Dim, Dim, Wake Up – Masha’s Crying Again!

Dave, Dave, wake up, Mollys bawling again!
I could feel little Sam tugging at the sleeve of my tee, but I just couldnt pry my eyes open. I was so deadtired I couldve screamed at my brother, then stuck my head under the pillow and slipped back into that warm darkness. And Id rather not dream at all, because the same old nightmare kept popping up Dad sitting on the porch of Grandmas house, patting my head and asking:

Hey lad, hows it going? Tough day? Sorry about the mess I didnt mean for it to be like this Mollys crying again you

I snapped out of that halfsleep and almost fell off the bed. Mollys wail had finally jolted me fully awake. Sam was perched on his own bed, watching his big brother wrestle out of the blankets.

Been screaming long? I said, smoothing down my unshaven hair, and shuffled over to the little ones cot. Youre the loudest of the lot! Mums not home yet, shell be back in the morning. Come here, love!

Mollys face was turning a shade of red from all the shouting. I lifted her out of the cot, gave Sam a nod he was already hauling a fresh nappy and pinning the baby to his chest.

Ah, youre a sweet smell, you are! Right on cue, youre crying for a reason. Just keep it down a notch, will you? Not everyone in the building has heard you yet. Ill sort it out, just hang on a sec.

The moment she heard my voice, she finally quieted a little, and in a few minutes she was happily slurping the formula Id prepared in the bottle.

Little glutton! I kissed her forehead in that familiar way a habit that told me I didnt even need a thermometer to check for a fever. Couldnt wait for Mum? Smart move though; shell be wiped out when she gets home, and weve got you. Finish up and then we can catch a few more Zs while we can. Sam! I glanced at my brother, grinning. Theres our champion! Already asleep, unlike us, right, Molly?

Halfyearold Molly gave a sleepy squeak, let go of her pacifier, and I gently cradled her on my shoulder, careful not to set off another chorus. I walked around the room, patting her back.

Good job, love. Time for the cot now! I eased her into the bed, checked the clock and sighed. Do I go back to sleep? Ive still got an A in biology and a D in physics waiting for me. Its my own fault I shouldve been paying attention in class instead of playing Battleship with Val on the maths lesson. I messed up, but now Ive got to review those last few paragraphs, especially with the parentteacher meeting in two weeks. I dont want Mum turning red with embarrassment over me again. She was on my case yesterday like a dog with a bone!

David! This is unacceptable! Youre always late! One more slip and youll be seeing the headteachers office! Mums voice was booming. Trying to explain that I wasnt tardy by choice Mums shift runs late sometimes was pointless. So I stayed with Molly, then sprinted off to get Sam to nursery. You cant just leave kids alone at home; Mum would have a fit. If Dad were still alive thered be no drama. Mum would be at home like she used to be, and none of us would need to hustle for a roof after Grandma kicked us out.

Thinking about Grandma was a pain. I never really knew why the fights with Mum started, but I guessed it had something to do with her being loud and blunt. After the funeral, shed show up, wait for Mum to usher us out of the living room, then launch into a tirade.

Its your fault, you know! Youve turned this place into a rabbit warren, and what am I supposed to do? Work like a dog! My heart cant take it! You have no conscience! Because of you my sons gone! shed shout. Id lose it. Id bolt out, ignoring Mums tears, and face Grandma.

Dont you dare speak like that! You dont know anything! Stop blaming Mum! Dad loved us! He loved Molly and Sam too. It was Mum who kept him from us, saying there was no help, only scolding! You cant raise kids in this chaos! Youre always shouting! Why are you even here? We dont live with you any more! Leave!

Her stare was heavy, eyes flicking between my mum and me. Shed open her mouth, close it, and finally mutter, Youre still young enough not to raise your voice to me I replied, Now theres no one left to defend Mum. I wont let anyone hurt her. She looked at Mum over my head, a strange, almost sad expression, then turned and walked away, promising never to return. I sometimes saw her around town, pretended I didnt know her, and shed just stare at us without a word. I never talked to her I feared shed show up when I wasnt home, and Mum would be left with even more worry. After Dad died, Mum couldnt even milk Molly; she was already struggling.

