Grandma’s Feeling Blue

What on earth have you cooked, Emma? This is impossible to eat! Its far too sweet, far too thick, far too Oh, ugh.

Without a second thought, she drains the entire pot down the toilet.

Emma, at the end of her rope, erupts:

Enough! Ive had it! This is my house, my kitchen, my family! Get out of here!

***

Margaret Thompson, whose name is whispered with a mix of reverence and dread in the corridors of St.Marys Primary School, is a phenomenonindeed, a living legend. A veteran teacher turned headteacher after twenty years, she embodies everything the education system could possibly aspire to. Did the school love her? Thats a rhetorical question. More likely, the school merely tries to survive her.

Margarets devotion to teaching shows itself in constant, relentless oversight of every detail. Lessons must be flawless, discipline ironclad, blazers impeccably pressed, ties knotted to the exact specifications. She can burst into a maths class to inspect the register, flip through pupils workbooks, or detain the PE teacher to ask why half the class wears trainers while the rest sport plimsolls.

Miss Thompson is coming! that quiet warning makes teachers straighten their backs, students scramble to stash phones in bags, and cleaners like Auntie Mary polish the floors at double speed.

Everyone snaps to attention. Pupils obey. Teachers never argue. Parents, arriving for meetings, stock up on calming tablets in advance.

Margaret truly believes she holds the school in a vice, while in reality she simply exhausts everyone with her boundless need to micromanage every aspect of school life.

Margaret, you seem particularly spry today, notes deputy head Helen Parker as the head bursts into the staff room waving the latest school newsletter.

Spry? Margaret snaps, staring at the offending paper. Helen, have you even read this? School Life Through the Lens. This is a disgrace! Where are the photos from the graduation ceremony? Wheres the report on the teachers conference? Why does it only show pictures from the disco and articles about romance? Is that all we care about now? Are we really going to fill the local tabloid with this rubbish? Youre the one who puts this out, so its on you.

Helen sighs heavily. What can she do? The graduation ceremony was dull, the conference even drier, and the disco was wildly popular with the students. But arguing with Margaret is pointless.

Ill fix it, Miss Thompson, she stammers. Ill order the children to rewrite the article.

Immediately! Margaret interjects. And make sure the next issue has a piece on how music benefits mental development! I spent my lunch with the Year11 class lecturingwhat for? To make sure its in there! And I want photos from the poetryreading competition! And

The list of demands could go on forever.

Margarets energy seems endless.

But nothing lasts forever under the moon.

Time begins to take its toll. Margaret finds it harder to manage the restless teenagers, her headaches grow more frequent, and her stamina for the endless parentteacher meetings dwindles. One day, after yet another showdown with a parent who insists his prodigy simply cant solve quadratic equations, she decides: retirement. Shes done enough for the system. Its time to do something for herself.

The farewell is lavishtearful speeches, extravagant bouquetsbut beneath the pomp lies a subtle, almost invisible sense of relief. The school exhales.

The first weeks of retirement are pure bliss. Margaret sleeps until ten in the morning, something she hasnt done since university, strolls around the neighbourhood, binges on TV dramas, and even tries crocheting. She finally has time for herself! But it doesnt last long. Within a week her restless spirit seeks a new outlet.

Im falling apart, she tells her longtime friend Virginia Clarke, a former maths teacher and the only colleague Margaret ever truly befriended. Im doing nothing but eating and sleeping. Ill turn into an old hag at this rate!

Virginia suggests she pick up a hobby.

Sign up for a knitting class, you seemed to like it, she says, eyeing the halffinished scarf draped over the windowsill. Or volunteer at the library. Or

But Margaret has no patience for knitting circles or libraries. The unfinished scarf, bought with yarn and needles she never managed to finish, still drives her mad, but she needs her hands occupied. No, knitting, libraries, TVnone of that appeals. She craves command. She craves shaping minds. She craves authority.

Then a family appears on the horizon.

Her son James, a polite, wellmeaning man who never says no, his wife Emmaa fieryhaired artist with a formidable temperamentand their three teenage grandchildren: Oliver, sixteen, a perpetual romantic rebel; Mia, fourteen, dreaming of becoming a vlogger; and Ethan, twelve, a budding mathematician. Margaret decides to focus her energy and pedagogic talent on them.

She doesnt move in with James, but she starts dropping by every day, not for an hour or two but for at least half a day. And she doesnt just sit with a cup of tea. No. She dives straight into business.

Emma, what is this mess on the walls? Where are the framed paintings? Where are the family photos?

James does his best to smooth things over:

Mum, Emma likes this. Its her style we all like it.

Style? Son, you need to visit more often and learn what style actually is. This has to go right now.

Emma snaps back, then remembers her husband and falls silent. James looks pleadingly at her and whispers, Emma, bear with her, shes having a hard time without work

But when the irritation gnaws at her

James, what on earth is that colour on the walls? she demands, eyeing the living room. A drab grey! With these odd decorations Wheres the joy? Wheres the optimism? Paint it yellow! A soft, pale yellownothing garish, just gentle enough that the furniture will seem brighter.

Mom, we like the colour, James replies. Emma chose it herself.

