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For Better, For Worse (A Story of Love, Loss and New Beginnings in the English Countryside)
Both in Sorrow and in Joy
Charlotte was widowed early, at forty-two. By then, her daughter, Emily, had already married a decent lad from the next village and gone off with him to the North, chasing higher wages.
Every so often, Emily would treat her mother to a brief telephone call, urging her not to worry, assuring her that life was working out well: new friends, good work, new family. And in those moments, Charlotte felt her daughter slip further awaya slice cut off the loaf, severed and separate.
There was little work to be had in their tiny English hamlet, and the only school, where Charlotte had worked as a kitchen assistant, had closed.
Left jobless, Charlotte did not despair. She began taking the bus every Tuesday and Friday to the next village, where she sold her homemade milk and soft cheese to loyal regulars.
The few pounds she made barely kept her affairs ticking along, but Charlotte had nothing to grumble over. She lived alone, ate the same dairy she sold, and filled out her meals with vegetables she grew in her allotment garden.
There was never much time to dwell on loneliness: her yard bustled with clucking chickens, honking geese, and quacking ducks. Bessie, her cow, mooed softly from the shed, and her tabby cat, Buttercup, threaded himself between her ankles. Tending to all thisfeeding, cleaning, fetching and carryingby the time she finished, the day had slipped quietly by.
After lunch each day, Charlotte would bring a little stool to the front sash window and settle herself, gazing out into the gentle haze.
Even in dreams, the English landscape impressed itself: calm birches lined the verge, their white trunks puncturing the green. Behind them, a spring bubbled up, icy and pure, and its water pooled into a round ponda mirrored eye to the sky.
This tranquil scene didn’t go unnoticed. One morning, Charlotte woke to a clatter outside: strange, weighty machinery trundled up her lane.
Yawning, she slipped on her mothers flannel robe, now a little faded, and stepped onto the porch.
She craned her neck and saw a handful of peoplesurveying, measuring, pointingand drew up to a tall man whose overcoat looked cut for city boardrooms.
Morning, she said, hesitant but firm. Mind telling me whats going on?
The man turned, eyeing her and then her modest home. Ah, you live here? I recently acquired the plot up the way, hoping to build a house. Looks like were to be neighbours.
Neighbours, you say?
Charlotte withdrew, a deep unease winding through her. She had to glean who was moving in next door. Pulling on stout boots, she hurried to the local shop.
Tammy, the boisterous shopkeeper, was always up to date. She confirmed the rumour: some wealthy businessman had bought the plot.
He wants to build a house, not for himself, but for his twin brother. Ill, apparently. Doctors orderscountry air, peace, the works. Our patch is perfect, forest clean as a whistle, pure springs for days.
A businessman, you say? pondered Charlotte. Could be good. If he takes to the place, he might even open a shopcould do with some new jobs round here.
Tammy laughed. You dream on, love.
As Charlotte left, she bumped into the delivery driver, Gabriel, who ran bread to all the little shops.
Now, he was balancing a heavy tray of fresh loaves.
All right, Charlotte, hold the door for us?
All right, hello to you too, she said, letting warmth leach into her cheeks as she held the door.
Gabriel paused, breathless. Whats the rush? Take a warm loaf, just out the oven.
She blushed furiously. Put it on my tab, Tammy! Promise Ill settle up.
Everyone in the village knew Gabriel had courted Charlotte for years. She, for her part, dodged his attentionsa whole six years her junior, and half the county whispered Charlotte was an old hen for him. Shed forbidden herself to even consider it. Let him find some nice young girl!
But Gabriel never married. Still, he looked her way; now and again hed fret over how to woo her, until shed put a stop to every attempt.
All he could do was cast quiet, wistful glances.
*
The building work didn’t take long.
Soon enough, a large red-brick house, majestic among the fields, blazed with the light of its windows. Charlotte couldnt help herself; she brought over an apple pie, rapped on the shiny new door, and called out:
Hello, neighbours! Thought Id pop by.
The scent of clean sawdust filled the entryway. Charlotte hesitated at the threshold, clutching the pie.
A pair of men and two womenall in paint-spattered overallspeered out.
Can we help you?
She hesitated, I live just there, you see. Baked a few pies, thought Id share one with you.
Cheers, one of the women nodded, taking the tray.
