As She Left the Hospital, Alena Bumped Into a Man at the Door

Leaving the hospital, Alice bumped into a man at the doors.

Sorry, he said, pausing to look her over. In the next second, his expression turned disdainful and patronising. He turned away, and it seemed he instantly erased Alices existence from his mind.

Shed grown used to such glances. Tall, slender women were met with entirely different eyescovetous, lingering, hungry. For Alice, it was always indifference, if not outright contempt. It stung. Was it her fault shed been made this way?

As a child, everyone adored her chubby cheeks and dimpled knees, her roundness. She was always put first in line during PE lessons in school, the biggest among the girls. They called her chubby, fatty, Peppa Pig, and occasionally even worse names best forgottenchildren can be cruel. Teachers saw her being bullied, but did nothing.

Alice tried every diet she could get her hands on, but hunger always gnawed away, so the kilos inevitably returned. She was pretty in her own way, but her figure always stole away what confidence she might have felt.

She once dreamt of becoming a teacher, but gave up on it, imagining a classroom of children inventing new taunts. After school, Alice went to nursing college. When people are desperate for help, they dont care what the nurse looks likeonly that the pain lessens.

There were no boys in her class, and the other girls were all busy with romance or wedding plans. Alice was always the odd one out. During lectures, classmates asked her to sit in the front row so they could hide behind her broad back and avoid the tutors gaze.

Alice longed to wear the beautiful dresses she saw in shop windows, but knew they were never meant for her. She dressed in baggy jumpers and loose skirts, always trying to hide herself. She earned top marks and handled needles deftly; the elderly patients adored her for her gentle touch.

One day, she joined her classmates at the ice rink. Teenage boys mocked her mercilesslyLook, theres the abattoirs next delivery, they jeered. Their laughter made Alice want to cry.

Her mother tried to set her up with the sons of friends. She even went on a few dates. One lad, on seeing her, put on an act of indifference and turned his back. Another didnt even bother with introductions before getting handsy; she shoved him into a puddle, his parting shout still ringing in her ears, Who else would ever want you? Alice, fighting tears, decided it was best to stay alone rather than humiliate herself again.

On social media, she set her avatar to Fiona from Shrek. When a bloke commented, asking what she really looked like, Alice replied, Actually, I look just like my avataronly not green. He thought she was joking. Youre probably just tired of unwanted attention, eh? he replied, suggesting they meet. Alice didnt answer and never spoke to him again.

One day, a small boy of about six nearly ran headlong into her in the ward corridor.

Oi! Where dyou think youre off to? Its a hospital, not a playground, she scolded, catching his arm.

I wanted to slide across the linoleum, he admitted honestly.

And who are you with?

My dad, visiting grandma. Umwheres the loo? he asked.

Come on then, Alice led him down the corridor. Youll be alright in there?

The lad gave her a dismissive grown-up look. She didnt mindthe little ones had an honesty that stung less.

Moments later, the flush sounded and he emerged.

Right, now show me which room your grans in, she said.

He sighed and shuffled beside her, stopping at a door and pressing his finger to his lips with exaggerated seriousness.

I think its this one, he pointed to the fourth room.

You think? You dashed off and didnt check the number? Maybe you cant read numbers? Alice teased, noticing it was the mens ward.

I know my numbersand my letters! he insisted, then confidently pointed at the door labelled 5.

You cheeky monkey, Alice pretended to be stern.

The boy laughed. Whats your name?

Im Tom, he blurted just as a tall, good-looking man opened the door. The man shot Tom a stern look.

Tom, whats taken you so long? His eyes briefly passed over Alice and his interest immediately faded. Has he been misbehaving? he asked her.

Too many times Alice had been at the end of that bored, dismissive glance.

He wasn’t misbehaving. Dont scold him, Alice replied, moving away.

Come onsay goodbye to Gran, weve got to go, she heard as she left.

The next day, Tom and his dad came again. The man passed by Alice without a word. She stuck her tongue out at his back. At that moment Tom turned around, grinning wildly and put his thumb up. Alice couldnt help but smile and wave.

During the afternoon break, Alice visited room five.

Youre looking well today, Mrs Harris. Did your grandson come? she asked.

You saw him? Isnt he a lovely boy? I want so much to live long enough to see the man hell become.

Youve ages yet. Youll be spoiling great-grandchildren soon enough, Alice encouraged.

God willing. My heart aches for himhes growing up without a mum, Mrs Harris sighed.

His mother

She isnt dead, dear. She left him with us. Just walked out.

Alice was surprised. You said heras though hes not your grandson?

He isnt by blood. But we love him like our own. My son married a real stunner, but after the wedding, she admitted she already had a son. Not the right way to start a marriage, is it? My husband nearly gave himself a heart attack, and now here I am, stuck in hospital. Two years ago, Toms mother got a flashy offer to work abroadmodel stuff. Packed up and left, sent Tom to us. My sons girlfriends since then have all been the same: gorgeous and selfish. Tom wants nothing to do with them.

All day, Alice thought about Mrs Harriss tale. That evening, when she entered to give Mrs Harris her injection, she noticed the old lady was sniffling a bit.

Now, now! You know you cant get upset! Alice gently scolded.

Im not upset, love. Look at this, Mrs Harris held out a drawing. It showed a boy holding the hands of a man and a woman. It was clearly Tom and his parents.

Toms looking for a mum. And I think hes drawn you, Alice.

No, no. He drew his mother, Alice protested.

He cant remember what she looked like. She was skinny, and this mum is tall, broadeven bigger than Dad. I think thats you. Mrs Harris sniffled again.

Alice realised the drawn mum was bigger than the dad. Even a child sees Im huge, she thought, her confidence plummeting. A man like Toms father would never look my way. Enough of thatdaydreaming wont help.

