Afraid of Losing You

Im a bit nervous about losing you
This is home, smiled Leonard, waving Emily into his flat.
Come in, make yourself comfortable.
Ill be just a moment.
Emily hesitated before stepping inside, glancing anxiously around the hallway, not even thinking about taking off her shoes.
Something was unsettling her
When Leonard reappeared, she froze in a look of sheer terror, her hands shaking.
Without a word of explanation, she darted straight out the door.
Emily, where are you going?!
Leonard stared, baffled, at the open door, then at Martha, who stood by his side.
He had never imagined such a lovely evening would end so abruptly.
She just bolted didnt even say a word? Victor asked incredulously when Leonard related the whole story to his closest friend.
She left like shed seen a ghost, Leonard replied, picking up his pint thoughtfully, only to set it down again.
I really cant figure it out What frightened her so badly?
There could be loads of reasons.
Have you actually asked her?
I would if shed answer her phone.
She hasnt picked up since last night.
Have you tried going to her place?
No.
I only ever saw her to her buildings entrance.
Never knew which flat was hers.
Strange business, Victor mused, shaking his head.
Tell me about it.
Everything was going so well until it just endedridiculously, really.
Maybe it isnt ended.
Dont give up now.
I dont see what else it could be.
Feels like shes changed her mind.
Cant think of another reason.
Youll see her on Monday, wont you?
You can properly talk then and figure out what to do next.
Leonard had first met Emily squeezed into a packed London bus.
No one offered her a seat, but Leonard kindly stood to let her have his.
He then stood nearby, wearing a grin he couldnt hide.
He was smitten, but too busy rushing to work and too shy to chat in public.
Plus, what would he even say to her?
Hello, Im Leonard.
Heres my number, give me a ring after work? Why did all introductions sound so trite?
So, once he got off, he didnt look back, heading straight for the office.
Still, he couldnt shake the ridiculous feeling she might be following him, even though he knew that was just wishful thinking.
Get a grip, Leo, he muttered to himself.
Life doesnt play out like a fairy tale you cant meet someone and fall in love forever just like that.
Yet, for an hour at his desk, he couldnt get her out of his mind.
As he looked for a file, he imagined her eyes between the spreadsheets.
When emails flashed up, he saw her smile.
It was as if shed bewitched him.
When his boss, John Stevens, walked in with Emily at his side and announced, Meet your new colleague, Leonard thought he was seeing things.
Losing it, mate, he scolded himself.
But no, she was real and now, unbelievably, working alongside him.
Emily, she beamed shyly as she introduced herself; Leonard was last to be introduced among the staff.
Leonard Lovely to meet you.
He couldnt say much else in truth, he was utterly flummoxed.
Inside, though, something was blooming.
A strange, overwhelming urge to reach for the stars, dive for pearls, or even move mountains for her attention.
That evening, Leonard met Victor in the park while walking their dogs, sharing animatedly all about his new colleague.
The way he described Emily, Victor grinned and nodded knowingly.
Youre head over heels, mate!
Do you reckon?
Absolutely!
Happened to me with Jenny saw her and straight away knew I wanted a future together.
Funny, thats exactly how I feel Only occurs when shes around.
Then do something.
Ask her out for coffee the cinema maybe.
You really think shed say yes?
You wont know if you dont try.
And if you dont, someone else might beat you to it.
What if shes already seeing someone?
Then it stays professional.
But youd regret not trying more than being rebuffed.
At worst, nothing changes at best
So Leonard plucked up the courage.
After work, he caught Emily at the bus stop, blushing yet determined.
Hope you dont mind me saying Fancy a coffee or a film tonight?
Emily smiled and agreed.
Coffee led to a late-night wander beneath the citys quiet, rain-fresh streets, and finally, Leonard walked her home.
It went better than he couldve dreamed.
Back home, Leonard took Martha, his loyal Labrador, for an overdue evening stroll.
Later, he lay there till dawn, gazing at the ceiling and dreaming: of asking Emily to marry him, of a future filled with children, of family weekends in the countryside.
He felt certain these dreams could soon be realities.
Three months passed.
They were, without question, the happiest months of his life.
They dined out, saw romantic films at the Odeon, and once even kissed, carelessly, beneath a gentle summer rain, oblivious to passers-by.
Emily was remarkable kind, clever, quick to laugh, charming, yet modest and principled.
Leonard thanked fate for bringing her into his life.
But
The only hitch was that Emily never wanted to walk Martha with him.
He lived alone, so the Labradors care was his sole responsibility occasionally inconvenient.
Several times, he suggested the three of them go out together, but Emily always declined, usually falling quiet or changing the subject.
