Margaret mocked. You need to lose weight and sort yourself out. Its embarrassing to be seen with you.

Embarrassing? Barbara cried. But you happily take my money, dont you? And I never go anywhere with you anyway! Her voice rose, and then she grabbed her coat and ran outside, not daring to look back.

Blinded by tears, she rushed down the stairs, out of the building, and sat heavily on a bench, burying her face in her hands. She didnt know how long she stayed there, but after a while a gentle voice broke her solitude.

Barbara, dear, why are you sitting here? Looking up, she saw Anna Smith, the elderly lady from the adjoining building. Youre crying, arent you? Anna sat beside her and took her hand. What’s happened, love? Is it really so bad?

Barbara couldnt hold back anymore and told Anna everything.

My mum takes all my money, spends it on expensive things for herself, and I wear old clothes. I blame myselfIve always been too soft, could never stand up to my gran or now my mother. Mums controlling and mean… Anna listened, nodding, and suddenly Barbara felt ashamed. Gosh, I shouldn’t talk about my own mother like this. Youll think Im a gossip, though its true Im a bit of a failure.

Anna had known Margaret for years and never liked her much, but she always looked at Barbara with kindness. She sensed how Barbara suffered under her mothers thumb.

Come now, Barbara, stop worrying and crying. Youre a grown woman, you need to look after yourself.

Oh, Anna, Im not much of a woman… No one has ever loved me, I suppose Im just not needed.

Listen to meyou need to get away from your mother, Anna said firmly.

But where would I go? With my modest salary, I cant afford to rent a place. And Mum will be furiousI was supposed to hand over my holiday pay, but I just couldnt bear her words…

So youve got your holiday pay, and she hasnt grabbed it yet. Dont worry about her, shell manage, shes never short of cash. Think of yourself for once. Why not come and stay at my cottage outside town? Its a sturdy old house my late husband built. Youre on holidaycome for a bit, and I wont take a penny from you.

Oh Anna, are you sure youre alright with me staying in your home?

Dont be silly, Ive known you for years. Wait here, Ill grab the cottage keys for you, jot down the address and my number.

Barbara made it to the train station, bought her ticket and sat by the window, watching the other travellers. Shed never left her hometown beforework, home, repeat. Nobody noticed her as she settled in for the ride, calming down while the countryside sped past the glass. She got off at her stop, found the cottage quickly, unlocked the door and stepped inside.

She was greeted by a sparkling silence, and as she looked around, settled into an old armchair.

Heavens, what peace. How wonderful to be alone. What a strange, new world of freedom and quiet, she mused.

Her mother wasnt there, scolding or sneering. Finding the remote control, Barbara switched on the television. It was a daytime talk showusually Margaret never allowed her to choose, always overridden her preferences with her own favourites, ignoring Barbaras wishes.

You choose odd things to watch, just like youre odd yourself, Margaret would scoff, insulting whenever Barbara objected, never letting her have her way.

Barbara had never spoken harshly to her mother in returnshe would just shrink lower, not daring to defend herself. It had never even crossed her mind to put her mother in her place.

Soon, Barbara toured the cottage, switched on the fridge, and tucked away a bag of ravioli, some cheese and yoghurt, all bought at a shop near the station before her train. She boiled the ravioli, ate her fill and finally felt at peace.

I love being here alone, she thought happily.

Her phone ranga call from her mother.

So youve run off now. I saw you sitting with Anna on the bench, Margaret scoffed. Youll come crawling back once you come to your senses. Listen to strangers, will you? No one else will help you, unless you learn to stand on your own two feet. Youll never manage without me

Barbara hung up, knowing a flood of hurtful words would follow. Oddly, she didnt feel upset. That evening Anna called.

How are you settling in, Barbara? Finding your feet?

Yes, thank you Anna.

My nephew Stephen will visit tomorrowbring some of your things.

My things?

Yes, Margaret dropped off a big bag of your belongings and said, Since you took my daughter, you may as well have her stuff too…

Alright. How will I recognise Stephen?

Hell come by car, knows the cottage well, tall chap, wears glasses

Thats alright, isnt it?

Barbara, stop fretting. Youre a woman growncome on, its time to start living for yourself, and most of all, learn to love who you are. You need a fresh start, some new clothesits not as if youre unattractive, youve just let things slide. Thats all for now, dear

Barbara reflected on Annas words and stood before the mirror.

Shes rightI have let myself go. But if I look closely, my eyes are nice, just a little sad; my hair is thick, though I always pin it up like a granny. I should lose a bit of weightMum was fair about that.

Barbara slept soundly that night. When she woke, sunlight filtered through the curtains. She opened the window wide; dew sparkled on the grass, a dog barked somewhere far off, birds sang from the hedges.

What a glorious morning, she thought, stretching.

Soon she was out on the veranda, sipping coffee shed found in the cupboard. She watched a bit of TV and wondered if it might be time to find a new job, perhaps rent a flat in towncommuting from the cottage wouldnt be practical. She didnt even think about her mum. Her heart fluttered with hope at the thought of living on her own for once.

Finally, Ill be independentno more relying on Mum. Her daydreams were interrupted by a gentle knock.

Whos that? she wondered, opening the door cautiously.

Standing on the threshold was a tall man with glasses and a large bag.

Good morning, he smiled kindly. Im Stephen, you must be Barbara?

Thats right, she said, stepping back to let him in.

My aunt Anna asked me to bring these, and to help you with anything you need. Ive got my car here if you want to go anywhere, Stephen offered, his tone warm. Dont be shy, Barbara. Aunt Anna says youre awfully shy and modestshes told me a bit about your life I hope youll forgive me.

Thats how Barbara met the man who would become her husband. Stephen truly saw her, and his first marriage had been an unhappy one. As they fell in love, Barbara blossomedher timid walk and haunted gaze disappeared, she lost weight; she wanted to look beautiful for him. She visited a salon, and they transformed herBarbara barely recognised herself.

Is this really me? she thought joyfully, smiling at her reflection, her eyes sparkling.

Stephen took Barbara to live with him in the city.

Barbara, youre exactly the woman I hoped forhonest, kind, caring. Lets not waste any time. Will you marry me?

Of course, Barbara said yes. She realised how lucky she was with Stephenthey even shared a resemblance. Their wedding was small, reserved, but they invited Margaret. True to form, Margaret began her barbed comments at the tablebut Anna Smith quickly put her in place. Margaret didnt stay long, and nobody cared; Barbara herself barely noticed.

Stephens relatives adored Barbara. Stephen, watching her radiate happiness, thought, Sooner or later, happiness finds its wayeven to us.

Not long after, Barbara discovered she was expecting. Her heart brimmed with twice the happinessher turn had finally come, even if it was later than most. She hardly remembered her old life of gloom and strict control, having found the strength to change everything. Not only had she grown more beautiful, she had blossomed inside, because she finally learned to love herselfand Stephen too.

Sometimes happiness comes latebut it comes for those who find the courage to break free and cherish themselves.