“My Neighbour (51 Years Old) Has Lived Alone for 12 Years. Yesterday, I Asked Him — Why Don’t You Look for a Woman? He Shared 6 Reasons, and Now I Understand Why He’s Right”

My neighbour, Colin, is fifty-one and has lived alone for twelve years. Yesterday, as I went round to borrow a drill, I asked him, Why dont you look for a partner? He poured us each a whisky and told me six reasons. Listening to him, I understood why he might be right.

He opened the door in tracksuit bottoms and a faded t-shirt, hair slightly tousled as if hed just run his hands through it.

Come in, Ive just finished dinner.

I stepped in. His flat was immaculatea faint scent of roast chicken in the air, the kitchen sparkling. On the table: a laptop, a glass of red wine.

Colins been divorced for twelve years and works as an engineer. Pulls in about £3,000 a month, from what Ive gathered. Ive known him five yearsever since I moved into the building. Not once have I seen a woman visit. Not at his flatwarming, not on Christmas, not even as a friend.

He handed me the drill and poured a drink.

Take a seat, since youre here. Havent seen you in ages.

We sat at his little kitchen table, whisky warming between our hands.

And then, curiosity: Colin, why are you on your own? Never thought about meeting someone new?

He smiled dryly. Not on purpose, mate, no. You know, Ive had twelve years of living alone and it honestly suits me. Ill tell you exactly whysix reasons, each hard-won.

First reasondivorce, and the risk of being left with nothing.

I divorced twelve years ago. Was married to Margaret for eighteen years. Weve got a daughtershes twenty-eight now, lives up in Leeds. Caught Margaret out with a colleague. Filed for divorce. The court split the house down the middle, even though I paid most of the mortgage. Sold it, split the cash, and I bought this little one bedroom.

He looked at me with a resigned tilt of his head.

I lost half of everything because of her cheating. And thats just the law. Can you believe it? I funded that place, did all the work, but she cheats and she still walks away with half. Why should I risk that again? Suppose I meet someone, we move in together, marry, buy a car or whatever, and she leaves. Why invite that trouble?

There wasnt much to say. He poured another measure.

Second reasonwomen rarely support mens dreams.

Ive got a dream, Steve, he said, I want to buy an old Triumph motorbike, do it up, and ride out on weekends. His face softened a bit. Im saving for one. Give it a few months, Ill have a 76 Bonneville in the garage to tinker on myself.

He took a sip to wash the whisky down.

When I was married, I used to have dreams, too. Bought a guitar, wanted to learn. Margaret just said, Whats the point? Youre forty, not Eric Clapton. So I never learned. I wanted to go kayaking in Scotlandshe laughed, Youre mad, Colin. Weve got a mortgage, and you want to float about like a teenager. That dream died too.

He looked out the window, voice calm but distant.

Women dont see mens dreams. Think theyre silly. Now I live alone and can do what I want. Nobody calls me daft for buying a bike.

Third reasonwomens expectations are too high.

Three years ago I tried online dating, he said with a shrug. Wrote out an honest profile: age, job, salary, hobbies. Started chatting to a few. There was a Christine, forty-six, receptionist at a hair salonearning about £1200 a month. She wrote: Youre interesting, but Im after a man earning at least £5000 a month. I just laughed. I asked, What about you? She got offended, blocked me.

He snorted.

These days, plenty of women think they’re princesses. They want men with six figures, fancy cars, flats in Londonbut offer nothing but female energy. I earn well, have my own flat, a car. Still, to some, Im not successful enough. Whats the point?

Fourth reasonhousehold chores.

I asked, Dont you miss the comfort of a home, someone cooking?

Colin laughed. Look aroundclean, isnt it? I tidy once a week, take an hour. I cookroast chicken tonight with veg. Takes thirty minutes. Laundry? Washing machine does most of it. I just chuck it in.

He gestured around, a wry smile on his face.

I dont need a woman to run a household. And half these women cant even cook. Microwave meals or takeaways, thats what they live on. There are some who can run a home, but theyd expect me to pay for everything. Id honestly rather cook myself.

Fifth reasonfear of manipulation and dishonesty.

He refilled our glasses. After my divorce, I dated two women. Short-lived. Both lied. First, Ruthsaid she was divorced. We went out a month, then I found out she was married, just bored with her husband not earning enough. Second, Helen, said she didnt have kids. Two months in, turns out shes got two children she forgot to mention.

He shook his head.

Im tired of being lied to. Theyll hide things, say its normal just to land a man, then wonder why we dont trust.

Sixth reasonmen get punished for showing initiative.

Leaning back in his chair, he recounted the last time he tried to ask someone out.

A year ago, in Waterstones. Saw a woman about forty-five, browsing the classics. I said, Good afternoon. Looks like you love the classicscan I recommend something? She gave me a look like I was a creep, snapped, Thanks, Im fine by myself, and walked off.

He smiled a little.

Try talking to a woman nowits all harassment. Chat in public, youre a weirdo. Drop a message online, youre a stalker. Invite her out, they think youre after her money. Ive had enough of cold stares and rejections. If a woman ever fancies me, she can show it. Im not chasing anyone.

Colin drained his glass, eyes meeting mine.

Im not saying all women are bad. There are good ones. But finding thems like looking for a needle in a haystackand the price for being wrong is losing everything. My money, my sanity, my time.

He stood, collecting the glasses.

Im fifty-one, mate. Good job, my flat, a car, hobbies, friends. Im happy alone. Why risk that happiness for something thatll probably end in divorce and poverty?

I went back to my flat, lay in bed, turning his words over and over.

Im forty-nine. Ive been married twenty-three yearseverythings alright at home. But if I were single

Would I make the same choice?

Probably.

Is Colin right to refuse another relationship for fear of lossor is he just scared and running from life?

Is it true that divorce guts a man even if his wife betrays him, or is it all blown out of proportion?

Is it fair for a man over fifty to refuse love because the cost of error is too steepor is that just selfishness and fear?

And do women really see mens dreams as foolish, or do we men simply choose the wrong women?