Lets just us two go, in case we want to pop into a café or catch a film?
Hard to take a dog along.
Youre right, Leonard conceded each time.
And then, eventually, Leonard proposed, asking Emily to move in.
Emily accepted his proposal, but always seemed to hesitate about moving in, constantly delaying it.
I know the weddings next year, but why not start living together now?
I feel more at peace when youre with me.
Its just I promised my landlady Id stay until the lease ends this year.
Feels wrong to go back on my word.
Ill pay those extra months if that helps.
Come over tonight then, meet Martha.
Youll love her, I promise.
Emily looked uncertain, but agreed.
She was determined to try, motivated by love for Leonard, and to overcome her fears.
Leonard welcomed her with a broad smile, but again, as before, she stepped in, looked around nervously, and wasnt herself.
When he joined her in the hallway, she was petrified.
Her hands shook, and without a word, she fled.
Emily, wait!
Leonard was stunned, looking from the open door to Martha.
He tried and tried to call her, but she didnt answer.
Despairing, he asked Victor to meet up he badly needed advice.
After sharing everything, Leonard made up his mind to wait until Monday and talk to Emily then she had to be at work
On Monday morning at the bus stop, Leonard anxiously watched every arriving bus through the misty window but no sign of Emily.
She was usually early.
His mind raced: Had something happened?
He was about to ring the boss and beg for a day off, when he finally saw her walking down the path, hair loose, tears running down her cheeks.
Emily, wait up!
She stopped, turned, and on seeing him, her expression grew even more desolate.
What happened?
Why did you run?
Why wont you answer my calls?
Ive been so worried.
Leonard, Im sorry, she whispered.
Whats going on?
Were nearly late for work.
Can we talk tonight?
Youve changed your mind about me, havent you?
About living together?
I cant wait, Emily please, tell me now.
Why did you leave?
Tears welled in her eyes.
Im sorry, Leonard.
We cant live together, she choked out, crying harder.
But why?
Did I upset you?
No!
Then what is it?
Wiping her tears, Emily looked at him.
Im scared.
Of what?
What are you scared of?
Dogs.
Im scared of dogs.
Leonard stared in disbelief.
Martha?
I told you, shes the gentlest soul wouldnt harm a fly.
He realised then hed been wrong, thinking there must be some other issue all along.
I dont just mean your dog, Emily explained, I mean all dogs.
When I was six, a bull terrier attacked me.
You never mentioned?
Its too frightening to remember.
I was on the playground, Mum popped to the shop.
Some drunk man set his dog on me to chase me off a bench.
I was lucky someone saved me.
Since then, Ive been terrified.
Emily, listen
Well be late, Leonard.
They can wait.
I know its a real trauma, but there are dogs everywhere.
You manage outside, dont you?
I am scared but outside I can cross the road, walk with a group, keep away from them.
But living in a flat under the same roof as a big dog?
I just cant.
Im sorry.
This isnt about you or Martha, its about me.
But its daft
I tried.
Honestly, I did.
Thats why I agreed to your place.
But when I saw Martha I had a panic attack.
I wanted to not be afraid.
But I couldnt manage it.
Forgive me.
Thats life, Victor, Leonard sighed, recounting everything to his mate later.
I love her.
She loves me.
But we cant live together.
Is that even fair?
Youre not thinking of getting rid of Martha, are you? Victor asked sternly.
Never!
Shes my friend.
But I love Emily too.
Then fight for your happiness.
How?
Look, a fear of dogs isnt like an allergy.
It can be overcome.
Why not help her?
Maybe see a counsellor?
She did.
Didnt help.
She says shell try, but cant promise anything.
But she wants to work at it thats half the battle.
Most would give an ultimatum: its me or the dog.
She wants to fix it.
Help her.
If you dont, who will?
But how?
For now, avoid having Martha in your flat with her.
Try gentle walks in the park, maybe the woods.
Less stressful, just the three of you.
You think itll work? Leonards eyes flickered with hope.
Why not?
Give it time.
Emily might see Marthas harmless.
Worth a shot.

Emily was surprised to see Leonard near a Range Rover as she left her building.
Whered you get the car?
A friend lent it.
Figured we could all go out together.
You mean all three of us, in the same car? She looked pale.
Relax.
Martha will be in the boot.
Its kitted out for dogs.
Youll be up front beside me.
Nothing will happen.
Alright
Emily agreed, but only on the condition she could call home if she felt overwhelmed.
An hour later, they parked up at a forest clearing.
Leonard helped Emily out, then let Martha out, reminding her gently to keep her distance from Emily.
