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If Only Everyone Had This Kind of Help: When a Mother-in-Law Moves In to “Rescue” the Family, and One Woman Finally Says Enough
If only everyone had such help
Emily, Im popping round today to help with the little ones.
As I tried soothing crying Max, I pinched the phone between my cheek and shoulder.
Mrs. Barker, thank you, but really, we can manage on our ow
The line went dead. My mother-in-law had already hung up.
A clatter erupted in the lounge: Will had knocked over the box of building blocks, and Lily was squealing with delight, tossing them everywhere. Max howled in my arms as if he hadnt been fed in days, when Id only given him his bottle twenty minutes earlier.
I glanced at Tom. He was buried in his phone on the sofa, engrossed far too intently.
You called your mother.
It wasnt a question, just a statement.
He shrugged, still staring at the screen.
Well yes. I can see its hard for you. Mum can help
I wanted to say I was coping. That I didnt need help. That these past three months since Max was born, Id somehow managed to keep the house in order, feed three children, and even catch some sleep now and then. But Max was crying again, so I went off to the bedroom, rocking him gently and bracing myself for Mrs. Barkers arrival.
She swept in just before lunch, lugging two massive suitcases and looking as though shed come to rescue a sinking ship.
Good gracious, Emily, you look dreadful! Mrs. Barker gave the flat a hawk-like scan as she strode past me. And the mess! Not to worry, Im here now; well get everything sorted in no time.
By the evening of the first day, I rather regretted not locking the door and pretending we were out.
Whats this? my mother-in-law said, eyeing the chopping board as I sliced courgettes.
Vegetable stew. The children like it.
Stew? She sounded as if I was about to poison her grandchildren. No, no, no. Tom likes beef casserole. Proper, the way I make it. Out of the way, dear, Ill do it.
I stepped away from the hob, clutching the vegetable knife.
The next morning, Mrs. Barker woke me up at seven, though Max had only settled at five.
Emily! What are those children wearing? What a sight!
Will and Lily stood there in their favourite dungareesbright yellow and red. Id bought them so I could spot the twins on the playground from afar.
Its just normal clothes.
Normal? You think thats normal? Already rummaging through her suitcase, Mrs. Barker pulled out grey trousers and beige jumpers. They look like parrots! And its chilly out, theyll catch their death. Ive brought some warm things.
But theyre comfy in th
Emily. She folded her arms, eyes shining with tears. I came to help you. And youre so rude, so ungrateful. I raised Tom, I know how things should be done. You just dont appreciate me.
She slumped onto a chair, hand dramatically to her chest, as if mortally wounded.
Tom peeked out of the bedroom, glanced between his mother and me.
Whats got into you now? he whispered. Mum only wants whats best. Wish everyone got help like us.
I kept silent. I changed the twins into grey and beige. I smiled at Mrs. Barker. And something inside me chipped away again.
By the end of the week, the flat felt like Mrs. Barkers domain. Furniture in the kids room was rearranged (Its better this way). The childrens routine was overhauled; they now ate and slept by her timetable. I fed Max under her watchful gaze, listening to constant remarks about how I held his bottle at the wrong angle. Tom vanished onto the balcony every half hour, staring into the car park and pretending nothing was happening.
Sleep abandoned me. Each night Id lie staring at the ceiling, nerves taut as wires. Every creak from the hall sent my heart racingwas she coming to check the children, to see if they were lying straight?
In the mornings, Id rise shattered, hands shaking, brew a strong mug of tea, and feel no better for it.
On Thursday evening, I opened the cupboard for the baby formula and froze.
Empty shelves.
Mrs. Barker, I called, heading to the kitchen where she was shredding cabbage for another casserole, wheres Maxs formula?
Threw that rubbish out. She didnt glance back. That stuffs all chemicals, I read about it. Bought proper good food instead.
She nodded at a tin on the table.
A cheap brand. The one that had given Max a terrible rash a month ago.
Hes allergic to that.
Nonsense. Its because you fed him wrong. Gave him the wrong thing, obviously. Hell be fine this time, youll see.
I stared at the tin. At Mrs. Barker, calmly slicing cabbage. I thought of Tom, probably out on the balcony again. Something snapped insidequietly, but completely.
Within forty minutes I was in a cab, clutching Max to my chest. Will and Lily, dressed in their bright dungarees which Id managed to dig out from under Mrs. Barkers heap, gazed out of the window. Id stuffed a bag with the essentials into the boot.
At Mums I broke down the second she opened the door.
Mum, I cant anymore. I cant live like this.
Mum hugged me tight, led me to the kitchen, sat me down. She made tea and smoothed my hair as I sobbed into my mug.
Its alright. Youll stay with me for a while.
My phone started buzzing at 11pm, and didnt let up until three in the morning.
Emily, what do you think youre doing? Tom was shouting down the line. Mums in bits! She was only trying to help! Youre impossible!
I just want to live in peace! I hissed down the phone so as not to wake the kids. She threw out the formula! Max is allergic to what your mum decided was better for him!
What allergy? Youre always exaggerating! Mum knows best, shes older!
Then she can live with you!
Youre a thankless lunatic, he spat, without my mum youd be hopeless. Come back at once.
I wont, while shes still there.
Silence. Then finally:
Do as you like, and the line went dead.
The next morning, I went to the registrars office and filed for divorce.
Three days later, I returned for my thingsalone, Mum watching the children at home. Mrs. Barker met me in the hallway.
Emily, how could you do this? Ripping the kids from their father! From their grandmother! Its cruel! Heartless! I put so much into helping you, so much of myself! If only everyone helped their family as I did!
I stared at her standing therethe woman whod upended my life with her help. Whod binned the food my son needed, rearranged the furniture, dressed the children in drab colours, pushed me from the stove, driven me past my limit.
Youll cope. Youll be fine, I heard my own voicecold and unfamiliar.
Mrs. Barker recoiled, gasping. Tom stormed out and grabbed my wrist.
What do you think youre doing? How dare you speak to Mum like that?
I pulled my hand free. Looked him up and downthis grown man still running to his mother about everything.
Dont touch me.
I walked past, gathered whatever of mine remained in the bedroom, rammed it in my suitcase, and left without looking back.
Two months later, the divorce came through. Tom tried to call for a few weeks more, then gave up. Mrs. Barker sent a long message telling me Id broken the family and ruined her sons life. I deleted it without finishing.
At Mums, it was cramped, but peaceful. At night, Id rock Max in the kitchen, gazing out into the darkness. By day, I took the twins out into the courtyard, fed them veggie stew, dressed them in bright dungarees.
After six months, Will and Lily started nursery. I found remote editing work, typing away at night while the kids slept. We had enoughnot for anything lavish, but everything we needed.
In the evenings, Id sit on the sofa, Max snuffling in his crib, the twins curled against my sides demanding a story. Id read them The Three Little Pigs in silly voices. Lily giggled; Will nodded seriously on every page.
It was then, leaning back and watching my children, that I knewId made the right choice. Raising three kids alone would be hard, yes. Sometimes lonely, sometimes frightening. But it was right.
And I learned that sometimes help is not what you needespecially if it comes at the cost of your own happiness and your childrens well-being. Sometimes, you have to choose peace over helpand that, Ive realised, is perfectly okay.
