Driven to Distraction by My Ex-Husband

Luke, just sit with Mick for a couple of hours, Emma said, her tone sharp as she stared at me. I have an appointment with the doctor.

I cant, I snapped, springing up from the sofa. Im meeting the lads. Ive got to get out soon.

Luke, Im serious. My headaches wont quit, and my back feels wrong. After the birth theres a mountain of aches

Emma, do you need me to repeat that? I snapped again, irritation flashing across my face. I cant. Reschedule it yourself. Ive already got plans.

I was already tugging on my coat, checking my pockets.

I cant move the appointment. It was booked three weeks in advance.

Fine, then youll wait another three weeks, I shrugged, as if it were a trivial matter. Nothing catastrophic will happen to you.

The front door slammed. A soft whimper drifted from the nurseryMick had woken up again. I sighed, pulled out my phone, and dialed the clinic, listening to the tinny hold music that replaced the old beeps. Finally, Emmas turn came.

Hello, I need to cancel todays booking

She collapsed onto the sofa. Postnatal health had become a roulette wheel. One moment my back would lock up so I couldnt straighten; the next my head would pound as if a hammer were striking from inside. Doctors waved their hands, saying I needed tests, but tests took time. And someone had to look after the baby.

I didnt give a toss. The last two years felt like Id been swapped for someone else

During Emmas pregnancy I actually carried herliterally. I lugged heavy bags, cooked, even gave her foot massages before bed. I told her she was the most beautiful woman, that I was endlessly happy. Emma believed every word, convinced shed hit the jackpot in a husband.

Then Mick was born, and everything shattered.

Screams, endless nappies, sleepless nightsthose broke whatever mask I wore, revealing a completely different person. I shouted at Emma when she couldnt tidy the flat, I yelled at Mick when he bawled in the night, I hurled things, slammed doors, fled to my mates and returned after midnight.

Look at yourself! I roared, finger jabbed at her. Do you even recognise the woman in the mirror? Wheres my gorgeous wife gone? A blunder of a bride!

Emma stared back, dark circles under her eyes, hair in a mess, a stained old tshirt from baby food. Extra pounds clung to her despite eating barely twice a day. But who had time for herself when Mick was running fevers, teething, or wincing with colic?

You only think about the child. Hes the centre of your universe, I muttered, pulling on my boots. Do you even need me?

She stayed silentshe didnt know what to say. Yes, Emma thought about Mick; how could she not? He was her son.

Emma was exhausted, at the point where she just wanted to lie down and never get up. She was trapped within four walls with a screaming baby and a husband who saw himself as the victim of the household.

She also had no prospect of work. The firm shed been with had folded; the owner ran off with the debts, the office was sealed, the staff let go. Emma was on maternity leave, so it didnt hit her hard, but Mick would soon be three, and she knew shed have to find a new job. That gap of three years on a résumé, plus a toddler, was a turnoff for employers.

Yet she dreamed of it. She imagined taking Mick to nursery, stepping out of the house, hopping onto a train, getting to an office, chatting with real people instead of a baby who only cared about cartoons. Emma wanted a life beyond just a home and a son. She wanted to remember who she used to be.

Micks third birthday, Emma arranged all herself. He romped around in a new onesie, pink and cheerful.

And Luke was nowhere to be seen.

Emma, wheres Luke? asked his mother, Susan, glancing around as if she expected him to appear from behind a curtain.

I dont know, Emma forced a smile. Hes probably running late.

How can he be late? Its his sons birthday! grumbled his father, George.

Emma merely shrugged. Shed called Luke a dozen times, texted, but heard nothing back.

The guests exchanged uneasy looks, saying nothing. Emmas mother, Vera, squeezed her hand under the tablequiet support that changed nothing.

The party was tense. Mick was happy; the adults kept up the pretense that everything was fine.

Emma cut the cake, poured tea, smiled at the guests, while inside something cracked, breaking into tiny shards that could never be put back together.

As night fell the guests drifted out. Mick fell asleep instantly, never even waiting to be changed. Emma tucked him into his cot, smoothed the blanket, and headed back to the living room, where chaos reigned: dirty dishes, torn wrapping paper, deflated balloons.

She began clearing up mechanically, without thought. Plates went to the sink, the table was wiped down.

The sound of keys in the lock made her freeze. She glanced at the clockmidnight. She peered into the hallway.

Luke stood in the doorway, swaying. His eyes were bloodshot, his shirt rumpled, cheap perfume clinging to him, a bright red lipstick mark on his cheek.

He saw Emma and froze.

Emma, its not what you think, his voice cracked. I took a shot of whisky. I was drunk one time it wont happen again, I swear!

