The Doorbell Rang… An Uninvited Mother-in-Law Bursts In Demanding, “Well, Dear Daughter-in-Law, What…

The bell echoed strangely down the dim, twisting hallway Through the front door came a whirlwind Marys mother-in-law, Edna, swept inside without so much as a nod, shoving her own son aside, as if he were a hat stand blocking her path. Well then, darling Mary, have you any secrets from your husband youd like to confess? she demanded, voice sharp and uncanny.

Mother? Mother, whats happened?

When Frederick returned home, silence perched on every lampshade and skittered across the wallpaper. His wife, Mary, had warned him in the grey morning that work would run late the higher-ups had decided, in their feverish wisdom, to conduct an extraordinary audit that day.

He made for the kitchen, peering inside the yawning mouth of the fridge, but there was no dinner. Frederick sighed dreamily, switched on the kettle, cobbled together a couple of sandwiches, and planted himself before the telly.

For awhile, he channel-hopped, flickering from one world to the next, until at last he stumbled on a boxing match but tranquillity had no place here; he didnt even get a mouthful before the bell tolled ominously.

Suddenly Edna was on the doorstep, blowing in on a cold draft, not even glancing at her son. Fred! Listen, you must hear what Im about to tell you. Maureen told me herself!

Whats the matter, Mum? Frederick asked, feeling the conversation slipping away from him like mist.

Its Mary. Turns out, your wifes keeping an entire flat from you. She lets it out to tenants and spends all the money as she fancies!

Mum, honestly! Why do you listen to that daft old Maureen? Shes the queen of scandal and whispers, always gossiping on every street corner, while you hang on her every word!”

Maybe she exaggerates now and then, but this is solid! Maureens own neighbours niece is renting Marys two-bedroom place at the moment. Newlyweds, they are paying her six hundred a month and thinking theyve found a bargain. And your Marys been letting it out for over two years! Shes had plenty of tenants before.

Good lord, murmured Frederick, rather dreamlike. Why hasnt she told me?

Ask her yourself, soon as she breezes in from work. Though its clear, isnt it? Your wifes padding her pockets for when she leaves you. Shell vanish with a bundle and strip you bare, mark my words, declared Edna with strange satisfaction.

Mary appeared about ninety minutes later, the office still drifting from her shoulders. Her husband and Edna sat stiffly awaiting her, the air prickling with expectation. Edna, eyes glittering, had busied herself by cooking dinner and feeding her son, unable to sit idle in her suspense.

Mary entered the room to find four inquisitive and frosty eyes fixed upon her.

Edna began: Well then, dearest Mary, is there something youre hiding from your husband?

I really dont think so, replied Mary, voice wavering through the unreality of it all.

Oh, dont you now? What about that flat on Baker Street, number forty-three?

Mary blinked owlishly. And what, exactly, does my flat have to do with any so-called secrets?

Ednas tone was sharp as broken glass. Youre letting it out, arent you? And hiding the rent from Frederick!

Well? Frederick asked quietly. Where did that place come from, Mary? Why didnt you ever mention you had tenants? Wheres all the money going?

Mary drew a deep, otherworldly breath. The flat belonged to Aunt Ivy my mums cousin, so perhaps she was a sort of great-aunt to me. Family trees only make sense in logic, not in dreams.

Aunt Ivy passed away almost three years ago, Fred. I told you at the time… You were glad, you said, that Id stop traipsing over to cheer up the old dear. When I asked for help with the funeral you said work was impossible, drowning you.

And why did she leave you her flat? Edna shot back.

Probably because nobody else visited her but me, Mary replied with a small, defiant shrug.

But why didnt Frederick know about the inheritance? continued Edna, relentless.

Whats it got to do with him, honestly?

Hes your husband, thats what! Edna snapped.

And so? Mary said, eyes shining with a strange light.

Ednas voice rose. Dont act simple! That rent money should go into the family budget, not your handbag!

Im well within my rights, said Mary, voice calm but distant. An inheritance is my property alone, along with any earnings from it be it from letting or selling. I owe no explanations to anyone.

Frederick frowned dreamily. Mary, I spent a fortune fixing the car last year two bonuses gone yet all along you had money tucked away? I never expected this from you.

Thats your car, Frederick. You drive it. When I need a lift, you say youre busy or its out of your way, suggest I take a taxi. Last year you drove me precisely three times: to the market at Christmas, once from work when you forgot your keys, and the third when I twisted my ankle. Why would I pay for repairs on a car I barely use?

How much have you stashed away, then? asked Edna. A fortune, by now, no doubt.

Its far from a fortune. And Fred, do you remember your two daughters at university? When did you last send them money? Mary asked pointedly.

They seem to manage. They work, dont they? Frederick replied, rather lost.

They study and take odd jobs. If they worked full-time, when would they study?

Fine, but why didnt you ever mention the inheritance? pressed Frederick.

Because I didnt want you both interrogating me two and a half years ago. Theres another reason, too I saw what happened when your mother got wind of your brothers wifes flat before her marriage

What on earth do you mean, Mary?

Marys eyes glinted. You pressured Sarah for a year: Why do you need that little bedsit, lets sell it and get a country house, fresh air in summer So you sold her flat, bought a cottage, but put it solely in your name, Edna. Now Sarah cant go to the cottage without your say-so, let alone invite friends. All she can do is weed your garden. Thanks, but Ill pass.

You cheeky thing! Edna bawled, red-faced. Only ever think of yourself!

I learned from the best, Edna, Mary retorted gently.

Fred, are you hearing this? Your wifes being insolent! Edna wheezed.

I think shes being honest, Mary replied softly, dreamlike. You heard about my inheritance and rushed over. For what?

To tell Fred, of course!

Well, youve done it. And now?

I expect you to stop hoarding. The money should support the family.

It is. It goes to what I see fit for the family. Not to Frederick’s car repairs, and not to your cottage, Edna.

We could discuss how best to spend it together, Edna insisted.

Do you imagine, at forty-six, I cant manage my own affairs?

You must consider more than just yourself! cried Edna.

Whose interest, then? Yours? Thats why I never shouted about the inheritance. Those funds are there for me and my childrens needs, nothing else.

And so it will remain. If its all the same to you, Edna, perhaps you could forget my inheritance ever existed, Mary declared, quietly resolute.

So youll spend it all by yourself?

I will.

And you wont even share with your husband? Edna needled.

Ill share if I choose. I told you its for my family.

So Im not family, then?

No, Edna. My family is my husband, myself, and our children. The rest are relatives, Mary answered, wrapped in certainty.

And so Edna never did extract so much as a penny from Mary, though she schemed and whined and plotted many times, always demanding her fair share. But the inheritance remained untouched by Ednas talons, as Mary, firm as stone, thwarted every sly advance. For, in dreams and in waking, sometimes the place we sit is exactly the place we stand.