З життя
Діти далеко: поруч лише на святах
В горлі клубок: наші діти за кордоном, бачимося лише на свята
Як же мені їх не вистачає!
Люди навколо часто кажуть мені: «Ти маєш радіти! Син влаштував своє життя в Канаді, у нього родина, стабільність. Хіба це не щастя?»
Так, я радий. Звісно, я радий. Як інакше? Адже що ще може хотіти батько для своєї дитини, окрім як бачити її щасливою?
Але чому тоді ночі без сну? Чому щовечора дивлюсь у вікно, сподіваючись, що дивом почую знайомі кроки біля дверей? Чому серце стискається від болю, коли бачу сусідських внуків, що граються у дворі, а мій – десь там, за океаном?
Я не бачив, як мій онук зробив перший крок. Я не чув його перші слова. Монітори й екрани не дозволяють обійняти його, не можу взяти за руку й піти на прогулянку осіннім парком, не можу вчити його кататися на велосипеді. Все, що у мене є – це кілька пікселів на екрані і голос, що з кожним тижнем здається все більш далеким, чужим.
«Усі ми в одному човні»
Нещодавно вийшов до парку, сів на стару дерев’яну лавку, де вже зібралася компанія таких же, як я. Літні люди, які пройшли через багато чого, але так і не звикли до найстрашнішого – самотності.
Розговорилися. Кожному було що сказати, адже в усіх однакова історія.
— У мене дві доньки, — розпочала суха жінка з сивим волоссям. — Старша вже п’ятнадцять років живе у Швеції, молодша сім років тому поїхала в Іспанію. Раніше хоч приїжджали, а тепер… Усе справи, турботи. Обіцяють влітку приїхати, але щоразу щось заважає.
Інша, повніша жінка з добрим обличчям, усміхаючись, розповідала:
— Моя онучка вже в першому класі, німецьку знає краще за українську. Син із дружиною будинок у Берліні купили, там у них все чудово. Цього року вже десять років, як вони переїхали до Німеччини. А я їжджу до них узимку, а влітку вони до мене… Ну як до мене? На пару днів у село заїдуть — і назад.
Слухаю, мовчу, лише ковтаю клубок у горлі.
Третя жінка зітхнула, дивлячись кудись вдалечінь:
— А я вже три роки не бачила своїх онуків. У Канаді вони. Все рідше і рідше приїжджають. Кажуть, дорого, далеко… Я вже й літати не можу, ноги не тримають. В’яжу їм светри, шкарпетки, шарфи – знаю, що там холодно. А вони усміхаються через екран: «Дякую, бабусю, ти у нас золота». Тільки от мої речі так і лежать у мене в шафі – ніхто їх не носить, не гріють вони нікого.
Життя на відстані
Хтось отримує від дітей дорогі ліки, хтось — сто євро на місяць на допомогу. У когось сину не дають відпустку на свята, і він не зможе приїхати на Різдво, а хтось з тугою в очах чекає, коли невістка привезе онуків хоч на кілька тижнів.
— А я ось заздрю вам, — несподівано сказала худенька жінка років шістдесяти. — У вас хоч діти влаштувалися. А мій син — без роботи, невістка копійки отримує. Вони нікуди не виїхали, але живуть так, що краще б поїхали… Уся їхня надія — на мої консервації, за літо накручую по триста банок компотів, огірків, варення. А що робити? Без цього не протягнуть.
І ось я сиджу, слухаю і відчуваю, як всередині все стискається. Чому так? Чому доля наших дітей — це життя далеко від нас?
Ми радіємо їхнім успіхам, пишаємося ними, але не можемо обійняти їх, коли важко. Ми не можемо дати їм батьківську пораду за чашкою чаю на кухні, не можемо просто посидіти поруч, мовчки, але так, щоб відчути один одного.
А що далі?
Ми старіємо. Наші діти стають чужими, їхні світи для нас невідомі. Вони не знають, як ми живемо. А ми не знаємо, якими вони стали.
І ось настане день, коли вже не буде дзвінків по скайпу, не буде тих рідкісних зустрічей на свята. Пройде трохи часу – і вони прилетять, але вже не до мене, а на моє прощання.