I knew all too well what happened when families fell apart just like Polly from flat 33. Her mum was a chronic drinker, neighbours called the council, and Polly ended up in a childrens home. One night I slipped in with the lads through a loose fence, hid in the bushes, and watched Polly being taken out for a walk. She wailed, I had no idea how to calm her. I gave her the sweets my mum bought for Sam and me. Mum never scolded me; she patted my head and said she was proud of her son. But I felt useless I hadnt saved Polly, and she still lives in that home, dreaming of a sober mum coming back.

Mum doesnt drink, but you never know what gossip will start. Aunt Ray, our neighbour, kept complaining about Mollys cries. What could I do? Shes tiny sometimes her tummy hurts, sometimes her teeth are coming in. The doctor said she already has three teeth. She even gave me a little fingerbite that almost bled. Good teeth mean strong ones, but now I have to watch her because she grabs anything with her mouth. Yesterday she fell asleep clutching Sams stuffed rabbit, ears flopping about. He was annoyed at first, then just went with it the rabbit seemed more important to Molly.

The alarm chirped softly; I switched it off. Time to get ready. Ive got school, Sams got nursery. Mum will be back any minute, and I still need to sort breakfast for everyone.

I was packing the sandwiches when the front door clicked and Mum shuffled in, tossing her old coat over her shoulders. She wrapped her arms around my cheeks, peeking into my eyes.

Morning, my knight! she beamed.
Morning, my queen! I replied, our secret greeting since Id dug up a Walter Scott novel on the shelf.

Hows it going? she asked.
Molly cried again last night. I gave her a bottle and a dab of teething gel. She settled.
New tooth coming?
Not yet, but the gums are swollen. No fever.
Good. Dave, what would I do without you?
Mum I saw Grandma again yesterday.

She froze, fingers digging into the fabric of her coat.
Did she say anything? Did you talk?
No. She was just standing by our block, looking at the windows. When I got close she turned and walked off.

Mum nodded, lost in her own thoughts, then realised I couldnt see her face. She lifted my chin, eyes soft.

Dont be angry with her, okay? Shes complicated, sure, but shes still family. Even if she doesnt like us, you, Sam and Molly are her grandchildren.
Then why does she keep shouting about us being too many?
Oh, love Some people think they know the only right way to live because theyre older.
Why? Why do they think theyre right?
Maybe they believe age gives them a licence. Sometimes thats true, but young folk need to make their own bruises and learn their own lessons.
It never makes sense for them!
Exactly! Mum chuckled, looking at me. Time flies, huh? You were just a kid like Sam, and now youre in Year Seven. Youre growing up fast.

She patted my cheek, then said, If you see Grandma again, try not to argue. If she wants to talk, listen, then decide what to do. And forget what she said that day When grief hits, people say horrible things they later regret. Its not because theyre evil; its pain talking.

I didnt fully get it, but I knew Mum was trying to make sense of the chaos. I checked the clock and jumped up.

Blast! Mrs. Whitaker will have my head if Im late again! Ive already missed my first lesson!

Off to the second then! Mum snatched my old tee and shoved me towards the kitchen. You didnt even have breakfast!

No time, Mum!

Itll be fine. The school wont run away. Youll get there, youll see. She nudged a plate of toast toward me and rushed out to wake Sam.

Half an hour later I was sprinting to school, gripping Sams hand as he hopped beside me.

Dave, will you play with me tonight? he asked.
Sure.
How about you teach me to draw a motorcycle?
How about a car?
Anything!

Sam! I need you to stay quiet, its freezing out there. Lets hustle, okay?

Sams eyes lit up at the prospect of having his big brother all evening, and he fell silent, only glancing at me now and then.

Dave, are you mad at me? he asked suddenly.

No, why would you think that?

I dont know. Youre quiet, eyes all starelikechips.

Just thinking. Run along, dont dawdle. I wont tell Mum. Ill sort it out myself.

Will you let me draw the car tomorrow if Nat doesnt spill water on my bed? he whispered.

Dont hurt the girls, I warned.

Nats not a girl! Shes a troublemaker!

Still no. We never know how Molly will turn out. She might be a troublemaker too, and someone could pick on her.

Should we fight them? Sam asked, eyebrows raised.

Who? I was puzzled.

