З життя
Моя свекруха виховала ідеального сина, але не чоловіка.
Вибачте, але за всієї моєї поваги, я не можу називати свою свекруху мамою. Коли я виходила заміж, саме цього і прагнула, була така щаслива, коли Олександр зробив мені пропозицію, але тоді я собі уявляла наше сімейне життя трохи по-іншому. Дуже хотіла вийти заміж, любити і бути коханою. Заздрісно спостерігала за щасливими родинами своїх подруг, слухала їхні історії про те, як добре їм живеться в шлюбі, який сповнений любові і турботи одне про одного.
Мріяла про родину, де чоловік буде моїм лицарем, моєю підтримкою та прихистком, а наші діти зростатимуть у щасливому домі, наповненому любов’ю. Дуже хотіла бути ніжною, коханою дружиною, і дати своєму чоловікові все, що зможу.
Коли вперше побачила його відношення до свекрухи, подумала, що вона виховала його саме таким, якого я мріяла мати поруч. Під час розмови, що відбулася перед нашим шлюбом, мама мого чоловіка сказала слова, які назавжди залишаться в моїй пам’яті: “Моя дорога, в житті мого сина завжди була тільки одна жінка. Пам’ятай, ніколи не буде важливішої за мене.” Тоді повністю не зрозуміла сенс цих слів, але з плином часу, на жаль, усвідомила.
Спочатку нашого шлюбу мене не турбувало, що чоловік дбає про маму, навіть вражала його вихованість і міцний зв’язок з матір’ю. З плином часу стало заважати, що він ніколи їй не відмовляв. Виконував її найхимерніші прохання, виходив з дому о п’ятій ранку, бо мама подзвонила, що їй захотілося свіжих булочок, або бігав по всьому місту в пошуках дешевших ліків, щоб мамусі не довелося витрачати декілька гривень більше. Якщо вона дзвонила, що в неї скриплять двері, вдягався і виходив, не кажучи мені ані слова. В нашому домі двері теж потребували ремонту, але мого чоловіка це не цікавило, важлива була тільки мама, я була для нього невидимою.
Одного разу, коли Олександр приїхав за мною після роботи, вона подзвонила і звинуватила мене в безсердечності та ліні. Я використовую свого чоловіка, замість того, щоб дати йому відпочити. Звичайно, могла б повернутися додому поїздом або автобусом, але не вбачала у своїй поведінці нічого поганого. Адже Олександр мій чоловік і я повинна бути для нього найважливішою жінкою в житті.
Наступного дня хотіла поговорити з чоловіком про ситуацію, але, як завжди, він не бачив жодних проблем. Відразу після нашої розмови подзвонила свекруха і попросила відвезти її на дачу. Мій коханий лише сказав, що це його мати, і він не може їй відмовити.
Олександр чудовий син, але він ніколи не повинен був бути чоловіком жодної жінки, бо ніхто не витерпів би такого ставлення. Мати Олександра не соромилася дзвонити серед ночі, скаржачись на погане самопочуття й безсоння, ця егоїстка не турбувалася, що ми повинні виспатися і вранці йти на роботу. Що в такій ситуації робив мій чоловік? Викликав таксі, бо випив кілька чарок ввечері, і їхав перевірити, чому мама не може заснути. Замість подяки вона його облаяла, щоб не дозволяв собі випивати ввечері, адже мати будь-якої миті може потребувати допомоги.
Звичайно, він може утриматися від всього, не лише від алкоголю, але чи не має чоловік права на нормальне життя, лише тому, що він син такої вимогливої та ревнивої жінки? Моя свекруха руйнує наш шлюб, вважаючи, що її син досі належить лише їй, а я – просто дружина, хоча повинна бути для нього важливішою.
На щастя, у нас немає дітей. Бо вони одразу зрозуміли б, що не можуть розраховувати на батька, бо бабуся має пріоритет. Після років принижень і перебування на другому місці, я впала у депресію, але навіть тоді не могла розраховувати на підтримку і турботу з боку чоловіка. Найбільше підтримала мене моя подруга, розуміючи, яка це підступна хвороба. Я тоді так сильно розраховувала на хоча б кілька слів підтримки, співчуття та розуміння з боку коханого, але замість цього він знову захопився роботою в саду матері.