While she was there, Charlotte pressed on, I dont suppose youve got any odd jobs? I can hang wallpaper, paint, do a bit of plastering?
One of the tradesmen shook his head, regretful. We brought a full crew from London, love. Talk to the owner, he’ll be here in a couple days.
Oh. Charlotte tried not to show her disappointment. Right then, Ill be off.
The hope of work fizzled out.
Returning home, Charlotte surveyed her own tired house with a sinking feeling. Its damp, mossy walls needed repair, but she knew there was little to be done. What stung most was the sense of neighbourly cold. In days past, newcomers always introduced themselves, offered tea, became part of the village humbut this new owner never once knocked, never asked after her. Odd, she thought.
*
But soon all was turned topsy-turvy.
The new house strung itself in jubilant Christmas lights, and moving vans arrived. Through her lace curtains, Charlotte watched a parade of plush furniture and boxes.
A young woman in a pale fur coat emerged, gliding across the gravel.
Who on earth is that? mused Charlotte. Must be some beauty queenno doubt the kind a businessman brings for company.
The ailing twin, who Tammy had whispered about, seemed never to venture out. Only once a week did Charlotte spot the young woman heading briskly to the village shop.
Charlotte would nod politely and attempt conversation, but the girl only screwed up her face, muttered hello, and rushed by with barely a glance.
Too grand to bother with the likes of me, thought Charlotte, wincing inwardly.
A year passed in this cold silence. Charlotte no longer tried to reach out, nor welcomed visitors at her own door. Every week, a silver car would slip up to the neighbours drive; a well-dressed man would unload bags and vanish inside.
Until, one afternoon, there was a brisk knock.
It was the neighbourher face tight and businesslike.
Ive noticed youve a cow, hens, all sorts. You wouldnt sell me a joint of beef? Id pay, and Id love some of your butter, cream, and potatoes, if you have them.
Of course! Charlotte perked up, waving her guest to a chair while she rummaged in cupboards.
Its justshop meat is horrid, shop cream equally so, the girl said, excusing herself.
Charlotte brought out a packet of beef from the deep-freeze.
Lovely and fresh, this is. Wont take long to boil.
How long does it need? the girl asked, anxious.
Oh, about an hour and a half.
That long?
You sometimes get meat that takes even longer, dear. Dyou know your cuts? If not, Ill help.
What if I dont want to boil it? the girl fretted. Could I just fry it?
You could, yes.
But I havent the faintest idea how. Ill burn it, honestly. Could you fry it here, with potatoes, and Ill pick up the ready meal?
Charlotte surveyed her: too young, too polisheda face unbothered by hardship, hands that plainly never scrubbed pots.
Do you cook at all? Charlotte ventured.
The young woman shrugged. Of course not.
Whats your name?
Abigail. And yours?
Charlotte. Call me Charlie if you fancy. If you like, I could cook lunches and suppers for youfor a modest fee.
Id be grateful for your help. When could you start?
Anytime, love.
Lets not waste a momentcome, Ill show you round.
Charlotte didnt need asking twice. She bundled up ingredients and, shutting her own door tight, followed.
The neighbours House
Inside, the house left Charlotte speechlessplaster still fresh, furnishings twice as grand as her own. In the sitting room, a brooding man hunched over a novel. He peered at her in consternation.
Whos this then? Trouble?
Abigail fawned at his elbow. Darling, Ive found us a helperCharlottes to do our cooking.
Actually, Im your neighbour. Right next door. Pleased to meet you.
He grunted and dismissed her with a glance.
Come on, Abigail urged, suddenly informal.
She whisked Charlotte to the kitchen, fluttering her hand. Cook something for us, will you?
Charlotte stifled surprise at this forwardnessno time to be offended. She set to, washing hands, peeling, slicing, moving about the unfamiliar kitchen.
Within an hour, she plated up stewed beef and potatoes.
Andjust like magicCharlotte had found desirable work.
The owner, stony-faced Mr. Alexander, paid her wages weekly. Over time, he softened. Good meals have a way of opening hearts.
Yet Charlotte soon noticed neither Abigail nor Alexander lifted a finger about the house. Beds unmade, floors dirty.
Shrugging, Charlotte fetched a pail, scrubbed down the house.
