З життя
Мені 65, і я не виношу, коли у мене вдома гості
Мені 65 років, і я не можу терпіти, коли хтось приходить до мене додому.
Багато хто може мене засуджувати, але мені байдуже, що про мене подумають. Не подумайте, що я ненавиджу людей чи своїх друзів — зовсім ні. Просто я не витримую, коли хтось переступає поріг мого дому. Зустрічатися ми можемо будь-де — в парку, на вулиці, у когось вдома, але тільки не у мене. Я вже стомилася, і крапка.
Нещодавно мені виповнилося 65, і з того часу все змінилося. Ще кілька років тому я була готова розчинити двері свого дому в маленькому містечку під Харковом для всіх охочих. А тепер сама думка про гостей викликає у мене тремтіння і глухе роздратування. Після останніх посиденьок я два дні відмивала квартиру, наче після бурі. Перед тим цілий день стояла біля плити, готуючи гори їжі, а потім ще два дні вичищала бруд і хаос. Навіщо мені це? Я більше не хочу витрачати на таке своє життя.
Згадую, як було раніше, і всередині все зжималося від туги й втоми. За тиждень до приходу гостей я починала генеральне прибирання: мила вікна, натирала підлогу, чистила кожен куток. Потім ламала голову над тим, що поставити на стіл, щоб усім догодити. А ці важкі сумки з магазину! Я тягнула їх на четвертий поверх, пихкаючи і проклинаючи все на світі. І ось гості приходять — і починається. Кожному прислуговуй, слідкуй, щоб тарілки не були порожні, щоб усім вистачило, щоб все блищало. Принеси, винеси, подай, прибери — ти і кухар, і офіціант, і посудомийка, і прибиральниця в одній особі. Ноги гудуть, спина ниє, а ти навіть не можеш сісти і спокійно поговорити, бо комусь завжди щось потрібно.
І заради чого? Щоб потім повалитися без сил, дивлячись на розгромлену кухню? Досить, я сита цим по горло. Нащо мені себе мучити, якщо є люди, які за гроші зроблять усе краще та швидше? Тепер всі свята, зустрічі, посиденьки — тільки в кав’ярнях чи ресторанах. Це дешевше, простіше і не втомлює душу. Після вечері не треба нічого мити, прибирати, виносити — просто йдеш додому, лягаєш у ліжко і спиш із чистою совістю.
Тепер я за те, щоб жити активно, а не киснути в чотирьох стінах. Дома ми і так проводимо занадто багато часу, а зустрітися з друзями десь на вулиці — це рідкість, майже розкіш. У всіх робота, справи, турботи — хто знайде годину, щоб просто посидіти? Я зрозуміла: все життя я гарувала як зачарована — на сім’ю, на дітей, на інших. А зараз хочу для себе, для свого спокою.
У мене з’явилася звичка: в обідній перерві телефоную подрузі Ніні і тягну її в кафе неподалік, де подають такі десерти, що пальці оближеш. Чому я не робила цього раніше? Сама собі дивуюсь — скільки років я потратила, заганяючи себе у домашню рутину!
Думаю, кожна жінка мене зрозуміє. Лише варто заїкнутися про прийом гостей вдома, як голова починає тріщати від думок: що готувати, як прибрати, чим здивувати? Це не радість, а покарання. Звичайно, якщо подруга забіжить на п’ять хвилин, я не вижену її — наллю чаю, побалакаємо. Але краще заздалегідь домовитися і зустрітися у затишній кав’ярні. Це стало моїм порятунком, моїм маленьким щастям.
Всім жінкам скажу одне: не бійтеся, що у ресторані витратите купу грошей. Дома ви потратите більше — і не тільки гривень, але й нервів, і здоров’я. Я підрахувала: на продукти, на прибирання, на час, який йде в нікуди, — виходить дорожче, ніж рахунок у кафе. А головне — ви збережете себе. У 65 років я нарешті зрозуміла, що життя — це не тільки обов’язок перед іншими, але і право на відпочинок, на легкість, на свободу від чужих тарілок та очікувань. І я не збираюся більше відчиняти свої двері для тих, хто хоче перетворити мій дім на поле битви за чистоту і порядок. Досить з мене.
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