З життя
Лікарка УЗД насолоджується рідкісною хвилиною для чаю.
Лідія сиділа в кабінеті УЗД. Сьогодні було мало пацієнтів, тож з’явилася вільна хвилинка для чаю. Жінка помішувала цукор, і ложка дзвеніла об склянку. Лідія була роздратована, адже день не вдався з самого початку. Посварилася з чоловіком через дрібницю. Запізнилася на роботу, за що отримала догану. Настрій був гірший нікуди. Вона розгорнула фольгу і дістала шматочок шоколаду. Немає нічого кращого, щоб зняти стрес. Шоколад виявився смачним, а чай ароматним, але допити його не вдалося. У двері постукали, і на порозі з’явилася молода жінка з радісним обличчям. Лідія її впізнала. В минулий раз вона приходила з чоловіком, привабливим чоловіком.
— Мене знову направили до вас, — усміхнулася жінка.
— Ну, раз направили, — Лідія неохоче взяла карту.
— Віра Силина, п’ять тижнів.
Жінка лежала на жорсткому кушетці, по її округлому животу ковзав датчик. Серце солодко замирало. Вона чекала на цю дитину сім років. За цей час вони з чоловіком обійшли багато лікарів, але все було безрезультатно. Віра вже боялася, що безплідна. Але зараз все позаду, вона була щаслива. Лідія не поділяла її радості. У неї не було своїх дітей, а чужого чоловік не хотів. В душі жінка заздрила тим, хто міг відчути щастя материнства.
— Що там? — хвилювалася Віра, дивлячись на похмуре обличчя лікарки.
— У плода є патологія. У вас народиться дитина з вадами, — відповіла та.
Віра похолола.
— Це якась помилка. У мене хороші аналізи, — слабо протестувала вона.
— Навіщо вам хвора дитина? На вашому місці я б подумала.
Лідія не відчувала докорів сумління і твердою рукою зробила запис у карті. Віра на непослушних ногах вийшла і попрямувала до лікаря. У коридорі, що пахнув лікарствами, було холодно, як і в душі жінки.
— Віро, добре подумайте. Дитини з синдромом Дауна важко виховувати. В будь-якому випадку, вибір за вами. Термін невеликий. Якщо що, я випишу направлення, — слова прозвучали як вирок.
Пацієнтка промугикала щось нерозбірливе і поспішила покинути кабінет. Вона сама не пам’ятала, як вийшла з лікарні і викликала таксі. Вдома, не роздягаючись, впала на ліжко і розплакалась. За що їй таке покарання? Що в житті вона зробила не так? Ще нещодавно вона уявляла, як буде гуляти в парку і слухати приємну музику. Бесідувати з малюком і читати вголос дитячі книги. Всім серцем вже встигла полюбити цю дитину. І раптом таке… Повернувшись з роботи, Борис застав дружину в сльозах.
— Віро, що сталося? — злякався він.
Добившись від неї пояснень, Борис змарнів і сказав, що повідомить батькам. На сімейній раді Віру вмовляли позбутися дитини.
— Навіщо тобі інвалід? — умовляла мати. — Будеш з ним мучитися. Ще молодий, здорова, народиш іншого. А цього залиш.
— Мамо, що ти говориш? Слово-то яке придумала! Він же не річ, а жива істота!
— Ось саме, істота! Народиш — будеш дивитися сама!
— Боронька, ну поясни ти впертій дружині, що хвора дитина — це хрест на все життя! — плакала свекруха. Віра почувалася беззахисною голубкою, що потрапила в зграю воронов. Батьки мовчали, вважаючи, що це жіноча справа. І лише старенький дідусь заступився за внучку: — Чому ви на неї напали? Нехай сама вирішує, як краще.
І Віра вирішила залишити дитину. Батьки злилися і не розуміли її. Борис замкнувся і віддалився. Родичі відвернулися, коли Вірі так була потрібна їхня підтримка. І хоч було важко, серце підказувало: вона вчинила правильно.
— Може, я це заслужила? — запитувала Віра діда.
— Ніхто не знає, чому так сталося. Ти, головне, не нервуй, дитині шкідливо. І чоловіка прости, йому теж несолодко.
Вагітність протікала на диво легко. Лікарка лише руками розводила і просила сподіватися на краще. Віра молилася і сподівалася на диво. А вночі, лежачи в холодному ліжку, плакала в подушку. Чоловік давно перейшов спати на диван у вітальні. І коли серед ночі викликали швидку, знову молилася за дитину: “Тільки б все було добре!”