But Alexander caught her at it.
Who told you to clean up? he queried, more surprised than angry.
It was simply filthyyou must have noticed. I couldnt help myself.
If you think Ill pay for any fits of enthusiasm, youre mistaken. Dust never killed anyone, and your wages are for kitchen work alone. And groceries, of course.
Very well
Charlotte bit her tongue, finished her chores, but clocked changes afootMr. Alexanders brother, the businessman, stopped visiting.
Abigail no longer strolled to the shops. She began to look at Charlotte with increasing discontent.
Days later, Abigail declared, Dont bother doing the washing-up. Leave it. And no more meat. Just potatoes, eggs, and milk. That sufficescook only those.
Charlotte asked, puzzled, Has something happened?
Something! Abigail burst out. This village is a bore. No shops, no cafes, no life! Nothing to do, nowhere to go!
A few days more and, knocking at the door as usual, Charlotte found it unlocked, the house in disarraystuff everywhere, ornaments and books in heaps, curtains torn down.
Oh, lordAbigail? she shouted.
She’s gone, a voice rumbled from the kitchen.
Charlotte darted in. Dishes scattered, the windows bare, Alexander sat among empties, drinking.
Whats happened? A row with Abigail?
Dont speak her name. Shes left and thats that. Said village lifes not for her.
He sighed, then lifted bloodshot eyes.
Charlie, fetch me some beef, will you? Fry it up for me?
Charlotte didnt dare say noshe ran for meat, fried it up, tidied as the kitchen warmed with familiar scents.
Alexander, roused by food, plucked hot slices from the pan with a knife.
Dont eat with the knife, sit at the table, let me serve you, Charlotte scolded gently.
He grinned, shuffling to the table. You’re something else, Charlie. Wonderful woman.
Charlotte froze; she hadn’t felt like a woman, been spoken to sweetly, in years.
Dont go. Sit; have a drink with me.
I dont drink.
She realised Alexander was well drunk, and started to excuse herselfbut he suddenly clung to her with heavy arms.
Never noticed before: youre a fascinating woman, Charlotte, he purred.
A Married Life
Charlotte felt watching eyesneighbours, acquaintancesevery time she visited the shop. Gossip hissed and whispered behind her back, but no one confronted her directly.
Except Tammy at the counter, shooting sly glances.
Charlie, whos the cigarettes for? Sausages and cheese, too, you never buy those!
For the neighbour, who else? Charlotte muttered, Told you: I work over there.
Tammy leant forward, arch. And since when do you stay over there? Breakfast and tea every day? Be careful, love. Hell chew you up and leave.
Charlotte stiffened, gathering her groceries with tight lips.
You spying on me?
The village talks, Charlie. So do I.
Charlie gave a tart laugh. Well, then let it talk. Yes, Alexander and I have something. Were in love.
Tammys eyes narrowed. Is it love? House barely gone cold, and hes warmed to you! Wake up, love.
Charlotte stood tall, her composure cracking. Finished? My change, please, quickly.
Ignoring Tammy, she scooped up her coins and left, anger burning in her belly.
People, she thought, swords sharpened on their tongues.
At the shop door, she nearly barged into Gabriel lugging bread.
She didnt bother to hold the door; Gabriel didnt ask. He grunted, managed the latch himself, and left.
Another one turned away, Charlotte sighed. Wont even say hello now.
Yet a pang pricked her heart.
Truth be told, Gabriels nervous blushes had once lightened her mood. Now, he didnt even look at her. His silence carved its own ache.
*
Turning down the lane, Charlotte didnt go to her own home, but to Alexanders. Hed promised to marry her soon; the grand new house would belong to them both. She had even grown used to managing things there. Only, the mornings shed hasten back to her old place to stoke the range and feed what remained of her flock.
Small sacrifices. After the wedding, Alexander said theyd build a proper pen for everything.
*
True to his word, Alexander sent for a cab one rainy morning. At the registry, they signed the book.
He slid a golden ring onto her hand.
How lovelya gold one?
Naturally. Mind you keep it safe.
Back home, Charlotte laid the table. Straightaway Alexander poured himself a drink.
Not a bit much these days, darling? she teased, admiring her ring.
I drink from happiness. Now, bring on some beefneeds something hearty as a chaser.
