Blamed for Nothing: The Innocent Accused

An Innocent Offender

“You take your daughter and leave. Theres nothing between us anymore!”

“But, Alex”

“Ive said my piece! And I never want to see you again!”

The door slammed. Helen staggered. The room tilted, her ears rang, and she thought, just for a moment, that she heard her own mothers distant voice, shrill and stubborn, shouting, “Dont you dare!”

It worked. Helen steadied herself, managed a step, then another, and collapsed onto a kitchen chair, her fingers gripping her palms so tightly her nails dug in. The pain yanked her back from the fog that threatened to swallow her whole.

No! She couldnt let herself fall apart, couldnt just wallow in despair, however tempting that felt right now. But oh, how she wanted to…

Dont you dare! Theres Katie! AndNo, best not think about that just yet. She needed to pull herself together and make sense of what happened.

What couldve turned Alex against her so suddenly? Why was he driving her out? Everything had been fine yesterday…

Or was it?

Finally, her brain whirred into gear. Helen laid her hands, palms up, on the kitchen table.

Now then! How did Mum tell her to do it, back in the day? If you dont know what to do, analyse! List everything out, count it on your fingers. Better still, grab a pencil and write it down.

Unfortunately, all the pencils were in the other room, and Katie was napping in there.

Katie had always been a light sleeper. No way Helen would wake her now; one little wail and all hope for peace would be lost.

Shed have to make do as she was.

Helen looked down at her hands, automatically making fists. Her nails hadnt seen a proper manicure in agesshe barely had timeand her skin was rough and freckled, a result of too many hours wrestling roses and weeds out in the garden, happy as a lark (or so she told herself). Who would have guessed shed grow quite fond of housekeeping and practically forget everything her mother once taught her?

“Helen, youre a lady!”

“Im a girl, Mum!”

“Now, Helen, not for long! Soon, youll be a young lady, then a woman, like me! And a proper lady never lets herself go. Manicure, pedicure, tidy hair, soft hands! Thatll tell people more about you than any posh dress. And you cant parade about with diamonds if you havent washed your neck for a week, understand?”

“Yes, Mum!” Eight-year-old Helen would swipe her mums lipstick, earning a snort of laughter.

“Not yet! Thats not your colour, and youre much too young. Youre beautiful as you are! All in good time!”

“Mum…”

“Thats enough!”

Helen never heard her mother say “Thats enough!” often, but when she did, there was no point in arguing. Her mum always stood by her word.

Always…

“Helen, I have to go away for a bit. Youll stay with Granny. Its just the way it has to be.”

“Will you be gone long?” Helen, who just turned ten, fiddled with her skirt, biting her lip, fighting off tears.

“Six months. Ive got a smashing job offer. But its up north! I cant bring you. Youll be better here. Granny will look after you. Ill call and write letters.”

“Mum, dont go…”

Helen started sobbing in earnest, and her mother, helpless and frustrated, started losing patience.

“Thats enough now! I have no choice! If I dont take this job, well never manage to get out of Grannys flat. I want you to have your own room, so we can take holidays by the seaside! If your dad were herewell. But hes not. Its just me: for you and Granny.”

“But Auntie Tracys here!” Helen argued, shaking her head desperately.

“Auntie Tracys got her own problems. She needs help just as much!”

“Then help me! Please stay!” It burst out of Helen, and for the first time, she saw Mums steely, cold glare.

“Helen.” Her voice was ice; Helen shuddered. “You cant always think just of yourself. It isnt right! If you never consider others, therell be no one to help you when you need it. Right now, Im doing this for you, so youll never go without.” Mums voice softened and she hugged Helen tight. “I swear, just this once. Be brave, love. Its got to be done.”

Helen had no choice but to nod, even as her heart felt as if a pack of claws were raking it raw.

She wrote her mother letters. Every Sunday, gripping the phone, shed shout about how much she missed her. Sometimes Helen was so miserable, she even refused her favourite ice cream. Time seemed to crawl. When Granny finally told her they were heading to the airport to meet Mum, Helen cried so hard they had to call a taxicalming her down took ages.

