Who Knows Where the River of Destiny Will Flow

Who Can Tell Where the River of Fate May Turn

For the past month, Edward had grown quiet and withdrawn, and hardly spoke a word to his wife, Judith. She watched him, worried:

He must be ill, hes turning forty-five soon, and were planning his birthday at that little restaurant. I should just drag him to see the doctormy old friend at the surgery could see him. Get some tests done, just in case

Judith confided in her closest friend, Grace, sharing her concerns and suspicions, when Grace suddenly suggested:

My Michael, when he was secretly seeing someone else, acted exactly the samemoody and moping around, always looking lost.

Oh, dont be ridiculous, Grace,” Judith scoffed. Dont compare your Michael to my Edward.

And why shouldnt I? Is your Edward so much better than mine?

Well, not really. Michaels the charming typealways joking, the ladies man. Edward, well, he can barely string a sentence together. I was the one who had to propose to him back in our youth! If I hadnt moved in with him myself, I reckon hed still be a bachelor to this day.

Last year, Grace had caught Michael with another woman. Judith tried to comfort her:

Just leave him, Grace. Focus on yourself. Stop crying over him and kick that traitor out.

Grace dove headfirst into the single life, tossed Michael out, started frequenting pubs and restaurants, flirting with men left and right, chopped her hair short, and told everyone she was switching up her image. Judith watched with horrorshe hadnt meant that kind of self-care. Shed meant enrolling in some courses, learning ballroom dancing, maybe reading a bit more, keeping fit.

But Grace forgave Michael eventually. Judith just couldnt understand it.

If Edward ever did that to me, I could never forgive him, she would think.

Judith and Edward had been married for nearly twenty-six years now. They understood each other well, survived many storms together, and raised two sons. It felt like the time to settle into a quieter life together. Neither of them were old yet. Judith had even checked with relatives about a birthday party for Edwardshed tell him once the plans were set.

Theyd married right after finishing university. Met during a hiking trip. Theyd been on different courses but lived in the same town. In their fourth year, both courses went for a ramble in the Lake District. Sitting by the fire, shed noticed shy Edward first, though she’d hesitated to approach him at first. But they soon grew closeshe even looked after him, mending his shirt when hed torn it on a branch.

Edward would always carry her heavy rucksack; they became inseparable. Their friendship quietly blossomed into love. Judith made the first moveconfessed her feelings, and Edward bashfully replied:

Judith, I think Ive fallen for you too.

Well then, shed said, we should live together. Ill bring my things round and well put in for the registry. He simply nodded.

Shed moved in with him and his elderly granny, Doris. No one was happier than Edward’s dadafter all, Doris was his mum. Edwards mother never got on with her mother-in-law, never wanted to nurse her, so Edward, always kindhearted, had moved in instead. Now Judith cared for Doris in her last years.

Edward, Doris would say approvingly, Judiths a real gem, so capablenever a moments rest with her about. You look after her, boy. When you marry, Ill put the flat in your name.

They did marry, then Doris sadly passed away. Their sons arrived one after the othernow twenty-three and twenty-one. Their life together was unremarkable but happyholidays away, always with the boys in tow. But lately Edward had become a shadow of himself. The other day, he remarked:

You know, our lifes gone by but I feel weve missed out on the best of it, love. Judith bristled.

What are you talking about, Edward? Weve never spent a holiday at homeScotland, Cornwall, rambles in Wales, even ventured to Spain for a week or two. Weve brought up two fine sonsand soon well have grandkids running about!

Thats not it, he sighed, and fell silent, giving her a look she didnt notice.

Judiths mind was busy elsewhere.

Edward, do you think we should invite William and Alice to your birthday bash? Theyre still friends, even if they have moved to another city.

What birthday bash? Edward asked, surprised.

Your forty-fifth, of course! Well celebrate in that little bistro.

Right. I didnt realise youd organised that… He gave her another odd look.

Now, Judith sat for a third hour alone on their sofa, just staring at the floor, not a single tear left.

I never thought something like this would happen to me, she kept thinking.

