Love or Enchantment

Youll wield great power, but remembereverything has a price. Thats why witches never catch a break in love, my grandmother Miriam warned as she handed me the family grimoire. Those words lingered with me forever. As it turned out, men simply never stayed in my orbit; if a hopeful suitor managed to draw near, a brief spin would fling him off into the void. Some were drunk, some full of themselves, some so devoted I wanted to turn them into beasts, and others were as stubborn as a mule without any magical meddling.

At last I, a hereditary witch, threw up my hands in exasperation. If love doesnt work for me, so be it! To hell with romance! I decided a feline companion would suffice, and I named the sleek black cat Midnight.

One crisp autumn morning a raven delivered a heavy black vellum from my old friend Evelyn, a graduate of the Dark Arts Academy. The ink was a deep scarlet, curling in ornate letters:

Dear Morgana, the ladies have agreed to host a family supper on Friday the 13th. Sabaths are fine, but were also friends, not just colleagues, and our loved ones hardly know each other. We must all gather with our partners. Leon and I have been together five years now

Whats this Leon? I wondered, scrambling through the fragments of Evelyns personal life I remembered. It was embarrassingly little. Diana will bring her Frank. Brett will bring Ernest. And Marion is well, she cant decide whether its Martin or Max. So bring yourself and your beloved, but if youre still alone, dont worry, well still be thrilled to see you.

Dont worry? Thrilled? Of course youll be thrilled that I, a fool, am still single! I shrieked. How on earth had Evelyn managed to dodge the ageold curse that plagues every witchunending misfortune in love? Was it Leons charm? Had the others simply bought themselves husbands? Or was my own gift so potent that affection was impossible? I fretted over where those four had found respectable gentlemen and, more importantly, where I might find one of my own.

The idea of a lovecharm was swiftly rejected. In our academy, using a binding spell on a lover was deemed vulgar and unprofessional, as ludicrous as a surgeon treating a corneal ulcer by poking with a needle. The five of us, proud sorceresses, swore never to employ such tricks, lest we end up with a face full of blemishes.

Time before the gathering was short, and the queue of handsome suitors hoping to escort me to the witches showcase was empty. Yet the more I thought of the upcoming dinner, the clearer it became that I should attendwith someone. I could stride in alone, pretending my magical potency shielded me from romantic woes, but a warm male shoulder at my side would bring far greater delight, and the surprised looks on my friends faces would be priceless.

Three days before the supper I grew jittery. The night before panic set in. When the hour approached, my mind went blank, yet my hands became swift.

I surveyed the room, my eyes lingering on Midnight, who was busy lapping at a stray biscuit. No! I whispered to myself, then, Yes! I recalled an ancient incantation, uttered the words, and transformed the cat into a man.

He stood tall, muscular, and black. Youre African? I asked, startled.

Dont mind my colour, he replied, licking his hand with a disdainful feline gaze. What about my voice? I pressed, noting his high falsetto clashed with the alpha male image Id hoped to display.

He blinked, remembering a dreadful day of injections, white walls, a man in a coat Id called a vet, and a sudden awakening. I muttered, At least youre not scrounging the back alleys now, and he asked what I wanted from him. Youre going to the supper, not the ball, I stammered, Your voice is ruined, so just pretend youve caught a cold. Youll stay silent; Ill do the talking. Youll be called Alex. Your task is to impress as a smitten suitor.

He huffed, still licking his paw, and I clarified his duties. He would not hide in a distant room, nor hiss at anyone who tried to move him. I threatened him with a diet of only the finest liver and salmon if he complied.

Fine, he said, but Ill need a proper toilet, or at least someones shoes.

Fine, I replied, and a splash of valerian.

He snarled, Youll be the one who pays for this mess! I called him a blackmailer; he called me a pervert. The banter continued until the night of the dinner.

Charm them, I whispered to Alex at the doorway of Evelyns townhouse, but keep quiet.

He replied, I can purr, that always works.

I threatened, Try it and Ill cut your tail off!

We rang the bell. Evelyn opened the door beside a lanky blond. For a heartbeat I thought Alex would hiss, but he simply stood there, smiling innocently.

The ladies were already assembled. Dianas Frank was a muscular brunet with a pale, handsome face and a striking figure that somehow left me uneasy, as if something needed adjusting. Bretts Ernest was as solid as a rockbroad, slow, with a weighty stare. Marions companion was an average fellow, alternately called Martin or Max, who gazed at his girl with an unwavering devotion.