But her mother kept her promise. Never again did she leave Helen so long. There were work trips, but they were short and didnt sting in the same way.

They did move, swapping the little flat Dad had left them for a bigger one. Helen got her very own room, though she barely used it. Shed grab her books and camp out in the kitchen every day the moment her mum came in from work. Even if Mum was busy doing extra work at home, Helen would sit nearby.

Being together was just… nice.

The dreaded teen years skipped right past them, mostly. With all Mums patience and tact, rows and drama never really stuck. Later, Helen marvelled at how much love could be packed into one small, fragile woman with zero backup. By then, Granny was gone, and it was just the two of them.

Mum didnt speak to her sister anymore.

Helen never pried much, but once, shed asked why. Mums answer was blunt.

“You can forgive almost anythingexcept betrayal.”

“What did Aunt Tracy do?”

“She let down Mum. Granny wanted her there, wanted to say goodbye. But Tracy didnt come…”

“Why not?”

“She was scared Id ask her to stay and help. And yes, it was her duty, too. But she said she couldn’t copeshe didnt want to see Mum like that, to feed her, wash her, see her slip away. The one whod always been our rock…”

“But you could?!” Helen was indignant.

“I couldnt, either,” Mum looked straight at Helen, her lips trembling. Helen reached out in comfort. “I didnt want to see her like that. But I had no choice, Helen! None! She was my mum. I owed her everything, including a peaceful farewell. Surrounded by familyeven if she barely recognised us…”

“Is that why you never let me stay with Granny for more than a few minutes at a time?”

“Yes. I didnt want you to remember her that way.”

“You know, I dont. I only remember her making jam, teaching me to scoop the frothy bits into a saucer and eat it with the tiniest spoon. She said it tasted better that way…”

“We used to do that as kids too…”

“I dont get it, Mum. Granny raised you both the sameloved you equally. Why did you turn out so different?”

“It just happens, love. Granny fussed over Tracy more. She was always ill as a childmaybe Granny thought she had to protect her from life itself, not just colds. Maybe it backfired…”

“So did it work?”

“Work?”

“To keep her safe?”

“No. Look at Tracy: Two marriages, three kidsalways lurching from one crisis to another. Maybe if Granny hadnt cushioned her from every little thing, Tracy might have learned to handle a few thorns on her own. Whos to say? One things for sure: I learnt from that. Ill always help you when you need it, but dont expect me to solve all your problems for you. If you hit trouble, have a think. If you cant fix it, Im here. Always. Got it?”

“Yes, Mum…”

So now Helen sat and thought. Tick-ticking her fingers, trying to work out what went wrong and when.

Yesterday was Alexs birthday. Not exactly a big milestone, so theyd decided to keep it quiet, just close family. Thank goodness it was summer; their lovely new house, finished only last year, had plenty of space for everyone.

Helens mum came, so did Alexs mum, and his sister with her lot in tow.

Katie was over the moon at the prospect of cousins in the house, darting round the garden, pelting Helen with questions: “Are they here yet? When are they coming? Do we get to swim in the pool? Are” She was a one-girl interrogation squad, and eventually, Helen just stopped trying to answer. Katie would only answer herself anyway, busily tidying her roomcouldnt have guests arriving to chaos!

Alex popped to the shops, and soon the kitchen was a hive of activity. Helens mum was helping her cook, poking around with questions of her own.

“Mum! Why all the fuss? Whats wrong?” Helen finally asked.

“Nothing at all, poppet,” her mum grinned. “How far along are you?”

Helen realised her not-so-secret secretthe one shed barely admitted to herselfwas no longer secret at all. Suddenly, she felt giddy with relief, and burst out laughing, hugging her mum tight.

“Just three weeks. Its tiny! Not even told Alex yet. How on earth did you know?”

“Youre glowing… just like you did with Katie. Quietly, gentlylike a little lantern…”

“Mum, Im terrified…”

“What of, you silly thing? Youve got nothing to worry about!”

“I dont know… Alex has been so moody and withdrawn. I cant make out why…”

“Have you asked?”

“He wont say!”

“Well, youre not asking properly, then!”