А так хочеться ще хоч раз міцно обійняти сина, заглянути в очі онукові і сказати: «Запам’ятай, дід тебе любить».
Але час минає. І хто знає, чи встигнемо ми…
My Dearest One: A Tale of Family, Lost and Found Marina always believed she had grown up in a loving family—until she learned as an adult that she was adopted. Her foster parents, who had found her as an abandoned toddler in Sherwood Forest, never spoke of her past until her mother’s dying moments. With both parents gone, Marina discovers a hidden folder of letters and newspaper clippings about her origins, still unsure whether the truth should ever come to light. Years later at work, a woman named Hope brings news that a gravely ill retired schoolteacher from Yorkshire—who has been searching for her lost child all her life—believes Marina could be her missing daughter. A DNA test confirms it, leading Marina to the woman’s hospital bedside for a bittersweet reunion. Now torn between the mother who raised her and the one who lost her, Marina must decide whether to reveal a truth that could unsettle the family peace, or keep it hidden and honour the love she has always known. But as the past catches up, Marina realises that, for her, there has only ever been one real mother—a bond defined not by birth, but by love and devotion.
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The Nuisance Next Door “Keep your hands off my crystal glasses!” shouted the former friend. “Mind your own eyes! You think I don’t see who you’re ogling?” “So you’re jealous, are you?” Tamara Barrington was taken aback. “Just look who you’re after! I know what I’m getting you for Christmas—a lip-zipping machine!” “Why not keep it for yourself?” retorted Lynda, undeterred. “Or have you already worn yours out? You think I don’t notice?” Old Mrs. Tamara swung her legs off the creaky bed and walked over to her home icon shelf to read her morning prayer. Not that she was especially religious—she believed there was something out there running things, but who exactly remained a mystery. This all-powerful force went by many names: the universe, fate, and, of course, the Good Lord—a kindly old gent with a white beard and halo, sitting on his cloud and worrying about folks down on Earth. Besides, Mrs. Barrington was long past life’s halfway mark and edging near seventy. At that age, it was best not to quarrel with the Almighty: If He didn’t exist, believers lost nothing. If He did, non-believers lost everything. At the end of her morning devotions, Tamara added a few words of her own. Ritual, done. Soul at peace. She could start her new day. In Tamara Barrington’s life there were two main troubles. Not, as you might think, the usual English gripes of weather and taxes—those were old hat! Her nightmares were her neighbour, Lynda, and her own grandchildren. The grandchildren were predictable: today’s kids, not an ounce of effort in them. But they had parents to deal with them—let them take that on! Lynda, however, was a classic nerve-shredder of a neighbour! Only in the movies do the spats between national treasures like Dame Judi Dench and Maggie Smith seem sweet and charming. In real life, it’s nowhere near so cute—especially when the nitpicking is personal and persistent. To make matters more colourful, Mrs. Tamara had a chum with the nickname “Pete the Moped.” In full, it was Peter Ephraim Cosgrove—the surname a solid English sort! The origin of his nickname was obvious: In his youth, Pete Cosgrove—such a ring to it, eh?—loved zipping around on his scooter. Or as his mates called it, his “mopette.” In time, the battered moped gathered dust in the shed, but the nickname stuck like only village monikers can. In their younger days, they were family friends: Pete and his wife Nina with Tamara and her late husband. Now both of their spouses were resting peacefully in the village cemetery. So Tamara and Pete, whose friendship went back to school days, carried on together by habit—he was a true, loyal friend. Back in school, their trio—her, Pete, and Lynda—had pulled off friendship splendidly. Real, pure camaraderie—no teenage flirting involved. They always moved as a trio: Their strapping gentleman between two smartly dressed ladies, each on his arm. Like one of those double-handled English tea cups—built not to be dropped! As the years went by, the friendships changed. First came a chill from Lynda, then outright spite. It was as if Lynda had been swapped for someone else—a different script altogether! This switch came after her husband passed away; before that, things had been tolerable. It’s no surprise: