З життя
Моя свекруха виховала ідеального сина, але не чоловіка.
Вибачте, але за всієї моєї поваги, я не можу називати свою свекруху мамою. Коли я виходила заміж, саме цього і прагнула, була така щаслива, коли Олександр зробив мені пропозицію, але тоді я собі уявляла наше сімейне життя трохи по-іншому. Дуже хотіла вийти заміж, любити і бути коханою. Заздрісно спостерігала за щасливими родинами своїх подруг, слухала їхні історії про те, як добре їм живеться в шлюбі, який сповнений любові і турботи одне про одного.
Мріяла про родину, де чоловік буде моїм лицарем, моєю підтримкою та прихистком, а наші діти зростатимуть у щасливому домі, наповненому любов’ю. Дуже хотіла бути ніжною, коханою дружиною, і дати своєму чоловікові все, що зможу.
Коли вперше побачила його відношення до свекрухи, подумала, що вона виховала його саме таким, якого я мріяла мати поруч. Під час розмови, що відбулася перед нашим шлюбом, мама мого чоловіка сказала слова, які назавжди залишаться в моїй пам’яті: “Моя дорога, в житті мого сина завжди була тільки одна жінка. Пам’ятай, ніколи не буде важливішої за мене.” Тоді повністю не зрозуміла сенс цих слів, але з плином часу, на жаль, усвідомила.
Спочатку нашого шлюбу мене не турбувало, що чоловік дбає про маму, навіть вражала його вихованість і міцний зв’язок з матір’ю. З плином часу стало заважати, що він ніколи їй не відмовляв. Виконував її найхимерніші прохання, виходив з дому о п’ятій ранку, бо мама подзвонила, що їй захотілося свіжих булочок, або бігав по всьому місту в пошуках дешевших ліків, щоб мамусі не довелося витрачати декілька гривень більше. Якщо вона дзвонила, що в неї скриплять двері, вдягався і виходив, не кажучи мені ані слова. В нашому домі двері теж потребували ремонту, але мого чоловіка це не цікавило, важлива була тільки мама, я була для нього невидимою.
Одного разу, коли Олександр приїхав за мною після роботи, вона подзвонила і звинуватила мене в безсердечності та ліні. Я використовую свого чоловіка, замість того, щоб дати йому відпочити. Звичайно, могла б повернутися додому поїздом або автобусом, але не вбачала у своїй поведінці нічого поганого. Адже Олександр мій чоловік і я повинна бути для нього найважливішою жінкою в житті.
Наступного дня хотіла поговорити з чоловіком про ситуацію, але, як завжди, він не бачив жодних проблем. Відразу після нашої розмови подзвонила свекруха і попросила відвезти її на дачу. Мій коханий лише сказав, що це його мати, і він не може їй відмовити.
Олександр чудовий син, але він ніколи не повинен був бути чоловіком жодної жінки, бо ніхто не витерпів би такого ставлення. Мати Олександра не соромилася дзвонити серед ночі, скаржачись на погане самопочуття й безсоння, ця егоїстка не турбувалася, що ми повинні виспатися і вранці йти на роботу. Що в такій ситуації робив мій чоловік? Викликав таксі, бо випив кілька чарок ввечері, і їхав перевірити, чому мама не може заснути. Замість подяки вона його облаяла, щоб не дозволяв собі випивати ввечері, адже мати будь-якої миті може потребувати допомоги.
Звичайно, він може утриматися від всього, не лише від алкоголю, але чи не має чоловік права на нормальне життя, лише тому, що він син такої вимогливої та ревнивої жінки? Моя свекруха руйнує наш шлюб, вважаючи, що її син досі належить лише їй, а я – просто дружина, хоча повинна бути для нього важливішою.
На щастя, у нас немає дітей. Бо вони одразу зрозуміли б, що не можуть розраховувати на батька, бо бабуся має пріоритет. Після років принижень і перебування на другому місці, я впала у депресію, але навіть тоді не могла розраховувати на підтримку і турботу з боку чоловіка. Найбільше підтримала мене моя подруга, розуміючи, яка це підступна хвороба. Я тоді так сильно розраховувала на хоча б кілька слів підтримки, співчуття та розуміння з боку коханого, але замість цього він знову захопився роботою в саду матері.
