After Dropping His Mistress Off, Buchin Bid Her a Tender Farewell Before Driving Home

After dropping my lover off, I bid her a gentle goodbye and drove home. For a moment, I lingered outside the flat, running through all the things Id say to my wife. I trudged up the stairs and unlocked the door.

Hello, I called out. Alice, are you in?

In here, came her calm reply from the kitchen. Evening. Shall I start on the pork chops then?

I made myself promise to be directdecisive, even, the way a real man ought to be! Time to put an end to this double life, whilst my lovers kisses still lingered and before domesticity dragged me down again.

Alice, I cleared my throat, I came to tell you that we need to separate.

Alice took the news more calmly than anyone else might. In fact, it was always near impossible to rattle her. Years ago, her even temperament, her cool head had even earned my teasing nickname for herIce Alice.

What do you mean? she asked, appearing in the kitchen doorway. Do I hold off on the pork chops then?

Up to you, I said. If you fancy them, crack on. If not, dont bother. Im leaving you for someone else.

Most wives would launch into a furious tirade, maybe come after their husbands with the frying pan. But Alice was set apart from the crowd.

Oh, arent we just grand! she said. Did you pick up my boots from the menders?

No, I floundered. If it really matters, Ill nip out now and fetch them!

Typical Alice muttered. Send a fool for boots, and he brings back the wrong pair.

I felt stung. The big marital showdown Id envisioned was fading fastwhere were the fireworks, the emotion? But then, what more could I expect from unflappable Alice?

I dont think youre even listening! I told her. Im officially telling you: Im leaving you for someone else, and youre just nagging about your boots!

Well, naturally, Alice replied. You can leave whenever you like. Unlike me, youre not waiting for your boots from the menders. Its easy for you to get out and about.

Wed been together for years, but I still couldnt tell when she was joking and when she wasnt. It was her calm manner and quiet self-sufficiency that had drawn me to Alice in the first place, not to mention her capable ways and round, pleasant curves.

She was steadfast, loyal, unflappable as a ships anchor. But now, I loved someone else. Loved fiercely, guiltily, sweetly! I had to put my cards on the table and slip away into a new life.

So, Alice, I declared, summoning a mix of solemnity, regret and finality, Im grateful for everything, but Im leaving. I love another woman. I dont love you anymore.

Well, isnt that lovely, Alice replied. You dont love mewhat a drip! My mum fancied the chap next door once. Dad loved his darts and his whisky. And look at meturned out marvellously, didnt I?

I knew better than to argue with Aliceevery word of hers seemed to weigh a tonne. My grand vision for some cathartic row simply fizzled out.

Youre right, Alice, youre wonderful, I said sourly. But Im in love with someone else. I love her fiercely, sinfully, sweetly. I mean to go to her, you see?

And who might that be? Alice asked. That Pippa Thompson, perhaps?

I stepped back. A year ago, I really had had a fling with Thompson, but I never dreamed Alice actually knew her!

How do you I began, then trailed off. Well, in any case, its not Thompson.

Alice yawned.

Then is it Rachel Hughes? Going to her, then?

A chill ran down my back. Rachel had been my lover as well, but that one was long over. And if Alice knewwhy hadnt she said a word? Then again, she wasnt one to shout, never one to draw out drama.

Nope, not Hughes, not Thompson, I said. This is someone elsea truly marvellous woman, the very peak of my desires! I cant live without her and Ill be off to her. Nothing you can say will put me off!

So I suppose it must be Maya Valentine, Alice said. Oh, Edward, you really are hopeless. Its hardly a secret. Your hearts desireMaya Valentine, thirty-five, one child, two terminations Am I right?

I clutched my head. Shed hit the nail on the head! Maya Valentine was exactly who Id been seeing.

But how I stammered. Did someone tell you? Have you been spying on me?

Oh, Ed, its simple, said Alice. Im a seasoned GP, you know. Ive treated nearly every woman in this rotten city. I only need half a glance to suss out where youve been, you daft fool.

I braced myself.

Suppose it is. Suppose its Valentine. It changes nothingIm still going.

Youre a fool, Ed, Alice said. You couldve at least asked my opinion! Anyway, nothing particularly special about Valentine, medically speakingjust the same as all the rest, trust me, Id know. Have you seen the medical files of your so-called dream woman?

N-no I confessed.

There you go! First, get yourself washed. Tomorrow Ill call Dr Simmons at the clinic, see if he can squeeze you in for a check. Then well talk. Honestly, its a disgracethe husband of a GP, cant even find himself a healthy woman!

So what should I do? I pleaded.

Im frying the chops, Alice said. You can have a wash and do as you like. But if you fancy someone really marvellousand without any of these botherationscome to me, Ill have a suggestion or twoSo I stood there, caught between the heavy scent of frying onions and the undeniable weight of Alices certainty. In her calm, shed not only named my secrets but unmanned me entirely. Perhaps Id expected fury, or tears; what I received was a practical kindness that stung worse than violence.

The truth was, I was adriftneither anchored by Alice, nor swept away by Maya. My great rebellion, my grand escape, had collapsed, leaving me an awkward guest in my own kitchen.

Alice hummed and clattered about, as if my confession were nothing more than the weather. I looked at her, the woman who had known me so much better than Id ever guessed, and something inside me quietly surrendered. Not to herbut to reality, to myself.

A breeze from the open window fluttered the curtains and carried in the citys evening sounds. I thought of Maya, her perfume, our whispered promises. And then I thought of Alice, sturdy and unshakeable, with her seasoned hands and sharp eyeshands that had once held me, eyes that had already seen this ending coming from miles away.

The frying pan hissed. Come set the table, Ed, if youre staying. Im not running a hotel here, Alice called, not looking back.

And so, without quite knowing why, I toed off my shoes and stepped into the circle of light in our kitchen. I took the plates off the high shelf, the way I always had.

I thought I was searching for freedom, and found instead a peculiar, piercing peace. Maybe, I thought, this was what it meant to be truly known: to have nowhere left to hide, no grand gestures to makeonly the humble work of living, unmasked, at last.

Behind me, Alice slid the chops onto two plates. She didnt say a word as she handed me mine, her touch brisk but not unkind.

We ate in that familiar silence, the kind that speaks, eventually, of forgiveness.