For My Mum, Looking After Her Granddaughter Feels Like an “Impossible” Task

All my friends have mums who are more than happy to look after their grandchildren. For my own mum, minding her granddaughter is something she calls impossible. She repeats the same line over and over its your child, I raised mine already. My daughter, Charlotte, is five and goes to nursery school. Two years ago, after my maternity leave ended, I had to return to work; I teach primary school, so its not easy for me to take days off. This is exactly why having my mum nearby would be a real blessing.

I actually have quite a bit of free time myself, especially in the winter months when I dont have a holiday cottage to visit. Mum spends her days at home, apart from watching her favourite TV programmes or chatting on the phone with her friends. She really doesnt have much else filling her time. Just last week, we found out at the opticians that Charlotte has some problems with her eyesight. I rang my mum and explained that Charlotte needs to go to the clinic for ten days. Shell need collecting from nursery around one in the afternoon, with appointments in the mornings. Everything is close by nursery, the clinic, and Mums house.

My daughter is very well-behaved, and my mum knows this. She doesnt throw tantrums, shes quiet, she doesnt make a mess, and eats whatever shes given. Despite all that, my mum cant hide a clear indifference towards her. The other day, I needed Mums help because both my husband and I had to be at work.

It would be wonderful if my mum could come round and lend a hand for a few days, but she cant or wont. Fortunately, were lucky to have relatives nearby who can support us when things get tricky. My grandmother lives next door, and lately she doesnt seem busy, so naturally we hoped she could look after Charlotte when we needed to be at work. It wouldnt cost us anything extra as shes round the corner, and it would be a massive relief for me and my husband.

Ever since my mum retired, Ive helped her out financially. I give her money regularly and pay her rent in full every two weeks. When my husband and I do the weekly shop, we bring her along and she insists on paying for everything herself. For every holiday or special occasion, I buy Mum lovely, expensive presents. Yet she treats all my help as if its just routine, something shes entitled to. Being her daughter, she assumes its my duty to supply her with food and cover her rent. But I just cant wrap my head around it! My child is my responsibility, of course, not someone I want to pass off on to others.

It seems as if grandmothers have no real obligation to help out with their grandchildren, and yet some still do. Do you think thats right? It really hurts me I go above and beyond to support my mum, yet I get no appreciation from her at all.