Alex behaved decently, once grabbing the dangling strap of Bretts dress, but I snatched the toy from his hand, threatening to withhold his salmon.

The evening progressed smoothly. Alex remained silent. The friends chattered about how theyd met, future plans, and the like. I struggled to concoct a romantic tale about a darkhaired lover landing at my shore, but I was relieved that I was not the worst of all. By the second half of the night I began to relaxuntil Alex rose from his seat.

Where are you going? I hissed into his ear.

I must leave, he snapped back.

Tell me about the shoes! Do you know where the cloakroom is?

Of course. Calm down. He stalked away, and I sat like a nailbiter, worrying he might confuse the bathroom for the wardrobe, dump objects down the loo, and clog the pipes.

Half an hour later he had not returned. I glanced at the others: Diana tugging at Franks tie, Brett urging Ernest to soften his stonelike expression, Marion listening to another love confession from MartinMax. Evelyn glared at a chickenbonechewing Leon, ignoring everything else.

I slipped from my seat, Where is that beast? I called.

The beast was on the kitchen table.

Off! Off the table! I shrieked. What are you doing here?

Theres sausage, Alex replied, grimacing and purring.

Theres sausage on your plate too! I protested.

Is it better? he snarled.

Get down at once! Dont embarrass me! I tried to pull him off; he fought back, toppling cups and plates, landing not on all fours as a cat, but on his tailbone as a man.

At that moment Evelyn entered.

Whats happening? Alex, are you ill?

Yes! I grabbed a hint from my memory. Hes just overexcited!

Lets help, Evelyn said, pulling a bottle from the cupboard, dosing a spoonful into a cup and handing it to Alex with a soothing smile. Drink, itll calm you.

Before I could stop him, Alex knocked the cup away, gulped the whole bottle, and then spat it back.

He cant have valerian! I yelled too late.

It can! the catman shouted, leaping to his feet. Now I can do anything! He sprinted through the house, clutching a fallen beer can.

Whats wrong with him? Evelyn asked.

An allergy to valerian, I muttered, chasing the rampaging creature.

He vaulted over the sofa, tangled in the curtains, snapped a rod, and tumbled across the carpet. When I tried to catch him, he sprang toward the pantry, shouting, Coorrrryyyy! as he dove into a microwave box, which sagged and threatened to burst under his black form.

Like my own cat! Diana giggled.

I could only perform the captains classic facepalm.

Is it really an allergy? Evelyn squinted skeptically.

Its an allergy, Alex declared, never pausing his antics. Im a cat!

Blast! I recalled the spell that could bury me underground.

Why would you do that? Diana whined.

Castrated cat, Alex retorted, collapsing in a cracked box.

Brett, eyes flashing with accusation, hissed, and silence fell until the giggle of Dianas boyfriend broke it. Franks pale face turned an even deeper blue, his head bobbing wildly until it fell off.

Oops, Diana whispered, her complexion paling as well.

Whats this? Evelyn asked, her voice trembling with disgust.

I watched, unblinking, between the trembling corpse and the flickering head on the floor. Frank I revived him, Diana stammered, but zombies are unreliable his head was on the wrong body after the accident.

Evelyn, sounding like a stern teacher, scolded, Youve betrayed our friendship, our trust! How could you? We swore never to deceive each other.

Brett whispered, Ernest is a golem

Thelight what? Evelyns dark eyes widened. And you, Brett?!

Marion stepped forward, I too must confess. Martin I mean Max I bewitched him. A collective Ah! echoed.

I broke our oath! she admitted, tears glistening. I was hurt, because you all boasted perfect love lives. Evelyn, you talked about your Leon, and I felt left out.

We all nodded in solemn agreement. Evelyn huffed, Were all fools! and turned away, calling for Leon.

Leon, meanwhile, growled at the nowflailing Africanlooking Alex in the box. Evelyn shouted, Leon! The growl intensified.

Realising the human guise of Alex no longer suited the evening, I murmured the reversal incantation. Alex reverted to a black, fluffy cat. The spell also hit Leon, who shrank, his face stretching as fur sprouted over his limbs until a tiny chestnut chihuahua barked at the cat.

Poor Leon! Marjorie burst out laughing, and the room erupted in chuckles, except for Evelyn, who flushed crimson.

An hour later, the witches abandoned their failed suitors, retreated to a nearby pub, and joined the five academy alumni for a traditional Fridaythe13th pint, toasting the perpetual unlucky spell that haunted our love lives.