Так, визнаю, що програла, не змогла стати для нього тим, ким була мама, хоча дуже старалася. Шкода, що всі мої зусилля залишилися непоміченими Олександром. Він дійсно закоханий в одну жінку – в свою матір. Ті слова любові, що він говорячи мені, були просто формальністю, угодою між нареченою та нареченим.
Я ніколи не прагнула ідеалу, бо вони не існують, я хотіла щирого почуття. Хороший чоловік не мусить, як Олександр, укладати одяг в шафах за лінійкою, у відповідному поєднанні кольорів. Він може вийти з друзями на пиво і повернутися додому після півночі, але не мій чоловік, він був вихований як ідеальний син.
Дуже рада, що зрештою зрозуміла, що мій чоловік ніколи не буде таким, яким я його уявляла. У нас немає дітей, бо він боявся, що обов’язки вдома поглинуть його і він не матиме достатньо часу для мами.
Олександр дбав про маму, як про нікого іншого в світі, я прийняла той факт, що ніколи не виграю. Вирішила, що знайду чоловіка, якого покохаю всім серцем, і для якого я також буду найважливіша. Я завагітніла і чекаю на свого маленького принца, для якого буду всім світом, який буде мене любити та потребувати.
Я пообіцяла собі виховати сина справжнім, відповідальним чоловіком, який колись створить власну сім’ю і зробить свою жінку щасливою.
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Tanya looked like a model—men couldn’t help but stare. But for all those years, they never had a child. I figured Denis wanted everything by the book—get married, then have kids. Denis is private, and we never pried. Finally, Denis told us: ‘Mum, Dad, I’m marrying Tanya. We’ve booked the registry office. I’m throwing a huge wedding—no expense spared.’ He was thirty. We were thrilled that he’d finally settle down. But, Polly, the wedding date had to be postponed twice—once Denis got sick, then I was held up at work. It felt odd, but Denis was glowing with happiness—I didn’t say anything. Denis even wanted to have a church wedding with Father Christopher, but the priest was called back to his home parish. Nothing was going smoothly. It seemed like the world was warning us… The wedding was spectacular, noisy, extravagant. Here—look at the wedding photo. You see that orchid? Glorious, in full bloom. Its leaves stood tall like soldiers. And now? Just limp rags remain of it. …Denis and Tanya planned their honeymoon in Paris, but right at the airport, Tanya was barred from leaving the country—something about an unpaid fine. Denis swatted away these troubles like flies. …But then Denis got seriously ill. Ended up in hospital, things looked grim. Doctors were at a loss. Tanya visited for a week, then bluntly told him: ‘Sorry, but I can’t handle being married to an invalid. I’m filing for divorce.’ Polly, imagine my son—bedridden—hearing that. But he only said: ‘I understand, Tanya. I won’t fight you.’ So they divorced. But Denis got better—thanks to a wonderful doctor named Peter. And Peter had a lovely 20-year-old daughter, Mary. At first, Denis turned up his nose: ‘She’s just a slip of a girl—not even pretty.’ ‘Give her a chance, son. Looks aren’t everything. You’ve already had a model for a wife…Better to be happy drinking water together than sipping honey in sorrow.’ …Time passed. Mary totally fell for Denis—called all the time, trailed after him everywhere. So we tried nudging them together—day at the park, barbecue, campfire. Denis looked miserable, barely noticing Mary’s devotion. I told my husband: ‘It’s hopeless. Denis is still obsessed with Tanya. She’s a thorn in his heart.’ …Three or four months later—ding dong! It’s Denis, holding that infamous orchid. ‘Here you go, Mum—remnants of past happiness. Do as you like with it—I’m done with it.’ I took it reluctantly and basically ignored it, blaming the poor flower for my son’s heartbreak. One day, a neighbour says: ‘Kate, I saw Denis with that petite girl. His ex-wife was more glamorous, for sure.’ But then Denis announced, hand-in-hand with Mary: ‘Meet my wife—Mary. We got married quietly at the registry office, then Father Christopher married us in church. Mum, Dad, no big fuss this time! It’s forever now.’ I pulled him aside: ‘Denis, are you sure you love her? 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