З життя
Будь ласка, приїдь… – Ти ж знаєш, я не зможу!
– Оленко, приїжджай, прошу тебе…
– Мамо, ти ж знаєш, я не приїду!
– Олено, благаю тебе, йому зовсім погано…
– Не проси, я не приїду.
“Ненавиджу!” – Олена зі злістю кинула трубку телефону в бік. Підійшла до холодильника. Ривком відкрила дверцята і витягла пляшку горілки. Налила в чарку. Постояла у роздумах і вилила алкогольний напій в умивальник. Сіла на табурет і розплакалася.
Минуло десять років, як вона не була у рідному домі.
У випускному класі Олена закохалася. Однокласниці часто ходили на дискотеки та вечірки в університет, який був поруч зі школою. Одного разу, піддавшись на вмовляння подруг, вона теж прийшла на дискотеку. Там вона познайомилась з Ним. Він грав у ансамблі й чудово співав. Був сином дипломата. Дівчата ходили за ним хвостиком. Кожна мріяла про побачення з Ним. Олена не знала, чому він вибрав саме її. Вона вперше покохала. Бігла на зустрічі з Ним, забувши про навчання, про обов’язки по дому, брехала батькам, щоб тільки частіше бачити Його.
Нетривалий роман з Ним закінчився її вагітністю. Її коханий став уникати зустрічей з нею. А потім зовсім зник. Зате з’явилася його мати, яка запропонувала знайти хорошого гінеколога, щоб позбутися дитини. При цьому зазначила, що вони не мріяли про таку легковажну невістку і взагалі Олена не пара їхньому синочку…
Олена довго не наважувалася повідомити про вагітність матері. Коли вже приховувати живіт було неможливо, вона зізналась, що чекає дитину.
– Повія, жахлива гуляка! Тебе цікавлять лише гулянки, а не навчання, – кричав батько. – Який сором! Як я людям в очі дивитися буду? Забирайся! Бачити і знати тебе не бажаю!
Мати мовчала і плакала. Вона завжди й у всьому слухала батька. Він був владний, грубий і зумів з роками подавити її волю. З думкою матері він ніколи не рахувався, тому вона давно йому не перечила.
Вислухавши тираду з грубощів та образ, Олена кинула в рюкзак пару футболок, джинси і пішла з дому…
Спочатку вона скиталася по друзям, але ніхто особливо не був радий її сусідству. Позичивши грошей у подруги, вона поїхала в інше місто до тітки, про існування якої знала тільки з розповідей матері. Через батька, який був власником і відгороджував матір від будь-якого спілкування з подругами і навіть з рідною сестрою, Олена про інших родичів нічого не знала.
Приїхавши в незнайоме місто, вона дізналася, що тітка не живе там вже кілька років – вийшла заміж і переїхала до чоловіка. Куди саме сусіди не знали. Голодна, і не знаючи, що робити далі, Олена попрямувала назад. Біля вокзалу стояли літні жінки, пропонуючи свої готові продукти попутникам у дорогу. Олена підійшла до жінки, яка на коробці, застеленій целофановим пакетом, продавала пиріжки. Олена нахилилася, щоб непомітно вкрасти. Дуже хотілося їсти, а грошей не було. Але вкрасти вдалося незграбно, і це помітила продавчиня пиріжків. Жінка хотіла вдарити дівчину, але побачивши її живіт, здивувалася.
Жадібно поїдаючи пиріжки, Олена розповіла незнайомій жінці все, що відбулося з нею за останні дні. Жінка жила одна і запропонувала Олені зупинитися у неї.
До пологів Олена продавала пиріжки на привокзальній площі. Вона постійно думала, що заробить грошей і поїде додому. Вона ще сподівалася на прощення батька і на те, що все налагодиться…
Проте в незнайомому їй місті довелося затриматися на довгі десять років.
Вона народила дочку. Бабусею дитині стала жінка, яка дала їй притулок. Бабуся займалася дитиною, а Олена заробляла. Спочатку була прибиральницею в магазині. Потім потрібно було замінити хвору продавчиню. Вона впоралася, і її перевели в продавці. Помітивши її старання і відповідальність, призначили старшим продавцем. Коли знесли магазин і поруч виріс гіпермаркет, вона працювала там. Поступово від старшого продавця, адміністратора й приймальника товарів, вона виросла в кар’єрному зростанні до начальника відділу. Зараз Олена займала посаду завідувачки кількома торговими відділами.
Після народження дочки вона дзвонила своїй матері – хотіла повернутися в рідний дім. Але мати просила її цього не робити. Батько викреслив дочку зі свого життя і чути нічого про неї не хотів.
