Who Knows Where the River of Destiny Will Flow

Who Knows Where the River of Fate Will Turn

All through the past month, Edward had become unusually quiet, withdrawn from his wife, Margaret. Margaret watched him with concern and thought,

He must be coming down with something, definitely not himself, and with his forty-fifth just around the cornerwere supposed to celebrate at that café. I ought to take him by the hand and drag him off to Dr Wilkinson, hes an old friend. He needs a full check-up, and whatever else doctors do

Margaret shared her worries with her closest friend, Vera, who suddenly said,

My William, when he started an affair, was exactly the same, going about all pale and gloomy.

Oh, Vera! You cant compare your William to my Edward, Margaret replied, waving off the idea.

And what makes your Edward better than my William?

Well, thats just it, hes not. Your William is a charmer and a real ladies man, isnt he? As for Edward, he can hardly string two words togetherhonestly, I even had to propose myself back in the day. If I hadnt moved into his place, hed still be a bachelor.

Last year, Vera caught William with another woman. Margaret had consoled her.

Just leave him, Vera, focus on yourself. Stop crying and kick that traitor out.

Vera dove headfirst into the dating scene. She kicked William out, spent her evenings in pubs and cafés flirting with men, got her hair cut short, telling everyone she was just changing her style, while Margaret watched in horror. That wasnt quite what she had meant by focus on yourself. She thought itd be better to sign up for a course, learn to dance, or pick up a new skill. Go to the gym or something.

But before long, Vera forgave William. Margaret couldnt wrap her head around it.

I could never forgive Edward if he did that, she thought.

She and Edward had been married for nearly twenty-six years. They knew each other through and through, had weathered many storms together, raised two sons, and soon, in theory, theyd be facing a quiet old age together. Not that they were old yet, but still, it was time to plan his birthday, shed already spoken to the relativesshed tell Edward when the time came.

Margaret and Edward tied the knot just before finishing university. Theyd met on a hiking trip. Although studying different subjects, they discovered they lived in the same city. For their fourth year, both departments went on that tripwell, not everyone, but they were both there. By the campfire, shed first noticed the quiet Edward, feeling shy at first. Gradually they drew closershe even mothered him a bit, sewing his shirt when he snagged it on a branch.

Edward would carry her heavy rucksack, and thus a friendship began which seamlessly turned to love. Margaret ended up taking charge. She was the first to admit her feelings. And then he softly replied,

Margaret, I think Ive fallen for you too.

Well, then, we should live together! Ill bring my things to yours, and lets get the marriage forms in, shall we? He didnt object.

So she brought her belongings to the flat Edward shared with his frail old grandmother. Nobody was happier than Edwards father, for Granny Dorothy was his mum. Edwards mother and mother-in-law had never got on, and because she wouldnt take care of the old lady, Edward the doting grandson had moved in when she became unwell. But Margaret took up the care herself.

Edward dear, Granny Dorothy would say, I simply adore your Margaret: so clever, always bustling about. Shes exactly the wife you need. Once you wed her, Ill leave the flat to you both. Dont you lose her.

They married soon after. Then, sadly, Granny Dorothy passed. The boys arrived, one after another. Now, the eldest was twenty-three, the younger twenty-one. Life chugged along peacefully for Margaret and Edwardtheyd always holiday together, taking the children. Yet lately, Edward hadnt seemed himself. Not long ago, he remarked,

Feels like weve lived our whole lives and never really seen anything good, love.

Margaret was indignant.

Edward, how can you say that? Weve never once spent a summer at home. Weve been to the Lake District, to Cornwall, touring the Cotswolds, and weve even jetted off to Cyprus twice. Weve raised the boys, and soon well be grandparents!

Thats not what I mean, he sighed, falling silent, looking at her oddly. She didnt pay it mind; she had her own thoughts.

Edward, what do you reckonshall we invite Max and Susan for your birthday bash? Still friends, after all, even if they live in another town.