Not Molly! he protested. The lads!

Oh! Thats a different story. But better to avoid fists. Dad always said fights are for the odd ones. Good people think first.

I tugged his sweater over his shirt, nudged him toward the school gate.

Off you go! Ill be there this evening.

Why not Mum?

Mums leaving early for work. The holidays are coming, and the shops busy.

Got it. Sam gave a solemn nod. He knew Mum worked as a senior clerk at the big 24hour supermarket. Wed once visited her at work; the place was huge, and Sam was scared of getting lost, so he clung to my hand. At that time Molly wasnt born yet, Mum was still waiting for her, and Dad was alive The thought of Dad made Sams nose crinkle, and he tried not to stare at Nat, fearing the kids would tease him later.

Mrs. Whitaker, the headteacher, kept her promise and called me into the office that same day. She listed every feat Id done, real and imagined, most of them exaggerated. She said I was a troublesome lad and that if nothing changed, I might end up on some register. Miss Hart, the deputy, studied me with a curious gaze, then asked me to stay for a chat.

Want a cuppa? she asked.

I stared at her as if shed asked me to climb a mountain.

Lets count your silence as a yes. She flicked the electric kettle, pulled a tin of Birds Milk sweets from a drawer.

Do you like those?

I nodded, too stunned to speak.

Are you late because you want to be?

I mumbled, No.

Helping Mum?

I gave a small nod.

Your little sisters a handful, but youre already acting like an adult.

Dad always said youd grow up fast. Youll make Mum proud. Just try to be on time, alright? And dont worry about Mrs. Whitaker Ill talk to her.

She smiled, handed me the sweets, and I swallowed one, remembering the old advice: if youre at a loss, stay quiet and look smart.

Later, a classmate asked why I was late, and I shrugged, Mum was nagging about my tardiness. I didnt want to upset her.

I spent a few minutes on the windowsill with my physics textbook, trying to finish the chapter Id missed. Id barely read it this morning, hoping I could pull a decent grade now. The physics teacher even said, Dont stress, Dave I see youve been studying.

Back home, I helped Mum tidy up, then took Molly for a walk. Sam would be back later to draw cars and bikes with me, so I needed to finish my biology and move on to algebra. The weather was bleak, so I didnt want to miss the chance to play football with the lads again Val was already annoyed Id bailed on the hill three times. Mums shift at the shop was getting busier with the Christmas rush, and her friend Aunt Anna had helped her land the job. It was a good pay, hard to find and keep.

Mum tucked Molly into her cot and rushed off to work. Sam, content, doodled in his sketchbook, while I tackled my biology notes. Suddenly a strange smell hit the kitchen. The stove was off, yet the odour grew stronger. I raced to the living room, then to the hallway, and shouted, Sam, get dressed, quick!

I tossed warm trousers and a jacket on him, grabbed the stack of Mums documents she always says never to forget the paperwork and scooped up Mollys tiny snuggly jumpsuit.

Sam, were getting out of here! I commanded, pulling Molly from the cot. Hold my pocket tight, alright? Dont let go.

The lifts were already slamming shut, neighbours shouting in confusion. I didnt stop to answer, dashed down the stairs, slipping a hat over Mollys head. She woke up and let out a wail that could wake the dead. The smell was coming from the flat opposite the building where Pollys mum lived was on fire.

We stepped outside, away from the block, and perched on a bench by the playground. The blaze was raging, the fire brigades sirens blaring. Molly stared at the fire engine, wideeyed, while Sam clung to me, trembling.

Dont worry, love. Mumll be on her way. I left my phone upstairs, but I cant go back for it. Well just wait.

Just then, Mum burst out of the flats in thin shoes, no coat, shouting my name. Her cry cut through the chaos, and even the firefighters paused. She sprinted over, tears in her eyes, hugging us tightly.

Im so sorry, love, she sobbed, draping a neighbours jacket over Molly. I was terrified someone might be left inside.

Grandma stood a few steps away, her hair wild, eyes darting between us. She whispered, Im sorry, dear before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Mum held me close, whispering, Well get through this, Dave. I nodded, feeling the weight of everything lift a little. The fire was out, the children were safe, and for a moment the world felt a touch brighter.