Emma Margaret snarls, What does she know about interior design? In my day

She endures a lot.

Margaret takes over the grandchildrens diet.

No chips, no fizzy drinks! Only proper, healthy food, she declares and starts cooking for the whole family. Her signature disheslumpy semolina porridge and boiled beetroot with garlicmake the teens gag, but they stay quiet because James insists. Margarets cooking is far from what anyone would call healthy, but its certainly homecooked.

She also seizes control of their schoolwork.

Oliver, whats this scribble? Show me your diary! A two in algebra? Thats disgraceful! Mia, why does your essay have so many errors? You need to read more classics! Ive prepared a list for you. Ill check every book you finish myself.

Ethan, trying to slip past his grandmother, doesnt escape punishment either.

What are these games youre playing? Running around? Catching someone? Thats harmful to the mind! Youd better stick to maths! Ive a list for you too.

The climax arrives when Oliver asks his crush, Anna, to the cinema. Hearing this, Margaret decides to investigate.

I must find out who my grandson is seeing! What if she comes from a bad family?

On the night of the film, Oliver, oblivious to his grandmothers scrutiny, leads Anna into the darkened theatre. In the far corner, he spots Margaret. He cant focus on the movie any longer, glancing repeatedly at her, hoping she wont intervene.

After the screening, Margaret strides over as if nothing has happened.

Good evening, Anna! Youre Anna, I presume? Im Olivers grandmother, Margaret Thompson. Nice to meet you.

Anna, eyes as wide as saucers, realizes the woman has emerged from the same hall, looks bewildered at Oliver, then, without waiting for an explanation, turns back to Margaret and stammers, Hello.

Tell me, hows school going? What are your favourite subjects? What do you want to be when you grow up? Who are your parents? Margaret bombards the girl with question after question. Anna, taken aback by the schoolheadmistress tone, answers in short, nervous bursts. Oliver stands nearby, ready to melt into the floor with shame.

Eventually Anna apologises and darts off, heels clicking away. It seems that was both their first and last date.

Oliver turns to his grandmother, hissing, Gran, what have you done? Youve ruined everything! What am I supposed to say now? How am I supposed to look Anna in the eye tomorrow?

But you cant outtalk Margaret.

What have I ruined? You two went to the cinema. I didnt interfere. I only approached after you left to speak to the girl. I need to know who my grandson is dating.

She had previously complained that her grandchildren attended a different school than the one she once ran, because the son knows his mother well enough.

Margaret keeps rearranging furniture, rewallpapering, tossing out food she deems harmful, and doling out advice left and right, especially on subjects she knows nothing about.

One evening Emma, on her motherinlaws suggestion, prepares a pumpkin soup. It turns out mediocre. Emma isnt a specialist in healthy cooking. Margaret tastes it and grimaces.

What on earth have you made, Emma? This is impossible to eat! Too sweet, too thick, too Oh, yuck.

Without a second thought she pours the entire pot down the toilet.

Emma, at the end of her tether, explodes:

Enough! Ive had it! This is my home, my kitchen, my family! Get out!

Margaret, who never forgives such slights, leaves the flat in silence. If a teacher at the school tried to speak to her like that, shed be in trouble! That evening James receives a furious text from his mother: I expect an apologypersonal. Have Emma come over and apologise to me, and explain exactly what shes done.

No apology comes. James tries to mediate, but Margaret wont listen.

Tensions in the household rise daily. James still rings his mother now and then, but his wife and grandchildren, who have been celebrating the fact that Gran never shows up for three weeks, stay out of sight.

When the situation reaches a breaking point, a call comes from the school.

Good morning, Margaret. This is Susan Clarke. We have a small problem. The new headteacher cant manage, has been asked to step down. The school is in chaos, teachers are complaining, parents are panicking Could you help us, even temporarily, while we find a suitable replacement?

Margaret freezes; the words sound like music.

Susan, you have no idea how perfectly timed that call is! Im in. When do I start?

The next day, Margaret, looking a decade younger, steps back into the halls of St.Marys Primary School and returns to her beloved work. She no longer holds a grudge against Emma, she talks calmly with James, and she is back in her element. She is once again Margaret Thompson, headteacher of St.Marys Primary.

On her first day back, she summons all staff to an emergency meeting.

Discipline! Order! High standards! her voice booms.

She patrols the corridors, reprimanding pupils for muddy shoes.

Right, get yourselves sorted immediately! she commands.

She inspects the cafeteria, checking the lunch quality.

What are these meatballs? Wheres the meat? Just a slice of bread!

Shes back where she belongs, in her element.

She walks the hallway, scolding students for running during breaks.

Stop that at once! Youre disturbing the others!

She admonishes a teacher for being too lenient.

You must be stricter! Otherwise theyll lean on you!

She calls parents in, insisting they work harder with their children.

They need more study time, or they wont get into university!

Yes, Margaret Thompson is a difficult woman, but without her the school would be far worse. Even the most disgruntled secretly admit that order, however ironfisted, beats chaos. And shes not going anywhere soon. Margaret isnt just a headteacher; shes Margaret Thompson, and the school can only dream of peace when shes gone.