“Mum!”

“What? If your husbands sulking for no reason, its your job to pin him down and find out why! I clearly failed you somewhere along the line, my girl. Never let your loved ones drift awayever! Give them an inch and someone else will sneak in a mile…”

Helen ticked off another finger. This was it! It all kicked off after that conversation. Shed been so caught up in her own little cloud, shed missed the warning signsuntil Mum nudged her.

Only Helen never found the right time. First was the birthday, then the big clean-up after the guests, and somehow, she just never managed to grab Alex for a proper chat.

Then, out of nowherehed thrown that at her.

“Take your daughter!”

What was that supposed to mean?

Helen clenched her fists. Well, now shed do things properlyjust as her mum taught her. First order of business: talk to the husband! Enough riddles!

Alex had pulled the car out of the garage and was about to drive off when Helen burst out the front door, shrieking so loudly the sparrows in the garden shrieked back and scattered skyward.

“Wait!”

She tackled the steps two at a time and reached the gate.

Alex stared, mouth agape, as she slapped her hands on the car bonnet and glared.

“Move…” His voice was flat, but Helen caught the tremor she was hoping for.

Alex didnt want to go. He didnt want to leave. She was right.

“Get out here! Were going to have a chat before Katie wakes up! Whats going on with you? Where are you planning to disappear to? Whats all this? Am I your wife or some random woman off the street?”

Helens voice rose with every word; Alexs nerves twisted up tighter.

If she really didnt care, she wouldnt shout at him like this. If she wanted out, shed let him go. Did he really believe Katie would be better off without him? Was this what his sister had filled his head with?

He finally climbed out and gruffly muttered, “Dont pretend you dont know why!”

“If I knew, I wouldnt ask! Alex, whats wrong? Youve been all over the place for weeks. And todayyou lost it! Why did you call Katie MY daughter? Isnt she yours too?”

“Dunno!” Alex blurted, looking her in the eye for the first time. “You tell me! Whos Katies dad, then? Why does her father sneak off to see her behind my back?”

“What are you on about?” Helens jaw dropped open. “Have you lost your mind?”

“Whove you been meeting in town when you take Katie to her classes?”

Helen nearly choked but pulled herself together.

“So thats it! And who enlightened you? Your mother? Or your lovely sister?”

“Mums nothing to do with it!”

“Right. So, Natalies been busy.”

“So what if she has? Was she wrong to tell me what she saw? Im her brother!”

“And Im your wife!” Helen felt the anger welling in a tidal wave. “You believe anyone and everyoneexcept me! Is that it?”

“You lied to me!”

“Me?! When, Alex? About what?!”

“Whos that bloke you go walking with in the park twice a week? Who is he?!”

Helen let out a hiss of exasperation.

“I told you, Alex! That night you were glued to the telly, watching some big football match. Katie and I got back from her lesson, and I said Id bumped into an old schoolmateSam. He moved back here to look after his mum, whos ill. He remembered my gran had the same, so he asked for advice, contacts for doctors, carers, that sort of thing. We met a couple more times. And if your eagle-eyed sister had bothered looking, shed have spotted that my mum came with us! I hardly think Id parade a secret lover around with my own mother in tow, would I? Mum would never let me hear the end of it. Sometimes, I wonder if Mum loves you more than me! Shes always admired you. And now…”

Helen gave a furious shrug and sniffed.

No tears. No way! She wasnt going to crynot now.

“Waitso youre saying”

“Alex, Ive told you already!” Helen cut him off, fixing him with a look that made him flinch. “You preferred to believe tittle-tattle over the woman you married! You forgot everything weve shared, and dragged my nameand our daughtersthrough the muck. Do you understand what youve done?! Ive no idea why Natalie saw fit to start this nonsense, and frankly, I dont care. She walked into our home, stirred up poison, and beamed at me like butter wouldnt meltnot a hint of what she was plotting. But her actions mean nothing next to yours, Alex! What do you want? A DNA test? Fine. Lets do it! So youll have no doubt the child who looks at the world with YOUR eyes is YOUR child!”

Helen listened for a minute, sighed.

“Shes awake.”

