A Holiday Adventure Without Mum

30April

Im writing this because the whole thing with Mum has been gnawing at me all week. It started with a simple question that made my stomach drop.

Are you not planning to spend your holiday with me then? Mums voice sounded flat, tinged with that familiar sting of accusation. Youre booking a separate package on purpose, so I cant tag along, right?

I was caught offguard.

Mum, I told you Im going with Rosie. Weve been sorting this out for ages. It isnt that Im trying to avoid you we just want some time together, just the two of us.

***

Most evenings for me begin the same way: a frantic attempt to get Mum on the phone. Her favourite game is guess what Im angry about this time. Tonight the puzzle was especially tough because I had no clue what had gone wrong.

Wed spoken fine and early in the day, everything seemed alright.

Mum, whats happening? I asked, finally breaking through the static. Ive been dialing you for half an hour! Did something happen to you?

Mum, Margaret, only let out a short, annoyed snort.

What do you mean? I pressed.

Figure it out yourself. Youve forgotten something.

I havent forgotten anything, Mum. What are you on about? A familiar helplessness settled over me. Whenever Mum got cross, I felt like a child who could only cry. I ran through the possible triggers. Had I missed a birthday? Which one? Had my tone been too brusque? No

Mum, whats wrong?

She finally explained, her voice tight with irritation.

Its about nine oclock, James! You promised to call me then and you called at ten! I waited a whole hour! Can you imagine how that feels? You never think of your mother.

I stared at the pile of paperwork on my desk, the numbers blurring. Nine, ten I remembered. Id been stuck in a meeting that ran over, and the call slipped my mind. But to turn that into a fullblown drama?

Im sorry, Mum, I really am. I got caught up. We were

So you got caught up? Margaret cut in. And I wasnt? I sat there waiting for my precious son, who apparently has a schedule too busy for his own mother!

I love you, Mum. Its just

I know, I know, she said, her tone softening a fraction. You love me, but your love has a deadline. If I dont remind you, you wont call at all! Thats not in your calendar. Brilliant logistics, James, truly topflight!

If only an apology would have been enough Instead, she dug up every past offence, read out the textbook on what makes a proper son, and I felt the weight of guilt I couldnt quite place. Missing a call by an hour isnt the end of the world.

Alright, Mum, I promise I wont forget again. Honest.

Promises mean nothing, James. How many times have you promised and not delivered?

When did I actually keep a promise?

Remember when you were in Year 6

And so it went.

What I did remember was how Mum turned the tiniest slipups into catastrophes. Forgetting to take out the rubbish meant I didnt respect her. Buying the wrong brand of ham was a sign of my inattentiveness to her tastes. Margaret was a master of exaggeration, and I, unfortunately, was her only pupil.

Our relationship was kept afloat by endless apologies, concessions, and the occasional gift.

Hows it with Mum? Did you patch things up? Rosie asked later that night.

Yes, but at what cost

Try to look at it philosophically. You cant rebuild Mum, you can only change how you respond.

Rosie is wonderfulsoft, understanding, loving. She never threw a tantrum over a missed call; she respected my time and my decisions.

Of course I cant change the past, I admitted. What Im really wondering is what about our holiday? Where are we headed?

James, Ive been looking at some hot deals. What sounds good? How long should we stay? A week?

I smiled; a break with Rosie was exactly what the doctor ordered. My head felt like it was about to burst.

Anything you like, you pick.

How about Spain? Or maybe the Italian coast? Theres a decent resort leaving in a month, right on my schedule

Lets see what else is out there. The main thing is we both enjoy it.

Before we booked, a thought of Mum surged back. She would never forgive me for forgetting her, and then it hit me.

Rosie, what if we also buy a package for Mum? Somewhere else, of course, so she gets her own break.

She stared at me.

Are you sure? She

Yes, Im sure. Trust me, itll calm everyone down if she gets a holiday too.

I decided it was the best compromise. I would find an idyllic seaside retreat for Mum, separate from our own plans, and let her relax while we were away. I chose a charming guesthouse on the Cornish coast, with sea views and glowing reviewsjust the sort of place she loves.

Mum! I called, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice. Guess what?

Whats the point of this excitement? And why would I dance now? Because my son finally remembered his mother and bothered to call?

No, Mum. Im buying you a holiday! A seaside break, two weeks. While Rosie and I head to Spain.

Her silence was deafening.

What? she managed.

Yes, Mum! Ive booked you a stay at a lovely Cornish B&B for two weeks. Youll be resting while Rosie and I enjoy the sun in Spain.

If only Id said at the airport that I wasnt travelling with her

So youre not taking me with you then? she snapped, the old bitterness creeping back. Youve arranged a separate package just to keep me out of the way? Youre sending me off so you can have a proper holiday with Rosie?

I felt my face go hot. How could she think I was trying to dump her?

Mum I just want you to have a break too. Whats wrong with that?

You dont need a break the way I understand it, James! I want a break together with you. I wanted to spend time with my son, not be shipped off like a burden!

My head thumped against the wall of thoughts.

Again youve turned everything upside down

You know what, James, she said slowly, perhaps Im not as important to you now as I once was.

A heavy silence settled.

Alright, Mum. As you wish. Ive heard you.

The phrase Ive heard you always irked me at work, but now it was the only thing I could muster. I hung up.

Rosie heard the whole thing at once.

What now? Mum again?

Yes, I sighed. Shes upset. She doesnt want to go alone, says Im sending her off somewhere.

She chuckled softly.

James, she just wants you around. Always. Youre her only son. She cant imagine being without you.

I thought that Rosies laugh was a little too easy. I was trying not to let Mum dominate her thoughts, so she could have a happy marriage, yet she might still be the scapegoat.

But I cant be with her all the time. I have my own life, I have you.

I know, love. Its hard for her. She feels youre pulling away.

What am I supposed to do? Live under her skirt forever?

No, of course not. Maybe a proper chat first?

I tried, Rosie. She just wont listen.

James I think you know your Mum better than anyone. If she cant see your side, maybe shell never change.

Rosie and I eventually flew off to the sunny Spanish resort, while Mum, as expected, called her sister Valerie to vent about her ungrateful son.

Val, you have no idea! My James he gave me a holiday in Cornwall!

Um thats nice, isnt it? You wanted a break, right?

I wanted us together, Val. I wanted him to come with me. Instead hes off with Rosie, miles away! Im sure they booked their tickets to different cities on purpose, just so I dont get in the way.

Valerie, seasoned in family dramas, gave a sympathetic hum.

Honestly, dear, they do need some alone time. I wont tell them to change their plans.

Im not getting in the way! Im his mother! Hes the one whos sending me away! And the worst part, Val, he doesnt even understand why Im upset! He thinks I just love making a fuss over nothing This is my life, Val. I gave him everything and he gives me nothing back.

She nodded, pretending to agree.

So here we are: Mum in Cornwall, Rosie and I lounging by a Spanish pool, and a lingering tension that never quite fades.

Lesson learned: while love for family runs deep, it must be balanced with boundaries. You cant carry every expectation on your shoulders, nor can you ignore the genuine needs of those who raised you. Finding a middle ground, even if it feels like walking a tightrope, is the only way to keep both heart and head intact.