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I’m 27 and living in a home where I constantly apologise for simply existing – and the worst part is…
Im twenty-seven, living in a house where every day I apologise for simply existing, and the worst partmy husband calls it “normal.”
Twenty-seven years old, married for two years now. No children, not because I dont dream of it, but because I told myself from the start: first, you need a true home. Peace. Respect. Inner calm.
But in our house, peace has been missing for a long time now.
It’s not because of money. Not because of work or illness or some real tragedy.
Its all because of one woman.
My husbands mother.
In the beginning, I thought she was only strict, maybe a bit controlling. One of those mothers who can’t help but interfere with everything.
I tried to be polite. Gracious. I swallowed my pride, telling myself shes his mum Shell calm down Shell accept me These things take time.
But time didnt soften herit made her bolder.
The first time she humiliated me, it was small. She said it like a joke:
Oh, you young wives always fussing about respect.
I laughed awkwardly, trying not to cause a scene.
Then she started with her helping. Shed drop by to deliver homemade chutney, bring food, or just “see how were getting on.” But she always did the same thing.
Shed scrutinise. Inspect. Touch everything.
Why is this like this?
Who told you to put it there?
Id never do that, if I were you
And the worst bitshe didnt just say it to me, but right in front of my husband.
Hed say nothing. Just let it happen.
If I ever protested, he’d immediately snap:
Oh, come off it, dont be so sensitive.
I began to wonder if I was losing my mind. Maybe I was exaggerating. Maybe I really was the problem.
After that, she started showing up without warning. The doorbell, her own key, and shed just let herself in.
Always the same line:
Oh, Im not a stranger. This feels like home to me.
The first couple of times, I let it go. The third, I spoke up, quietly:
Could you please let me know beforehand? Sometimes Im tired, or asleep, or working.
She looked at me like I was the rude one.
You think you get to tell me when I visit my own son?
That evening, my husband had a go at me.
How could you insult her?
I didn’t insult her. I just set a boundary.
He said:
You wont be kicking my mum out of my house.
My house.
Not ours.
His.
After that, I shrank into myself. I stopped moving freely through our flat, just in case she popped round. I didnt play music. I didnt laugh out loud.
When I cooked, Id worry shed say, That again?
When I cleaned, Id worry shed comment, Still filthy.
Worst of all, I started apologising for everything.
Sorry.
It wont happen again.
I didnt mean to.
I didnt say it like that.
Thats not how I meant it.
A woman of twenty-seven, apologising for breathing.
Last week, she came by while my husband was at work. I was in my lounge wear, hair tied up, fighting a cold.
She opened the door without ringing.
She stared.
Just look at you Is this what my son deserves?
I stayed silent.
She went into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
Nothing half-decent in here.
Then she looked through the cupboard.
Why are these mugs even here?
She started rearranging, grumbling, organising. I just stood there.
Then she turned and said,
Let me tell you somethingand remember it. If you want to remain his wife learn your place. Dont stand above my son.
Thats when I felt something break inside.
No tears. No shouting.
Just the sense that Id reached my limit.
When my husband came home, she was sprawled on the sofa like the Queen at Buckingham Palace.
I whispered to him,
We need to talk. This cant go on.
He wouldnt even look at me.
Not now.
No. Now.
He sighed.
What is it now?
I dont feel comfortable in my own home. She comes without warning. She humiliates me. Speaks to me like Im a maid.
He scoffed.
A maid? Dont be so dramatic.
Its not drama.
Then she piped up from the sofa:
If she cant handle it, shes not fit for family life.
And then the worst thing happened.
He didnt say a word. Not one single word in my defence.
He just sat beside her.
Stop making a fuss.
I looked at him properly for the first time.
He wasnt caught between two women.
Hed picked a side.
The side that suited him.
I looked at his mother. Then at him.
And simply said,
Alright.
No arguments.
No tears.
No explaining.
I stood, headed to our bedroom, packed my clothes in a single bag. Grabbed my passport and things.
When I reached the hallway, he jumped up.
What are you doing?!
Im leaving.
Youre crazy!
No. I just woke up.
His mother smiled, like shed won.
Where will you go? Youll be back.
I looked her squarely in the eye.
No. You want a house to rule. I want a home where I can breathe.
He grabbed the bag.
You cant leave because of my mum.
I stared at him.
Im not leaving because of her.
He froze.
Then for whom?
Because of you. Because you chose her over me. You left me alone.
And I walked out.
Do you know what I felt out there?
The cold, yes.
But also relief.
For the first time in months, I was free from apologising.
If you were in my shoes, would you stay and endure for the sake of the marriage, or would you walk away the moment your husband stayed silent while you were belittled?