Helen marched back into the house, leaving her husband baffled on the drive.

A moment later, she heard the car pull away.

Katie ran up, throwing her arms around Helen and chattering away. All Helen wanted was to cry her heart out.

How did it come to this?! What had she done wrong? What should she do now? Call her mum? Spill the whole story? Or just… take a pause, weigh things up, wait and see?

“Never ring me about a row with Alexunless youre SURE its the end, and theres no fixing it! If that time comes, call me day or night, and Ill come running. But until thensay nothing! Youll argue and make up, but Ill never forgive him for hurting my child…”

Helen fiddled with her phone, put it aside. Too soon. Alex needed to know the news first. Then shed decide on next steps.

With a decision made, Helen calmed a bit. So when Alexs car screeched to a stop a while later, she was almost herself.

She was feeding Katie when Alex barged in, literally dragging Natalie behind him.

“For heavens sake, come in! Helen, are you there?!”

“Im here…” Helen glanced at Katie, realising this was not what any child should see.

“Darling, have you finished? Go to my room, put your cartoons on! All right?”

“Sure!” Katie dived off, delighted with her get-out-of-veg-free card. “Hi, Dad! Hello, Auntie Nat! Mums let me have cartoons!”

That tiny voice managed to cut through the grown-ups fog. Alex let go of Natalies arm; Helen leapt in, keen to stop things spiralling out of control.

“Go on, Katie! Ill be up soon!”

“No urge, Mummy!” Katie grinned at her aunt and bounded up the stairs to the master bedroom.

The ensuing conversation was… fraught. Natalie sobbed, Alex fumed, and Helen wasnt sure what to do with her sister-in-laws confessions.

“I thought you were lying to him! Really, I did! You wouldnt believe the stories I hear from my friendshusbands being made fools of, wives carrying on behind their backs. I cant trust anyone anymore!”

“So, what, Nat? You decided I was one of your dodgy mates? Do you cheat on your husband, then? Come onwhose kids are yours?”

Natalie gulped, stunned.

“Youre out of order!”

“Am I? What about you? Do you have any idea what chaos your little stunt couldve caused? And as for Alexwell, he believed you. Of course he did, youre family. But you took advantage of that trust. Why?”

“I dont know…” Natalie cried, entirely undone. “I thought I was protecting him…”

“From me? Did it work?”

Helen shrugged and faced Alex.

“Well? All cleared up? Any other questions?”

“Helen…”

“No, Alex, enough! Im properly cross now! I need time to think about all this. And Natalie, I dont want you in my house for a bityou dont need me to explain why.”

“Sorry, Helen…”

“Ill think about it. But for now, I think youd both better go.” Helen stood, flung open the hallway door, nodded at Alex; “You too. Youve got the message. Off you go…”

Helen and Alex would make upeventually, and when Helen was good and ready. No one else in the family would ever know what really went onexcept Natalie. Because some family business doesnt need airing in public. For that simple wisdom, Helen would always thank her mum.

One day, her mother would cuddle the newborn grandchild, fuss over who he resembled (always the father, of course), and give Helen a sly half-smile.

“Youve grown wise, my darling girl! You make a fine wife and mother…”

“Really?”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Mum, what does it meanto be wise? You call me that, but I dont feel it…”

“A womans wisdom, love, is in keeping what life gives you: children, family, home, friends… Gather close, care for them, make a space where everyones warm and happy. Its hard! You have to think carefully about what to keep, what to let goif you hold onto the wrong thing, it spoils what you have. I think youve learnt that lesson…”

“Do you think so?”

“I do! Oh, by the waySam rang. Weddings next month. He asked me to pass on an invite to you and Alex.”

“Mum…”

“None of that! Ill babysit! But please, love, do me one little thing?”

“What, Mum?”

“Get your hands sorted!”

“Will do!”

Helen will wrap her mum in a hug, nod at Alex and the lurking Natalie, and wink at Katie:

“Come on! Lets help tuck your brother in.”

“Can I?!” Katies eyes sparkle as she reaches out a gentle finger to her baby brothers fist.

“You must, sweetheart! You must…”