З життя
Do I Remember? I Can’t Forget! — Pauline, there’s a situation… Remember my illegitimate daughter, Natalie? — my husband spoke in riddles, which made me uneasy. — Hmm… Do I remember? I couldn’t possibly forget! What’s going on? — I sat down, bracing myself for trouble. — I’m not sure how to put this… Natalie is begging us to take in her little girl, which would make her my granddaughter, — my husband stammered. — And why exactly should we, Alex? What about Natalie’s husband? Can’t he take care of her? — Now I was intrigued. — Well, Natalie doesn’t have much time left. There never was a husband. Her mother remarried years ago and lives in America, they’re on terrible terms and haven’t spoken in ages. There’s nobody else. That’s why she’s asking us, — Alex avoided my eyes, embarrassed. — So? What are you thinking? What will you do? — I had already made up my mind. — I want your advice, Pauline. Whatever you say, that’s what we’ll do, — finally, he looked at me hopefully. — How convenient. So, your wild youth is now my problem, and I’m supposed to take responsibility for a child that’s not my own. Is that it? — My husband’s weak-willed attitude drove me mad. — Pauline, we’re a family. We have to decide together, — Alex pressed on. — Oh, look who remembers we’re family! Why didn’t you consult me when you were running around with that girl all those years ago? I’m your wife! — Tears filled my eyes and I ran to another room… — INCLUDES: Unforgettable family secrets, a husband’s confession, and the unexpected arrival of an estranged granddaughter, all set against the backdrop of British suburbia, as Pauline faces a decision that will redefine forgiveness, loyalty, and the true meaning of family.
DO I REMEMBER? I CAN NEVER FORGET!
Polly, theres something I need to talk to you about… Well, do you remember my daughter out of wedlock, Chloe? My husband, Simon, always had a way of speaking in riddles. It made me apprehensive instantly.
Hmmm Do I remember? How could I possibly forget? Whats happened? I perched on the kitchen stool, bracing myself for bad news.
I honestly dont know how to tell you Chloe is begging us to take her daughter in my granddaughter Simon mumbled.
And why, pray tell, would we do that, Simon? What about Chloes husband? Has he vanished into thin air? Now I was intrigued. I couldnt help my curiosity.
You see, Chloe hasnt much longer left. Theres never been a husband. Her mother remarried years ago, moved to the States, and hasnt spoken to Chloe in ages after some dreadful row. Theres no one else. Shes asking us as her last resort Simon looked at his shoes, unable to meet my gaze.
Well? What have you decided? What will you do? I already knew what I thought, but wanted to hear his mind.
Thats why Im talking to you, Polly. Ill do whatever you wish, Simon finally looked over at me, searching my face.
How convenient, isnt it? You made a foolish decision in your youth, and I, Polly, am expected to shoulder the responsibility for someone elses child? I could feel the anger rising inside me.
Polly, were a family. We have to make this decision together, Simon pleaded.
Oh, look who remembers unity now! When you went gallivanting, you certainly didnt think to consult me! Im your wife, for heavens sake! I burst out in tears and stormed off to the sitting room.
…Back in school, Id been seeing my classmate Tom. But then Simon back then, everyone called him Sam joined our class, and I forgot all about Tom. In short order, Sam started walking me home after lessons, sneaking shy kisses onto my cheek and plucking daisies from the green outside the art block. Within a week, hed taken me to bed. I didnt utter a word of protest. I fell hopelessly in love with him.
We finished school and Sam was called up for National Service. I stood weeping on the platform as his train pulled away, clutching a handkerchief and my beating heart. He served out his time in Yorkshire. For a year, we exchanged letters until Sam came home on leave. I was over the moon. Sam sang my praises and I hung on every word.
Polly, next year, when Im back for good, well get married! But really, I already consider you my wife, he told me.
Those words would send those familiar waves of warmth and affection over me. It had always been that way: Sam would melt me with one sweet glance, and Id dissolve like ice cream in the sun, chocolate near a radiator.
When Sam went back, I counted myself a betrothed bride. Half a year on, I received a letter but not the one Id hoped for. Sam wrote that we had to break up: hed found real love in barracks and wouldnt be returning home.
Except, a baby was already kicking inside me Sams baby. So much for a white wedding. My gran always used to say, *Dont trust summer blossoms, trust the store cupboard.* Well, she was right.
