З життя
It Doesn’t Seem Fair That Your Children Have Their Own Flats, While My Son Has Nothing – Let’s Get Him a Home with a Mortgage! Recently, my husband Anthony pointed out that my children have their own flats, while his son doesn’t, and now we need to figure out how to make sure his son gets one too. To clarify, my children are both mine and Anthony’s, while Anthony’s son is from his first marriage. Why should it be my responsibility to worry about finding a place for his son to live? Of course, I always knew Anthony had been married before and had a child. That’s one reason I didn’t rush into marrying Anthony. We lived together for three years before we got married. I watched carefully to see what his feelings were towards his ex-wife and his son. A year after we married, I had a boy. Two years later, I gave birth to our second son. I’m perfectly happy with Anthony – both as a husband and a father. He spends time with me and the children. He’s the main breadwinner. Of course, we argue sometimes – but what family doesn’t? We were living in the flat I’d inherited from my father. My mother divorced him when I was still at nursery. She’s now remarried, but had no children with her second husband. Anthony and his first wife always rented. For years they tried to save for a mortgage but never managed it. After their divorce, his ex-wife moved back in with her parents and Anthony rented a flat. When we married, he moved in with me. We didn’t focus on whose name was on the flat. We just lived in my place and did everything together: renovations, new furniture. Then, about a year and a half ago, both my grandmothers died in quick succession – my mum’s and my dad’s mothers. Both left me their flats in their wills. While my boys are still small, I’ve decided to rent the flats out. Later, each of my sons will inherit one. For now, the money from one goes to my mum as a pension top-up, and the money from the other supplements my salary. Extra cash is always handy. My husband never interfered with the flat situations – after all, they’re nothing to do with him. I told him from the start that when our boys grow up, I’ll give each a flat. He agreed. That was that, as far as I was concerned. Then suddenly, my husband said to me: —My son will finish sixth form in a few years. He’s nearly an adult; he needs to start thinking about his future! I didn’t really get where he was going, but I listened anyway. —Your children have their own homes. My son doesn’t. Let’s get a mortgage and buy my son a flat!—he blurted out. I was shocked! I had so many questions. The first thing I asked was why our children – mine and Anthony’s – were suddenly just “my” children? Anthony told me not to get hung up on wording. —But my son will never inherit anything. I want him to have a place of his own! —That’s good that you care! But your son has a mother and a father. Isn’t this their responsibility? Why isn’t your ex-wife taking care of it? My husband explained that his ex-wife’s income is very low, her parents help her, and he himself can’t afford a mortgage. But if I helped, everything would be fine. It turns out I’m supposed to agree to Anthony taking out a mortgage for his son’s flat, but WE would pay it back, even though the flat would be in his son’s name. “We both have good salaries and rental income! We’ll manage!” said Anthony. We might, but we’d have to tighten our belts. Anthony also pays child maintenance for his son. When the boy goes to uni, Anthony plans to support him again because his ex-wife can’t afford it. So because of his son, my children and I won’t have holidays, won’t travel to the seaside, will always have to save. For what? Just so Anthony looks like the perfect dad? I would understand if Anthony had provided both our children with flats, and now wanted to do the same for his eldest son. But the truth is, I secured homes for our boys with no help from Anthony. Why should I pay for a mortgage on top? I told Anthony straight away – if he’s that worried, let his ex-wife take out the mortgage, and pay it off with the child maintenance money. —But I’m not getting involved!—I said. My husband’s furious with me and hasn’t spoken to me for a week. It’s a shame he can’t see my side.
It doesn’t look right that your children will have their own flats and my son wont. Let’s sort out a mortgage for him!
Lately, my husband, Anthony, brought up that my children have places to live, but his son doesntso we need to figure out how to make sure his boy gets a flat as well. I should clarify: my children are also Anthonys, but Anthonys son is from his first marriage.
Why does the burden fall on me to make sure his son has somewhere to live? Of course, I knew Anthony had been married before and had a child. Thats partly why I wasnt in a rush to marry Anthony.
We lived together for three years before tying the knot. I was always quite watchful, gauging how he felt about his ex-wife and son. A year after our marriage, I had our first son. Two years later, our second son was born.
Im genuinely happy with Anthony, both as a husband and a father. He devotes his time to me and our boys, and were comfortable financially. Naturally, we have the odd row, but every family does.