Так, визнаю, що програла, не змогла стати для нього тим, ким була мама, хоча дуже старалася. Шкода, що всі мої зусилля залишилися непоміченими Олександром. Він дійсно закоханий в одну жінку – в свою матір. Ті слова любові, що він говорячи мені, були просто формальністю, угодою між нареченою та нареченим.
Я ніколи не прагнула ідеалу, бо вони не існують, я хотіла щирого почуття. Хороший чоловік не мусить, як Олександр, укладати одяг в шафах за лінійкою, у відповідному поєднанні кольорів. Він може вийти з друзями на пиво і повернутися додому після півночі, але не мій чоловік, він був вихований як ідеальний син.
Дуже рада, що зрештою зрозуміла, що мій чоловік ніколи не буде таким, яким я його уявляла. У нас немає дітей, бо він боявся, що обов’язки вдома поглинуть його і він не матиме достатньо часу для мами.
Олександр дбав про маму, як про нікого іншого в світі, я прийняла той факт, що ніколи не виграю. Вирішила, що знайду чоловіка, якого покохаю всім серцем, і для якого я також буду найважливіша. Я завагітніла і чекаю на свого маленького принца, для якого буду всім світом, який буде мене любити та потребувати.
Я пообіцяла собі виховати сина справжнім, відповідальним чоловіком, який колись створить власну сім’ю і зробить свою жінку щасливою.
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Bitterness at the Bottom of My Soul “The children’s home has been waiting for you for ages! Get out of our family!” I screamed with a trembling voice. The target of my wild indignation was my cousin, Dima. God, how I loved him as a child! Blond hair, bright blue eyes, cheerful nature — that was Dima. …Relatives often gathered around the festive table. Of all my cousins, I singled out Dima. He could spin tales with his tongue like a lace maker and he drew brilliantly. Sometimes he would churn out five or six sketches an evening. I would stare, entranced by their beauty, quietly gathering his drawings and hiding them in my desk. I carefully treasured my cousin’s artwork. Dima was two years older than me. When he turned 14, his mother died—gone so suddenly, she just didn’t wake up… The question arose—what would happen to Dima? Naturally, they first turned to his father, but finding him was no easy feat. He and Dima’s mother were long divorced, and the new family “couldn’t be disturbed.” The rest of the relatives just shrugged: “We have our own families, our own problems.” Turns out, during the day, family is there, but come nightfall, not a soul to be found. So, with two kids of their own, my parents became Dima’s guardians—after all, Dima’s late mother was my dad’s younger sister. At first, I was happy that Dima would be living with us. But then… On his very first day in our home, Dima’s behavior set me on edge. To comfort her orphaned nephew, my mum asked, “Is there anything you’d like, Dima? Don’t be shy, just say.” And Dima immediately replied, “A model train set.” Now, this wasn’t a cheap toy. I was shocked—your mum just died, the most important person in your life, and all you want is a train set? How could you even think of that? But my parents immediately bought him his dream. Then it was, “Buy me a tape player, jeans, a designer jacket…” This was the eighties, mind you, and not only was this stuff pricey, but it was impossible to get. My parents made sacrifices for the orphan, even at our own expense. My brother and I understood and didn’t complain. …When Dima turned sixteen, he discovered girls. And he wasn’t afraid to show his affection. Worse yet, he started making advances toward me—his own cousin. But as a sporty girl, I skillfully dodged his unwelcome attention. We’d even come to blows. I would cry and cry. I never told my parents—they didn’t need the heartache. Kids don’t talk about such things. After I fended him off, Dima wasted no time turning to my friends, who actually competed for his attention. …But Dima was also a shameless thief. I remember my piggy bank: saving on school lunches to buy presents for my parents, only to find it empty one day! Dima denied everything—didn’t bat an eye, didn’t blush, just outright lied. It broke my heart. How could he steal while living under our roof? He was wrecking our family from within, but Dima really didn’t understand why I was upset. He truly believed everyone owed him. I began to hate him. That’s when I finally screamed at him: “Get out of our family!” I lashed him with my words—said things that can never be taken back… My mum barely managed to calm me. From that day on, Dima ceased to exist for me. I ignored him completely. Later, I learned the other relatives knew what a “character” Dima was—they lived nearby and seen it all. Our family lived across town. Even Dima’s former teachers warned my parents: “You’re making a big mistake. Dima will ruin your other children too.” …At a new school, he met Katy—she loved Dima all her life. She married him straight out of school. They had a daughter, and Katy put up with his lies and cheating without protest. As they say: single life is hardship, married life is double. Dima joined the Army, stationed in Scotland. There, he started another family—he somehow managed it during leave. When his service ended, he stayed in Scotland. He had a son there. Katy, not hesitating, went after him and, by hook or by crook, brought him back home. My parents never received a word of thanks from cousin Dima—not that they expected it. Now, fifty years on, Dmitri is an active member of the local Anglican church. He and Katy have five grandchildren. On the surface, all seems well, but the bitterness of life with Dima remains… No amount of sugar could ever sweeten it.
