I Never Loved My Wife and Always Told Her So: It’s Not Her Fault — We’ve Been Living Comfortably

I Never Loved My Wife, and I Always Told Her So: It Wasnt Her Fault We Lived Well Enough

I never loved my wife, and Ive told her as much many times. It wasnt her faultwe got on reasonably well.

My name is Edward Whitmore, and I live in Winchester, where memories of harder times still linger in our hearts. I never loved my wife, Margaret, and Ive confessed that to her like a bitter truth I can scarcely bear. She didnt deserve itnever made a scene, never scolded me, always tender, attentive, almost saintly. Yet my heart stayed cold, like the icy Thames in winter. There was no love, and it ate at me from the inside.

Every morning, I woke with the same thought: to leave. I dreamed of finding a woman whod set me ablaze, leave me breathless. But fate played a cruel joke and turned everything upside down, leaving me lost. Margaret was comfortable as an old armchair. She kept the house immaculate, turned heads wherever she went, and friends would ask, “Where did you find her, you lucky devil?” I never knew why I deserved such devotion. An ordinary man, nothing special, yet she loved me as if I were her whole world. How was that possible?

Her love suffocated me. Worse still was the thought that if I left, someone else would win her. Someone more successful, more handsome, wealthiersomeone whod treasure what I couldnt see. The idea of her in another mans arms filled me with blind fury. She was mineeven if Id never loved her. That possessiveness was stronger than me, stronger than sense. But can a man spend his whole life beside someone who doesnt make his heart race? I thought I could, but I was wronga storm was brewing inside me, one I couldnt contain.

“Ill tell her everything tomorrow,” I decided as I lay in bed. At breakfast, I mustered what little courage I had. “Margaret, sit downwe need to talk,” I began, meeting her calm eyes. “Of course, darling. Whats the matter?” she replied with her usual warmth. “What if we divorced? If I left, if we lived apart” She laughed as if Id told a joke. “What strange ideas! Is this some game?” “Listen, Im serious,” I cut in. “Alright, suppose we do. What then?” she asked, still smiling. “Tell me the truthwould you find someone else if I left?” She went very still. “Edward, whats gotten into you? Why would you think that?” Her voice was laced with worry. “Because I dont love you. Never have,” I blurted out like a blow.

Margaret paled. “What? Are you joking? I dont understand.” “I want to leave, but the thought of you with another man drives me mad,” I said, my voice shaking. She fell silent, then answered softly, sadly, “I wont find anyone better than you, dont worry. Go if you mustIll be alone.” “Promise?” I slipped out before I could stop myself. “Of course,” she nodded, looking at me. “Waitbut where would I go?” I hesitated. “Youve nowhere to stay?” she asked, startled. “No. Weve always been together. Seems Ill have to stick around,” I murmured, feeling the ground vanish beneath me. “Dont fret,” Margaret said. “After the divorce, well sell this house and buy two smaller ones.” “Really? I didnt expect you to help me like this. Why?” I asked, stunned. “Because I love you. When you love someone, you dont chain them,” she saidher words like a verdict.

Months passed. We divorced. Then the rumours reached me: Margaret had lied. Shed found anothertall, confident, with a kind smile. The flat she inherited from her grandmother? She never even considered splitting it. I was left with nothingno home, no family, no faith in people. The betrayal cut deep, a knife in the back, and to this day, I hear her voice: “Ill be alone.” A lie. Cold, calculated, and I fell for it like a fool.

How can I trust women now? I dont know. Life with her was comfortable but empty, and now I dont even have that. Im in a rented room, staring at the wall, replaying that conversation. Her calm, her wordsall of it was a mask. Friends say, “Its your fault, Edward. What did you expect?” And theyre right. I didnt love her, yet I wanted to keep her bound to me as if she were a thing. And she left, abandoned me to the loneliness I feared most. Maybe this is my penancefor the coldness, the selfishness, for never treasuring her heart. Now Im alone, and the silence around me hurts more than her leaving. What do they think of my choice? Even I dont know whos the greater foolme or her.