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Mom, You’ve Had Your Fun at Our Cottage – Now It’s Time to Leave,” Said the Daughter-in-Law as She Kicked Her Mother-in-Law Off the Property
**Diary Entry 12th June**
“Bugger off back home, Mumyou’ve had your fun at our cottage,” my wife said, shooing her mother-in-law off the property.
Emma still couldnt quite believe it. Had they really just bought their own cottage? Theyd dreamt of it for ten long years, but life kept throwing obstaclesmortgages, school fees for the kids, yet another financial slump. But finally, after checking their savings, they decided: now or never.
My husband, William, worked at an insurance firmnothing fancywhile Emma was a paediatric physiotherapist. She earned decently, but buying a country house was still a stretch. Then fate intervened: both her grandmother and Williams passed away within months, each leaving behind a flat in sleepy market towns.
After endless discussions, we sold both, pooled the money, and went hunting for land.
We found a plot quicklyhardly anyone sells mid-winter, most wait for summer buyers. But Will wouldnt hear of waiting.
“Well talk ourselves out of it otherwise,” he grumbled.
Emma agreed. Everything had fallen into place!
The plot was perfectelectricity, gas, all utilities connected. Just needed a small summerhouse. Come spring, William took leave and, with his mate Nigel, got to work.
They laboured non-stop, no breaks, no weekends. A month later, we christened the place with a housewarming.
No proper beds yetjust air mattresses and spare duvets from the city. But there was a stove and running water. The rest could wait.
“Cheers, William! Youve done it!” Nigel raised his pint.
The men knocked back their drinks, bit into burgers slathered in ketchup, and laughed.
“Whod have thought itd happen so fast?” Emma marvelled. “At Christmas, I never dreamed wed have this!”
Dusk settled, but we lingered outside, enjoying the evening.
Then the phone rangWilliams mother, Margaret.
“Hello, love, hows it all going?” Her sweet tone was a warning.
“Brilliant, Mum!” William beamed.
“Oh, I know. The grandkids told meyouve bought a cottage?”
“Not just a cottagea proper country retreat!”
She laughed, but her voice dimmed. “Well, good for you.”
“How are you, Mum?”
“Oh, at my age? Doctors say I need peace, quiet, no stress. Maybe then Ill recover. But where? Spas cost a fortune.”
“Come stay with us!”
“Dont be silly, love. Emma wont want me underfoot.”
“Mum, stop it. Just come.”
She sighed. “Fine. Ill bake your favourite custard tart.”
When William told Emma, she wasnt thrilled.
“So, we get a cottage, and suddenly her doctors prescribe countryside air?”
“Yep.”
“Not suspicious at all?”
“No. Her blood pressures bad.”
“Will, shes not here for her health. Shes here to snoop.”
“Relax. Shell stay a week, then leave.”
“Forgotten her last visit?”
He had. Emma hadnt. Margaret had done everything to sabotage themspreading rumours, stirring fights, hinting William was “too good” for her. Petty toooversalting stew, swapping sugar for salt. Emma had sent her packing on the first train back.
This time, though, Margaret was differentcharming, joking, especially sweet to Emma. Maybe shed changed?
“Your cottage is lovely! Such a perfect spot. Emma, you clever thinghold onto her, Will!”
“Since when am I the favourite?” Emma asked.
“You always were. My sons a muppet, but you? A gem.”
“Charming,” Will laughed.
“Now, whats for dinner?”
“BBQ every night here,” Emma said. “Hope thats alright?”
“Lovely! Last time I had one was in BrightonWill was in school!”
“Right, Willfire up the grill. Ill grab the meat.”
“Mind if I join? Want another look at the house.”
Inside, Emmas phone buzzed. A message lit up:
*When will you be back? Have you told her? Waiting. Kisses.*
She dropped it, heart racing.
*Who is she? How do we tell the kids? How could he?*
“Plates are here!” Will called.
“II need a minute.” She fled inside, splashing her face with cold water.
“Whats wrong?” Margaret stepped back, nearly dropping the ketchup.
Emma clenched the sink. “Wills cheating.”
“Oh, love.” Margaret hugged hertoo calmly.
“You knew?”
“I hoped hed snap out of it. Youve been together since uni!”
Emma sobbed. If hed told his mother, it was serious.
“Listen. Dry your tears. No scenes now.”
Margarets plan? “You need a man.”
“What?!”
“Not seriously. Just to make Will jealous. Men wander when they get bored. Show him youre desirable.”
Absurdbut there was logic.
“Who, then?”
“Nigel. Hes single. Helped build this place.”
So Nigel came. “Wheres Will?”
“Back tonight. Im hopeless at grilling.”
Margaret watched through the window as Nigel poured wine.
“Youre gorgeous, Em,” he murmured. “Lucky Will.”
Thentyres screeched. Will stormed in.
“What the hells going on?!”
“Mum calledsaid you had a suitor!”
“And youve got your bit on the side! I saw the text!”
“What text?”
“The one from your mistress!”
“I thought that was a wrong number! Theres no one!”
Emma glanced at the windowMargaret hastily shut the curtains.
“Mum! Get out here!”
She emerged, cackling. “Oh, your faces!”
“You think wrecking our marriage is funny?!” Emma snapped.
Nigel edged away. “I should go”
Margaret waved a second phone. “My little prank!”
“You nearly cost me my family!” Will growled.
“But I didnt! And its so dull being retired.”
“Pack your things. Wills driving you to the station tomorrow.”
Emma marched her out.
“Youre kicking me out?!”
“Youve entertained yourself enough. Piss off.”
“Where will I sleep?!”
“In the car. Its not winteryoull live.”
Next morning, silent as the grave, Will took her away.
**Lesson learnt:** Family meddling cuts deeper than any knife. Some lines shouldnt be crossedeven for a laugh.
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