Little Raindrops

Droplets

Shes not scary at all! Shes lovely! Harry, tell them!

Sophie clutched the battered, skinny little cat to her chest, bawling so loudly that neighbours all around were covering their ears.

Like everyone in her big, boisterous family, Sophie was bold and had a voice to match. At five, she could yell so piercingly that windowpanes rattled. She always got her point across, if not with words, then certainly with volume.

People had long grown used to Sophie and her many brothers and sisters. No one paid much heed to their antics; everyone understood Sharon, their mum, could barely keep such a handful of children in check. Her work schedule would have broken anyone elsetheyd have long since thrown in the towel.

The fencewrought iron, ornate, separating their Victorian house, now divided into flats, from the streetwas the pride and joy of all the residents. Sharon would join her neighbours every spring to paint it, and so felt shed earned the right to lean on it whenever she pleased.

Still, she refused that pleasure, sighing, Were all workhorses, arent we? Beautiful, clever shires. No ones going to help carry *your* load, will they? You have to do it all yourself. If Im anything, ladies, Im an immortal ponyjust trotting circles, not knowing where Im off to. Know *why*, but as for where Someone kicks you, you end up nuzzling the tail of the horse ahead, just longing for the day to end. For everyone to be in bed, clean, full, and content. And in the sink, not a single dirty platebecause some kind soul has washed them up. Odd, perhaps, but that emptiness? Thats what I call happiness

Sharon was thoughtful by nature, and not without her charm, but who would look twice at a woman with six children, all underfoot, and almost no help to speak of? Shed long made peace with her solitary fate. There was no time for drama; her hands were more than full.

Mothering six childrenthats no easy feat!

No one begrudged Sharon her lot. Everyone knew her family’s story well.

Sophie, along with three of Sharons other children, had been taken in.

No, Sharon hadnt gone to a childrens home or orphanage determined to save someone and give them a bright future. Perhaps she could have, but not back then, not alone. Becoming a single mum to so many wasnt in her wildest dreams.

But life has a way of throwing you curveballs, of testing your nerve, faith, and heart, without so much as asking your opinion.

There you gosee what kind of person you are!

So Sharon did what she knew shed do from the start.

All of the children Sharon brought up were, as she put it, her inheritance.

Inheritance is something you can accept or turn down. And for Sharon, refusal simply wasnt an option. She hadnt been abandonedwhy should she abandon others, especially those who were her own flesh and blood?

She had reason enough for her choice, whatever anyone else might think.

Sharon was a child of the nineties.

Her mother was a beauty queen, envied by every girl in their small suburban town. Married at eighteen in a stunning dress, shed caught everyones breath with her fairy-tale wedding. Her husband was so business-minded its best not to dwell on the sort of business he did.

Sharon remembered nothing of her parents.

She used to go with her gran to the local churchyard, where a handsome gravestone bore their photos. Little Sharon would stroke the images, whispering so her gran wouldnt hear, telling her mum about her latest drawing, or her grans lovely red-and-white scarf.

The truth about her parents emerged when she turned sixteen.

Your father was trouble, my dear. Went before his time, took my daughter with him. I shouldnt speak ill, but Ill never forgive him for your mum. Oh, how I wept! Begged her not to get involved with him. Nothing helped! She didnt listenshe loved him. And he loved her, wicked as he was. They say he shielded her when they came for him. Maybe he really did love her Who can say now? All thats left of my girl, really, is you

Only then did Sharon realize who those strange visitors were who occasionally stopped by. Theyd shuffle awkwardly in the hall or sit at the kitchen table, warming their hands on a mug of tea, listening to Grans stories of her school or piano lessons, and then leave fat envelopes behind before heading off, never explaining themselves.

Gran may have accepted the money, but didnt spend itshe saved it up, and by the time Sharon finished school, she bought her granddaughter a spacious flat.

Heres your inheritance, love. From your mum and your dad.

But Sharon didnt want to live there. She chose to stay with Gran.

Why, Sharon? Its such a lovely place, right in the centre! A stones throw from your college. No more commuting. Why be so stubborn?

I dont want to be without you! Move in with me, or I stay here!

Gran took some persuading. Her little old flat, every inch a reminder of her daughter, was hard to leave. It was only when her niece, Carolyn, turned up that she relented.

Sharon, let us stay at your flat. Please! Ive got kids and youre not even living there. It just sits empty. Ill pay you for it, and you and Gran will be better off. Help us with the paperwork toowithout a proper address the schools wont take the kids!

Carolyn was shrewd and persistent; Sharons Gran always said she was the sort whod worm her way into anyones good books.

Dont listen to her, Sharon! She may be family, but shes as crafty as a fox! You ought to send her packing!

But Gran, shes got children

So? Is she their mum or just some auntie? Let her manage them herself! My job is looking after you!

