Husband Refused to Spend His Salary on Groceries and Household Expenses

Despite the fact that we’re already counting every penny, my husband has decided he wants to start saving for our child’s future home. Yesterday, after his wages came in, he announced quite firmly: “I’m going to start putting aside money to buy a house for our son.” I found myself deeply dissatisfied with this proclamation. Let me explain why.

Over ten years ago, my husband moved to London to earn money. He’s a buildertough work, to say the least. Before we met, he sent nearly all his wages back home to his mother, keeping just a little pocket money for himself. His mates would urge him to save for a place of his own, but he’d give his mother everything. She had two other sons, and though they helped her, they certainly didn’t hand over every last pound the way my husband did.

Once we married, we moved into my mum and grandmothers flat in Manchester, a place that hadn’t seen a fresh coat of paint or repair in ages.

At first, my husband was kind and affectionate, though rather distant with my mum and gran. I believed he’d eventually come around, but after a year, things only worsened. He started drinking more, became unpleasant with me and my mum, and complained incessantly about the state of the flat. In hindsight, divorce would have been sensible. But instead, he grew ever more insistent that we have a child. Foolishly, I thought a baby would bring us closer and things would improve. I was naïveinstead, our situation deteriorated even more.

We fell into a constant state of financial struggle. My maternity pay barely covered nappies, even though we pooled all our money together.

Mum covers the bills from her meagre salary. She buys my medication (I have a chronic condition) and spends whatever is left on food and household basics. Gran had scrimped and saved her tiny pension for her own funeral, but selflessly gave us her entire savings as a wedding gift.

My husband was sure his family would contribute to the wedding, but they didn’t put anything forward. We ended up having a big celebration with grans savings and his wages, though a quieter do would have sufficed. He was adamant, though, that it be a large affair.

In all the years of our marriageseven, nowhe’s continued supporting his mother financially, even after her house was fully renovated and stocked with new appliances, all paid for with his hard work. Whenever we hit a rough patch, Id sometimes find his stash of cash earmarked for his mother. These discoveries led to endless rows, and hed promise each time that he wouldnt do it again.

After his mother died, he and his older brother made what I considered a misguidedly noble gesture: they gave up their share of her house to their youngest brother.

So after investing all that money into his mother’s house, then ours, he simply walked away from any inheritance. He ignored my pleas to at least claim the share rightfully his.

Since our childs birth, hes changedbecoming rude, tight-fisted about buying food and essentials for me, and nitpicking endlessly. He argues with mum for no reason. His drinking has gotten worse. I can’t consider divorce nowthe childs too young, Im unwell, and theres a real risk of losing my job after maternity leave ends. For now, I simply cant manage without him.

He seems to take pleasure in my dire situation, constantly reminding me that I rely on his wages, that hes tired of supporting all of us. He knows perfectly well we live off a shared budgethis, mums, grans, and my own pitiful contributions all pooled together.

The idea of buying a home for our son is something Ive always wanted too. Weve talked about it before, but it’s just a dream as we simply don’t have enough money. But yesterday, he announced that he wants to save a third of his salary, which means we’ll all be pinching every penny, indefinitely. I can’t go along with thatit’s not fair. Still, he’s determined to do things his way.

I cant shake the feeling that this isnt really about the boys future, but about him. With things as strained as they are between us, I suspect he wants to build up a nest egg and leave, even if it means the rest of us go without. When I shared these worries, he retorted that hes scared Ill get fed up, divorce him, and kick him out. I confess I’ve threatened that in my head many timesthough I dont truly want it. If only hed stop being so dreadful to my mum and gran, Id never dream of saying such a thing.

But hes shown no sign of changing. Living with him has turned mine and my familys lives into a nightmareand, at the moment, I cant see a way out.