Van was born soon after. To my surprise, Tom my old boyfriend offered to help. Out of desperation, I accepted. Things grew intimate between us. I no longer dared dream of seeing Sam again.
He had vanished from my life completely. Until, quite suddenly, he returned.
Tom opened the front door. There Sam stood.
May I come in? Sam asked, taking in the scene.
Well, youre here now, come on in, Tom said, though I could see he was reluctant.
Van sensed the tension and clung to Tom.
Tom, why dont you take Van for a walk? I asked, unsure what to do or say.
Off they went.
Husband? Sam asked jealously.
Why is it any concern of yours? Why are you here? I was furious, confused.
Missed you, thats all. I see youve managed well without me, Polly. Got a family, I see. Couldnt wait, eh? Well, Ill be off then. Sorry for spoiling your perfect life, Sam went to leave.
Wait, Sam. Why have you come? To torment me? Toms been helping me survive the loneliness, raising your son, by the way! I couldnt let him go. I still loved him.
I came back for you, Polly. Will you have me? There was hope in Sams voice.
Come in, well be having dinner in a minute I replied, my heart hammering as that familiar surge of happiness crashed over me again.
Tom got the boot for good. My Van needed his real father, not a stand-in. Later, Tom married a lovely lady with two children of her own.
The years flew by. Sam never managed to really love Van as a proper father should. He always treated him as not really his. Sam steadfastly believed Van was Toms boy.
There was no paternal connection. I noticed it, felt it keenly. In truth, Simon was always a wandering soul, forever distracted by yet another new skirt. He strayed everywhere: with my friends, and with my friends friends I wept buckets, but still loved him, still nursed my family.
Strangely, perhaps I had it easier. The one who loves is always happy in her ignorance. I never had to lie or invent stories. I simply loved. My husband was my sunshine. Sometimes, I did wish I could stop loving him, just leave. At night, though, Id scold myself for such nonsense. Where would I go, whod take me in? And Sam… well, hed be lost without me. I was his lover, his wife, his mother.
Simon lost his own mother when he was just fourteen. She passed away in her sleep. Maybe thats why he spent his whole life searching for warmth elsewhere. I forgave everything, pitied him. Only once did we fall out badly enough for me to throw Simon out. He packed up and went to stay with his aunt.
After a month passed the quarrel long forgotten he still hadnt come home. In the end, I swallowed my pride and went round to his relatives.
Polly, what do you want with Simon? He told us youd divorced. Hes with someone new now, his aunt told me.
Thanks to her, I got the address and showed up at the other womans door.
Good afternoon! Might I see Sam? I tried to keep politeness about me.
The girl smirked and slammed the door in my face. I left in silence.
Sam returned a year later. By then, the woman had given birth to a daughter, Chloe. For years, I blamed myself for throwing him out if not for that, that enterprising girl wouldnt have rescued my briefly single husband and had a child with him. I poured all my love into Simon, caring for him, forgiving everything.
We never spoke of his illegitimate daughter, Chloe. It felt as if even glancing at the topic would bring the whole family crashing down like a house of cards. We preferred silence, kept the past strictly bottled up.
So what, you might say his dalliance resulted in a child. These prowling women should keep away from other peoples husbands!
Thus we lived, Simon and I. Over time, he mellowed, grew gentler and more agreeable. The ladies melted away; more and more, Simon just sat watching telly at home. Our son married young, bringing us three lovely grandchildren. And then…
Out of nowhere, after years away, his daughter Chloe called, asking us to take in her own daughter.
I had to stop and think. How would we explain to Van that we were bringing in another mans child one hed never heard of? He had no idea about his fathers old exploits.
In the end, of course, we took wardship of five-year-old Alice. Chloe passed away; her journey ended at just thirty years old. Every graves overgrown in time, but life continues on.
Simon insisted on sitting down with Van, man-to-man. After listening to his fathers confession, Van said simply,
Mum, Dad, the past is the past. I wont judge you. As for the little girl, shes family. Well look after her.
Simon and I breathed out in relief. Our boy had a good heart.
Alice is sixteen now. She adores Grandad Simon, whispering secrets to him; she calls me Nana and insists she looks just like I did when I was young. And I, with a wry little smile, always agree.