Of course, Sharon listened to her gran, but she couldnt bear to turn away little Harry and Lizzie. The little ones were drawn to her tenderness, sulking when Carolyn whisked them back to their room.

Come along, enough snivelling! Sharons not your nanny!

Sharon cuddled the kids, struggling with the fact that huge empty flats were wasted on one, while others squeezed themselves into tiny rentals. Besides, Carolyn never let her forget they were familyand you cant just turn your back on family.

That phrase haunted Sharon. All through childhood, Gran would say if Sharons dad lived properly then her mum would still be alive.

It cut deep; all Sharon wanted was to hear Gran say,

Well done, Sharonthats a proper job. Like the old days. I can be proud of you. Youre turning into a real person!

There was no greater praise. She figured she ought to do the same by Carolyn, but then Gran surprised her.

Thats not it, Sharon. Not at all.

Why not? Isnt it wrong for Carolyn and her two children to move from one grotty lodging to the next, when Ive got a flat just sitting there?

Yes! Because shes not you, Sharon! And, dont you remember the story of the sly fox and the house of ice? I do!

Gran

Hush! Dont argue! Carolyn wont be living in your flat! Thats that! Well move in, the two of us.

But you didnt want to move!

And now we must, it seems. Youre right in a wayfamily should help, but giving in to everything they demand is foolish. Carolyns tough, shell make her wayshell have her own flat one day, just you watch. Give her a rod, not the fish itself, Sharon! Remember, a generous hand doesnt always do good.

Why?

Because if people dont have to try, they wont. Give Carolyn your flat now and shell never move out. You wont dare to even ask. Shell hold you to it, because you yourself suggested it. And she wants a nice lifepreferably now. Understand?

I think so Gran, isnt it unfair thinking that about people?

Maybe so. But we only say these things while everythings peaceful. Wait until theres troublethen even good thoughts go dark. Thats not what we need, is it?

No!

Then dont even go there. Lifes long; anything might happen. Keep out of it. Let them be cross with me if they must. You stand aside. Its for Lizzie and Harrys sake. Let them have an aunt who cares thats invaluable! To have someone who isnt indifferent.

But Gran, Carolyn loves her kids!

Of course she does! Shes their mum, for heavens sake. And whats wrong if someone else loves them too? Every drop of love in a childs life is precious. Remember that, Sharon!

As it turned out, Gran was right about everything.

Carolyn just sighed when Gran offered her other, smaller flat.

I knew youd never let Sharon be taken advantage of.

You thought to?

Course not! Im all youve got left!

Then hold tight to us, love. Well help, you know that.

I do

Carolyn, I understand, really I doabout the kids, and you. But Sharons an orphan. Let an orphan down and you wont see Heaven. My daughters waiting for me thereand whatll I say, handing her child over to strangers? No, it cant be helped. Dont look like that! No one resents you now, but later Whats given for nothing wont be valued. Im *not* giving you my flat, just loaning it. Its small but its good, and the areas perfect for the childrenschool up the road, nursery round the corner. What more do you need?

Thank you! For the honesty, and for giving us a home.

Youre family, Carolyn. Dont forget it.

So Sharon and Gran moved and made a new start.

But time wont stand still for anyone; it whizzes by, indifferent to human plans and wishes.

Sharon longed for her gran finally to have some peace and happiness, but fate had other ideas.

Gran went to the local surgery regularly.

Its almost like a job! she used to joke, rifling through her prescriptions.

Her health was poor. Sharon fussed, tried to go with her, but Gran waved her off.

Im not an invalid! Its only next door. Get on with your work, love. Ill manage!

Sharon would later regret not insisting.

A typical winters daytheres no getting round it. The sort that dusts paths with snow and nips at your nose. But under the snow, sometimes, is ice. The tiniest slip can cost everything

Gran fell not far from the surgery, struck her head, and lost consciousness. People hurried by, on errands far more important than an old lady slumped by the path.

It was a taxi driver, dropping someone nearby, who called an ambulance and rang Sharon, having found her number in Grans bag. But it was too late

Gran passed away the next day. Sharon spent those hours huddled in the hospital corridor with Carolyn, who had dashed over, leaving her children with the neighbour.

How am I going to cope, Carolyn?

Dont even say that! Youve got to hope! Carolyn tried to reassure her, but she could see it was hopeless.

Doctors bustled past, not meeting their eyes. Carolyn understood quickly.

She wouldnt like this, Sharon!

Like what?

All this whimpering! She was strong! Raised you to be strong, too, didnt she?

She did

Well, dry your eyes! Pull yourself togetherfor her sake

I will

A day later Sharon realized her life had changed forever. Now shed have to take responsibility for everything herself.

And so much was happening.

Along came Jim, with whom Sharon lived almost five years before they split, calmly and amicably, each taking two children. At least her heart wasnt broken. Jim always called things as they were, and when he met someone else, told Sharon straight.