Its beautiful here, he remarked, trying to distract her.
It is
They traded trainers for wellies it had rained for days and set off among the trees.
Leonard played fetch with Martha, drawing her attention away from Emily.
How are you doing? he asked her.
Im…
not sure, she replied, eyes glued to Martha as she dashed out of the thicket.
Emily, listen.
Dogs come in all sorts, just like people.
You were attacked, but that was one dog, poorly trained.
Not all are dangerous.
I know
Dont be afraid of all of them.
After a few outings, you may see dogs differently.
He tossed the ball, and Martha bounded away, barking joyfully.
Is she angry? Emily asked in a small voice, trembling.
Not at all, Leonard laughed, hugging her.
Shes just thrilled about her ball its her absolute favourite.
Martha returned, dropped the ball, and waited eagerly.
Want to try? Leonard offered.
Throw it?
Im scared.
Close your eyes if you must.
Just once, love.
Emily took the ball, squeezed her eyes shut, and hurled it as far as she could.
Well done! Leonard cheered.
Martha, fetch!
The dog tore after it.
For a moment, all was quiet, then her bark rang through the woods.
Shes brilliant.
Understands me in a flash.
Leonard, maybe time to head back? Emily suggested nervously.
Sure.
Martha!
Where are you?
Martha was still barking, this time more frantic.
Ill see whats up, Leonard grumbled.
Will you wait here?
No, Im coming.
They crept through the brush and found Martha barking at her ball floating on a puddles surface.
That explains it, Leonard chuckled.
What? Emilys worry returned.
Shes frightened of water, so she cant fetch the ball.
Ill have to get it myself.
Thank goodness for these wellies.
Martha frightened?
I thought dogs were fearless!
Dogs have their own fears, too.
I fished Martha out of a river as a pup six years ago shes avoided water ever since.
Come on, wait here.
Ill be quick.
Are you sure it isnt a bog?
Theres moss everywhereand it smells odd.
Its just a puddle been raining for days.
The marshes are further out.
He turned to Martha.
Stop worrying.
Ill get your toy.
Wading in, he was surprised when the ground sucked at his boots.
Suddenly, he sank up to his knees.
Martha barked, now more anxious.
You alright? Emily called.
All good!
Just a bit deeper than I thought.
Hang on.
He grabbed the ball, but the water was already past his knees.
Feeling uneasy, he turned to get out.
With each step, his boots sank.
Just metres to go, Leonard realised he was stuck.
Leonard, move! Emily called.
I cant.
He tried lifting his feet but was trapped.
The water crept up to his waist.
You were right.
Its a bog and a ravenous one too, from how quickly its pulling me under.
Martha stood anxiously at the edge, barred by her own fear.
Emily panicked.
She fumbled for her phone of course, no signal.
This cant be happening
How could she get close with Martha so near?
Her heart pounded with terror.
Suddenly, as Martha barked and looked at her, pleading, Emily backed away, sensing a tide of old memories rising.
A desperate urge to run seized her.
But what about Leonard?
Would she really leave him? Even in her panic, the thought rooted her to the spot.
Emily, help!
She was paralysed, as she had been many years ago.
Then Martha tried braving the water but, feeling it reach her chest, retreated, barking again, but this time, in despair.
That was when Emily decided: shed rather die of fear than let Leonard be lost.
She spotted a thick, sturdy branch.
Snatching it up, she ran to the edge and thrust it out to Leonard.
He gripped it tight, and Emily hauled with all her strength, hauling Leonard out inch by painful inch.
She couldnt quite manage it aloneuntil Martha, understanding the crisis, pressed herself close to Emily.
In that moment, Emily no longer feared the big dogher only thought was saving Leonard.
Together, girl and dog dragged Leonard out of the clutching mud, collapsing breathless and dripping on the grass.
The worst was over.
Ladies, I owe you both my life Leonard gasped, hugging first Emily, then Martha.
You really pulled me back from the edge.
I was terrified, Emily confessed.
Lets hope you havent developed a new phobia, Leonard teased with a smile.
Oh, but I haveonly this time, its the fear of losing you.
And thats scarier than any other.
She looked at Martha, then wrapped her arms around the dog.
Thank you, Martha!
Thank you for sticking by us.
That evening, fresh from hot baths and comforted by a good meal, Leonard, Emily, and Martha lounged on the big sofa, binge-watching every dog film they could find.
It was all Emily wanted to watch.
Leonard and Martha were more than happy to keep her company.
Most importantly, they all discovered something simple yet profound that night: the fear of losing someone you love outweighs all other fears.
And facing those fears together is what makes love endure.