Emma exhaled slowly. A chill settled deep inside her, as if ice had been poured over her heart.

Where have you been? she whispered.

I I was with the lads. We went into a pub, there were girls, and one of them

On my sons birthday, Emma cut in. You were with some girl when Mick turned three!

Emma, Im sorry! I didnt mean to it just happened!

Just happened? Emmas voice trembled. Youre a traitor. A liar. I trusted you completely. We have a family, we have a child! I never imagined youd stoop to cheating!

Youre the one at fault! Luke exploded. Look at yourself! There are plenty of beautiful women out there, and I come home to you! Of course I get distracted! Im a young man; I want love!

Emma turned and walked to the nursery. Luke called after her, but she didnt look back. She shut the door, lay down on the narrow bed beside Mick, staring into the darkness.

In the morning she packed her thingshers and Micks. Luke tried to stop her, grabbed her arm, pleading for forgiveness and a second chance. Emma didnt budge. She hailed a taxi, loaded the bags, and drove to her mothers house.

The first weeks were rough. Mick didnt understand why they were now living with Grandma, he cried, called for his dad. Emma held him, kissed his forehead, whispered that everything would be alright, though she didnt believe it herself.

Gradually life settled. Vera helped with Mick while Emma hunted for work. After a month she landed a jobnothing glamorous, but steady pay and reasonable bosses. The divorce was finalised. Luke didnt fight it, he only asked to see his son. Emma agreed. Mick still loved his father.

A few months later Emma moved into a onebed flat of her own. It was modest, but it was theirs. She furnished it sparingly, making a home for herself and Mick.

Luke started dropping by. At first rarely, then more often. He fixed a leaking tap, helped assemble furniture, took Mick to the park. Emma allowed itnot for herself, but for Mick. The boy lit up when his dad was around, laughing, clambering onto his shoulders. Emma could not take that away.

Six months after the divorce Luke remarried. Emma saw them by chance in a shopping centrehis new wife, Victoria, tall, slim, impeccably dressed, hair glossy, makeup flawless.

Luke still visited often, even more than before, always praising his new wife.

Victorias a proper housewife, hed say. The house is always spotless, dinners always ready. She looks like a model.

Emma nodded, fury simmering underneath. Even after the divorce, Luke managed to needle her.

Then a thought struck Emmahow to get back at him. Small, petty, but fair.

She began calling Luke all the time, for any reason.

Hey Luke, Mick wants a walk, can you come over?

Luke, my kitchen taps leaking, could you help?

Luke, Mick misses you, when will you be here?

Luke turned up each time. It turned out all he needed was the chance to spend time with his son, and he lapped it up. They talked, drank tea, laughed about school stories. Their chats often stretched an hour or two. Emma fed him anecdotes about Micks antics at nursery, asked questions, and he answered eagerly, as if craving the interaction.

Soon Victorias voice cut in over the phone.

Luke, are you chatting with her again? Stop it!

Luke brushed it off, but Emma could hear the irritation in his wifes tone, and it gave her a strange relief.

Months passed. One evening Luke turned up unannounced. Emma opened the door to find his face weary, hair dishevelled.

Were getting divorced, he blurted as he stepped inside.

What? Emma slammed the door shut, leaning against it.

Victoria left. She couldnt take it any longer.

What couldnt she take?

Us. Our relationship.

Emma smirked, coldly.

What relationship, Luke?

Emma, you know. We spend so much time together. I thought

What? That wed get back together? she crossed her arms. No, Luke. Ive already moved on. Im with someone else now, and Im happy.

Lukes face twisted.

What? Who?

It doesnt matter. It matters that its not you.

You thought Id wait for you? she laughed. Seriously?

What about the child support you owe? Youve been feeding some other mans cat! he shouted, his voice cracking. You led me on! I helped you, like a dog, and you

I never promised anything, Emma replied calmly. You came to me on your own, like a stray. I dont need you. I cant even afford to feed a cat, let alone a man.

He stammered, I

What? What now? she asked, moving to the door and flinging it open. Go, Luke. Dont come back without warning.

Youre not a woman! he shouted, grabbing his coat and sprinting out. A petty, revengeseeking serpent!

Maybe, Emma shrugged. But you made me that way.

The door slammed. Emma leaned against it, closed her eyes. No joy, no reliefjust a hollow emptiness.

She knew shed acted badly, but Luke had shattered her dignity, her faith, her love. Shed simply returned the blow with the same coin.

She slipped into Micks room. He lay asleep, arms spread. She sat beside him, ran her fingers through his hair.

That chapter of her life was closed, forever. Yes, she would still see Luke now and thenMick adored his dad, and she had no intention of cutting that off. But now she could watch her ex from a distance, with the satisfaction of a victory earned.