Theres none leftIve made salad
What do you mean none? Theres a cow mooing in your shed.
Thats Bessie, my darling. Cantshes my only milker. I live on her milk.
Alexander banged his fist, scowling. Enough of the scrimping. Youve a rich husband now! You cook chicken every day, but I want beef.
Killing a cow takes all day…
But Alexanders hand pounded the table again. Do as I saybring the beef!
M-E-A-T
Charlotte traipsed the village, searching for a butcher, but no one would help; bitter cold, no one would stand outside skinning a cow for love or money. Finally, Gabriel agreed.
He eyed her sternly.
Why are you putting the cow down?
She blushed, shame curling in her gut. She couldnt say her husband had simply demanded meat.
She lied. Too much work to keep her. Hays so dear nowadays…
But you just marriedwont he help with hay?
Gabriel just looked at her, bottomless. You want help or not?
She nodded. Please. I cant do it myself.
An hour later, the deed was done. Gabriel handled the heavy cutting; Charlotte ferried great shining slabs into the kitchen.
Why doesnt your man help out? Gabriel eventually blurted.
He was a city type. Not used to hard graft.
She handed him a tub of meat. This is for you. Thank you, Gabriel.
Thats quite a lot.
Gabriel straightened, eyes serious yet reverent, and Charlotte stilled.
At that moment, Alexander reeled drunkenly onto the porch.
Wife! Whos there? Dont forget me, you hear! Fry up my meat this instant! And you owe me a wedding night yet!
Gabriels jaw hardened.
You two married? he asked, quietly.
Charlotte, shivering, nodded, Yes.
Gabriel dropped the tub into the snow and, grabbing his tools, walked away.
Daughter
Married life grew tedious fast.
Alexander filled his days with whisky and meatso much so, he began cooking for himself, tossing beef into pans with lazy expertise.
Charlottes yard stood empty; only Buttercup, her lonely cat, mewed around her ankles.
That cat again. Whyd you bring it here? Chuck him out for good, Alexander whined.
Emily came to visither new stepfather snored drunk into his plate, as always.
She scolded her mother. Mum, is this what you call married?
Dont nag, love. Alexs a good man, just city life left him stressed. Its not easy moving here, you know.
Mum, hes a drinking layabout. Always was, always will be. Youre his skivvy, not his wife.
Look, just see this house! I would never have dreamt of living so well.
Emilys face turned hard. That house isnt yours, and you look nothing like the lady of it. Youve abandoned your own home for this parasite. If he throws you out, where will you go?
Emily left as swiftly as shed arrived.
Mum, take some meat, Charlotte said, hurrying to fetch a joint. But the pantry was locked.
She rattled the padlock, then shook Alexander awake. Whys the pantry locked? Wheres the key?
Alexander sulked. What for?
I want to send meat with Emily.
Lets make a deal: no more children round here.
Charlotte stared in disbelief. She searched his pockets and found the key, but Emily, overhearing, just pursed her lips and left.
Charlottes heart brimmed with grief.
That night Alexander awoke with a heavy sigh.
Listen here. My brother died not long ago, and the house is in his wifes name now. She wants me out.
Charlotte gasped.
She calledwarned me its time to go.
Whatll we do? she quavered.
You village typeswhat do you do? Dont budge! Have a child, two if you can; lock yourself in, fight for your homes worth. Thats what.
Charlotte shook her head. I cant. Im not that person.
Alexander downed another drink and slammed the bottle. Well, if you cant stand for the house, pack your things. Well move in with you.
He scoured the kitchen for foodfinding cold meat in a panwhich he ate, hunched and silent.
That Abigailran at the first whiff of trouble, like a rat off a sinking ship. My brother paid for it all. Soon as he died, and the money dried up, she bolted.
Charlotte stared at him.
Is that why you stopped paying me?
Exactly. You were easycall and you came running, straight into my bed.
Charlotte clenched with hurt. Dont speak to me that way.
And dont you play the martyr, either. Youre my wife nowfor better or worse. Pack your things. When we go, well strip the place. Every bulb, every rugsmash the windows as we leave! Get the butcher to help with the furniture.
Charlotte drew herself up.
So you never loved me. You only married me for convenience?
Alexander smirked. You arent so young, Charlotte. Surely you know how these things work.