Морозного ранку на світ з’явилася дівчинка. Віра була готова побачити уродку. Але їй показали малечу, і сльози навернулися на очі. Дівчинка виглядала як ангел. Світлі волосинки, круглі щічки і неймовірно великі блакитні очі.
— І цю чудо хотіли змусити вбити, — з жахом прошепотіла вона.
Вдень прийшли родичі, вітали. Бориса впустили в палату. Він приніс великий букет квітів і просив пробачення. Віра простила, хоч в душі залишився осад. Вона підійшла до вікна і побачила, як за склом кружляють сніжинки, забираючи з собою горе і печаль. Пригадалася кабінет УЗД і лікарка, з вини якої мало не зруйнувалося крихке щастя. Борис милувався донькою, що спала в ліжечку. Дивлячись на нього, важко було повірити, що ще недавно чоловік поводився як чужа людина.
— Як назвемо доньку? — запитав він.
— Надія, — відповіла Віра. — Тільки вона не дозволила мені зробити жахливу помилку.
Michael Froze: From Behind the Tree, a Dog He’d Recognise Anywhere Watched Him with Sad, Knowing Eyes
I frozepeering from behind an old oak tree, a dog watched me with a sadness Id have recognised anywhere. Dust...
DO I REMEMBER? I CAN’T FORGET! “Polly, listen… Remember my illegitimate daughter, Anastasia?” My husband spoke in riddles, making me uneasy. “Do I remember? I can’t forget! Why?” I sat down, bracing for bad news. “Well… Anastasia is begging us to take in her daughter—my granddaughter,” he mumbled. “And why on earth should we, Alex? Where’s Anastasia’s husband? Disappeared into thin air?” I was intrigued. “The thing is, Anastasia doesn’t have much time left. She never had a husband. Her mother remarried and lives in America. They’re estranged, and she has no other family. That’s why she’s asking…” Alex couldn’t meet my eyes. “So, what’s your plan?” I had already decided. “Well, I’m asking you, Polly. Whatever you say, that’s what we’ll do,” he finally looked at me. “How convenient. You made mistakes in your youth, and now I’m to shoulder the burden of a stranger’s child? Isn’t that right?” My husband’s feebleness made me furious. “Polly, we’re a family. We should decide together,” Alex pushed back. “Oh, you remembered now! Yet, when you fooled around, did you consult me? I’m your wife!” Tears welled up and I stormed out… In school, I dated a boy named Peter, until a new boy, Alex, arrived and swept me off my feet. I broke up with Peter. Alex noticed me, walked me home, kissed my cheek, and picked flowers for me. A week later, he led me to his bed. I didn’t protest—I fell head over heels for Alex. After we graduated, he went off to serve in the army in another city. We wrote to each other for a year. Then Alex returned on leave. I was overjoyed. He promised we’d marry when he came back for good—already considered me his wife. His sweet words melted me every time, even years later: one loving look from Alex, and I’d melt like chocolate in the sun. Alex went back to the army. I waited, confident I was a betrothed bride. Six months later, a letter arrived: Alex had found “real love” in his garrison town and wasn’t coming back. But I was already carrying Alex’s baby. So much for a wedding—just as my gran warned me. When the time came, I gave birth to my son, Ivan. Peter, my old boyfriend, stepped in to help. Desperate, I accepted. Yes, Peter and I became intimate. I’d long given up hope of seeing Alex again. Then he turned up, surprised to see Peter there. “Can I come in?” Alex asked. “Come on in, since you’re here,” Peter reluctantly allowed. Sensing the tension, Ivan clung to Peter, wailing. “Peter, why don’t you take Ivan for a walk?” I was at a loss. When they left, Alex asked, “Is he your husband?” “What’s it to you? Why are you here?” I was angry and confused. “I missed you. I see you’ve made a life with Peter—you didn’t wait for me. Well, I’ll go—sorry to intrude on your happy family,” he said, heading for the door. “Wait, Alex. Why have you come—just to hurt me? Peter helps me cope with loneliness. He’s been raising your two-year-old son, by the way,” I tried to keep him there. My love for him hadn’t died. “I’ve come back for you, Polly. Will you have me?” Alex asked, hope in his voice. “Come in, dinner’s ready,” my heart leapt—he came back, so he hadn’t forgotten. Why resist? Peter was shoved aside. My Ivan needed his real father. Later, Peter married a lovely woman with two children. A few years passed. Alex could never love Ivan as his own—he was convinced Ivan was Peter’s son. Alex never really cared for Ivan. He always had an eye for the ladies. He was forever chasing after women, easily