Після смерті своєї рятівниці, яка заповіла їй свій дім, Олена дзвонила мамі. Вона потребувала допомоги, бо багато працювала, а дочка часто залишалася одна. “Матері було б непогано поїхати на час від тирана”, – так міркувала Олена. Але мати знову їй відмовила. Тому зв’язок між ними був перерваний на тривалий час. І ось цей дзвінок…
Довгі десять років вона чекала слів: “Пробач. Приїжджай” або просто “Повертайся, донечко!” Але тепер…Ось так…Навіщо тепер?
Що він хоче почути від неї? “Пробач, таточку, я була неправа”.
Образа і ненависть до батька притупилися з роками. Душа боліла від нерозуміння, небажання вислухати її, від того, що довелося страждати і часто наступати на горло своїм бажанням і гордості. Було дуже важко. Іноді опускалися руки і не хотілося жити…
Але тепер вона пишалася тим, що в місті її поважали, начальство прислухалося і враховувало її думку. Вона облаштувала дім у модному, сучасному стилі. Дочка навчається в престижній гімназії. У особистому житті все гаразд. Олені зробив пропозицію руки і серця її коханий.
“У мене все добре, – думала Олена. Хіба я стала б такою успішною і самостійною, якби батько не вигнав мене?.. Пробачити, попрощатися і забути. Забути для себе. Заради себе і свого майбутнього”…
Олена зателефонувала на роботу, пояснила ситуацію, що склалася, і пішла збирати валізу…
Bittersweet Happiness – “What’s wrong with that young lady? She’s a good girl. Modest, neat, a hardworking student. She loves you,” Helen Edwards chastised her son. “Mum, I’ll handle it…” Denis clearly ended the pointless conversation. Helen left the room. “He’ll handle it… How many girls has he turned away… Nearly forty, and soon no one will do. Nothing’s ever right for him…” she thought with a heavy sigh. “Son, dinner’s ready,” Helen called from the kitchen. Denis responded instantly, tucking into his mother’s homemade stew. “Thank you, Mum. Delicious, as always.” “You should be saying that to your wife, not me,” Helen couldn’t let it go. “Mum…” Denis drank his compote and prepared to leave. “Wait, son. Do you know, I once visited a fortune-teller? She took one look at me and said: ‘Your son will have happiness, but it will be bittersweet.’” “Oh, Mum, don’t believe such things,” Denis grinned. …Through the years, different women—some loved, some not—came and went in Denis’s life. …Inna was smart, cultured, shockingly wise for her age. She often gave sound advice to the nine-years-older Denis. At first he liked this, but then he began to see Inna more as a mentor than anything else. Everything felt colourless. They split up. Polly had an eight-year-old son. Try as he might, Denis couldn’t get through to the boy, though he loved Polly. She was beautiful, but too headstrong. Whenever they quarrelled, he’d try to patch things up with gifts. The arguments felt senseless. Something was always missing—maybe peace and stability. Vera was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman. Denis almost married her. She was decent, pure, balanced—he felt like he had to “wear kid gloves” just to speak to her. He even moved into her flat. He was ready to start a family. But… He came home unexpectedly from a work trip to find Vera in bed with her old school friend. Classic… After that, Denis moved back in with his mum. Enough romance, he decided. “I’ll be a bachelor—a solid family of one,” he joked to his mum. Helen would shrug and sigh: “Will you ever find your one, son?” But fate had its own plan. Suddenly, unexpectedly. Denis was travelling for work, claimed his usual bottom bunk in the train carriage. A woman entered: “Excuse me, would you mind swapping? Can I have your lower bunk? Please.” “No trouble,” Denis replied. He looked her over—nothing remarkable. Yet his heart skipped. “Maybe she’s the one…” He clambered onto the top bunk and dozed off… “Glad you’re awake! Come, have some tea,” the stranger cooed. Denis climbed down and they started talking. “Larissa,” she introduced herself. “Denis. Nice to meet you, Larissa.” They talked throughout the evening. Denis felt instantly at ease. He didn’t try to impress her; everything just flowed, as if he’d known her forever. They exchanged numbers, just in case… A couple of weeks later, he couldn’t resist calling her. One thing led to another… Dates, kisses, promises… Denis couldn’t imagine his life without Larissa. At forty years old! He’d always let previous girlfriends go easily—but not this one… He wanted to lose himself entirely in her life. Larissa surrounded Denis with love, care, and understanding. Three months in, he offered his heart and hand. “Denis, I’m seven years older than you. I have three children. We live in a council flat,” Larissa admitted. She never lied. “I know, Lara. I’ve met your kids—you’ll all move in with me. It’s sorted. I love every inch of you. You’re my last and only,” said Denis, kissing her tenderly. “All right, Denis, let’s give it a try,” murmured a shy Larissa. “No, not try, Lara. We’ll be together. For good,” Denis squeezed her hand. “Do you hear me? Forever.” When Helen learned his plans, all she could say was: “You’ve really outdone yourself this time… The plainest girl of them all…” …Nine months later, their daughter was born—a child with Down’s syndrome. Denis felt both joy and worry for Larissa. Would she cope? Having a child with special needs is never easy. …Today, Denis and Larissa’s daughter is eight. The whole family adores her. Denis worships Larissa. Bittersweet, but happiness…