time sharpens certain traits. The thrifty turn stingy. Chatty types grow unbearable. And envy—well, it will tear you to pieces. And there was plenty to envy! First, despite her years, Tamara stayed trim and neat, while Lynda had become rather dumpy—a common by-product of time. Tamara always cut a better figure. Second, their old friend Pete now lavished more attention on lively Tamara. They whispered and laughed over private jokes, their silvery heads nearly touching. With Lynda, conversation was limited to short, dry remarks. And Pete visited Tamara far more often, while Lynda had to beg for his company. Perhaps Lynda wasn’t as clever as infuriating Tamara, nor as quick with a joke—Pete had always loved a good laugh. Ah, there’s a fine old English word—”yakking”—which would fit what Lynda did these days: picking fights over every little thing. First, she complained Tamara’s loo was in the wrong spot and stank! “Your privy stinks up the whole place!” grumbled Lynda. “Rubbish! It’s been there for ages—you only just noticed?” Tamara riposted. “Oh yes! And your eye implants were on the NHS! Nothing good comes free, you know!” “Keep your nose out of my cataracts!” shot back Lynda. “Watch who you’re giving the side-eye!” And so it went, again and again. Pete even suggested filling in the old outside toilet and setting one up inside. Tamara’s children pooled money to sort out an indoor loo for their mum. Pete himself helped fill in the old pit—problem solved. Lynda, find something new to complain about! She did: Now she accused Tamara’s grandkids of stealing pears from her tree, whose branches hung well into Tamara’s plot. “They thought it was ours,” Tamara tried to explain, doubting the kids took any—she hadn’t seen any missing. “Besides, your chickens are always scratching round in my veg patch!” “A chicken is a simple creature! Either a broiler or a layer!” Lynda retorted. “And you ought to be raising your grandkids right, not giggling with old men all day!” On it went: the pears, the tree branches, the chickens, and always some new row to pick. In the end, Pete suggested cutting back the offending branches—after all, they were on Tamara’s side of the fence. Under his watchful eye, Lynda kept silent for once. Once that was sorted, Tamara took exception to Lynda’s new breed of chickens, which now truly did dig up her beds. She politely asked Lynda to keep them fenced in. Lynda only smirked: “Sweep away for all I care—see what you can do!” Tamara would never dream of catching a chicken and roasting it to prove a point—she was too soft-hearted for a risky experiment. Instead, clever Pete suggested an idea from the internet: quietly scatter eggs in the beds at night, and collect them next morning. It worked! Lynda, seeing Tamara returning with a full bowl of eggs, was flabbergasted—and her chickens never trespassed again. Couldn’t they just make peace now? Not likely! Now it was the smoke and smell from Tamara’s summer kitchen that bothered Lynda. “Yesterday I didn’t mind it, but today I do! And maybe I’m vegetarian! Haven’t you heard Parliament passed a law about barbecue smoke?” “Where do you even see a barbecue, Lynda?” Tamara tried reasoning. “You might want to wipe your glasses once in a while!” Always patient, Tamara finally lost her cool. Lynda had become utterly impossible—some words just suit her! “Maybe she ought to be sent off for experiments,” Tamara sighed to Pete over tea. “She’s eating me alive!” Weary and thin from the daily stress, Tamara thought she might waste away—but Pete encouraged her to hang in there. One bright morning, Tamara heard a familiar song: “Tammy, Tammy, come out from your cottage!” Outside, Pete stood proudly beside his newly repaired moped. “Why was I so glum before?” he proclaimed. “It’s because my moped was down! Now climb on, darling, let’s relive our youth!” Tamara hopped on. After all, Parliament had officially cancelled old age: everyone was now an active pensioner at sixty-five! She rode off into her new life—literally and figuratively. Before long, Tamara became Mrs. Cosgrove—Pete proposed, and the puzzle was complete. She left her worries (and her cantankerous neighbour) behind and moved in with her new husband. Lynda remained a solitary, grumpy woman—who, with no one left to argue with, turned all her bitterness inwards. But you can bet she found new things to envy. So hold tight, Tamara, and maybe don’t step outside too soon! Village life—it’s a real song, isn’t it? What did you expect? All that fuss over a loo, for nothing…
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