And Why I Swapped My Savvy Spouse for a Different Leading Lady

Did the washing up again. It’s been piling up in the sink for three days now. Not even a clean mug left. I waited and waited… What now? Came home from work, famished, irritable, knackered. Before I can eat anything, I have to clean up all the dishes, otherwise theres nothing to eat from.

And to make matters worse, theres barely any food in the house. Switched on the kettle and filled a saucepan with water. Might as well boil some sausages. Or just eat them plain. Im absolutely starving. Never imagined Id struggle like this… And Marina used to make a smashing barley soup! How I wish I had a bowl of that right now…

Her pies were brilliant too, not to mention the puff pastries with all sorts of fillings. Those ribs were her specialty. And the way she kept the house so tidy and spotless, everything shining. Coming home after work, everything smelled so fresh and clean. Now…

Why didnt I notice? I just thought Marinas life revolved around cooking and laundry…

Saw Emily one afternoon. Stunning, short skirt, heels. She was leaving the beauty parlour. Perfectly groomed, the picture of elegance. At the time, I thought…

I never went to salons, never spent money on haircuts, didnt bother with dye. And Marina never fussed about trends. Even though she was slim and lovely, she wasnt interested in all those feminine things. Always in jeans and trainers, running errands or tidying up.

I love someone else! I told Marina when I got home. Im leaving you! I dont want to mislead you.

Marina was whipping cream for a cake. She didnt even turn round. I didnt notice the tears streaming down her cheeks…

I grew tired of seeing a housekeeper next to me, not a woman. Guess thats why I was drawn to Emily. Now, its me doing the dishes, sweeping the floors, and all the cleaning. Not much of a cook yet, and some nights I still dream about Marinas pies…

Emilys got a fresh manicure, so she wont touch the washing up. Shes lounging on the sofa, flicking through a magazine, or heading off to the salon to get her hair done. Dresses scattered across the floor, and Ive tripped over her shoes a few times. She cant decide what to wear to the salon. And yesterdays glassleft it on the doorstep and its still there.

Why did I leave my wife for such an idle girl? Its enough to drive me round the bend. Shall I whip up some more pasta? Im so hungry…