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Bittersweet Happiness – “What’s wrong with that young lady? She’s a good girl. Modest, neat, a hardworking student. She loves you,” Helen Edwards chastised her son. “Mum, I’ll handle it…” Denis clearly ended the pointless conversation. Helen left the room. “He’ll handle it… How many girls has he turned away… Nearly forty, and soon no one will do. Nothing’s ever right for him…” she thought with a heavy sigh. “Son, dinner’s ready,” Helen called from the kitchen. Denis responded instantly, tucking into his mother’s homemade stew. “Thank you, Mum. Delicious, as always.” “You should be saying that to your wife, not me,” Helen couldn’t let it go. “Mum…” Denis drank his compote and prepared to leave. “Wait, son. Do you know, I once visited a fortune-teller? She took one look at me and said: ‘Your son will have happiness, but it will be bittersweet.’” “Oh, Mum, don’t believe such things,” Denis grinned. …Through the years, different women—some loved, some not—came and went in Denis’s life. …Inna was smart, cultured, shockingly wise for her age. She often gave sound advice to the nine-years-older Denis. At first he liked this, but then he began to see Inna more as a mentor than anything else. Everything felt colourless. They split up. Polly had an eight-year-old son. Try as he might, Denis couldn’t get through to the boy, though he loved Polly. She was beautiful, but too headstrong. Whenever they quarrelled, he’d try to patch things up with gifts. The arguments felt senseless. Something was always missing—maybe peace and stability. Vera was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman. Denis almost married her. She was decent, pure, balanced—he felt like he had to “wear kid gloves” just to speak to her. He even moved into her flat. He was ready to start a family. But… He came home unexpectedly from a work trip to find Vera in bed with her old school friend. Classic… After that, Denis moved back in with his mum. Enough romance, he decided. “I’ll be a bachelor—a solid family of one,” he joked to his mum. Helen would shrug and sigh: “Will you ever find your one, son?” But fate had its own plan. Suddenly, unexpectedly. Denis was travelling for work, claimed his usual bottom bunk in the train carriage. A woman entered: “Excuse me, would you mind swapping? Can I have your lower bunk? Please.” “No trouble,” Denis replied. He looked her over—nothing remarkable. Yet his heart skipped. “Maybe she’s the one…” He clambered onto the top bunk and dozed off… “Glad you’re awake! Come, have some tea,” the stranger cooed. Denis climbed down and they started talking. “Larissa,” she introduced herself. “Denis. Nice to meet you, Larissa.” They talked throughout the evening. Denis felt instantly at ease. He didn’t try to impress her; everything just flowed, as if he’d known her forever. They exchanged numbers, just in case… A couple of weeks later, he couldn’t resist calling her. One thing led to another… Dates, kisses, promises… Denis couldn’t imagine his life without Larissa. At forty years old! He’d always let previous girlfriends go easily—but not this one… He wanted to lose himself entirely in her life. Larissa surrounded Denis with love, care, and understanding. Three months in, he offered his heart and hand. “Denis, I’m seven years older than you. I have three children. We live in a council flat,” Larissa admitted. She never lied. “I know, Lara. I’ve met your kids—you’ll all move in with me. It’s sorted. I love every inch of you. You’re my last and only,” said Denis, kissing her tenderly. “All right, Denis, let’s give it a try,” murmured a shy Larissa. “No, not try, Lara. We’ll be together. For good,” Denis squeezed her hand. “Do you hear me? Forever.” When Helen learned his plans, all she could say was: “You’ve really outdone yourself this time… The plainest girl of them all…” …Nine months later, their daughter was born—a child with Down’s syndrome. Denis felt both joy and worry for Larissa. Would she cope? Having a child with special needs is never easy. …Today, Denis and Larissa’s daughter is eight. The whole family adores her. Denis worships Larissa. Bittersweet, but happiness…
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