From then on, whenever Alice went to treat Mrs Harris, they shared a few words. The next time Tom came, he sought her out right away.

Hello. Are your hands trustworthy? he grinned.

I think so, she laughed.

Gran says shes in safe hands. Will she be home soon? My birthdays next week, he blurted.

I expect so. How old will you be?

Six, he said proudly, and youre invited to my party.

Thank you! Id love to, but Ill have to check with your dad first.

I will! Tom ran back to the room. Alice was distracted with work and didnt see them leave, but next day, Tom and his dad, James, were waiting for her.

Dad, you promised, Tom tugged as Alice approached.

James nodded, looking at Alice. Consider this a proper invitation. Toms turning six. Heres our address and my number. Saturday at one. Wed really like you to comeunless youve other plans?

I have your details already, Alice stammered, blushed. And Im free at the weekend.

Tom will be disappointed if you dont come. And you know my mumshed be out of sorts too. And you said she shouldnt get upset.

A whole week! Alice thought. Maybe I can drop a bit of weight before then.

That evening, she told her mum the whole story.

You should absolutely go. Sometimes kids see more clearly than adults. Who knowsperhaps something will work out, even with his dad. Maybe hes just not showing it, her mum said.

Oh Mum, he barely sees me, Alice sighed.

You never know, love. What matters is how you feeland that boy needs a caring mum.

Saturday morning, Alice curled her hair, picked out a dress, added a bit of mascara. She scowled in the mirror. No matter the wrapping, the shapes the same.

Shed bought Toms present a week before. No use backing out nowhell be expecting me, she whispered, breathing deep before heading out.

No sooner had she rung the bell than she heard the lock turn. Her heart hammered in her chest.

Alices here! Tom flung his arms around her as best he could. She stroked his short hair and handed him the gaily wrapped gift. His eyes sparkled with delight.

In the living room, the table was laid for a party. James was there, along with a stunning blonde woman and an older man Alice guessed must be Toms grandfather.

The blonde arched a perfect eyebrow and gave Alice a sweeping, appraising look.

Let me introduce youthis is Alice, our lifesaver. You already know Tom. This is John, my husband. Mrs Harris ignored the blondes presence. This is, erm an acquaintance of James, Claire.

Claire shot another look at Alice as Mrs Harris dished up some salad for heraccidentally knocking over a glass of wine, which spilled straight onto Claires lap. She shot up, the chair clattering behind her, and everyone started fussing.

Despite Mrs Harriss apologies, Claire quickly gathered her things to leave. No one stopped her. Alice was about to leave too.

Please dont be offended James began.

You didnt spill wine on me, so why should I be? Alice replied with a shrug. But perhaps I should head off.

Mums saved her special cake for you. Please, dont let her down. Ill give you a lift.

On the road home, the silence was heavy.

I didnt ask you to drive me, Alice finally said.

My mum wouldnt forgive me if I didnt. I keep running into youits almost as if she wants us to get married, James replied awkwardly.

Im not in love with you, and I know you feel the same about me. Dont worry, Ill make sure not to get in your way, Alice managed, her voice trembling.

The car stopped outside her flat. Alice tried the door, but it was locked.

Let me out this instant, she demanded loudly.

Suddenly, James leaned in and kissed her. Alice shoved him away.

What are you playing at? Tired of glamorous blondes? Want to slum it with the fat girl for a change? Should I be grateful for your attention? Her eyes sparkled with anger, her cheeks blazing.

She didnt realise she was positively radiant in that moment. James was stunned. Hed never seen such fire. The blondes always acted cool and aloof.

Im sorryhonestly, I dont know what came over me. I didnt want to upset you. I just thought there might be something

Yes, well, youre the first man to ever kiss meunless you count the ones who just want to do me a favour. People look at me with pity, or turn away before bothering to know me, Alice hurled the words, then left the car.

By late August the weather turned: rain and wind stripped the trees. A good three weeks passed since Toms birthday. Alice hadnt seen James.

She came home from work and kicked off her wet shoes with relief.

A young gentlemans beensays he needs to speak to you, her mum called out.

Who?

Well dressed, good-lookingseemed worried. Asked if you could ring him.

Alice retreated to the kitchen and dialled Jamess number straightaway.

This is Jamesthanks for calling. Toms unwell. Would you mind coming over? He needs injections

Ill be right there, Alice promised, grabbing her coat and popping into the chemist for supplies.

Tom beamed when he saw her, his brow damp from fever, but temperature falling. Alice washed up and prepared the equipmentantibiotics and vitamins.

Rememberyou said your hands were safe? So Im not scared, Tom whispered, eyes shining.

He screwed his eyes shut as the needle went in, then grinned: Well, that only hurt a tiny bit.

James kept glancing at her as she worked, as if seeing Alice properly for the first time. She blushed and looked away, heart pounding.

James insisted on driving her home.

Alice, will you come for a coffee? We never got that talk, he said.

Youre just doing this for Tom. Please dontdont give me hope you cant return. Im not the sort of woman anyone falls in love with. Im fat.

Fat? Youre warm, youre soft, youre kind. Kids arent wrongyou cant fool a child. Tom likes you, and so do I. I think we could be a real family.

But what if Toms mother comes back?

She wont. Shes signed her rights away and agreed to a divorceshes remarried. Tom is mine. Sowill you go on a proper date with me?

Yes, Alice said quietly.

Theres someone for everyone in this worldsomeone who brings meaning to good days and comfort on bad ones. Looks count for nothing when you find the one who truly fits you. Sometimes, though, the halves of a whole can pass each other by, failing to notice the soul they were meant to find. But maybe loves real magic is in teaching us to see the beauty withina beauty missed by those looking only at the surface.