We lived in a flat I inherited from my father. My mum divorced him when I was still at nursery. She remarried eventually, though she didnt have more children with her second husband.
Anthony and his first wife always rented. Despite years of saving for a mortgage, nothing ever seemed to come of it. After their divorce, his ex-wife went back to her parents, and Anthony carried on renting.
When we married, Anthony moved in with me. Neither of us dwelled on who owned the flat; we simply saw it as our home, pouring effort into redecorating and buying new furniture. Then, about a year and a half ago, both of my grandmothers passed away within months of each othermy mums mother and my dads. Both left me their flats in their wills.
As my boys are still young, I decided to let those properties out for now. Later on, Ill give each of my sons one of the flats. The rental from one goes to help my mum supplement her pension, and the income from the other is a little boost to my salary. After all, who ever has too much money?
Anthony always kept out of property mattersafter all, these flats have nothing to do with him. From the outset, I told him that one day, when our boys are grown, each will get a flat. He agreed, and that was thatcase closed.
But then Anthony came out with, My son finishes secondary school soon. Hes becoming an adult and needs to start thinking about his future!
I didnt see where he was going with this, but I heard him out.
Your children have flats! Mine doesnt! Lets get my son his own place with a mortgage! he suddenly declared.
I was absolutely floored! A thousand questions ran through my mind. First off, I asked him why, all of a sudden, our children are just my children? He asked me not to nit-pick over words.
But my son will never inherit anything. I want him to have a place to call his own!
I told him its brilliant that he cares, but his son has a mother and father to think about that. Why isnt his ex-wife taking this on?
Anthony explained that his ex-wife earns very little, and her parents constantly help her. Anthony himself cant shoulder a mortgage alone. But if I help, he believes we can manage. The idea is that Anthony would take out a mortgage for his sons flat, wed pay it off together, but the place would only be in his sons name.
Between your salary, mine, and the rent from those flats, wed manage! Anthony insisted.
Yes, we might manage, but it would mean saving every spare penny. Remember, Anthony already pays child support, and when his son goes to university, Anthony will keep helping because his ex-wife isnt flush with cash. In the meantime, me and our boys would be giving up holidays, never going to Brighton or Cornwall, and pinching pennies at every turn. All so Anthony can look like the perfect dad?
I could understand if Anthony had provided our boys with those flats and then wanted to do the same for his eldest. But he didntthose flats are my inheritance, nothing to do with him. Why should I be expected to pay for his sons mortgage?
I told Anthony straight away: if hes worried about his son, maybe his ex-wife should take out the mortgage. She could use the child support for the payments.
But I wont be part of it! I said quite firmly.
Anthonys furious and hasnt spoken to me for a week. Its such a shame he doesnt see my sideBut as each silent day passed, the knot in my stomach tugged a little harder. I found myself watching Anthony brood over his tea, his eyes distant, his shoulders sagging. This wasnt about money nowit was about a man battered by guilt, the fractured seams of a blended family, and the ache of loving children unequally only because fate divided them by timing, not intention.
One evening, unable to bear the tension, I called a truce. Anthony, Im not your enemy, I said quietly as I sat beside him. I know you love all your boys. I do, too.
He pressed his lips together, frustration still clouding his face. I just want Tom to know he mattersthat he has a place in this world.
I laid my hand on his. Tom will always matter to us. He has a home with us, whenever he needs it. But I cant pretend away whats fair, or spend what we dont have. Lets find another waywithout risking everything weve built for all our children.
A tear slipped over Anthonys cheek. He sighed, his hand gripping mine. I just get scared hell be left behind.
He wont, I promised. Hes lovedand that is something even three flats cant buy.
That weekend, we invited Tom and his mum for tea. No battles, no secret resentmentsjust honest talk, laughter, and plans for Toms future that didnt hinge on property but support, encouragement, and family. Maybe, I thought as I watched Anthony smile at his son across the table, the most important inheritance isnt bricks or deedsits us, showing up, together.
By Sunday night, I felt lighter. Our home still echoed with the laughter of boys racing down the hall. Anthony squeezed my hand, forgiveness and resolve radiating from his touch. We hadnt bought another flat. But wed built something solid, steady and far more enduringthe unspoken promise that, in this family, love would always be shared, and everyone had a place to belong.