smitten, just as easily moving on—including some of my own friends. I cried but kept loving him, determined to hold my family together. It was easier for me than for him—the one who loves is always blinded by hope. I never needed to lie or invent excuses; I just loved him. He was my sun. Sometimes I wanted to leave, but then I’d scold myself: Where would I go, who could compare? Besides, Alex would be lost without me. I was wife, lover, and mother to him. Alex lost his own mother at fourteen—she died in her sleep. Maybe that’s why he always looked for lost affection elsewhere. I forgave everything. Once, after a bitter argument, I threw him out. He moved in with his relatives. Months passed—I forgot why we argued—but he didn’t return. At last, I went to his family’s house. His aunt was surprised to see me. “Polly, why do you want Alex? He said you’d divorced—he has a new girlfriend now.” I found out where she lived and paid them a visit. “Hello! Could I see Alex, please?” I asked politely. She just smirked and slammed the door in my face. I left in silence. A year later, Alex came back. By then the girl had given birth to his daughter, Anastasia. To this day, I blame myself for throwing him out—maybe that girl wouldn’t have scooped him up otherwise. I tried harder to please and adore Alex. We never talked about his illegitimate daughter. It seemed if we did, our family would fall apart. We let sleeping dogs lie. After all, what’s one stray child? It happens. I blamed the “temptresses” instead. In time, Alex settled down. Flings ended. He stayed home watching TV. Our son married early, gave us three grandkids. Then, out of nowhere… Anastasia, Alex’s daughter from long ago, reappeared—asking us to take in her daughter. How would I explain a new little girl to Ivan? He never knew about his father’s youthful escapades. In the end, we took legal guardianship of five-year-old Alina. Anastasia passed away, gone at thirty. Graves grow over with grass, but life goes on. Alex spoke to Ivan man-to-man. After hearing his father’s confession, Ivan said, “What’s done is done, you don’t answer to me. But the girl should stay—she’s family.” Alex and I breathed easier. We’d raised a kind son. Now, Alina is sixteen. She adores her Grandpa Alex, whispers secrets to him, calls me Granny, and says she’s my spitting image at her age. I never argue…
DO I REMEMBER? I COULD NEVER FORGET! Polly, darling, theres something I must tell you Well, do you recall my...
Winter had blanketed Andrew’s garden with soft snow, but his loyal dog Duke, a massive German Shepherd, was acting strangely. Instead of curling up in the large kennel Andrew had lovingly built for him last summer, Duke stubbornly insisted on sleeping outside, right in the snow. Watching from his window, Andrew felt a pang of worry—Duke had never behaved like this before. Each morning, as he stepped outside, Andrew noticed Duke watching him tensely. Whenever he approached the kennel, Duke positioned himself between Andrew and the entrance, growling softly and looking at him pleadingly, as if to say: “Please, don’t go in there.” This odd behaviour was so out of character for their years of friendship, it made Andrew uneasy—what was his best friend hiding? Determined to get to the bottom of it, Andrew came up with a plan—he lured Duke into the kitchen with a tempting piece of steak. While the dog, locked inside, barked desperately at the window, Andrew crept towards the kennel and crouched down to peer inside. His heart skipped a beat as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and he saw something that froze him on the spot… …There, curled up in a blanket, was a tiny kitten—dirty, freezing, and barely breathing. Its eyes barely opened, and its frail body shivered with cold. Duke had found it somewhere, and instead of chasing it away or leaving it to its fate, he had sheltered it. He had slept outside to avoid scaring it and guarded the entrance as if there was treasure inside. Andrew held his breath. He reached out, gently lifted the tiny creature and pressed it to his chest. In that moment, Duke raced over and nestled beside his shoulder—not growling, but gently, eager to help. “You’re a good dog, Duke…” Andrew whispered, clutching the kitten. “Better than most people.” From that day on, there were no longer just two friends living in the garden, but three. And the lovingly built kennel found its purpose again—as a little home for souls in need of saving.
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