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Bitterness at the Bottom of My Soul “You belong in a care home, and you know it! Get out of our family!” I shouted at the top of my lungs, my voice breaking with emotion. The target of my outrage was my cousin, Dima. Lord, I loved him so much as a child—his golden hair, cornflower-blue eyes, cheerful nature. That was Dima all over. Family gatherings would often bring us all together around the table, but out of all my cousins, it was always Dima who stood out. With his silver tongue, he could weave tales like intricate lace, and he was a gifted artist. By the end of any evening, he’d have sketched five or six pencil drawings with ease. I would marvel at his work, unable to tear myself away from its beauty, and quietly stash his drawings in my desk for safekeeping, cherishing his creativity. Dima was two years older than me. When he was fourteen, his mother died suddenly and unexpectedly—she simply never woke up. Everyone wondered what would become of Dima. They looked first to his biological father, but finding him was not easy—his parents had long been divorced, and his father had another family and wasn’t about to disrupt his “peaceful life.” Then the rest of the relatives collectively shrugged—each had their own families and worries. Suddenly, our extended family was nowhere to be found when needed most. So, with two children of their own, my parents agreed to take Dima in—the late woman was my father’s younger sister, after all. At first, I was happy that Dima would be living with us. But… On his very first day in our home, I noticed something odd about my favourite cousin’s behaviour. Trying to bring him some comfort, my mum asked, “Is there anything you’d like, Dima? Don’t be shy, just tell us.” Immediately, Dima answered, “A model railway set.” This toy was quite expensive, and his wish surprised me. I thought—your mum just died, the most important person in your world, and all you can think about is a train set? How could he? Still, my parents bought it for him immediately. But soon Dima’s requests snowballed. “Buy me a tape recorder, jeans, a branded jacket…” This was the 1980s. Not only were these things pricey, but difficult to find. Yet my parents, depriving their own children, tried to fulfil every wish of the orphan. My brother and I endured this in silence, understanding it was for Dima. When Dima turned sixteen, he started chasing after girls. He became infatuated with me—his own cousin. But I, being sporty and quick, dodged his advances, even fighting him off physically at times and ending up in tears. My parents never knew—I didn’t want to upset them. Most kids keep such things to themselves. After I made it clear I wasn’t interested, Dima quickly moved on to my friends, who actually competed for his attention. Dima also stole from us, brazenly and without shame. I remember saving my school lunch money in a piggy bank for a present for my parents—one day, it was empty. Dima swore blind he hadn’t touched it, didn’t so much as blush. My soul was torn to pieces—how could he steal in the very house we shared? Dima shattered our family’s trust, as if nothing mattered to him. I began to hate him. That’s when I screamed, with all my might: “Get out of our family!” I let rip at Dima, said more than fit in a hat—words I can’t take back. My mother barely managed to calm me down. Since then, Dima ceased to exist for me. I avoided him in every way. Later, it turned out the other relatives all knew what “sort” Dima was—they lived nearby and had seen plenty. Only our family, living farther away, had been in the dark. Dima’s former teachers even warned my parents: “You shouldn’t have taken him in. Dima will only ruin your own children.” At a new school, he met Kate, who would fall head-over-heels for Dima and marry him right after graduation. They had a daughter. Kate patiently endured his wild whims, endless lies, and countless betrayals. As the old saying goes: “single and you suffer, married and it’s double.” Dima was later conscripted for military service in Kazakhstan. There, he formed a “second family”—apparently during breaks from service. He fathered a son. After his discharge, Dima stayed in Kazakhstan, but Kate went after him and, by hook or by crook, brought him back to his family. My parents never heard a word of thanks from Dima—not that they expected it. Now, Dmitry Eugene is sixty. He’s a devout parishioner at the local English church, with Kate and five grandchildren. Everything seems fine, but the bitterness from my relationship with Dima still lingers… A taste too bitter, even for honey.
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