Edward had come home early that night, which was unexpectedhed been coming home late these past couple of years.

Evening, he said quietly, dropping into a kitchen chair, not even taking off his leather jacket.

Evening, Edward. Take off your jacket, wash your hands, suppers ready, Judith said, as usual.

Edward sat there in silence, staring at his shoes.

Judith, Im leaving you. Sorry, he said quietly.

Leaving? Where are you going? Come on, dont be sillytake off your coat. Are you alright? Ive been worried about your healthlet me ring the doctor…

He raised his head and met her eyes.

Theres nothing wrong with my health Im Well, Ive met someone. Ive been seeing a woman from work for nearly two years.

Oh, so youve found yourself a young girl? Judith cut in sharply.

No, shes not young, not glamorous, just a real woman.

And what am I, Edward? Judith asked, hurt.

He shook his head slightly, as if shaking something loose. You? Youre like my manager, Judith. And Im your little dog on a lead. I cant make a single move without you. You decide everythingwhere we go, what I wear, what we eat, where and how we holiday, even how I celebrate my own birthday. You dont even let me go to footballsay theres nothing for me there, but I love football.

But Edward, Im only trying to do whats best for youI want you to be happy, Judith pleaded.

He cut her off. Every pound I earn goes to youyou run the show. You dole out cash for cigarettes, coffee. Have you ever thought how belittling that is for a man? I cant even nip to the pub for a pint with my colleaguestheres never any cash in my wallet.

Judith knelt before him, searching his face.

But weve always done it that way, why the sudden rebellion? Fine, if that’s what you want, I’ll start giving you pocket money for Friday pints with the lads; well go to football together, Ill let you choose your clothes on the next trip to the shops.

Edward just stared at her, an odd look in his eyes.

You dont get it, Judith, he said, a rare sharpness in his voice. I want to live with some freedom, to decide things for myself. I want to eat what I like, be where I want, think my own thoughts in my own space. With you its your way or nothing; I can never push back. And now, I cant do it any more. With you, I feel like a child whose life is run by someone else.

He wants to be allowed to take care of a woman

Oh my God, Edward, and this other woman isnt like that? Judith choked out.

No, she isnt. Judith saw how his eyes sparkled when he spoke of her. She lets me look after her; she lets me be the mando you understand?

Judith had never seen Edward this way. He looked as though hed woken up for the first time in yearstruly alive… She finally understood: Edward had fallen in love, just as he once had in their youth.

But it shouldnt be like this, she thought. Not at our ageits undignified! What is he thinking? But aloud she said, Edward, youre breaking up our family for a silly fling. What are people going to say about us? Think about our reputation, Edward. Everyone thinks were the perfect couple.

Whos everyone, Judith? Perfect coupledont make me laugh.

Judith realised her husband had staged a rebellion. She could do nothing to stop it. She began to crya thing shed never done before.

Judith, are you crying? he asked, surprised.

She clung to him, but Edward gently peeled her hands away, left the room, packed a small bag, and walked silently from their home. The flat seemed even emptier now.

I never imagined that fate could take such a sharp bendfrom happy, contented wife to lonely woman facing old age alone

Judith called Grace, who dashed to her. Grace tried to console her:

Oh Judy, come on now, it’s not the end. Remember those classes and all that self-help stuff you used to push on me? They didnt do me much goodMichael had just been daft, he begged me for forgiveness, and where else will he find someone like me? Maybe Edward will come backmen get carried away sometimes, though even Grace doubted this; Edward was nothing like Michael, far too steady.

No, Grace, Edward wont come back. He said things Ill never forget. You dont know him.

After Grace left, Judith sat a long while, staring at nothing, lost, not knowing what to do with herself, who to care for, whom to direct or instruct. Now shed have to learn to live alone. But perhaps life still had more surprises. Who can tell where the river of fate may turn, and what new shores it might wash her to.

Personal lesson: Ive realised now, as I look back on this day, that no matter how much we think we control our lives, the current can shift with little warning. Its easy to believe we know whats best for others, especially those closest to us, but sometimes, what people most want is simply the freedom to choose their own course.