You never loved me.
Nor you, me. It was the house you wanted.
He gnawed another bone, fished out a fresh bottle.
How could I have been so foolish Even Bessies gone. My living.
Resolved, Charlotte took her key, walked out, and unlocked the pantryalmost empty. She decided: divorce was the only way.
Why live beside a man who sees you as hired help and nothing more?
She was tired of his orders.
The casks of meat were almost bare.
Wheres the meat, Alex?
None of your business. I exchanged it for supplies.
For those cases of booze in the cellar, eh? That meat could have kept us a year! Whatll you live on now?
Alex grinned. Ive still got you. Youll think of something.
Go to the devil with your blatherIll file for divorce today!
Epilogue
The divorce came quickly, but the trouble didnt end.
Having lost everything, Alexander tried a new trick: he attempted to seize Charlottes house.
Sneaking in at night, he stole up to her bed, grabbing at her in the dark.
Startled, Charlotte cried out. Heavenswhos there?
Dont shout, Charlie, its me, your Alex.
Keep your hands off me!
She bolted out into the freezing night barefoot, running to Tammys house, pounding on the window.
Whos there? Tammy called.
Its me, Tammy, open up!
Charlie!? Whats happened?
Tammy ushered her into the warm. Charlotte, breathless, collapsed inside.
Worse than fire, Tammyshut the door quick before he comes
Who?
My ex-husbandoh, you were right, Tammy. What a fool Ive beenhow do I get rid of him?
Charlotte hid for weeks until Alexander went for good.
Even so, she was frightened to return. It seemed Alexander might break in at any time. But, at last, all was quiet.
Inside, her home was desolate. Cupboards bare, larder cleaned out, the cellar stripped. Potatoes and preserves, all gone.
Charlotte dropped to the table amongst empty bottles and plates, head in her arms.
Some marriage that was. Now Ive no cow, nor stockwhat next?
The door creaked. Gabriel slipped inside, Buttercup cradled to his chest.
Charlie, I had a word with your Alexandermade him leave for good. I kept your cat safe. Hes a good ladkeeps the mice down.
Charlotte sobbed. Thank you, Gabriel.
You cryin because I sent him off? That scoundrel flogged off your wood, too
She wept harder.
Charlie, forgive me.
No, Gabriel, forgive me
For what?
For disappointing you, looking down my nose
Lets light a fire, get you warm. Mums heated the bath at ours, too, baked pies. Lets go home for nowwhy sit alone in the cold?
*
Some time later, Gabriel and Charlotte married. Emily forgave her, even visiting with her husband on occasion.
Alexander moved back to the city, and, rumour had it, tied the knot with a widowed lady well past her youth.
The builders widow, inheriting the grand house next door, began spending summers in the village.
She paid a neighbourly call upon Charlotte, bringing a fresh pie. They became friends.
Chatting over tea, Charlotte asked what illness Alexander supposedly suffered from. The widow only laughed.
Alexander? Ill? Dont make me laugh. Hes as fit as an ox. His problems the bottle. When he lived in town, he drank every pub dryand my poor late husband, kind soul, felt sorry for him, sent him out here hoping the countryside might turn him sober. Fat chance. Hed drink the Thames if it was gin!They both laughedloud and true. For a moment, Charlotte felt a lightness she hadnt known in years. The sun spilled through her little window, warming her battered table, glancing off a clean kettle, glinting on the empty ring finger that no longer felt bare, but rather unencumbered, light as spring air.
Outside, Buttercup chased a butterfly across the yard, the tiniest echo of childrens laughter drifting from down the lane. In the tidy pen Gabriel had built, a flock of cheerful hens clucked in the grass, and a new calf nuzzled its mother in the shed. The world was ordinary, yet dear, stitched anew from old worry and heartbreak.
Charlotte took a deep breath, tasting a skein of hope on the airfresh, unexpected as dawn, as if happiness could, by slow and honest work, return and settle where it was once banished. She poured another cup of tea for her visitor, letting the golden liquid swirl, and caught her own reflection in the window: lined, yes, but steady-eyed and, quite suddenly, beautiful in her own weathered way.
For the first time in a long while, Charlotte smiledfull-hearted, undiminished by any loss, and ready, at last, for all the quiet joys yet to come.