Were still friends, arent we, Sharon? He packed his bag, eyes fixed on his shoes.

Yeah Jim, do you hear yourself? Sharon felt much as she had the day the taxi driver rang; she couldnt even be angry.

What about honesty? About him finding someone else? Thats life. It happens. The children loved their dad though

Sharon didnt know what to say, so just helped him pack and saw him out.

Then she checked on the children and phoned Carolyn.

Come over

Carolyn, still living in Grans old flat and working as the senior sister at the hospital, was just settling down after helping her youngest with a school craft project. She nearly snapped at her cousin, but, checking the time and hearing Sharons tired voice, she said briskly:

Ill be right there!

Half an hour later she was soothing Sharon, who sobbed in her arms while Carolyn grumbled furiously about Jims entire family tree.

Dont cry! Good riddance to him! No point in moping, Sharon! Hed have left sooner or latermen like that always do.

Why? What did I do wrong?

Oh, Sharon! It wasnt you! Thats just what men do, some of themthe ordinary hound. Sorry to put it like that, but its true! Doesnt matter who, hed have left anyone. See, at least he didnt walk out on the kids. And chances are hell keep that promise. You dont see it now, but thats not nothing! I was married for years and what? My children only have metheir father barely notices them. Pays his dues, but thats no comfort. Ive begged him to call on birthdayseven that! So its just me, being both mum and dad. But is it right? Well, Lizzies got me, but Harry needs a father. He never really had one

So what do I do, Carolyn?

Dont fight. Only advice I can give. The rest will settle with time.

Next youll say time heals all?

No. It doesnt. Dont believe anyone who says so. Something new comes along, something different, and it pushes the pain aside. Doesnt get rid of it, just distracts you.

Carolyn, how are you so wise?

Thank your Gran for that! She knew how to put life into words, so things made sense. Its her wisdom, not mine. I told youshes still with us, while we remember her. When I talk to you, I hear her right beside me

Thank you, Gran, Sharon said, reaching for a dry kitchen towel, pushing aside the tear-soaked one. But why does it hurt so much?

Thats perfectly normal! Carolyn wiped Sharons nose, smiling. If you felt nothing, then Id be worried!

As Carolyn predicted, time passed, and Sharon calmed. There was no time to wallow.

Jim saw the children regularly, took them on weekends, and tried to make sure they never felt neglected.

When he told Sharon he was expecting another child, she took it in her stride.

Thats good news

Thank you, Sharon.

For what?

For taking it so well. Youre amazing!

Of course, I am! Sharon managed a smile.

Soon after Jims news, Carolyn dropped a bombshell of her own.

Carolyn! How did that happen?

Oh Sharon, you of all people! Do I need to explain the birds and the bees? Carolyn joked, but her eyes darkened.

Very funny! Whos the father?

Doesnt matter. As soon as I told him, hes disappeared off the face of the earth. Suits me! I didnt have time to put the frighteners on him.

With what?

With the news that Im having twins! What do I do, Sharon? I dont mean medically, that bits easy for me. But hows a person supposed to cope! I already have Harry and Lizzie, and now two more? With nothing to spare

Carolyn abruptly got up and left for the loo, leaving Sharon staring at the kids demolishing the sweets bowl.

Hey, enough now! Harry ordered the little ones. Share out evenly! Aunt Sharon, why are you so sad? Herehave a sweet! Sweets help!

Looking into the eyes of this lively, beloved boy, Sharon made a choice many would call foolish.

Youre mad! Carolyn said, holding the deed to Grans old flat. I cant

You can, Sharon replied, sharing a look with the solicitor. Its right, Carolyn. Gran would have understood. You have wonderful children let them have a home. Well see what comes next.

Carolyn inherited Grans flat, and the family waited for the twins arrival.

And right on time, along came Sophie and Emily. Tiny, doll-like, they announced themselves to the world with powerful lungs.

What healthy lungs! What will you call them, mum?

One for my motherSophie, and the other for my auntEmily.

Your aunt must be a good sort, if youre naming a daughter after her?

She was wonderful! I wouldnt have any of these children without her.

Sharon and the children welcomed Carolyn from the hospital.

Well, that makes us one or two more! Sharon whispered, peeking under the bonnet at the tiny faces. Little beauties!

As long as theyre happy Carolyn cuddled them, hiding her worry from everyone.

If shed confided her fears to Sharon, gone to the doctor sooner, things might have turned out differently.

But what mother puts herself first when her babies need her?

Things took a bad turn a week after Carolyn came home. She called Harry, off to school, and nodded at the twins cribs.

Keep an eye on them. Ive called an ambulance. Call Sharon, too. Dont cry! Dont worry Lizzie just yet

Carolyn didnt make it.