What birthday bash? he asked, surprised.

What do you mean which one? Your forty-fifth! Were having a do at the café.

Oh, really? I didnt know youd made all these plans, he said, looking at her strangely again.

Now Margaret found herself alone on the sofa for the third hour, staring at the floor, dry-eyed.

I never thought this could happen to me, she thought, distraught.

Edward came home early from work todayshe hadnt expected that, especially since hed been working such long hours for the past eighteen months.

Hello, he said, dropping into a chair in the kitchen, not even bothering to take off his leather jacket.

Hello! Edward, take off your coat, wash up and lets have dinner, Margaret called in her usual way.

Edward sat in silence, head bowed.

Margaret, Im leaving you. Im sorry, he murmured.

What do you mean leaving? Go on, take off your coat. If youre ill, well go to the doctor like I thought

Edward lifted his head and looked her straight in the eye.

Im perfectly healthy, nothing to do with doctors. Listen, Ive Ive fallen in love. For two years Ive been seeing a woman from my office.

Youve found yourself a young thing, then? Margaret blurted.

No, shes not younger. Shes just different. Not a beauty queen, just a real woman

And what am I, Edward? Margaret echoed in disbelief.

You? He shook his head, like he was brushing off a weight. Youre youre my keeper. Im like a dog on a lead. I cant take a step without your say-so. You plan everythingwhat I wear, where we holiday, what we eat and drink, how to celebrate my birthday. You even stopped me going to football because you thought it was pointless, though I love it.

But Edward, I just try to do whats best for you. I want us to be happy Margaret began, but Edward interrupted.

I hand over every penny I earn, you control the lot. You give me pocket money for cigarettes and coffee. Margaret, dont you realise how humiliating that feels for a man? I cant join colleagues at the pub after work for a pint because I never have any cash. I just want to have a say, to breathe, to choose my own things, go where I want, eat what I fancynot just what you prefer. I never have time to myself, I cant do anything on my own. You shape my thoughts and desires and I cant resist. But in the end, everyone reaches their limit. I feel as if Im a child, and youre my guardian, making all my choices.

She lets you look after her? Margaret asked bitterly.

Yes. She lets me feel like a manbe a man, do you see? Margaret saw his eyes light up as he spoke of the other woman. She had never seen him like that before; he seemed awake, revived She realised then he truly was in love, as if he were young again.

But its not right, is it? At our age, honestly, what is he playing at? Dear God She managed out loud, Edward, just for a silly fling, youre tearing the family apart. Think what people will say! Cant you seeeveryone thinks were the perfect couple.

What people, Margaret? What perfect couple?

Margaret suddenly understoodher husband was rebelling, turning her life upside down, and nothing she could do would change it. For the first time in years, she cried.

Margaret, are you crying? he asked in surprise.

She tried to hug him, but Edward gently pulled away, packed a small bag, and left with his suitcase. Margaret was left with silence.

Never did I think fate would throw such a twist, that I would go from contented wife to lonely woman looking at old age by myself

She rang Vera, who hurried round to comfort her.

Marg, look at us, were not that old, are we? Chin upremember all those courses you suggested I try? Well, I never needed those in the end. William begged for forgivenessit was a silly fling, he does love me, and where else would he find a woman like me? Maybe Edward will come back too, though Vera had her doubtsEdward was nothing like William.

No, Vera, he wont. He said thingsthings hes never said before. If you knew Edward, youd know theres no going back.

After Vera left, Margaret sat lost in thought, unsure what to do, whom to care for, or how to fill her days. She would have to learn to live alone. Or maybe, just maybe, something would change. After all, no one really knows where the river of fate might carry us; perhaps it will still take her to a new, brighter shore.

Life, like a river, sometimes meanders where we least expect. Holding on too tightly can push what we love away. We must allow spacefor ourselves, and for othersto breathe, to choose, and to grow.