Her heart, which shed never once complained about, simply failed.

Once again, Sharon faced the hardest decision of her life. But what decision was there?

Youre their only relative, thats for sure, the weary social worker said, shaking her head. But its a lotfour! And your own two as well! We have to consider whats best. This is serious.

Sharon didnt argue.

There was nothing to argue about. Nothing in her life had ever been more serious. But sending Harry, Lizzie, and the twins off to care or another family? Unthinkable. She knew that whichever way she chose, shed be responsible. Thats how Gran had always raised her.

If it was right for the kids to stay together, that was all there was to it.

Jim helpedhe found a good solicitor, helped with the paperwork, sat with the children while Sharon ran round to the offices, proving she was fit to care for the six of them.

Does your wife mind? Sharon asked.

No. Shes a mum too. She understands.

And she knows youre never coming back to me, Sharon teased softly.

Thats right, Jim said. So, no need to worry. But are you sure?

About what?

I meansix kids thats a lot.

Im not sure at all, Jim. Im terrified, actually! But I cant see it any other waytheyre all mine, now. How could I divide them up?

What are you afraid of?

That Ill fail. Im on my own

Youre not alone. Not if youll let me help. I owe you, remember? Jim wiped Sharons tears. Dont cry! Well be alright. And Sharon

What?

Ive never met anyone like you. I dont think theres another person like you in the world. Youll manage. Im sure.

From your lips to Gods ears, Jim.

Im sure Hes already listening. Your Grans there, isnt she? If He doesnt get it, shell explain it for Him!

Youre right! Sharon smiled for the first time since Carolyn was gone.

From then on, things werent easy.

Sharon soldiered on, but sometimes, at night, she let herself cry, just as she had as a child, punching her pillow, biting down on a corner to muffle the sobs so the children wouldnt hear.

Gran, what should I do now? How do I manage? You always knew bestgive me a sign, pleasehow do I go on?

And somehow, a memory would deliver a hint, a gentle nudge. Maybe it wasnt a full answer, but it helped; her tears would dry and shed drift off, having found a path to keep going. Maybe it wasnt always the right one, but the children grew and flourished, always knowing that whatever happened, it was their mumSharonwhod understand, forgive, and never let them get hurt.

Now, today, Sophie clung to the ragged cat, shaking her head fiercely at their neighbour.

Sharonll throw you out with that cat, Sophie! Look how dirty it is! And I bet its got ringworm! Leave it!

No! Sophie glanced helplessly at her older brother, then at the front door.

That day, Sharon had planned a trip to the zoo. Shed got up early, cooked breakfast, wrangled her brood, and somehow had everyone nearly ready to leave. She was only delayed a few minutes, leaving the younger ones in Harrys charge out in the courtyard.

Take them to the swings, Harry! Ill be down in a couple of minuteswhere did I put that old box with my trainers?

Check Lizzies wardrobe! She was tidying up. Well be in the yard! Harry ushered his sisters out and called over his shoulder, Mumdont forget to do your other eye! It looks odd. Dont rush! Ill keep an eye on them.

Sharon dashed around the flat, found her trainers, finished putting on her make-upunusual for weekends. Work was one thing, but normally she didnt bother otherwise.

But glancing at herself, Sharon realised it matterednot because of vanity, but because she deserved to feel put-together and enjoy the day. She might have a houseful of children and worries up to her eyes, but why not look nice for herself, for once?

Shed learned a thing or two lately.

You could trail after your kids, nagging and fussing over spilt ice cream on shirts.

Or

You could buy yourself some candyfloss, get the children another round of 99s, and say:

Im off to see the elephant! Whos with me?

And remember when you went to that zoo with Gran, drinking homemade squash and eating sandwiches on the bench by the elephant enclosure, clutching her hand and wishing the day would never end.

Now she boiled the squash herself. Fixed up a whole bag of sandwiches for her own crowd. One day, her kids would do the same. And that would be just as it should be.

Sharon glanced at herself once more in the mirror, grabbed her rucksack, and hurried out.

The neighbour, meeting her halfway up the stairs, smirked.

Off you go, Sharon! Theres a surprise waiting for you down there!

Sophie ran up with her prize, eyes shining.

Mum! Mum! Lookisnt she beautiful?

And what could Sharon say?

Nothing. She took the cat by the scruff, had a good look, and sighed.

No zoo today. Weve got a tiger of our own now. Harry, wheres the nearest vet? Lets go!

And it was a good day, even if Sharon never got the children to the zoo. There was still plenty to do.

In a month or two, the scrawny, scruffy cat Sophie so proudly dragged home would be a glossy, affectionate moggy, bringing another drop of joyand a whole ocean of happinessinto Sharons home.

Nobody would be surprisednot Sharon, not the kids. They already understood the simplest truth: wherever there is love, theres never too much.